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[活动] 〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组写作 水龙娃娃的 第十次作业〗 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-3-7 11:07:00 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 水龙娃娃 于 2009-3-7 11:09 编辑

Do you agree or disagree: governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.(08.5.10)

With the rapid pace of the society, both art and athletics become a part of our life. However, there is no consensus among people that whether governments should take money on supporting arts than athletics like state-sponsored Olympic teams or not. From my perspective, it is reasonable for governments to spend more money on sponsoring arts for the following reasons.

First of all, the world around us presents that arts has made so enormous influence on society that it has become a most part of our life as breathing or eating. Sponsoring arts means improving the life standard of everyone, especially in mental aspect. For instance, people really prefer to appreciate a concert which is supported or held by governments in a music hall in weekend after an annoying work is completed. Therefore, people could relax themselves and turn to be energetic next week facing more hard situation in their work. Accordingly, it is a duty to supporting arts than others that government should afford.

Additionally, government put money and energy on arts for the purpose of attracting more sponsors to arts. By supporting arts and making more advertisements about arts, people could gain more information relating to it and there will be an increasing number of people would like to sponsor arts. Take a painting exhibition for example, government sponsor an exhibition concerning about Picasso’s painting in center museum. Governments could not only have an income from receiving entrance fee, but create the possibility to receive a donation from affluent collectors who also prefer to enjoy painting completed by Picasso. Governments can make full use of those fund from personality to support more activities of arts in order to make a brilliant sense on arts development.

Even we have to concede that athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams would bring an honor to their nation while support of it would not have benefit which can have tremendous effect on every citizen’s daily life. How could arts can develop with an ease at a skyrocketing speed unless governments are in favor of it through spending money for the development of arts.

Consequently, though we could not deny the advantages of supporting athletics, arts must come first when we consider taking all the benefits of sponsoring arts such as improve life standard or be more appealing to other people who would be the next person donate money for arts.
没有翅膀,我们依旧可以飞上天空

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发表于 2009-3-8 22:53:22 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 qing200 于 2009-3-8 23:05 编辑

With the rapid pace of the society, both art and athletics become a part of our life. However, there is no consensus among people that whether governments should take money on supporting arts than athletics like state-sponsored Olympic teams or not. From my perspective, it is reasonable for governments to spend more money on sponsoring arts for the following reasons.
+ n. N  z+ l; h' c7 U! v
/ i, z- @( a0 X0 QFirst of all, the world around us presents that arts has made so enormous influence on society that it has become a most part of our life as breathing or eating. Sponsoring arts means improving the life standard of everyone, especially in mental aspect. For instance, people really prefer to appreciate a concert which is supported or held by governments in a music hall in weekend after an annoying work (不可数an去掉)is completed. Therefore, people could relax themselves and turn to be energeticrefresh是否更好 next week facing more hard situation in their work. Accordingly, it is a duty to supporting arts than others that government should afford.
5 T4 a, a/ q. H* E3 u: g8 H( _4 C
Additionally, government put money and energy on arts for the purpose of attracting more sponsors to arts. By supporting arts and making more advertisements about arts, people could gain more information relating to it and there will be an increasing number of people would like to sponsor arts. Take a painting exhibition for example, government sponsor an exhibition concerning about Picasso’s painting in center museum. Governments could not only have an income from receiving entrance fee, but create the possibility to receive a donation from affluent collectors who also prefer to enjoy 删或enjoying painting completed by Picasso. Governments can make full use of those fund from personality to support more activities of arts in order to make a brilliant sense on arts development.
( K( g+ T$ Z7 B$ ~; T7 T7 L4 N$ X2 s0 S
Even 删we have to concede that athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams would bring an honor to their nation while support of it would not have benefit which can have tremendous effect on every citizen’s daily life. 这个句子套的有点多,建议换简单句 How could arts can develop with an ease at a skyrocketing speed unless governments are in favor of it through spending money for the development of arts.# `: o- E9 ~' D7 l  U8 {
9 z/ y+ Y6 k2 y2 Y' C4 Z' S1 n, j- [0 i
Consequently, though we could not deny the advantages of supporting athletics, arts must come first when we consider taking all the benefits of sponsoring arts such as improve life standard or be more appealing to other people who would be the next person donate money for arts.

表达方式比较好,
简洁明了,
第三段基本没有很明确的观点,与前两段有点同 --发展

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发表于 2009-3-11 16:41:38 |显示全部楼层
With the rapid pace of the society, both art and athletics become a part of our life. However, there is no consensus among people that whether governments should take (more) money on supporting arts than (supporting )athletics like state-sponsored Olympic teams or not. From my perspective, it is reasonable for governments to spend more money on sponsoring arts for the following reasons.0 S4 m) J0 b( L# T  p0 K2

First of all, the world around us presents that arts has made so enormous influence on society that it has become a most part of our life as breathing or eating(这句话有点长,短一点看着会比较轻松一点,个人赞成短句). Sponsoring arts means improving the life standard of everyone( means the improvement of life standards), especially in mental aspect. For instance, people really prefer to appreciate a concert which is supported or held by governments in a music hall (这个例子实在很牵强)in( at 和on都可以,就是不可以in) weekend after an annoying work is completed. Therefore, people could relax themselves and turn to be energetic next week facing more hard situation in their work. (语法错误,楼主啊!你可以先自己看看说不说的通,再放上来Accordingly, it is a duty to supporting arts than others that government should afford。(为什么?武断的结论,句子结构也不好,没有论证理由,有点看不下去了:)

Additionally, government put money and energy on arts for the purpose of attracting more sponsors to arts. (这个中心句不好,因为看了下面的论述,感觉你不是在论述第一句,也不是要么你在写作文的时候想一想如何定主题句,然后如何跟据主题句展开?我自己也做得不好,大家一起努力吧。)By supporting arts and making more advertisements about arts, people could gain more information relating to it and there will be an increasing number of people would like to sponsor arts. Take a painting exhibition for example, government sponsor an exhibition concerning about Picasso’s painting in center museum. Governments could not only have an income from receiving entrance fee, but create the possibility to receive a donation from affluent collectors who also prefer to enjoy painting completed by Picasso. Governments can make full use of those fund from personality to support more activities of arts in order to make a brilliant sense on arts development.

d) F
Even we have to concede that athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams would bring an honor to their nation while support of it would not have benefit which can have tremendous effect on every citizen’s daily life. How could arts can develop with an ease at a skyrocketing speed unless governments are in favor of it through spending money for the development of arts.8 g: p( j  E5 B) e

Consequently, though we could not deny the advantages of supporting athletics, arts must come first when we consider taking all the benefits of sponsoring arts such as improve life standard or be more appealing to other people who would be the next person donate money for arts.

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RE: 〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组写作 水龙娃娃的 第十次作业〗 [修改]

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〖TOEFL 4—6月-Dark_Tournament小组写作 水龙娃娃的 第十次作业〗
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