tomatoo1,27writing

tomatooUID: 2754865

1.27 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

Arts and athletics are both a part of human being’s culture. Governments should support both of them. In my opinion, governments should spend more money and pay more attention about athletics according to the social situation these days.

At present, people would like to spend their own money to prompt the arts developing. That means governments could spend less money on it. Because after the material requirements are satisfied, people are more likely to persue the spiritual needs. Under this situation, people would like to spend more energies and money on arts. As we know, more and more people are interested in music, literature, film, sculpture, paintings and etc.. let us take the film as a exmaple, the film Avatar was a huge box office hit. This tells us two things: first, this kind of arts is really very flourishing; second, people are willing to spend money on it. So governments can spend less money on arts comparatively.

To the opposite, people are not doing very well in athletics.
They not only can not remmerring to do some excercises to keep healthy, but also do not want to spend money on it. On the one hand, more and more dilicious and attractive food make people can not help to eat excessive food. This leads many serious diseases like adiposity. On the other hand, people are always busy working hard to accommodate to the vertiginous envirnment. So they have no time and energy to care their health. In addition, most of people are under subhealth condition. But they do not want to improve the health condition because they always think that they are young and can hold their own untill they get old or fall ill. Under these circumstances, the government should advocate people to pay more attention to the health condition, and the financial surpport is definitely a very good way.

With that said, governments should shoudler the the responsibility to improve people’s health condition. One of the significant thing for governments to do is spending more money in support of athletics.

LRXSSUID: 2695903

Arts and athletics are both a part of human being’s culture. Governments should support both of them. In my opinion, governments should spend more money and pay more attention about athletics according to the social situation these days.

At present, people would like to spend their own money to prompt the arts developing. That means governments could spend less money on it. 这一句和前一句可合成一句 用which改为非限定定从 Because after the material requirements are satisfied, people are more likely to persue pursue the spiritual needs. Under this situation, people would like to spend more energies and money on arts. As we know, more and more people are interested in music, literature, film, sculpture, paintings and 去掉 etc.. let 大写us take the film as a exmaple, the film Avatar was a huge box office hit. This tells us two things: first, this kind of arts is really very flourishing; second, people are willing to spend money on it. So governments can spend less money on arts comparatively.
e. K  [/ R
To the opposite, people are not doing very well in athletics.
They not only can not remmerring to do some excercises to keep healthy, but also do not want to spend money on it. On the one hand, more and more dilicious and attractive food make people can not help to eat eating excessive food. This leads many serious diseases like adiposity. On the other hand, people are always busy working hard to accommodate to the vertiginous envirnment. So they have no time and energy to care 加about their health. In addition, most of people are under subhealth 形容词 condition. But they do not want to improve the health condition because they always think that they are young and can hold their own 用themselves untill they get old or fall ill. Under these circumstances, the government should advocate people to pay more attention to the health condition, and the financial surpport is definitely a very good way.7 I* `$ T1 \7 ^$ G$ G

With that what‘s said, governments should shoudler the the responsibility to improve people’s health condition. One of the significant thing for governments to do is spending more money in support of athletics.

tomatooUID: 2754865

remmeberring-remmeber
dilicious-delicious
under subhealth condition-under subhealth
hold one's own是固定表达哦

多谢LRXSS！

summerdingdavidUID: 2718039

我大致看了你的文章，发现你的文章的论点很清晰：政府已无需在已经很能自己解决生存问题的艺术上花钱，而应该在运动上。这个是你的文章的优点。
缺点，也是最大的缺点是：重复！在第二段反复说不要再政府花钱了，如果要重复表达一个意思可以用不同的表达方式比较好，比如：there is no point in governments' act to spend more money to xxxx/ xxx is the one field that deserve the Gs' more attention/ G should lay more emphasis on xxx
我这里抛砖引玉下哈。
还有，我看了下，你的more and more 用了很多次了，还是上面那个问题。
总体来说，很清晰的！

heqiang_1001UID: 2607349

1.27 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.9 [  Z, n6 K6 n8 N+ P

Arts and athletics are both a part (parts, 感觉both arts and athletics are parts of ……舒服一些)of human being’s culture. Governments should support both of them. In my opinion, governments should spend more money and pay more attention about athletics according to the social situation these days.（怎么先说应该支持两者，又说应该重点支持atheletics？可以先让步一下，说尽管art有什么好，但是……）

