issue130

PrudenceUID: 2286952

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 532          TIME: 0:50:00          DATE: 2007-3-27

Children are the flowers, and the builders in the future of our society. To some extent, how children are educated when they are young more or less determine whether the society is a promise one or would be worse off. In my observation, children's education should include two sides-one for socialization and the other for intelligence. However, the speaker overstates the importance of socialization while underestimates the equally important role of intelligence. Furthermore, concerning the status quo of education involving family education and school education, I boardly agree with the speaker's assertion that what is unfortunate is that we fail to learn how to foster children to grow up to be  qualified builders of our society.

To begin with, everyone should not deny the important role assumed by socialization towards children education. After all, the world at present is a world which calls cooperation in and places largely emphasis on it. At the same time, the sense of cooperation is just the outgrowth of socializtion. In this sense, socialization is indispensable to our children education. In this education, children should not only be cultivated to love their family, but also be educated to love others they know or don't know, and should lend a hand to whoever in trouble; that is, teach them not to be selfish and to love the world including their country and its people, and to have the determination to make contribution to the society. Only by this way, can children cooperate with others in the future efficiently and smoothly.

On the other hand, we should not be blind to children's intelligence education. It is intelligence that has something to do with creative and innovation, but also knowledge as well. The progress especially the advanced devolopment in technology or other respects of a society should place paramount status to intelligence. If the intelligence education fails to cultivate our promise children, query whether our society would develop, and our living standard would be improved. Again, now, who dear to say intelligence education is of little use compared to socialization education.

However, when we confess what have been discussed above, a compelling status quo cannot be turn down; that is, for a long time, people usually amount children's ability of study to their grades got in the exams, which is a pity thing. The parents emphasize the study grades all the time, and in order to promote their children to study better they never accede their children to do any house work. What is the outgrowth? So many children only know that they should study in order to get a higher grades, and become so disabled that they even cannot tie their lags, and little play with other children and grow up a selfish person. Their parents should be culpite and also their school. Meanwhile, the result brought about is unimaginable. How a well-being society be promosed.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, a conclusion can be drawn safely that we should place equal emphasis on socialization and intelligence education. Additionally, children's education is a key problem, which determines our society's tomorrow and not only the parents but also the society should pay rather attention to.

brufengUID: 2267718

Children are the flowers, and the builders in the future of our society.(赞一个，呵呵) To some extent, how children are educated when they are young more or less determine whether the society is a promise one or would be worse off. In my observation, children's education should include two sides-one for socialization and the other for intelligence.（精彩，我怎么没想到！！！） However, the speaker overstates the importance of socialization while underestimates the equally important role of intelligence. Furthermore, concerning the status quo of education involving family education and school education, I boardly agree with the speaker's assertion that what is unfortunate is that we fail to learn how to foster children to grow up to be  qualified builders of our society.


To begin with, everyone should not deny the important role assumed by socialization towards children education. After all, the world at present is a world which calls cooperation in and places largely emphasis on it. At the same time, the sense of cooperation is just the outgrowth of socializtion. In this sense, socialization is indispensable to our children education. In this education, children should not only be cultivated to love their family, but also be educated to love others they know or don't know, and should lend a hand to whoever in trouble; that is, teach them not to be selfish and to love the world including their country and its people, and to have the determination to make contribution to the society. Only by this way, can children cooperate with others in the future efficiently and smoothly.
（这段讲的cooperation与进步）

On the other hand, we should not be blind to children's intelligence education. It is intelligence that has something to do with creative and innovation, but also knowledge as well. The progress especially the advanced devolopment in technology or other respects of a society should place paramount status to intelligence. If the intelligence education fails to cultivate our promise children, query whether our society would develop, and our living standard would be improved. Again, now, who dear to say intelligence education is of little use compared to socialization education.
（这段论证intelligence的重要性）

However, when we confess what have been discussed above, a compelling status quo cannot be turn down; that is, for a long time, people usually amount children's ability of study to their grades got in the exams, which is a pity thing. The parents emphasize the study grades all the time, and in order to promote their children to study better they never accede their children to do any house work. What is the outgrowth? So many children only know that they should study in order to get a higher grades, and become so disabled that they even cannot tie their lags, and little play with other children and grow up a selfish person. Their parents should be culpite and also their school. Meanwhile, the result brought about is unimaginable. How a well-being society be promosed.
(论述失败的social教育，没有和个人结合，填鸭式教育)
To sum up, from what has been discussed above, a conclusion can be drawn safely that we should place equal emphasis on socialization and intelligence education. Additionally, children's education is a key problem, which determines our society's tomorrow（还是future好一些） and not only the parents but also the society should pay rather attention to.

