11.30 独立作文 美利坚小组

asandylauUID: 2649369

There is a widespread controversy concerning whether kids should merely play sports for fun or play sports in competition or contests. Different people may hold diverse opinions. Some people claim that playing sports in competition can help cultivate children's the sense of competition; thus it is better for kids to play sports in contests. Contrary to the opinions of those people is my heartfelt agreement with the statement that children should play sports for fun for the following reasons.

First of all, children are more likely to relax and relieve the pressure from studying when they play sports just in search of happiness. This is easy to understand. When children just want to enjoy themselves, they will play sports randomly rather than seriously. In this way, they may feel more free and happy. On the contrary, if they do activities in contests, they treat the game very carefully and do not have more opportunity to enjoy. What's more, if they fail in contest unfortunately, they could end up frustrated and depressed, which is opposite to their original objective of fun.

Furthermore, it is more likely that playing sports for fun can enable children develop friendships. Quite the contrary, if kids play sports in competition, they may have a quarrel with their opponents, especially when they lose their game.
While those who play sports just for fun are more likely to make friends with others.

Admittedly, it is comprehensive for some people to hold the opposite view. They suppose that children who play sports can allow them more aggressively, which is essential to their future success. True as it seems, however, those people ignore one fact, that is, most children doing sports just seek enjoyment due to aggravating burden from learning. If they played sports in contests, what else fun can they gain?


Obviously, all evidence supports a unshakable conclusion that children should play sports for fun because children may achieve the goal of pleasure and the more possibility of making friends.
Looking for fun is the nature of children, which cannot be deprived by adults. Only do doing this can kids enjoy a happy and memorable childhood.

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

月黑风高夜，修改作文时～

There is a widespreadcontroversy concerning whether kids should merely play sports for funor play sports in competition or contests. Different people may holddiverse opinions. Some people claim that playing sports in competitioncan help cultivate children's the去掉 sense of competition; thus it isbetter for kids to play sports in contests. Contrary to the opinions ofthose people is my heartfelt agreement with the statement that childrenshould play sports for fun for the following reasons.: o% _) l/ z1 \; o8 c
模板记得很好，学习到了。稍微有点不自然，好像简单的意思故意说得华彩。

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First of all, children aremore likely to relax and relieve the pressure from studying when theyplay sports just in search of happiness. This is easy to understand.When children just want to enjoy themselves, they will play sportsrandomly rather than seriously. In this way, they may feel more freeand happy. On the contrary, if they do activities in contests, theytreat the game very carefully and do not have more［本句内没有对比关系，个人觉得换成enough］ opportunity toenjoy. What's more, if they fail in contest unfortunately, they couldend up frustrated and depressed, which is opposite to their originalobjective of fun.

Furthermore, it is morelikely that playing sports for fun can enable children developfriendships. Quite the contrary, if kids play sports in competition,they may have a quarrel with their opponents, especially when they losetheir game.3 h" P! }% A% ?, T* ?- P% e
While those who play sports just for fun are more likely to make friends with others[考虑换成each other?].

Admittedly,it is comprehensive[comprehensive指的是某人很有理解力，不是说某件事是可以理解的] for some people to hold the opposite view. Theysuppose that children who play sports can allow them more aggressively,which is essential to their future success. True as it seems, however,those people ignore one fact, that is, most children doing sports justseek enjoyment due to［and get rid of可能我用的词不够书面化，但用due to的逻辑关系觉得不太对］ aggravating burden from learning. If they playedsports in contests, what else［else是指除什么以外的else？］ fun can they gain?+ A1 T' u( I% M

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Obviously, all evidencesupports a［an］ unshakable conclusion that children should play sports forfun because children may achieve the goal of pleasure and the去掉 morepossibility of making friends. Looking for fun is the nature of children, which cannot be deprived by adults. Only do［你是想说by？还是through］doing this can kids enjoy a happy and memorable childhood.

第二个观点段不够丰满，只是一句话换了两样说，也没有论据支持。让步段的内容与第一个观点有点重叠，并且你在第二个论述没说够的情况下，这个时间还不如去完善那一段。让步段没有也无所谓，但主要观点还是要尽量develop。
楼主的语言掌控很好啊，那么长的句子都没有语病。为什么你们都会用那些我不懂的好词。。。。。
整个文章结构清晰，逻辑顺畅，五脏俱全，端得一篇好文。

shining_sjUID: 2485580

对不起楼主，评晚了，其实昨天晚上就可以评好了，不过网络有点问题，验证一直挑不出来~~不好意思

There is a widespread controversy concerning whether kids should merely play sports for fun or play sports in competition or contests. Different people may hold diverse opinions. Some people claim that playing sports in competition can help cultivate children's the sense of competition; thus it is better for kids to play sports in contests. Contrary to the opinions of those people is my heartfelt agreement with the statement that children should play sports for fun for the following reasons.
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First of all, children are more likely to relax and relieve the pressure from studying when they play sports just in search of happiness. This is easy to understand. When children just want to enjoy themselves, they will play sports randomly rather than seriously. In this way, they may feel more(建议省略） and happy. On the contrary, if they do activities in contests, they treat the game very carefully and do not have more opportunity to enjoy. What's more, if they fail in contest unfortunately, they could end up frustrated and depressed, which is opposite to their original objective of fun.（这反两方面两论述，很不错）
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Furthermore, it is more likely(该句型重复使用，上一段也是这个开头） that playing sports for fun can enable children develop friendships. Quite the contrary（这个词也第二次出现了）， if kids play sports in competition, they may have a quarrel with their opponents, especially when they lose their game.While those who play sports just for fun are more likely to make friends with others.
这段比较短建议举个例子支持论点


Admittedly, it is comprehensive for some people to hold the opposite view. They suppose that children who play sports can allow them（同一句句子里面they指代不同，这里究竟是持反对观点的人还是孩子呢。。让人产生误解） more aggressive,（这句子本身不太好，应该说竞争让孩子们变得更有积极心，而不是孩子让他们自己更有积极性） which is essential to their future success. True as it seems, however, those people ignore one fact, that is, most children doing sports just seek enjoyment due to aggravating burden from learning. If they played sports in contests, what else fun can they gain?& J' I2 y'  d9 [' i& y
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Obviously, all evidence supports a unshakable conclusion that children should play sports for fun because children may achieve the goal of pleasure and the more possibility of making friends. 0 N3 ]# C8 J9 i
Looking for fun is the nature of children, which cannot be deprived by adults. Only do doing this can kids enjoy a happy and memorable childhood.