At present, people would like to spend their own money to prompt （on prompting）the arts developing(development). That means governments could spend less money on it. Because after( ?别扭) the material requirements（material needs） are satisfied, people are more likely to （prefer, be likely to 是“可能是”的意思）persue the spiritual needs. Under this situation, people would like to spend more energies（不可数） and money on arts. As we know, more and more people are interested in music, literature, film, sculpture, paintings and etc.. let us take（直接换成Taking吧，let us这种用法不够正式 ） the film as a exmaple, the film Avatar was a huge box office hit. This tells us two things: first, this kind of arts is really very flourishing; second, people are willing to spend money on it. So governments can spend less money on arts comparatively.  （我总觉得，政府投资艺术和百姓自己花钱欣赏艺术不是一回事吧？）   0 {/ T  ]0 O* u+ E9 D, G% w$ c- v
' O- s& `% |: u; X! G* R
To（On？不太确定，但是肯定不是to） the opposite, people are not doing very well in athletics. They not only can not(?they can not only……) remmerring to do some excercises to keep healthy, but also do not want to spend money on it.（很别扭，你想说什么？） On the one hand, more and more dilicious and attractive food make people can not help to eat excessive food. This（可以把this 改成which 后面就是一个非限定性定语从句了） leads many serious diseases like adiposity. On the other hand, people are always busy working hard to accommodate to the vertiginous envirnment. So they have no time and energy to care their health. In addition, most of people are under subhealth condition. But they do not want to improve the health condition because they always think that they are young and can hold their own untill they get old or fall ill. Under these circumstances, the government should advocate people to pay more attention to the health condition, and the financial surpport is definitely a very good way.: {6 b* N! |5 I4 Y

With that said（？这个用法?）, governments should shoudler the the responsibility to improve people’s health condition. One of the significant thing for governments to do is spending more money in support of athletics.

语言：部分词和用法稍显生硬，读着不是很流利。句子太简单了，一个从句都没有啊。
内容：第三段讲了很多人们不重视运动，但关于政府应该怎么做完全没提，或者政府投资钱之后的结果，是否能够改善你前面说的那些不足，这些细节和结果才是重点恩，都么有写。
我说的有点严，见谅。我不知道你什么时候考，如果有精力，去背一些段落吧，会有好处的~~加油！

tomatooUID: 2754865

4# summerdingdavid
太感谢你的宝贵意见了！
同义改写，句式多样化！！

tomatooUID: 2754865

5# heqiang_1001
严，才会进步！
感激中……
我3月6号考
我要去背段子！
Thanks again!!

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Arts and athletics are both a parts of human being’s culture. Governments should support both of them. In my opinion, governments should spend more money and pay more attention about to athletics according to the social situations these days.

At present, people would like to spend their own money to prompt the arts development of arts. That means governments could spend less money on it. Because after the material requirements? (What are 'material requirements' anyway? If you use 'the', you need to be specific, and I suppose you mean 'material needs'.) are satisfied, people are more likely to persue the spiritual needs. Under this situation, people would like to spend more energy and money on arts. As we know, more and more people are interested in music, literature, films, sculptures, paintings and etc.. Let us take the films as a exmaple: the film Avatar was a huge box office hit. (Keep in mind that conjunctions are needed when you try to put sentences together to form one larger sentence.) This tells us two things: first, this kind of arts is really very flourishing; second, people are willing to spend money on it. So governments can spend less money on arts comparatively. (This point is well argued, but, even though government can spend less money on arts, it doesn't mean they'll spend more on athletics. They can spend more money on anything that's not arts. Your question contains two keywords - arts and athletics - for comparison, therefore you need to keep both in sight. It's not enough to argue from one single keyword's perspectives. Without athletics in the picutre, this point is not a complete, valid argument that's able to address the full question.)

On the opposite, people are not doing very well in athletics. They not only they cannot remmerring? to do some excercises to keep healthy, but also they do not want to spend money on it. On the one hand, more and more delicious and attractive food make (Again, I see this very awkward use of 'make'. If you make someone do something, it means you force him. Use more human, active sentences like 'food is getting more and more delicious and attractive, therefore people cannot help but eat excess..') people can not help but eat excessively food. This leads to many serious diseases like adiposity (This is the medical term for 'fat', and 'adipose' is a generic term for 'animal fat'. The standard term for 'being too fat' is 'obesity'.). On the other hand, people are always busy, working hard to accommodate to (This doesn't mean 'adapt'.) the vertiginous environment. So they have no time and energy to care for their health. In addition, most of people are under subhealth condition? (Did you just try to translate 亚健康?). But they do not want to improve their health condition because they always think that they are young and can hold their own untill they get old or fall ill. Under these circumstances, the government should advocate people to pay more attention to the health condition, and the financial surpport is definitely a very good way. (This part of your logic doesn't stand either. People need athletics, yes, because they're not very healthy, but that doesn't mean people don't need the arts, or they need the arts less than they need athletics. As I've said, the question has two keywords, and you need to keep both in mind constantly. Arguing from one single keyword's perspective doesn't address the question adequately enough.)

With that said, governments should shoudler the the responsibility to improve people’s health condition. One of the significant things for governments to do is spending more money in support of athletics.

总结：

语法和词汇还好，没有非常严重的问题，注意一下联结和拼写。。

逻辑方面，其实你的想法都很好，例子也举得不错，但由于问题是比较性的，所以你的论述也应该以比较性的方式展开，而不是一段光写艺术，一段光写体育。这样子给人留下的反驳空间太多了。另外一个问题就是，题目给了一个such as state-sponsored Olympic teams，你有没有想过为什么？这个特别指出的存在说明这个问题里的athletics并不仅仅是全民运动提倡健身那种体育，而是包括代表国家行为的职业体育，这个范围就更加广了，论述的时候就更需要功力。所以题目的潜台词要特别地注意。

tomatooUID: 2754865

8# mpromanus
非常感谢mpromanus!
改得非常仔细！
对的，比较类的题要多比较
不能各说各的
改进！