【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】01.22号作业 by zhouwujie

zhouwujieUID: 2529250

　　While the human’s society develop gradually,the techology in many areas become more and more advanced that can help people do a myriad of things.Looking movie is a superb one of these.But there are many different kinds of movies,and different people like different movies.Some people like seeing the amusing movie,some people,on the other hand,have different opinion that is the serious movie is their favourites.Personally,I perfer the attitude of the latter.
     The first plain truth,I’m sure,is that looking serious movies can let us thinking deeply about something,and more things we think,more intelligent we are.Nowadays,intelligent is one of the key words of our time,nothing is important than it.Today,the society is ruled by a law that is the law of the jungle,thus many people want to be clever that can be helpful for them.And a good way,I have presented,is seeing serious movies.For exmple,I like the serious movies and I often think many things from them,and I get many knowledge that can’t be studied in school about the human,the life,the society and the unverss.And I think I become more clever than before.
     In addition,behind my perference that it’s an equally important fact that looking the serious movies from different countries can make us know the country and their culture.In this world,communicate with other countries and their peoplr is more important and usually than before,but if you don’t know their culture,though you don’t make a few mistakes,you can’t let them feel cordial.For instance,my uncle is work in a transnational company,he had to work with many foreigns,but he is very happy and get well along with them,why?Because he know their culture very well and know what is the best way to talk with them.
     Admittedly,the amusing movies have some merit.It can have us feel happy,relaxed and agreeable that is also important thing to us.However,the advantage of the amusing movies is not so important as the serious movie.
      In conclusion,we also need the asmusing movies,but compare the serious movies,the latter is our better chioce.It us benefit in not only leting us intelligence and also making us can communicate  with foreign people better.So,I thnik,looking a serious is a wiser and safer chioce.
这次参考了上次的意见，不过肯定还有很多问题，狠拍吧．

ddcmj519UID: 176326

首先批评下没有拖去word检查拼写错误的同志、、

　　While as 可能好些 the human’s society develop gradually,the不要 techology in many areas become more and more advanced that can help people do a是不是多了？ myriad of things.watching movie is a superb one of these.But there are many different kinds of movies,and different people like different movies连用3个different..改成 people have their own tastes (on choosing their favourite ones).Some people like seeing the amusing movie,other people,on the other hand,have different又来..opposite opinion that is不要 the serious movie is their favourites.Personally,I perfer the attitude of the latter.
     The first plain truth,I’m sure有点多余,is that watching serious movies can let us thinking deeply about something,and the more things we think, the more intelligent we are.Nowadays,intelligence is one of the key words of our time,nothing is important than it.Today,the society is ruled by a law that is the law of the jungle,thus many people want to be cleverer that can be helpful for them不要.And a good way,as I have presented,is seeing serious movies.For exmple,I like the serious movies and I often think many things from them,and I get many knowledge that can’t be studied in school about the human,the life,the society and the unverss.And I think I become more clever than before.
个人觉得。。电影让人变聪明。好像有些牵强。而且从最后的总结看来，电影是让你学到更多关于生活，关于社会的事儿。thus，我觉得电影应该是让你更成熟mature 而非聪明。另外，例子的话希望能具体到哪个电影给了你怎样的启示，否则就显得例子和之前的陈述很重复。what's more句型也有些重复"that is"。。

     In addition,behind my perference that it’s an equally important fact that watching the serious movies from different countries can make us know the country和前面的countries矛盾 and their culture.In this world,communicating with other countries and their people is more important and usual than before,but if you don’t know their culture,though you don’t make a few mistakes,you can’t let them feel cordial不当.For instance,my uncle is work in a transnational company,he has to work with many foreignors,but he is very happy and get well along with them,why?Because he know their culture very well and know what is the best way to talk with them.
这段理由好了，但是最后那个例子没有扣movie的题，并且也没有扣到你自己身上。

h+ E9 {! |, r
     Admittedly,the amusing movies have some merit.It can have us feel happy,relaxed and agreeable that is高频，而且应该用", which"因为你要定语的是整个句子 also an important thing for us.However,the advantage of the amusing movies is not so important as the serious movie.
理由不充分，仅有论断，这样的话建议不写。

     In conclusion,we also不要 need the asmusing movies,but when compared with the serious movies,the latter are our better chioce不要.It  benefit us in not only leting us intelligence but also making us can communicate  with foreign people better.So,I thnik！！,watching a serious is a wiser and safer chioce.$
最后一段很想写好，但是基础错误太多。而且not only..but also那个句子的后半句感觉很别扭。

总的来说，结构清晰了很多~但是还希望在内容上多下功夫~~还有~~开头结尾一定要注意语法错误。

zhouwujieUID: 2529250

先声明一下，我家的系统用的是我自己刻录的，WORD被我精简了，没有拼写检查。（自己检查的时候有些错误漏了）
多谢指导了，另问：例子一定要非常具体才行？

ddcmj519UID: 176326

基本上来说，例子是具体些好~写的太范看着就像说理了，而且主要是因为你这里例子和前面的说理重复了。

nirvanahmjUID: 2534352

()删去 {}添加 []替换
While the human(’s) society develop{s} gradually,the techology in many areas become{s} more and more advanced that can help people do a myriad of things.Looking[watching] movie{s} is a superb one of these.But there are many different kinds of movies,and different people like different movies.Some people like seeing the amusing movie[ones],some people,on the other hand,have different opinion that (is) the serious movie is their favourites.Personally,I perfer the attitude of the latter.; n. U$ @, |( I0 Z5 L+ D8 D
     The first plain truth,I’m sure,is that looking serious movies (can) let us think(ing) deeply about something,and more things we think,more intelligent we are.Nowadays,intelligent[intelligence] is one of the key words of our time,nothing is{more} important than it.Today,the society is ruled by a law that is the law of the jungle,thus many people want to be clever {so} that can be helpful for them.And a good way,I have presented,is seeing serious movies.For exmple,I like the serious movies and I often think[learned] many things from them,and I get many knowledge that can’t be studied[learned] in school about the human,the life,the society and the universs.And I think I become more[much] clever than before.4 k- x& u3 o* j
     In addition,behind my perference that it’s an equally important fact that looking[watching] the serious movies from[of] different countries can make us know the country and their culture.In this world,communicate with other countries and their people is more important (and usually) than before,but if you don’t know their culture,though you don’t make a few mistakes,you can’t let them feel cordial.For instance,my uncle is work{ing} in a transnational company,he had[has] to work with many foreign{er}s,but he is very happy and get well along with them,why?Because he know their culture very well and know what is the best way to talk with them.
     Admittedly,the amusing movies have some merit.It can have us feel happy,relaxed and agreeable that is also {an} important thing to us.However,the advantage of the amusing movies is not so important as the serious movie.
      In conclusion,we also need the asmusing movies,but compare{d} {with} the serious movies,the latter is our better chioce.It us benefit{s} in not only leting us intelligence[maing us intelligent] and also making us can[be able to] communicate  with foreign people better.So,I thnik,looking[watching] a serious is a wiser and safer chioce
开头和结尾的方式很好，对从句等长句的应用也比较好，但是用词方面还应注意。总体看来文章的支持段过于抽象，而且给出的理由并不够充分，另外就是没有突出serious movies和amusing movies的区别，第二条对于所有movies都是适用的吧！第三条有点短了，只是给出了论断，没有展开说明。总的来说，这篇文章在语言方面还不错，只是内容不够充实。
批的不好，仅供参考。