【Dark_Tournament TOEFL-ibt作文小组jstzfish的 第17次作业】

jstzfishUID: 2542893

          That people should work together to accomplish their common goal and should always promote the ability to cooperate with propensity inherent in human nature . During the long evolution history of human , there are countless illustrative cases . In the modern world , this particular capability on the part of mankind has played a more spectacular role in every field in the world .

          Long time ago , people cultivated vegetables and livestocks for their own family or their small groups . They could live a passable even well-to-do life through the effort of a little portion of them.Cooperation seems not as significant as present times . Individualism played a leading role in their prosperities . However , with the fast pace of the civilization , stimulated by the thirst for knowledge from within and challenged by the harshness of the environment from without , man has evolved triumphantly from the most primitive to the most advanced and sophisticated .

          Considerable though the number of heroes or scientists are , most of the success and wonders call for the large-scale teamwork . Due to the reasonable contribution of thousands of experts and scholars from 6 different countries , the secrets and mysteries of human genome were successfully unveiled ultimately within not so long a time . Similarly , the blamed terrorism has been fiercely attacked by the contribution offered by several countries around the globe . Consequently we can safely conclude that it is precisely the inevitable demand of the times that people should emphasis  the unshakable role collaboration plays .

          When it comes to the study of recent years . We can not highlight the important of cooperation too much . Significant though the role that a teacher plays in classes is , the lecture-dominated classes have been throughly transformed into discussion-dominated classes . Since knowledge has become more and more complex , detailed , and abstract , not a single person could gasp it all by his/her own , By participating in a discussion group , student can share their minds with each other , and easily find out the gist point and key factors to the obscure difficulties then finally work them out . As a result , the efficiency of study would be promoted to a certain extent .

          However , people in the past might not cooperate so conveniently in group-study , since there were no computers , no advanced means of teaching , no Internet . Meanwhile , the learning materials might not be as abstruse as they are today , thus there seems less need of teamwork during those years .

          An ancient Chinese saying that " Unity is strength." is quite illustrative . As globalization continues to shrink the world , the ability of cooperate constitutes the very force in today`s world . We can safely conclude that collaboration is playing an more significant part in recent times than any other stages in the past course of human history .

tensionhjjUID: 2611892

That people should work together to(should...do) accomplish their common goal(可数） and should always promote the ability to cooperate with propensity inherent in human nature . During the long evolution history of human（history直接删掉可以么，就直接人类的演变） , there are countless illustrative cases . In the modern world , this particular capability on the part of （on the part of用的很好！）mankind has played a more spectacular role in every field in the world .







          Long time ago , people cultivated vegetables and livestocks for their own family or their small groups . They could live a passable even well-to-do life through the effort of a little portion of them.Cooperation seems not as significant（significant用的很好） as present times . Individualism played a leading role in their prosperities . However , with the fast pace of the civilization , stimulated by the thirst for knowledge from within and challenged by the harshness of the environment from without , man has evolved triumphantly from the most primitive to the most advanced an（an？） sophisticated .






          Considerable though the number of heroes or scientists are , most of the success and wonders call for the large-scale teamwork . Due to the reasonable contribution of thousands of experts and scholars from 6 different countries , the secrets and mysteries of human genome were successfully unveiled ultimately within not so long a（a要去掉吧？） time . Similarly , the blamed terrorism has been fiercely attacked by the contribution offered by several countries around the globe . Consequently we can safely conclude that （这个句型好）it is precisely the inevitable demand of the times that people should emphasis  the unshakable role collaboration plays .






          When it comes to the study of recent years . We can not highlight the important of cooperation too much（这句好） . Significant（形容词） though the role that a teacher plays in classes is , the lecture-dominated classes have been throughly transformed into discussion-dominated classes . Since knowledge has become more and more complex , detailed , and abstract , not a single person could gasp it all （them all）by his/her own , By participating in a discussion group , student （复数）can share their minds with each other , and（and去掉） easily find out the gist point and pay factors to the obscure difficulties then finally work them out . As a result , the efficiency of study would be promoted to a certain extent .

          However , people in the past might not cooperate so conveniently in group-study , since there were no computers , no advanced means of teaching , no Internet （no internet跟前面那个长点的换下会不会好点）. Meanwhile , the learning materials might not be as abstruse as they are today , thus there seems less need of teamwork during those years .

          An ancient Chinese saying that " Unity is strength." is quite illustrative . As globalization continues to shrink the world , the ability of cooperate constitutes the very force in today`s world . We can safely conclude that collaboration is playing an more significant part in recent times than any other stages in the past course of human history .



写的不错，不过觉得在每段开篇加些过度句或者连词会更好
加油：）

桐庐钓徒UID: 2620263

That people should work together to accomplish their common goal and should always promote the ability to cooperate with propensity inherent in human nature . During the long evolution history of human , there are countless illustrative cases . In the modern world , this particular capability on the part of mankind has played a more spectacular role in every field in the world .

          Long time ago , people cultivated vegetables and livestocks for their own family or their small groups . They could live a passable even well-to-do life through the effort of a little portion of them.Cooperation seems not as significant as present times . Individualism played a leading role in their prosperities . However , with the fast pace of the civilization , stimulated by the thirst for knowledge from within and challenged by the harshness of the environment from without , man has evolved triumphantly from the most primitive to the most advanced and sophisticated .

          Considerable though the number of heroes or scientists are , most of the success and wonders call for the large-scale teamwork . Due to the reasonable contribution of thousands of experts and scholars from 6 different countries , the secrets and mysteries of human genome were successfully unveiled ultimately within not so long a time . Similarly , the blamed terrorism has been fiercely attacked by the contribution offered by several countries around the globe . Consequently we can safely conclude that it is precisely the inevitable demand of the times that people should emphasis  the unshakable role collaboration plays .

          When it comes to the study of recent years . We can not highlight the important of cooperation too much . Significant though the role that a teacher plays in classes is , the lecture-dominated classes have been throughly transformed into discussion-dominated classes . Since knowledge has become more and more complex , detailed , and abstract , not a single person could gasp it all by his/her own , By participating in a discussion group , student can share their minds with each other , and easily find out the gist point and key factors to the obscure difficulties then finally work them out . As a result , the efficiency of study would be promoted to a certain extent .

          However , people in the past might not cooperate so conveniently in group-study , since there were no computers , no advanced means of teaching , no Internet . Meanwhile , the learning materials might not be as abstruse as they are today , thus there seems less need of teamwork during those years .

          An ancient Chinese saying that " Unity is strength." is quite illustrative . As globalization continues to shrink the world , the ability of cooperate constitutes the very force in today`s world . We can safely conclude that collaboration is playing an more significant part in recent times than any other stages in the past course of human history .

我的看法:哇噻,你的文章比较复杂— —

赞先，你的句式富于变化，用词也高深，还有你的切入点也新颖，事例也很贴切。

不过我觉得有些句子或许可以省去一些复杂的限定词或者句式，可以给人简洁明了的感觉。

P.S. 我第一次改托福作文，不知道从何下手，没能提出什么意见，见谅啊

jstzfishUID: 2542893

我帮你改了部分，其他你自己再看看吧
我比较郁闷哦，谁再帮我改改？ 3# 桐庐钓徒

桐庐钓徒UID: 2620263

真素不好意思哈，我自己作文不好现在还在学习吸收阶段，没能提出建议，真是惭愧啊 — —
还有谢谢你的意见哦！！！