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发表于 2009-12-29 23:50:03 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends.Students have more influenced from teachers than friends.Agree of disagree


Nowadays, there is much discussion over whether students have more influenced from teachers than friends. Actually, teachers, who indoctrinate knowledge such as mathematic, physic, chemistry and the like, have apparently much influenced on students
thought and behavior in classroom. However, as for me, it is not completely true to say that friends have less influenced to students than teachers.


Obviously, students will have more time with their friends. When there have fifty or more students in classroom, it is undeniable that teachers impossibility to pay attention to only one student. Thus, students have little opportunities to discus problems, which they come up against in textbooks like mathematic, with teachers and to ask for method of the solution of these problems. To take an example, my brother, Xuzhao, often discuss difficult mathematic problems in after-class time. He explore the way to solve mathematic problems because his teacher have other lesson in next class and have no time to explain this problem that he write in blackboard. Therefore, students have more time to communicate their thought with friends and have more opportunities to influence each other than teachers.


Furthermore, students can be influencing by their friend's life experience. Many students find friends are essential because they know a simple and never-changed fact that every single individual on his Earth has only limited resources. Friends are always the best choice for an student to emancipate himself/herself from limitation. By contacting with friends, an student is able to share his/her limited resource with others, and share others
resources in turn, therefore is virtually able to enrich life his/her experience, acquire well-rounded knowledge rather than only on the textbook, and broaden his/her view of the world. For instance, Shunhua, who is my best friend, often share his experience about taekwondo. To talking the competion with other spoter in the recent Hunan. I gradually like the sport because of his influence. Thus, we may casual influence by our friends.

Although teachers can teach different knowledge to their students and teach student how to study and life, even teach them how to face the difficult in the future, students have definitely more influence by their friends because they spend more time study and play with their friends and they can together face various matter in the game or in the life.
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发表于 2009-12-30 00:53:50 |只看该作者
Nowadays, there is much discussion over whether students have more influenced from teachers than friends. Actually (This is a very casual word and weak in attitude when used as an opening. The statement that follows is already complete, but if you really must be this careful, you may want to use 'In fact'.), teachers, who indoctrinate (Firstly, if you use this word to mean 'teach', then you should know that one can't teach 'knowledge'. You teach a subject like maths, physics, or biology, and students acquire knowledge as a result of your teaching. Secondly, the root of this word, 'doctrine', describes established knowledge with a negative sense of being 'strict, inflexible, outdated'. Therefore 'indoctrinate' has a similar negative tone. Though I admit some teachers do indoctrinate rather than teach, you should still avoid using this word to describe teachers..) knowledge such as mathematics, physics, chemistry and the like, have apparently much more influenced on students thoughts and behavior in classroom. (Where is the 'friends' part in this? This is not entirely wrong, but it's incomplete.) However, as for me, it is not completely true to say that friends have less influenced to students than teachers. (Does this mean you agree with the given statement, or not? ANSWER THE QUESTION. Don't make people guess.)

Obviously, students will have more time with their friends (This is too general to be 'obvious'.). When there have are fifty or more students in one classroom (This is largely true in China, but remember you're writing for the US audience. Don't assume things are the same. In the US, classes are normally at most 25-30 in size, so your examiner may wonder why there would be 50+ students in one class in the first place.) , it is undeniable that it's impossible for teachers impossibility to pay attention to only one student. Thus, students have little few opportunities to discuss problems (You might want to move the 'with teachers' part here because without that part, this sentence doesn't hold.), which they come up against? in textbooks like mathematic, with teachers, and to ask for method of the solutions of these problems. To take an example, my brother, Xuzhao (I'm just curious: why does everyone insist on having names for whoever they invent their examples with? Does the name really matter if I won't have the slightest chance of knowing him? Your examiner wouldn't care more than I do.), often discuss difficult mathematics problems in after-class time (With whom? You can always find your teachers after class if you want to, so 'after class' doesn't necessarily mean he must discuss problems with friends instead of teachers.). He explores the ways to solve mathematics problems because his teacher has other lessons to attend in the next class and has no time to explain that problem that he writes on blackboard. Therefore, students have more time to communicate their thoughts with friends and have more opportunities to influence each other than teachers. (One of the keywords given to you is 'influence'. I don't see how your example shows any 'influence' FROM FRIENDS on your brother.)

Furthermore, students can be influenced by their friend's' life experience. Many students find friends are essential because they know a simple and never-changed? (Do you mean 'unchanged'?) fact that every single individual on his Earth? (Are you saying everybody has his own Earth?) has only limited resources.(What does 'limited resources' have to do with 'friends are essential'? I don't see the reasoning here.) Friends are always the best choice for an student to emancipate (This is a very strong word that's normally used in legal or political contexts. I'd suggest caution when using it in a casual social context like this.) himself/herself from limitations (Always? I thought normally drugs do better in sporting events.). By contacting with friends, an student is able to share his/her limited resources with others, and share others resources in turn, therefore is virtually able to enrich his/her life his/her experience, acquire well-rounded knowledge rather than only on the textbook, and broaden his/her view of the world. For instance, Shunhua, who is my best friend, often shares his experience about taekwondo. Through talking about the competition with other spoter? in the recent Hunan? (Do you mean 'the recent competition in Hunan'?I gradually come to like the sport because of his influence. Thus, we may be casual influence? (Do you mean 'causually influenced'?) by our friends. (Are you saying you can't be casually influenced by your teachers, share their resources, hear about their life experience..NOT AT ALL? Doesn't sound reasonable to me..unless you don't talk to your teachers at all..)

Although teachers can teach different knowledge (See my previous note about how 'teach knowledge' is not correct.) to their students and teach student how to study and live, even teach them how to face the difficulties in the future, students have definitely more influence from their friends because they spend more time studying and playing with their friends (Where did you talk about 'playing with friends' in your essay? Don't add new points in the conclusion paragraph. Your essay will appear unfinished.) and they can together face various matters in the game (What game?) or in the life.

总结:

那个说。。你真的需要看一些好的例文。。

语法 - 单复数,主谓语相配,词性,介词。。请认真地复习最基本的语法。国内学生定冠词the容易用不好我可以接受,但连a/an都乱用我就不知道怎么说了。。避免中式翻译,就算要中式翻译也起码把语法搞对,像teacher impossibility to pay attention(老师不可能注意),你要一个字一个字翻也不至于把 不可能 都翻成名词。。

词汇 - 不要随便用你不知道怎么用的难词(光知道中文意思不行,离会用还很远),不是所有的近义词都可以互相替换,平时多注意词语之间应该怎么搭配。。

逻辑 - (我觉得我都快变成祥林嫂了。。-.-) 开篇要明确地回答问题问你的东西,问你同意不同意就说同意,或者不同意,不要拐弯抹角地来一句 其实也不能说我不同意 。。注意题目的关键字,teacher-friends-influence,不要只顾着其中几个写(像第三段就做得比第二段好。。为什么,就因为你在第三段的结论句那里写回去到了influence这个字上而第二段没写回去。。)。。结尾段简单地总结重复你的主要论点就好了,不要提出文章里没提到过的东西。。

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