独立作文，求改，谢谢><

御风凌歆UID: 2738216

是TPO11的作文题目。Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information.Others think access to so much information creates problems.Which view do you agree with?





If you ask me what most significative invention of 20th century is, I will say ‘Internet’
without hesitation. While there are always debates about a new thing, Internet surely doesn’t make a difference. Majority people appreciate the valuable information Internet bring to us, some other consensuses indicate that it will cause problems. As far as I can see, I totally support the former, Internet is so serviceable that our life has been changed radically.


Firstly, through Internet, you can know almost everything. It’s convenient and fast. When I am confused by a proper none or some concepts, I can find out what their meaning is through Wiki; when I have a question, I always check it on Google, such incidents happens everyday, without Internet maybe I am still anxious. There is also a superb aspect about Internet is the existence of Internet Library. I can learn any subject of knowledge so long as I intend to, physics, biology, math, astronomy, anthropology and so on. It’s so easy to get all these, all I have to do is let my fingers do all the work.


Secondly, Internet helps us with our daily life. With the rise of on-line shopping, everything turns out to be expedite. My friend Eva is fond of shopping online, she buys clothes, food, articles of everyday use, furniture, books, CDs, makeup and many other stuff, gesus I even don’t’ know what she doesn’t buy online! However, it is indeed very convenient to shop online, we don’t have to go out to look around, we can just place an order online and wait for the products expressed to your home directly. You have to admit that our life have been changed a lot by Internet.


Thirdly, Internet enriches our spiritual life. I don’t doubt at all that you must know of blog, MSN and chat rooms. They are formed based on Internet and widely used by netizens all over the world. My sister Ann is a famous columnist of a blog website, her blog has over 10,000 hits per day. She also makes a lot of friends who are in the same camp with her by writing blog and chatting online. She said those net friends are her friends of life, I am so glad that she is benefit from Internet. In addition, many netizens download film, music and games from Internet, which help them obtain fun and colorful their spiritual life.


In brief, Internet has brought lots of advantages to us and enriched our life. I’m really appreciate that we are living in Network Times.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

If you ask me what the most significant invention of the 20th century is, I will say ‘the Internet’ without hesitation. While there are always debates about a new thing, the Internet surely doesn’t make a difference ('while' used in this manner usually means 'in spite of', and signifies a turn in logic that's similar to 'although', as in 'While cats and dogs are both animals, cats are not the same as dogs.' It's not suitable if you wish to express similarity.) Majority of people appreciate the valuable information the Internet brings to us, some other consensuses (If you have 'consensuses', then probably people don't really totally agree with each other, and that's not really a 'consensus'.) indicate that it (What? The Internet? The information?) will cause problems. As far as I can see, I totally support the former: the Internet is so serviceable that our life has been changed radically. (The question is asking you which view you agree with, and about 'valuable information' from the Internet. It's not asking you about the effects of the Internet has on our life.)

Firstly, through the Internet, you can know almost everything. It’s convenient and fast. When I am confused by a proper none? (Do you mean 'proper noun'?) or some concepts ('concepts' of what kind?), I can find out what their meanings is are through Wiki; when I have a question, I always check it (What? Do you check 'the question', or you check 'for the answer'?) on Google. such incidents happens everyday, and without the Internet maybe I am still anxious. There is also a superb aspect about the Internet that is the existence of Internet Library?. I can learn any subject of knowledge so long as I intend to. physics, biology, math, astronomy, anthropology and so on. It’s so easy to get all these. all I have to do is let my fingers do all the work. (Pay attention to sentence formation. Use conjunctions. Don't just throw phrases and sentences together into a grammartically wrong sentence.) (One of the question's keywords is 'valuable information'. You've only argued that a lot of information can be accessed through the Internet, but what about the 'valuable' part of the question? When you start elaborating on a point, think about how it relates BACK to the question, and whether all keywords have been properly addressed. You arguments need to cater to the question specifically and adequately.)

Secondly, the Internet helps us with our daily life. With the rise of on-line shopping, everything turns out to be expedite (This is a verb. Not a noun or adjective.). My friend Eva is fond of shopping online, she buys clothes, food, articles of everyday use, furniture, books, CDs, makeup and many other stuff, gesus? I even don’t’ know what she doesn’t buy online! (Again, this is a huge, incorrect sentence that consists of three sentences. Don't just keep writing sentences one after another.) However, it is indeed very convenient to shop online, as we don’t have to go out to look around, we can just place an order online and wait for the products expressed to your home directly. You have to admit that our life have been changed a lot by the Internet. (The question is whether the Internet indeed provides people with a lot of valuable information. It's not about how your life is changed by the Internet, or what you can do with the Internet, or what merits the Internet has.)

Thirdly, the Internet enriches our spiritual life. I don’t doubt at all that you must know of blogging, MSN (MicroSoft Network. In formal writings, non-standard acronyms need to be spelled out. Plus, MSN is only one collective brand for services from a particular provider. It's not a name of a generic form of service like 'blogs' or 'chat rooms'. Don't confuse brand names with generic names. I conclude that 1. by MSN you mean 'MSN Messenger' 2. the service you're trying to say is called 'instance messaging'.) and chat rooms. They are formed based on the Internet and widely used by netizens all over the world. My sister Ann is a famous columnist of a blog website, and her blog has over 10,000 hits per day. She also makes a lot of friends who are in the same camp with her by writing blogs and chatting online. She said those net friends are her friends of life, and I am so glad that she is benefits from the Internet. In addition, many netizens download films, music and games from the Internet, which help them obtain fun and colorful their spiritual life?. (If you've never heard of copyright laws before, I think this is the time to understand that 'downloading' itself can be a serious breach to the laws. ESPECIALLY IN THE USA. You'd be safer to say they '..download...from content providers THROUGH the Internet..'.)(Again, the question is NOT about what you can do with the Internet or how you would benefit from the Internet. You need to keep your arguments close to the exact question that you're expected to address.)

In brief, the Internet has brought lots of advantages to us and enriched our life. (Look at this sentence. Read your question. Think about where you went wrong.) I’m really appreciate that we are living in Network Times?. (This point about 'appreciation' doesn't appear in your essay. Don't mention new things in the conclusion. Just summarize your main arguments and clearly state your opinion again.)

总结：

语法 - 单复数和定冠词的使用请注意。。题目已经给了你the Internet。。=.= 另外就是复句中分句之间的连接要注意，不能只顾着一句一句往下写而完全忽略联结词。。

词汇 - 有一些语义不详的表达，而且请注意词性。

逻辑 - 从第二个分论点开始跑题。你可以单独把题目和结论段的第一句放在一起看看 - 长得完全不像的。。=.= 要随时注意题目希望你谈论的是什么话题，注意所有的关键字，而不是看到一个Internet就啊这个好说这个我有很多想法很多素材就不管题目到底是什么只顾着说Internet怎么样。。