美利坚作文10.29 OceanMaster

oceanmasterUID: 2594404

10.29 Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to

have the ability to plan and organize.

With the process of globalization, modern society has set feet in an era famous for its complexity and changeability.
From the accidental to the oriental, from the richest country to the poorest, every single work is dependent on cooperation of people from different fields and nations to accomplish. Thus, the ability to plan and organize is of ignorable importance, especially to the young.

At first, the ability to plan and organization promises a promising future for young.
As alleged above, modern society is so complex that it requires cooperation everywhere. However, cooperation is not always effective. In many situations, a badly-organized group either limits its members from performing their best by ill-arranged responsibilities or ends up filled with politic struggling . Thus, those who can make wise plans for whole team or
organize the group to make it run smoothly are the key to success. Society is never mean to those it needs. By developing such abilities, the young will be surely rewarded in the future.

Important though plan and organization are, I doubt the allege that such abilities are essential to everyone. The society do need those who are good at planning and organizing, but it also needs those specialized in specific work. In Plato’s ideal nation, there are three kinds of people: the leader , the soldier and the farmer, and none of them is replaceable. It is simple to imagine that a nation without leader may suffer from inner conflict a lot, but it is even easier to say that a nation with only leaders will starve to death. Leader, soldier and farmer consist the three lines of a triangle, and absence of any will lead to unbalance, so is modern society.

To sum up, the complexity of modern society creates high demand for people specialized in planning and organizing , however, people shall be warned about the danger that an overwhelming emphasis in such abilities can also lead to disaster. In fact, only a wise balance between the organizers and workers can help us to create an ideal nation.

343字
很久没写了，时间没把握好，方寸大乱。自己感觉也很不满意，内里的内容和连接可能都有很多类人的地方。总之，还是希望大家认真帮我改啦，被我雷死的脑细胞我会负责的.....
谢谢谢谢！！！我会认真地帮你回改的，阿里嘎多！！！！

Amber0926UID: 2555355

With the process of globalization, modern society has set feet in an era famous for its complexity and changeability.7 x% C% T. b" G' F
From the accidental to the oriental, from the richest country to the poorest, every single work is dependent on cooperation of people from different fields and nations to accomplish. Thus, the ability to plan and organize is of ignorable （呃。。有这词吗？你想表达不可以忽视吧，这里也是相反意思啊）importance, especially to the young。（首段简洁明了不错）
+ I5 A7 m/ A$ H
At first, the ability to plan and organization promises a promising future for young.
9 S- y1 D2 R+ I' ~As alleged above, modern society is so complex that it requires cooperation everywhere. However, cooperation is not always effective. In many situations, a badly-organized group either limits its members from performing their best by ill-arranged responsibilities or ends up filled with politic struggling . Thus, those who can make wise plans for whole team or
* q& o0 r8 a& lorganize the group to make it run smoothly are the key to success（改be succeed）. Society is never means to those it needs. By developing such abilities, the young will be surely rewarded in the future.（这句总结很突兀，和你的例子没啥关系）
/ n* ^% B2 |( r$ R! k5 e+ Z; T3 z+ D( \9 H8 Z$ g
Important though plan and organization are（倒装很漂亮）, I doubt（你怀疑者两种能力重要性?首段你不是支持的吗？怎么改正反论述啦？） the allege that such abilities are essential to everyone. The society do need those who are good at planning and organizing, but it also needs those specialized in specific work. In Plato’s ideal nation, there are three kinds of people: the leader , the soldier and the farmer, and none of them is replaceable. It is simple to imagine that a nation without leader may suffer from inner conflict a lot, but it is even easier to say that a nation with only leaders will starve to death. Leader, soldier and farmer consist the three lines of a triangle, and absence of any will lead to unbalance, so is modern society.4 Z* L1 q+ m5 E9 A- o1 U

* O5 w. Q% D( e8 {3 U1 uTo sum up, the complexity of modern society creates high demand for people specialized in planning and organizing , however, people shall be warned about the danger that an overwhelming emphasis in such abilities can also lead to disaster. In fact, only a wise balance between the organizers and workers can help us to create an ideal nation。


总体感觉楼主还是有一定的语言功底，很多长句我检查下没发现语病。就是论述逻辑出现点问题，好像和主题没什么关系，像cooperation说的，你即使为了铺垫下面也要少强调合作嘛。  哎呀，太晚了，我就不罗嗦了，优点就不说啦

zhengping001UID: 2689322

10.29 Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to
have the ability to plan and organize.

With the process of globalization, modern society has set feet in an era famous for its complexity and changeability.
From the accidental to the oriental, from the richest country to the poorest, every single work is dependent on cooperation of people from different fields and nations to accomplish. Thus, the ability to plan and organize is of ignorable importance, especially to the young.(观点不是很明确啊，最好还是表明“你”的观点)
. r0 Q0 R, M* J& c2 I% Y8 w
At first, the ability to plan and organization promises a promising future for (the) young. As alleged above, modern society is so complex that it requires cooperation everywhere. However, cooperation is not always effective. In many situations, a badly-organized group either limits its members from performing their best by ill-arranged responsibilities or ends up filled with politic struggling. Thus, those who can make wise plans for whole team or( q$ organize the group to make it run smoothly are the key to success. Society is never mean to those it needs. By developing such abilities, the young will be surely rewarded in the future.

