Argument169 Fantasy互改群22日 第一篇阿狗未限时

cxlbread84UID: 184012

Argument169 Fantasy互改群22日 第一篇阿狗未限时

第一篇阿狗，学习阿狗是什么的阶段，惨啊，希望进步神速才行，快考了，欢迎互拍，多提意见哈！  

Argument169
The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University.

"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."
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提纲
1,  false analogy between BC and PU. PU想招募的新人不一定像BC的那样看重配偶工作在一起.且提供的工作不理想也不能达到吸引人才的效果。and the offer will make no sense if the offer is not viewed by the spouse as an idea one.
2, 教师选择学校还有其他很多因素考虑。薪水，个人施展的空间，住房等等。Some other important factors for new professors in choosing the right place to work has been ignored by the arguer.
3, 吸引来的不一定是most gifted，新的师资也不一定能带来整个学校的士气高涨。There is no evidence to show that new faculty will improving the morale of entire staff.
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正文

The chairperson's argument is not soundly reasoned for its conclusion rests on certain gratuitous assumptions about the similarity between Pierce University's potential faulty and the faculty involved in the Bronston College's studies, the deciding factors for teachers and researchers in choosing  jobs, and the intricate causes of the present unsatisfactory morale of Pierce University(PU).

   In the first place, the argument fails to provide any evidence that the result of the studies conducted by Bronston College (BC) is necessarily applicable for PU's potential faculties. The arguer hastily takes it for granted（感觉不错） that the professors, according to the cited studies, who prefer living in small town together with their spouses, are representative of college faculties in general. However, it is understandable that（可删去，在这没什么效果） if the samples of the BC's surveys only include current Bronston staff, it would be quite unreliable to rely on it in drawing any conclusions about how PU can attract new teachers and researchers. Even if we accept the arguer's assumption that jobs for spouses in the same geographic area is the most important question that the new Pierce faculty concern, the arguer's proposal is still unconvincing. Common sense tell（tells） us that, it is with an ideal job that a person might work efficiently （and effectively,有不错效果）and live blissfully. In this case, unless the spouses found the jobs offered by the PU are acceptable, the couples may not consider lives and works in this town as happy ones. Whereas, how can a small town guarantee a certain amount of positions that can meet all the spouses' satisfaction? The argument presents no proof concerning this crucial issue. Thus, the arguer's recommendation that PU should try to lure new faculties by offering jobs to their spouses in the same town is unseemly advised.（这段有让步，有具体例子，还不错）

   In the second place, the arguer ignores a multitude of factors that could account for the decisions of the new teachers and researchers. Prospective teachers or scholars would certainly be concerned about the new offer's remuneration, the research facilities, the room for promotion, the intelligence and attitude of the students whom may be taught by them, the living arrangements for their whole family, as well as the facilities（equipments上面有了，词语变化更好） available for leisure activities and sports.（例子很具体，不错） Notwithstanding（介词是虽然的意思，你想的是without吧） these vital aspects that appeal to new staff, the PU can hardly succeed in enticing new gifted teacher or researchers merely by overemphasizing the significance of providing jobs for spouses.

   Last but not least, there is a fallacious assumption that the PU can attract the most gifted new teachers and researchers, and the morale of entire staff will be improved. Since we are told noting about the qualifications of PU's candidates, it is absurd to predict that it can hire most talented staff as the arguer announces. Nor does the arguer analyze the exact reasons for the existing dissatisfactory morale of the whole faculty. It may be a result of inefficient management of the university, workers' complaints about relative low income of the teachers, or professors' feelings of lacking sense of achievement. Under these circumstances, what is essential for the university to ravel out in order to inspire its staff lies in its interior, rather than certain external factors such as inpouring of new staff. Furthermore, if these problematic issues do disturb the university, offering employment to the spouses for the purpose of attracting new teachers would be of no effect.

   In sum, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To strength（strengthen） it, the arguer would have to prove that the offer of jobs for spouses is the dominant condition on the new teacher's choice. Additionally, more data about the PU's administration should be provided, so that we can evaluate the feasibility of the arguer’s proposal thoroughly.（613words）


总体上还不错， 我提了点意见供参考， 第一篇能这样很不错啦继续努力吧。
还有，我想问考试时可以用PU's这类缩略词吗？ 有确切答案发短消息给我吧。

cxlbread84UID: 184012

晕，我在word上用很多颜色标出，怎么复制过来全变成黑色啦

michel_shaoUID: 204704

个人觉得第二段太长了点，而且总的字数也太多了点啊，都上600了，实际限时的话写到近400应该就不错了的



ISSUE121
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
A179https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=324577

[ Last edited by michel_shao on 2005-8-23 at 22:01 ]

meteor18_leeUID: 189655

PU之类的简写是可以的，只要前文先提出了（用括号表明了），老外280上写的，上次寄托作文聊天也有人问了的，你可以参见这个帖子：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

变色要在坛子上变的，word的没用，呵呵，非常感谢啊！！

meteor18_leeUID: 189655

Originally posted by michel_shao at 2005-8-23 21:55
个人觉得第二段太长了点，而且总的字数也太多了点啊，都上600了，实际限时的话写到近400应该就不错了的

是啊是啊，我这是有史以来第一篇，所以写多了，刚开始复习作文，
没时间了，我要尽快开始限时了！
我觉得我限时都没底啊，怕写不出来啊，5555