排队 energy 作文

sosodiuUID: 2731702

排队求改的作文。

The only effective way to encourage people to conserve energy is by improving the price of oil or electricity. Do you agree or disagree with the statement.



Energy, which is regarded as the blood of the industry and modern society, has always been in the limelight, however, apart from extolling its immeasurable contribution to the life and developing production, the concerns being accompanied also occur. Around these years, the world has witnessed the supply of this magic and beneficial thing seems already a little behind the pace of human beings' increasing demands and has put many countries in a risk place. Undoubtedly, encouraging people to conserve energy is on the way. The method for remission is absolutely not limited in enlarging the number of the bill of citizens who consume energy. This battle against the energy shortage calls for more practical action.


One effective way to instill people the consciousness of saving the energy emphasizes that the importance of education, that is to say, provide the folks directly with some educative forms such as open courses in communities. Crisis education always works well, reasoning that it is efficient and effective for people realize the necessaries to conserve energy for their own sake and offspring. For instance, the famous blackout in NY did cause a huge distortion and lose heavily, and it is safe to say, in other hand it may be the memorable lesson to set people think and reconsider the place energy stands in our lives. Although there is not much anecdotal evidence shows the reason of this series of disasters points to the energy shortage, people have to experience these supposing no actual measure will be taken for the global crisis.


Another effective method put an emphasis on expanding the market of energy efficient products, which can help the whole world to decrease its cost of energy dramatically. A car with a good gas mileage saves more oil, also applied to every household device. It is said that some energy efficient product can save more than 30 to 50 percentages the energy cost of an old one. Admittedly, the demands of people do not shorten in this way, but the real cost of energy does decreases.


We see our global handling the pressure everyday, and sometimes just take it for granted, without realizing that the eventual victims are our human beings. To avoid the inevitable catastrophe, maybe it is time for these final victims to stand up and twist the destiny. Pouring our consciousness and technology into the struggle in this battle, we will save not only ourselves but also our offspring.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

题目的用词很诡异，哪里有improve price这种说法的？improve的意思是提高，可是不是‘提+高’的意思啊。。=.= 到底有多少人用的题目本身是真题？

Energy, which is regarded as the blood of the industry and the modern society, has always been in the limelight. however, apart from extolling its immeasurable contribution to the life and developing production?, accompanying the concerns being accompanied also occur (Think about how you could cut unnecessary words. Read and re-read what you've written.). Around these years, the world has witnessed that the supply of this magic and beneficial thing (What 'thing'? Once you start to use such generic, vague words, you should know that you're not thinking clearly.) seems already a little behind the pace of human beings' increasing demands, and has put many countries in a risk place. Undoubtedly, encouraging people to conserve energy is on the way. The method for remission (of what?) is absolutely not limited in enlarging the number on? the bills of citizens who consume energy. This battle against the energy shortage calls for more practical action. (The question is asking whether you agree of disagree. So, do you agree, or disagree? You need to express your stand clearly, in the way your question asked for.)

One effective way to instill people with the consciousness of saving the energy emphasizes that the importance of education, that is to say, to provide the folks directly with some educative forms such as open courses in communities. Crisis education always works well, reasoning that it is efficient and effective for people to realize the necessity to conserve energy for their own sake and offsprings. For instance, the famous blackout in NY (Do NOT use local acronyms as if it's an international standard. Why must your reader know that NY = New York? For someone from the UK, it could well mean 'North Yorkshire'. I'm not sure which blackout you're referring to, because there are many big blackouts throughout that region, but if you're referring to 纽约市, NY alone doesn't mean the city, it means the STATE of New York, and the famous city known as the Big Apple is 'New York City'. Spell your acronym out, and if you need to refer to it frequently, put the acronym in a bracket, e.g. New York City (NYC)) did cause a huge distortion? and lose ('lose' what?) heavily, and it is safe to say, in other hand? (Do you mean 'on the other hand'?) it may be the a memorable lesson to set people to think and reconsider the place energy stands in our? (Why must people think about the place energy stands in 'our' lives? What do they have to do with us?) lives. Although there is not much anecdotal evidence showing the reason of this series of disasters points to the energy shortage, people have to experience these supposing no actual measure will be taken for the global crisis?. (I don't see how your reasoning goes. You said that education such as 'open courses in communities' is an effective way, then goes on to talk about the blackout. What does the blackout have to do with 'education' or 'courses in communites'? It becomes especially confusing by the time you say 'people have to experience these', because it's totally unclear what exactly your idea of 'education' is about - is it 'courses in communities', or actual disasters due to energy shortage? How are these related anyway? WHAT exactly is this 'education' you're talking about? Your reasoning simply keeps on drifting from one keyword to another without ever showing where a continuous line is drawn.)

Another effective method puts an emphasis on expanding the market of energy efficient products, which can help the whole world to decrease its cost of energy dramatically. A car with a good gas mileage saves more oil, also applied to every household device?. It is said that some energy efficient products can save more than 30 to 50 percentages of the energy cost of an old one. Admittedly, the demands of people do not shorten in this way, but the real cost of energy does decreases.

We see our global handling the pressure? everyday, and sometimes just take it (What?) for granted, without realizing that the eventual victims are our human beings. To avoid the inevitable catastrophe (Again, what? You're basically not making any sense because your main idea that all these phrases point to is not clear.), maybe it is time for these final victims to stand up and twist the destiny?. Pouring our consciousness and technology into the struggle in this battle, we will save not only ourselves but also our offsprings. (A conclusion is a place to summarize your main arguments and state your main opinion again, and for this question, I expect to see the word AGREE or DISAGREE. This final paragraph is not for you to appeal, to promote moral values, or to 升华.)

总结：

语法 - 你有些长句写得很好，有些却完全不知所云。请注意关联和分句的语法。

词汇 - 很多不知所云的表达。你似乎很喜欢比喻和借代。。但是请注意这些修辞手法要建立在你能把话先说明白的基础上。。=.=

逻辑 - 问题问的是你同不同意，你的文章至少要在开头正面回答这个问题一次，否则你写了半天读者还是在猜：看起来这是不同意的意思，是吗？不要让读者在最最主要的论点上都要这么猜你到底表达的是什么意思。另外，题目的关键字是effective，所以你的论述和每段的总结也要回到effective这个方面，而不是想到什么就顺着往下写写完了算，要以题目为指导方针。

sosodiuUID: 2731702

2# mpromanus

直指要害~~~

第二段那个例子我自己都很心虚~~
我逻辑一直很混乱，对于作文误区应该很多，我一直都只能写一句想一句，脑子里的例子存量极其稀少~
写作速度极其慢~
怎么办:dizzy:

mpromanusUID: 2565872

这个，你自己都很心虚的例子最好不要勉强自己写。。=.= 目标最好是在动手写作之前把自己要写的东西都想清楚。。

脑子里东西少，语言表达不够速度，要长期提高基本上只能靠练习+积累，本版有Saavedro斑竹关于提高语言表达的文，里面有很详细的练习方法。例子素材我其实推荐参考GRE版的资料。。总之就是既然你知道自己脑子里东西少，就要拓宽自己的素材面了，在看素材的过程中也就顺便积累了表达~