【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】2.5号作业 by cmj

ddcmj519UID: 176326

The lecture mainly questions on the problem whether commercial space travel will bring benefits. Obviously, the professor shows his strong opposition against the reading passage in these following three points.

At first, the professor casts his doubt on the point that cheap tickets for space travel are the result of competition in the commercial industry. According to the speaker, the cost will definitely go the opposite way, being much more expensive, since the process in controlling collisions and guaranteeing safety will take up a lot of money.

What's more, the professor continues that the rate of scientific research can not be spurred as the passage expressed, for the simple reason that if space travel is taking up by the commercial industry, whose main purpose is to make money, scientists in those companies will no longer focus on the research. In this way, the rate of research is delayed rather than accelerated.

At last, the professor takes the third reason in the passage totally a fantasy for taxpayers, when taking the construction fee for space stations and space airports in account. Such a big sum of money will in the end increases the burden of taxpayers instead of easing it as the passage suggests.

ahmyangelUID: 2598656

shows his strong opposition---raises a strongly objection
in these following three points---according to the following three causes
in controlling collisions and guaranteeing safety---of control of the collision and security guarantees
the result of competition in the commercial industry---the end result of competitions in this commercial industry
cost---costs
continues---adds
spurred---stimulated
if space travel is taking up by the commercial industry, whose main purpose is to make money, scientists in those companies will no longer focus on the research. In this way, the rate of research is delayed rather than accelerated.---if space travel is being commercialized,which will leads the main purpose into making money,scientists in those companies will no longer focus on the research that much as they used to.In this regard,the rate of research is likely to be delayed rather than accelerated.
takes the third reason in the passage totally a fantasy for taxpayers---indicates a great fantacy for taxpayers in the passage as the third reason
in the end---eventually/finally
easing---reduces

tammyppUID: 2547015

结构好，要点也全，句型变化很多写的不错。
楼上改了的就不重复了。最后一句will in the end increase。
继续加油~~

woodchucktjuUID: 2491519

楼上两位说的就不重复了
要点都在,而且表达的很精练
不过觉得第二点的后面 take up a lot of money 觉得有点别扭，在baidu 和 google 查了一下，好象没有类似的说法，不知道这样说是不是合适。

继续加油~~~

ddcmj519UID: 176326

感谢大家修改啦~
to 2楼。谢谢那么仔细哈~但是我觉得spur和stimulate是完全一样的。背过好几篇范文都是搅合着用的。而且看来我的某些用词看来还有些差火候额。。
to 4楼。嗯。那个是当时一个顺手加的。结果还加错了。。