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小天1UID: 2742361

08.08.16

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money, agree or disagree?

There is much discussion about whether businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Those who opposite this standpoint argue that businessmen donate their money to those people who necessitate helping. Nevertheless, as for me, I’m in favor of the opinion that earning money is the only aim of the businessmen.

In the business realm, the enormous sums of money involved in contemporary economics have led businessmen to bend the rules of the trade. In order to make a profit, businessmen have deliberately ignored government standards for environment pollution limits or tried to bribe government officials. For instance, Ronald, who is the CEO in a chemical plant, take one million to bribe government official who govern the standard of sewage to allow his company to bypass regulations. If he achieve his intention, he will save more than five million in the disposal of sewage. Thus, it is undeniable that the ultimate goal of every businessmen is to make a profit in business, even this measure disobey the rules of government.

In addition, businessmen also take other effective measures to satisfy the desire of money like reducing expenditure. For many businessmen cutting jobs is a best way to further increase profits, especially in the situation of financial strain. To take an extreme example, Irving, one of my best friends, run a computer company. In recent, he have a trouble with capital. If he reduce the number of employees, he will economize a large number of money that harness to pay to those employees and increase his entire profit in the end of the month. In view of profit of himself, he determine to reduce the stafftrimmer and decrease wage at the beginning of the month.

In sum up, I posit that the main goal of businessman is to make a profit.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

There is much discussion about whether businessmen are only motivated by the desire of money. Those who opposite this standpoint argue that businessmen donate their money to those people who necessitate (This probably doesn't mean what you think it means. Plus, a simple 'need' would just do nicely.) helping. Nevertheless, as for me, I’m in favor of the opinion that earning money is the only aim of the businessmen. (That's a brave, difficult and extremely interesting stand. You'll score nicely if you can pull it off, but you'll also fail miserably if you make simple mistakes. Know that such a choice will raise the bars - your examiner will expect you to write with much deftness that fits such a difficult choice. If you can't satisfy this, his/her impression will plunge even lower than that of an essay with a bad opening. Beware.)

In the business realm, the enormous sums of money involved in contemporary economics have led businessmen to bend the rules of the trade. In order to make a profit, businessmen have deliberately ignored government standards for environment pollution limits or tried to bribe government officials. For instance, Ronald, who is the CEO in a chemical plant (Ronald who? Of which chemical plant? And do you know there's only 'CEO' of a company, and 'GM' of a plant?), takes one million (Um, let me guess, 1 million in Indonisian rupiahs? Which would amount to about 105 US dollars, ya know?) to bribe government officials who govern the standard of sewage to allow his company to bypass regulations. (There, this is such an obvious fake example. And as I have warned you about, now your examiner would be totally pissed off by the standard of this example. He would likely think that you just talk fancy but really know nothing about business in real, and that's not good for you. Next time, at least give Ronald a family name, place that chemical plant in some recognizable country, and fix a currency for that amount.) If he achieve his intention, he will save more than five million in the disposal of sewage. Thus, it is undeniable that the ultimate goal of every businessmen is to make a profit in business, even this measure disobey the rules of government.

In addition, businessmen also take other effective measures to satisfy the desire of money like reducing expenditure. For many businessmen, cutting jobs is the best way to further increase profits, especially in the situations of financial strain. To take an extreme example, Irving, one of my best friends, runs a computer company. In recently, he has a trouble with capital. If he reduces the number of employees, he will economize a large number of money that harness to pay to those employees and increase his entire profit in the end of the month (I decided to leave it to you to count how many verb agreement errors there are in this single sentence. Simple grammar mistakes like these, again, are going to tell your examiner that your foundation is weak, and you're not able to pull off such a difficult essay as expected. This is very depressing, and depression is not good.) . In view of profit of himself, he determines to reduce the staff trimmer? and decrease wage at the beginning of the month.

In sum up, I posit that the main goal of businessman is to make a profit. (The question is about 'motivation'. Not 'goal'.)

总结：

语法 - 单复数和主谓相合，具体哪里的问题就不多说了，用word能检查出来的。

词汇 - 用词不错，分句也相当流利，值得表扬。

逻辑 - 对于托福的要求来说，考官其实不会花时间深究你的例子真假，多半笑笑也就过去了，但是，以真正的议论性文章要求来说，你举的这些例子的程度，只能说是 弱智。。我不想太挑刺，但是，你以后做研究，写文章，是要真正给人看来参考的，所以，如果你举不出例子，至少不要吹牛，就算要举假例，也要做得像一点儿，至少不要写出‘小罗在化工厂里当总裁’这种在中文里也说不通的话。。

小天1UID: 2742361

楼主，有几个问题
1.如果是编例子的话怎样比较合理，人名该怎么编呢！难道外国和中国不一样没有人名重复的吗？
2.如何训练单复数的用法？好像大家都有这个问题？

mpromanusUID: 2565872

咦，我什么时候变成楼主了？。。-.-

1.如果是编例子的话怎样比较合理，人名该怎么编呢！难道外国和中国不一样没有人名重复的吗?

首先，你编例子有没有人名完全是没所谓的事情，除非你用大家都知道的名人的名字。。反正都不知道是谁，你认为考官会在意你传说中的那个邻居叫小明还是小花么？反正对他来说都和路人甲没区别啊！他只会关心你编出来的这个人的背景所说的话所做的事情是不是能让他看懂你要说明的逻辑。。就算你非得编个名字，那也就是因为外国名字比中国名字更容易重复所以才需要连姓带名一起编啊。。

编例子的话最起码的要求是不要模糊到看起来就是那种经不起去查证的。简单的例子：

你如果有天碰到一个人跟你说以下的话，原字原句：‘我有个朋友叫甲，是一个化工厂的总裁，资产五百万，住别墅，出入有车！怎么样，给你家闺女介绍一下？’，你觉得如何？看起来很不错是吗？那么你觉得以一个一般人的认知来说，会有人名字光叫甲的吗？只听说公司有总裁，管理工厂的也叫总裁的吗？资产五百万那是人民币还是印尼盾啊？出入有车是自行车么？最重要的是，你觉得凭这些信息有多大的几率可以人肉到此人真人？

应该编什么样的例子？至少要看起来不怕人家去查证。‘我有个朋友叫邓甲，在南郊筒子街的升阳化工厂当经理，青林湾小区住三层的独户，开进口莲花，要不要给你家闺女介绍介绍？’（天上神佛原谅我吧。。我怎么能给出这么猥琐的例子啊。。-.-!）你觉得这个和上面那个比起来，不考虑绝对真实性，哪一个比较像真的？

2.如何训练单复数的用法？好像大家都有这个问题？

有意识的训练。练多了自然熟。中文里没有单复数的概念，所以大家基本都有这个问题，很正常，不用担心。。