评价：作者写的超好，语言流畅，思路清晰，最起码5分以上，范文一个。
建议：4段放到2段前，因为正是现在教育不好，孩子只知学习，交流很少，导致cooperate 形成困难。
保持就好了。

gagadoUID: 2319549

Children are the flowers and the builders in the future of our society. To some extent, how children are educated when they are young more or less determine whether the society is a promise one or would be worse off. In my observation, children's education should include two sides-one for socialization and the other for intelligence. However, the speaker overstates the importance of socialization while underestimates the equally important role of intelligence. Furthermore, concerning the status quo(不好意思,这个词是什么意思阿) of education involving family education and school education, I boardly agree with the speaker's assertion that what is unfortunate is that we fail to learn how to foster children to grow up to be  qualified builders of our society.

To begin with, everyone should not deny the important role assumed by socialization towards children education. After all, the world at present is a world which calls cooperation in and places largely emphasis on it. At the same time, the sense of cooperation is just the outgrowth of socializtion. In this sense, socialization is indispensable to our children education. In this education, children should not only be cultivated to love their family, but also be educated to love others they know or don't know, and should lend a hand to whoever in trouble; that is, teach them not to be selfish and to love the world including their country and its people, and to have the determination to make contribution to the society. Only by this way, can children cooperate with others in the future efficiently and smoothly.

On the other hand, we should not be blind to children's intelligence education. It is intelligence that has something to do with creative and innovation, but also knowledge as well. The progress especially the advanced devolopment in technology or other respects of a society should place paramount status to intelligence. If the intelligence education fails to cultivate our promise(是promising吧?) children, query whether our society would develop, and our living standard would be improved. Again, now, who dear to say intelligence education is of little use compared to socialization education.

However, when we confess what have been discussed above, a compelling status quo cannot be turn down; that is, for a long time, people usually amount children's ability of study to their grades got in the exams, which is a pity thing. The parents emphasize the study grades all the time, and in order to promote their children to study better they never accede their children to do any house work. What is the outgrowth? So many children only know that they should study in order to get a higher grades, and become so disabled that they even cannot tie their lags, and little play with other children and grow up a selfish person. Their parents should be culpite and also their school. Meanwhile, the result brought about is unimaginable. How a well-being society be promosed.  (这种现象在美国应该很少很少吧,不知道这种例子美国佬会不会同意哩,或许是我多虑了:) )

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, a conclusion can be drawn safely that we should place equal emphasis on socialization and intelligence education. Additionally, children's education is a key problem, which determines our society's tomorrow and not only the parents but also the society should pay rather attention to.

我刚开始写作文,经验方面很少, 只能给楼主那么一点点建议了,

[ 本帖最后由 gagado 于 2007-3-28 10:56 编辑 ]

chengxunhangUID: 2308871

提个中肯一点儿的意见 好像有些跑题了 文章的主旨应该是关于children socialization的 文章的大部分却用来说intelligence 应该再安排一下结构的比重！ 楼主八成学过法语或意大利语 嘿嘿！

PrudenceUID: 2286952

为什么说我学过法语或意大利语呢
我还真没有学过
不过还挺感兴趣的
以后有时间就学
:loveliness:
谢谢你的意见

但是我是这样想的：
他说社会化最重要，
但我觉得社会化与智力教育应该两者并重
但现在咱们国家的现状是中智力   轻   社会化

你的意见呢？

[ 本帖最后由 Prudence 于 2007-3-28 10:18 编辑 ]

gagadoUID: 2319549

mm不好意思, 我太想当然了, 那个花朵的比喻是可以用的, 而且pretty good, 我已经把那行删掉了

[ 本帖最后由 gagado 于 2007-3-28 10:59 编辑 ]

PrudenceUID: 2286952

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 532          TIME: 0:50:00          DATE: 2007-3-27

Children are the flowers, (no comma), (I don’t see how flowers connects with this paper) and the builders in the future of our society. To some extent, how (instead of “how”-“the way in which” or “the way”) children are educated when they are young more or less (take out “more or less” because you have established your thought with “To some extent”) determine(s) whether the society is a promise one or would be worse off (I suggest you replace “whether the society is a promise one or would be worse off” and write “determines the future of our society”) . In my observation, children's education should include two sides-one for socialization and the other for intelligence. However, the speaker overstates the importance of socialization while underestimates the equally important role of intelligence. Furthermore, concerning the status quo of education involving family education and school education, I broadly (broadly does not fit, you can “strongly agree” or just “agree”) agree with the speaker's assertion that what is unfortunate is that we fail to learn how to foster children to grow up to be qualified builders of our society (This sentence is a little difficult to follow. Here is a suggestion in how to reword it. “… I strongly agree with the speaker’s assertion that we have failed to foster an environment for children to become qualified builders of our society.”).