Important though plan and organization are, I doubt the allege that such abilities are essential to everyone. The society do need those who are good at planning and organizing, but it also needs those specialized in specific work. In Plato’s ideal nation, there are three kinds of people: the leader, the soldier and the farmer, and none of them is replaceable. It is simple to imagine that a nation without leader may suffer from inner conflict a lot, but it is even easier to say that a nation with only leaders will starve to death. Leader, soldier and farmer consist the three lines of a triangle, and absence of any will lead to unbalance, so is modern society.
: b+ c. |1 J. M; s
To sum up, the complexity of modern society creates high demand for people specialized in planning and organizing , however, people shall be warned about the danger that an overwhelming emphasis in such abilities can also lead to disaster. In fact, only a wise balance between the organizers and workers can help us to create an ideal nation.
总评：观点不明确，导致前后的观点有冲突，最后还是没能看懂整作者想要表达的主要目的是什么？不知道这样是不是所谓的偏题。很多句式没有见过，读起来不是很流畅，可能主要是我水平有限。记得帮我回改哦

oceanmasterUID: 2594404

先谢谢楼上两位！！
我下午要回家，一到家马上帮你们回改~~

oceanmasterUID: 2594404

3天没写作文了...我实在太颓废了，太颓废了...

As humanity steps in the 21st century, big cities which centralized huge quantities of resource and population have played an irreplaceable role in human civilization. Needless to say, big cities have become the symbol of high -level public services and material enjoyments, and thus enjoy great charm to people worldwide. Consequently, I would like to, and
am happy to , live in big cities.

Highly leveled public service is the first reason that I prefer big cities. As the pearl on the necklace of human civilization, big cities are provided unlimited resource to build up wonderful public service to meet the high demands of its never-satisfied residents. Take medical care for example. Big cities, at the spend of millions of dollars, build up a efficient medical system. Almost all diseases, ranging from common cold to some rare gene-faulty diseases can be conducted and treated in big cities. In small town, on the other hand, the only solution when meeting some rare diseases is to get to big cities A.S.A.P

Big cities are providing more chances, which become another reason that i choose big cities. As we all know, where there is people, there is demand; and where there is demand, there is business. As the population rises to a big-city scale , which is numbered by millions, the corresponding chances are countless. Take Shanghai, the city I am living in, for examples. There are more than 140000 private corporations and 2300 international companies last year providing countless potential job chances. And a population of up to 17 million make it impossible that you can't do some part time job for people to make a living.

Though problems exists, big cities are no doubt the miracles of mankind, by mankind and for mankind. For centuries, big cities has been famous for its high level of all kinds of public service and the chance to succeed. It is for these reasons I will choose to live in big cities without hesitation.

329字，请狠拍，谢谢啦！！

soarer0474UID: 2665789

As humanity steps in the 21st century, big cities which centralized huge quantities of resource and population have played an irreplaceable role in human civilization. Needless to say, big cities have become the symbol of high -level public services and material enjoyments, and thus enjoy great charm to people worldwide(开头的一段写的很不错的说0. Consequently, I would like to, and
( z2 U. v  j' _2 W; F  dam happy to , live in big cities.2 t7 \% i* {/ t! ^0 L8 _* K
& u2 {+ s$ [  Y
Highly leveled public service is the first reason that I prefer big cities. As the pearl on the necklace of human civilization, big cities are provided unlimited resource to build up wonderful public service to meet the high demands of its never-satisfied residents. Take medical care for example. Big cities, at the spend of millions of dollars, build up a(去掉，用复数) efficient medical systems. Almost all diseases, ranging from common cold to some rare gene-faulty diseases can be conducted and treated in big cities. In small town, on the other hand, the only solution when meeting some rare diseases（some rare diseases come out ） is to get the patients to big cities A.S.A.P
% ^- F" q/ n# J& A( U0 v6 G" M
- T5 P3 D  ?3 f  n& B: {- TBig cities are providing more chances, which become another reason that i choose big cities. As we all know, where there is (are)people, there is demand; and where there is demand, there is business. As the population rises to a big-city scale , which is numbered by millions, the corresponding chances are countless. Take Shanghai, the city I am living in, for examples. There are more than 140, 000 private corporations and 2300 international companies last year providing countless potential job chances. And a population of up to 17 million make it impossible that you can't do some part time job for people to make a living.
3 e$ j$ v) w0 x& z: \
* m; h6 p3 X' O+ `Though problems exists（单复数）, big cities are no doubt the miracles of mankind, by mankind and for mankind(帅). For centuries, big cities has been famous for its high level of all kinds of public service and the chance to succeed. It is for these reasons I will choose to live in big cities without hesitation. ' W  v5
写的很不错啊
只是有部分的语法错误
继续努力