作文

āìЧā?UID: 2668571

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.
看电视比看书学的多。

Nowadays, though some, holding the belief that we can learn more knowledge from television, claim that we can obtain more information in the television different programs, in my opinion, I incline to support the idea that we should look book when we have spare time and we can learn more knowledge.

It is universally acknowledged that book is the most efficient tool for everyone to learn knowledge. Knowledge from books accumulates precious fruit wisdom from millions of predecessors. As one of most eminent physicist Newton’s saying, I am standing on the giant, so that I succeed. We can obtain knowledge from book and not experiencing the tough exploration process because any great scientific theory must be tested by empirical observation, and must withstand rigorous scientific scrutiny. We can absorb different knowledge such as mathematic, literature, history and physic and the like. The most interesting knowledge that I have learned is the law of action and reaction which is published by Newton. The theory allows me understanding the effect between two objects.
On the other hand, book has obviously provided us more opportunity to contact with the new technology rather than entertainment program. When I have spare time, I prefer to read some book like science journal—such as Discover, Science American, Popular Science, and so on. From these magazines, I can know the most front-line science. To take an example, I read one article about embryonic stem cell on the Discover. The passage is published by Ronald. Ronald, director of Dartmouth Collage’s Ethics Institute, say that the embryonic stem cell has the potential to play a critical role in the advancement of regenerative medicine. And he also states that, as the development of this technique, scientists and researchers who harness the power of the cell can provide us with a way to find cures for diseases, such as cancer, diabetes, AIDS and the like. From this passage, I accumulate more knowledge and widen my horizon.
In sum up, I’m in favor of the opinion that we can learn more knowledge from book. Although human being has little improved in the intelligence and morality, the knowledge has accumulated in the book. And we can learn different knowledge in book. When is come to business, we can learn how to administer other employes. In the science level, we can learn come famous theory like the principle of relativity.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Nowadays, though some, holding the belief that we can learn more knowledge from television, claim that we can obtain more information in the television different television programs (You've wasted a fancy clause to talk about basically the same thing twice. Don't do this to your examiner at the start of an essay..he or she is likely to be more annoyed than impressed.), in my opinion, I incline to support the idea that we should look book  (This is definitely a candidate for the best direct translation of the year award..pardon me for being sarcastic. Seriously, this is too direct a translation for 看书..don't do it.) when we have spare time and we can learn more knowledge (This is a subtle influence that Chinese has on our use of English. Knowledge is something you gain by learning, so you can 'learn', and 'acquire' knowledge as a result of learning, but you don't 'learn knowledge'. A similar but more obvious example will be that you don't say 'work money', because money is something you gain by working, not the acutal target of work. A personal note on this: I don't think 学习知识 is correct in Chinese either, but so many people use it so it's socially accepted. This is the difference between grammar and linguistics.). (Whether people should read in spare time, and whether people will get more knowledge by reading books, are two separate and independent matters. You're not expected to discuss the former.)

It is universally acknowledged that book is the most efficient tool for everyone to learn knowledge. (Do you think it's actually okay to conclude that this is 'universally acknowledged'? We haven't even discovered aliens yet, let alone ask for their opinions on this! Again, pardon my bad joke. I'm seriously saying that you don't need such a pretentious way to express your opinion. The examiners know that you're expressing personal opinions, and they're not looking for scientific proof of your claims. They're looking for reasonable, well-developed arguments.Trying too hard to appear authoritative without a sense of what's reasonable, is what we call in Chinese 此地无银三百两..) Knowledge from books accumulates precious fruit of? wisdom from millions of predecessors (Of whom?. As one of most eminent physicists (Move this after Newton) Newton’s saying said, 'I am standing on the giant (I thought he said he was standing on the shoulder of giants..), so that I succeed' (If you use direct quotation with 'I', you'll need the quotation marks.). We can obtain knowledge from books and not experiencing the tough exploration process because any great scientific theory must be tested by empirical observation, and must withstand rigorous scientific scrutiny.(So you're suggesting what we see on TV is not subject to scientific scrutiny? You're suggesting that all knowledge from books is verified and tested where all knowledge from TV is not? That sounds like outright naivete to me. What if the TV program is about something from a book?) We can absorb different kinds of knowledge such as mathematics, literature, history and physics and the like. The most interesting knowledge that I have learned is the law of action and reaction which is published by Newton. The theory allows me understanding the effect between two objects. (Yeah, well, how does this prove your point that people learn MORE from books than from television? You've learnt about Newton's one law, yes, but someone else can surely learn about that and all of Newton's other laws on TV, and he'll be more knowledgeable than you. From what I've read so far, the way you phrase your argument seems to suggest that you probably don't watch much TV yourself, and you pretty much have no idea about what kind of programmes TV can offer.)