(First)To begin with, everyone should not (no one can) deny the important role assumed by (importance of) socialization towards (in) children (child) education. After all, the world at present is a world which calls cooperation in and places largely emphasis on it (largely emphasizes cooperation). At the same time, the sense of cooperation is just the outgrowth of socialization (I’m not sure what you are saying here, can you explain?). In this sense, socialization is indispensable to our children education (within child education). In this education, This type of education children should not only be cultivated(s children) to love their (own) family, but also, be educated to love others they know or don't know, and should teaches children how to lend a hand to whomever (is) in trouble whether they know those they are helping or not; that is, teach them not to be selfish to be selfless and to love the world, including their country and its people, and to have the determination to make contribution(e) to the society. Only by(in) this way, can children cooperate with others in the future efficiently and smoothly.

On the other hand, we should not (cannot) be blind to children's intelligence (intellectual) education. It is intelligence that has something to do with creative and innovation, but also knowledge as well (I would reword this way: Intellectual education not only encourages creativity and innovation but knowledge as well). The progress, especially the advanced development in technology or (and) other respects of a society, should place paramount status to (on) intelligence. If the intelligence (intellectual) education fails to cultivate our promise (prepare our) children (for the future), query whether our society would develop and our living standard would be improved (then the improvement of our standard of living and the development of our society should be called into question). Again, now, who dear to say intelligence education is of little use compared to socialization education Now, who could dare say intellectual education is of little use to our society?).

However, when we confess what have (acknowledge what has) been discussed above, a compelling status quo (fact) cannot be turn down; that is, for a long time, people usually amount (have equated a child’s) children's ability of(to) study to their grades got in the exams (examination grades they have received), which is a pity thing (shame). The parents emphasize the studying grades all the time., and in order to promote(encourage) their children to study better(more) they never accede their children to do any house work do not teach their children the everyday life skills such as house work. What is the outgrowth (I don’t understand what you mean by outgrowth)? So many children only know that they should study in order to get higher grades., and They become so socially disabled that they even cannot even tie their own shoestrings, and little (let alone) play with other children. and grow up a selfish person. Our children grow to be selfish adults. Their parents should be culpable and also their school (The parents and schools should be responsible for our children’s well being.). Meanwhile, the result brought about is unimaginable. How a well-being society be promised. I’m not sure what you are saying.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, a In conclusion, can be drawn safely that we should place equal emphasis on socialization and intelligence (intellectual) education. Additionally, children's education is a key problem, which will determines our society's (for) tomorrow. and not only should the parents but also the our society should start paying rather close attention to these issues.



[ 本帖最后由 Prudence 于 2007-4-1 14:07 编辑 ]

cocoon_mmUID: 2259908

How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

确实跑题　题干来看是前因后果　对于intelligience的讨论最多作为一个分支观点 感觉落脚点在 what determines the destiny of society？
:eek:  个人意见

PrudenceUID: 2286952

Children are builders in the future of our society. To some extent, the way in which children are educated when they are young determines the future destiny of our society. In my observation, children's education should include two sides-one for socialization and the other for intelligence. However, the speaker overstates the importance of socialization while underestimates the equally important role of intelligence. Furthermore, concerning the status quo of education involving family education and school education, I agree with the speaker's assertion that what is unfortunate is that we fail to foster an environment for children to become qualified builders of our society.

To begin with, no one can deny the importance of socialization in child education. After all, the world at present largely emphasizes cooperation. At the same time, the sense of cooperation is just the product of socialization. In this sense, socialization is indispensable within child education. This type of education not only cultivates children to love their own family, but also, teaches children how to lend a hand to whomever is in trouble whether they know those they are helping or not; that is, teach them to be selfless and love the world, including their country and  people, and make contribution to society. Only in this way, can children cooperate with others in the future efficiently and smoothly.

On the other hand, we cannot be blind to children's intellectual education, which not only encourages creativity and innovation but knowledge as well. The progress, especially the advanced development in technology and other respects of a society, should place paramount status on intelligence. If intellectual education fails to prepare our children for the future, then the improvement of our standard of living and the development of our society should be called into question. Now, who could dare say intellectual education is of little use to our society?

However, when we acknowledge what has been discussed above, a compelling fact cannot be turn down; that is, for a long time, people have equated a child’s ability to study to their examination grades they have received, which is a shame. Most parents emphasize studying all the time. In order to encourage their children to study more they do not teach their children the everyday life skills such as house work, which has leaded to serious results. So many children only know that they should study in order to get higher grades. Therefore they become so socially disabled that they cannot even tie their own shoestrings, let alone play with other children. Our children grow to be selfish adults. The parents and schools should be responsible for our children’s well being. Furthermore, the result brought about is unimaginable. How a well-being society would be promised!
In conclusion, we should place equal emphasis on socialization and intellectual education. Additionally, child education is a key problem, which will determine our society for tomorrow. Not only should parents but also our society should start paying rather close attention to these issues.

PrudenceUID: 2286952

迷惑中...