argument76 G-89互助社-8.2日同主题写作

OceanDUID: 2118730

一直以来都没有什么人改我的帖子，:( 不知道是不是我开头的话说得不好，吸引不了别人的眼球，不过坦诚一向是我的宗旨，想说什么写什么。当然，自己写得少也是原因。:lol
这篇文章是初稿，我自己没有好好改，因为我们组的作业我欠的太多了。我得赶快补上，我知道有些句子写得不好，我准备重改的，如果你有兴趣，可以帮我改出来，我们可以共同切磋。:handshake

76. A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin.

Citing the report of a group of volunteers, the author concludes that Luxess is a good helper to improve the condition of facial skin. However, I am discontent with the evidence the author presents. Lacking of many key factors, the conclusion is unpersuasive.

To begin with, I hold the belief that this experiment is unreasonable. They should gather another group of volunteers who do the same thing with the first group except using Luxess. If there is incomparability in this experiment, even Luxess is effective, I still believe it is dubious at best.

Even if I accept the fact that only one group does works, I still feel doubt for we are not informed their ages. Common sense tells us the condition of facial skin is quite different with different ages. The youth may have more poxes and the olds may have more wrinkles. Whether Luxess is effective to poxes or wrinkles problems, or both of them? It is entirely possible that young people’s facial skins are much better, however, Luxess mainly deal with the wrinkle problems. If so, even the result of experiment sounds good, it cannot make a sense that Luxess is useful.

To better analyze this argument, let us make an assumption that Luxess is useful to poxes and the group of volunteers is all young people. However, there are still problems. Common sense tells us that diet, climate, mood and physical periods all are key factors to affect the facial skin condition. People who eat more grease food may easily have poxes. Moreover, the author does not tell us whether they use the same soap. He or she also does not eliminate the possibility that the soap can improve the skin condition. Besides, we do not know the condition of their facial skin before the experiment. We cannot rule out the possibility that people whose skin improved do not have too bad skin at first. I cannot be persuade until the author gives the explanation on the effect of those factors.

In conclusion, as mentioned above, the author’s conclusion is dubious only based on an unreasonable experiment. To better evaluate, the author should gather another group as the comparable group. What’s more? He or she should give us reasonable causes to rule out the effect of the factors mentioned above.

polymathUID: 179557

呵呵！既然你是第一篇，当然我会来修改的！别着急啊！慢慢看！:):p

polymathUID: 179557

参考一下翻译给你改吧！呵呵！帮助说明！:D
一组志愿者参加了一项关于消费者对新的Luxess面霜的反应的调查。在一个月中的每个早晨，他们都用柔和香皂洗脸然后使用Luxess。一个月之后，多数志愿者报告说他们皮肤的观感显著改善。因此，这说明Luxess对于改善面部皮肤状况确实有效。

76. A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin.

Citing the report of a group of volunteers, the author concludes that Luxess is a good helper to improve the condition of facial skin. However, I am discontent with the evidence the author presents. 这个句子没错，但觉得对于要批驳的观点来说太温柔了吧？discontent 是不满意的意思，但不表明你就不相信啊！Lacking of many key factors, the conclusion is unpersuasive.这个开头过于简单了！最好把作者的结论和主要依据例一下，然后在表明自己的立场观点。这样更鲜明！

To begin with, I hold the belief 最好不要用这样的开头，可以把原文中的一个所谓的事实提炼出来当做攻击的靶子！that this experimentsurvey is unreasonableproblematic. 本段中心句可以用这样的开头The author relies on the fact that most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. However, They should gather another group of volunteers who do the same thing with the first group except using Luxess. If there is incomparability我爱寄托 in this experiment, even Luxess is effective, I still believe it is dubious at best.你的论点我清楚了！对方的第一个错误是认为这个调查试验具有广泛的代表性。所以你可以举出很多可能性来批驳。比如were they representative of all kinds of people, such as man ,woman,children,aged,等等

Even if I accept the fact that only one group does works, I still feel doubt for we are not informed their ages. Common sense tells us the condition of facial skin is quite different with different ages. The youth may have more poxes and the olds may have more wrinkles. Whether Luxess is effective to poxes or wrinkles problems, or both of them? It is entirely possible that young people’s facial skins are much better, however, Luxess mainly deal with the wrinkle problems. If so, even the result of experiment sounds good, it cannot make a sense that Luxess is useful.这一段建议和第2段放到一起写，因为都是一个类型的错误：无效调查。所以就先不修改了！

To better analyze this argument, let us make an assumption that Luxess is useful to poxes and the group of volunteers is all young people. However, there are still problems. Common sense tells us that diet, climate, mood and physical periods all are key factors to affect the facial skin condition. People who eat more grease food may easily have poxes.1 Moreover, the author does not tell us whether they use the same soap. He or she also does not eliminate the possibility that the soap can improve the skin condition. 2Besides, we do not know the condition of their facial skin before the experiment. We cannot rule out the possibility that people whose skin improved do not have too bad skin at first3. ThusI cannot be persuade until the author gives the explanation on the effect of those factors.这一段实际上又举出了另外一个错误：无理假设。即作者假设所有调查者之前的面部状况相同，年龄，性别，而且按照同样的方法来洗脸，等等。所以针对这点来大做文章！写的不错！

缺少第三种错误批驳，一篇Argument至少要指出3处错误。而且前面的2段都太少，论证得不充分！
In conclusion, as mentioned above, the author’s conclusion is dubious only based on an unreasonable experiment. To better evaluate这句话是对评价者来说的，不适合用在这！可以换作To strengthen the argument,, the author should gather another group as the comparable group. What’s more? 这样的句式最好少用在评论文的结尾。He or she should give us reasonable causes to rule out the effect of the factors mentioned above.


我的意见谈完了！感觉你的argument好像还没有入门啊？友情建议看看范文和“Argument 七宗罪”，相信你会大有收获！:)