On the other hand, a book has obviously provided us with more opportunity to contact with the new technology rather than entertainment program (Now you're suggesting TV is only about entertainment. You really don't get to watch much good TV, do you?). When I have spare time, I prefer to read some books like science journals—such as Discover, Science American, Popular Science, and so on. (Generally, magazines and journals are not books. They are classified as 'publications', yes, but they're often not considered books.) From these magazines, I can know about the most front-line science (Another direct translation suspect. Try 'state-of-the-art'.). To take an example, I read one article about embryonic stem cell on the Discover. The passage is published by Ronald. (It'd be a lot nicer if you bothered to remember his surname.) Ronald, director of Dartmouth Collage’s Ethics Institute, (This should be after the first Ronald, in the last sentence. Explain what you say at the first available opportunity.) says that the embryonic stem cell has the potential to play a critical role in the advancement of regenerative medicine. And he also states that, as the development of this technique progresses?, scientists and researchers who harness the power of the cell can provide us with a way to find cures for diseases, such as cancer, diabetes, AIDS and the like. From this passage, I accumulate more knowledge and widen my horizon. (I've heard about stem cells and the miracles they can make like, a million times on TV in news, interviews and speical features on medical technology. Can you think of some knowledge that you have seen on books, but never on TV? That would be a lot more appropriate for this essay.)

In To sum up, I’m in favor of the opinion that we can learn more knowledge from books. Although the human being has little improved in the intelligence and morality, the knowledge has accumulated in the books. And we can learn different kinds of knowledge in books. When is comes to business, we can learn how to administer other employees (Where did you discuss this point in the essay?). In the science level, we can learn come (some?) famous theories like the principle of relativity. (The last paragraph is NOT a place to raise new key points. Just reiterate your important arguments and clearly state your main stand again, and properly singal that the essay is complete.)

总结：

这位同学我很抱歉地说你基本上没有写议论文的基础知识。。主要的问题如下：

语法：滥用定冠词the。对单复数没有概念。句法上中文直翻（尤其是不管语法正确与否的按词序直翻）情况严重。
词汇：因为话题基本局限在科学范围内，看不出是不是真的有问题。。
逻辑与内容：基本上完全没有扣题讨论。题目是 看电视比看书学得多。。结果你说来说去都是在说书的话题，而且只是科学书，其他的书被完全无视，电视被完全无视，也看不出有任何数量比较的意思。而且就算说科学书的话题，你也是想到什么有点关系的就凑上来，思路从一个关键字梦游到另一个关键字，没有逻辑关联，看不出论证是怎么推演的，一直到总结段也还在碎碎念。。这种写法不是写议论文用的，请先认真研究好托福作文大致的框架应该是个什么样子。

āìЧā?UID: 2668571

谢谢评价！

āìЧā?UID: 2668571

我还有一个半月的时间考试！ 我想问一下有什么方法可以提高！
1. 如何写出比较地道的英语表达？
2.定冠词the在什么时候用比较恰当？
3.如何避免中文直译？
4.有什么书或者资料可以推荐一下吗！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

> 1. 如何写出比较地道的英语表达？
多看英语新闻，看英语论说文，影评，介绍类文字，注意看实际使用中的各种英语表达是什么样子的。不要依靠电影/电视，那是口语，不是书面写作用语。不要纯依靠字典的释义来造句。

> 2.定冠词the在什么时候用比较恰当？
特指/有限定的名词，例：This is a book这是本书 比较 This is the book I'm reading.这是我在读的那本书。具体用法请参考语法书，或者google 'how to use the article the'.

> 3. 如何避免中文直译？
不要用中文构造完了一个句子再想用英文怎么表达。想想你碰到的英文文章里是怎么表达类似的意思的，要能直接构造出英文的整句。此项和1相辅相成，所谓熟读唐诗三百首不会作诗也会吟，看多了各种表达，依样画葫芦也能凑上一些了，但请确定你看的是有一定水平的论述性文章，不要口语化的，不要专门发明出来的作文模板类的。。

很多时候中文直译不是说英文不好，是你知道的英文表达方式不够多而已。可能有人觉得自己出现直译情况是词汇量不够，恰恰不是，是因为你词汇量够，但是句汇量不够 - 你不知道这个意思用英文整句要怎么说，但是知道每个中文字用英文单词怎么说，所以你才能从中文一个字一个字翻过来了。如果你连这个词汇量都没有，那连直译都做不到的。。

所以要避免直译，我强调要看 整体的表达，而不是看单词，学习的时候要练习问自己‘如果我要表现出自己非常生气，我可以怎么说，有哪些说法’而不是‘暴怒 用英文怎么说’。语言说白了是个积累->应用的过程，所以如果一个单词一个单词地积累，最后积累出来的效果当然不是可以直接使用的语言，而是单词查询机，这就是为什么有些人词汇量练到很好但还是会出现直译。

> 4.有什么书或者资料可以推荐一下吗
本版就有很多，如saavedro斑竹的iBT作文讲解。。

āìЧā?UID: 2668571

谢谢！ 下星期再来！