5.6月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 annazjy的 第4次作业

annazjyUID: 2630173

题目：20. It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.     


With the rapid development of economic and electric industry，it is much more convenient for people around the world to contact with each other than before，especially for the people living in a big city, Because people who live in a big city have access to global products easily such as computer, internet and mobile phone. In this regard, my viewpoint is that a big city can offer children more benefits than countryside do, so it is better for children to grow up in a modern city。

In the few decades, children can obtain more information in a big city. Children living in a modern city can receive information from various ways. For example, they can communicate with other children living in different countries through internet; they can absorb knowledge from TV and books as well; they also can obtain information from traditional way such as face-to-face education. In contrast, children living in countryside may only have few ways to receive information, because less money or material things to support. Moreover, due to globalization which means people worldwide share the same information and products, children who live in a big city are easier to access to these global information and products. I will quote an instance to support this. A child is growing up in New York, he/she can buy the newest electrical products such as IPOD and IPhone, he/she also can have the brand global goods.As the evidence I showed above, child should live in a big city than in countryside.

In addition, children growing up in a big city can have more chances than the children living in countryside. In a modern city, children will meet a lot of people with different nationalities as well as divergent cultural and social backgrounds. Moreover, they can study several languages and be accustomed to culture conflict, so when they become adults someday, they can work around the world.

Although children who live in a big city have many advantages, children living in countryside can also obtain benefits which children in a modern city may not have such as free environment, beautiful and pure nature view, and more friendly people. However, for the long-term development of children, they should grow up in a big city.

piaolingzhongUID: 2381833

With the rapid development of economic and electric industry，it is much more convenient for people around the world to contact with each other than before，especially for the people living in a big city, Because people who live in a big city have access to global products easily such as computer, internet and mobile phone. In this regard, my viewpoint is that a big city can offer children more benefits than countryside do, so it is better for children to grow up in a modern city。6 S* a9 g* V  O& l1 a/ }
开头直奔主题，结尾的句式改写是本段的亮点。没看出来有什么语法和用词的错误。
In the few decades, children can obtain more information in a big city. Children living in a modern city can receive information from various ways. For example, they can communicate with other children living in different countries through internet; they can absorb knowledge from TV and books as well; they also can obtain information from the traditional way such as face-to-face education. In contrast, children living in countryside may only have few ways to receive information, because less money or material things to support. Moreover, due to globalization which means people worldwide share the same information and products, children who live in a big city are easier to access to these global information and products. I will quote an instance to support this. A child (is删掉) growing up in New York, he/she can buy the newest electrical products such as IPOD and IPhone, and he/she also can have the brand global goods.As the evidence I showed above, child should live in a big city rather than in the countryside.(这个结论是不是太绝对了，是不是可以改为As the evidence I showed above, the big city is more beneficial to children than those living in the countryside.)

论证充分，有例子支持。整段文章，结构紧凑，在前后连接上，连接词用的很好。

In addition, the children growing up in a big city can have more chances than  the children (those) living in countryside. In a modern city, the children will meet a lot of people with different nationalities as well as divergent cultural and social backgrounds. Moreover, they can study several languages and be accustomed to culture conflict, so when they become adults someday, they can more work around the world with less conflicting  to other nationalities.

Although the children who live in a big city have many advantages, children living in countryside can also obtain benefits which children in a modern city may not have, such as free environment, beautiful and pure nature view, and more friendly people. However, for the long-term development of the children, they should grow up in a big city.(最后一句最好不要用应该...,托福和GRE作文最忌讳绝对化。)

总评，该文章在结构严谨，句式丰富。用词恰当，
特别赞连接词的应用，作者在这方面做得非常好。
但是作者在结论有些绝对化，此外有些小的语法错误。主要是在定冠词的使用上。
还有主语注意用代词替代。否则显得累赘。

刷牙小灰猫UID: 2513544

With the rapid development of economic and electric industry，it is much more convenient for people around the world to contact with each other than before，especially for the people living in a big city, Because people who live in a big city have access to global products easily such as computer, internet and mobile phone. In this regard, my viewpoint is that a big city can offer children more benefits than countryside do, so it is better for children to grow up in a modern city主题明确，非常好。! \8 H: D1 X$ n5 `. c' T  R- R
3 |8 C0 L& D: k0 s) H- o
In the few decades, children can obtain more information in a big city. Children living in a modern city can receive information from various ways. For example, they can communicate with other children living in different countries through internet; they can absorb knowledge from TV and books as well; they also can obtain information from traditional way such as face-to-face education.排比应用增加文采 In contrast, children living in countryside may only have few ways to receive information, because （less改为lacking of比较好） money or material things （material thing是固定的词组物质生活，thing应该用复数么？这个我不十分确定）to support. Moreover, due to globalization which means people worldwide share the same information and products, children who live in a big city are easier to access to these global information and products. I will quote an instance to support this. A child is growing up in New York, he/she can buy the newest electrical products such as IPOD and IPhone, he/she also can have the brand global goods.As the evidence I showed above, child should live in a big city than in countryside.
+ m( u8 Y
In addition, children growing up in a big city can have more chances than the children living in countryside. In a modern city, children will meet a lot of people with different nationalities as well as divergent cultural and social backgrounds. Moreover, they can study several languages and be accustomed to culture conflict, so when they become adults someday, they can work around the world这段是可以改一下的，把整个段落改成一个复杂句    In addition, children growing up in a big city can have more chances than the children living in countryside, which include meeting people with different nationalities as well as divergent cultural and social backgrounds, studying different kinds of languages and being accustomed to culture conflict, thus improve their competitiveness in the future career..
_Although children who live in a big city have many advantages, children living in countryside can also obtain benefits which （children in a modern city may not have 改成may not be gained in the big city这样避免重复）such as free environment, beautiful and pure nature view, and more friendly people改成genial neighbors. However, for the long-term development of children, they should grow up in a big city.

写的很有水准，不过模版的痕迹还是有的，几乎没什么改的，鸡蛋里挑骨头吧，继续加油，向你学习