寄托天下
查看: 1237|回复: 3
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[未归类] tomatoo1,28writing [复制链接]

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
12
寄托币
439
注册时间
2010-1-26
精华
0
帖子
2
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2010-1-29 04:52:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
1.28 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important for families to regularly eat their meals together.

I agree with the statement that usually having meals with family members really means too much to everybody. People are always so busy with their working and studing that they have no much time for spending with their families. So often eating at home with families is absolutely good for promoting happy and harmonious familiy.

First of all, if we were children, we will be looking forward to spend more time with our parents and grandparents. Because we want to talk with them about our studies, ideas, dreams, future and so on, and then get some suggestions from them. We also have so many questions and dilemma to ask them for some help. Familiy members are always the first choice to ask for because they are our nearest and dearest. However, the adults are always focus on their jobs during the working time so that children have few oppotunites to get together with adults. The children’s most expectant time is the dinner hour when they could spend with families. children really need to communicate with adults. With more communication between children and parents, the children will grow up more healthily and happily. So the adults really need to eat at home with families as possible as they can.

Secondly, if we were the parents, I mean the middle generation, we also want to have more chances to have dinner with our children and our parents. We are under too much strain these days, so we really need to relax ourselves. But how to relax? The best way is to spend more time with our families, because they could make us feel comfortable easily. For example, when we come back home from office everyday, our children always give us a sweet kiss after I open the door. The table is always full of our favorite food which are cooked by our elder parents, etc.. All of these can help me feel light-hearted and happy. That is why the dinner time with families is so attactive and important.

Finally, if we were the grandparents, we will intensely desire the dinner time. Because we always feel lonely, especialy those whose lose their spouses. We just want to spend more time with those children and the grandchildren. In many areas, we can not keep up with the times, but the only thing we are confident is that we can cook the delicious food for the children. Meanwhile, we need more care from the children too. We hope that they could pay more attention to us which can make us feel much better. But the fact is middle generation are not live together with the elder generation, the elder generation can only expect to have dinner with the children to increase the times they get together. So I will never emphasize the importance of dinner time enough.

Regardless of how old you are, what you do,where you are, please eat with families as possibe as you can.
0 0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
0
寄托币
473
注册时间
2008-10-26
精华
0
帖子
1
沙发
发表于 2010-1-29 16:48:32 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 lxg198607 于 2010-1-29 16:53 编辑

I agree with the statement that usually having meals with family members really means too much to everybody. People are always so busy with their working and studing that they have no much time for spending (直接用spent应该跟方便吧。。)with their families. So often eating at home with families is absolutely good for promoting happy and harmonious familiy.: ^4 Y2 A) X) `
$ s3 p* h4 M* Y! x6 u5 }* K
First of all, if we were children, we will be (是不是要用虚拟语态,我对语法也不太熟悉,你最好查一下书)looking forward to spend more time with our parents and grandparents. Because we want to talk with them about our studies, ideas, dreams, future and so on, and then get some suggestions from them. We also have so many questions and dilemma to ask them for some help. Familiy members are always the first choice to ask for because they are our nearest and dearest. However, the adults are always focus on their jobs during the working time so that children have few oppotunites to get together with adults. The children’s most expectant time is the dinner hour when they could spend with families. children really need to communicate with adults. With more communication between children and parents, the children will grow up more healthily and happily. So the adults really need to eat at home with families as possible as they can.

w; t- X  \" `* W
Secondly, if we were the parents, I mean the middle generation, we also want to have more chances to have dinner with our children and our parents. We are under too much strain these days, so we really need to relax ourselves. But how to relax? The best way is to spend more time with our families, because they could make us feel comfortable easily. For example, when we come back home from office everyday, our children always give us a sweet kiss after I open the door. The table is always full of our favorite food (这句给我感觉不太对,像是食物充满了桌子,而不是你想要表达的桌子上全都是iwo喜爱的食物)which are cooked by our elder (这可去掉吧,家长肯定比我们年长啊。嘿嘿)parents, etc.. All of these can help me feel light-hearted and happy. That is why the dinner time with families is so attactive and important.

Finally, if we were the grandparents, we will intensely desire the dinner time. Because we always feel lonely, especialy those whose lose their spouses. We just want to spend more time with those children and the grandchildren. In many areas, we can not keep up with the times, but the only thing we are confident (这后面应该介词吧,改sure不知怎样)is that we can cook the delicious food for the children. Meanwhile, we need more care from the children too. We hope that they could pay more attention(s) to us which can make us feel much better. But the fact is middle generation(不知道有没有这用法) are not live together with the elder generation, the elder generation can only expect to have dinner with the children to increase the times they get together. So I will never emphasize the importance of dinner time enough.
Regardless of how old you are, what you do,where you are, please eat with families as possibe as you can.
suggestions: 全文写的很不错,例子丰富,句式多样,基本找不出什么语法错误。
mlgb,    i am tortured by  ibt

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
3
寄托币
1338
注册时间
2006-12-8
精华
0
帖子
2
板凳
发表于 2010-1-29 19:16:15 |只看该作者
1.28 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important for families to regularly eat their meals together.

I agree with the statement that usually having meals with family members really means too much to everybody. People are always so busy with their working and studing that they have no much time for spending with their families. So often eating at home with families is absolutely good for promoting happy and harmonious familiy. (开头表达主旨鲜明,我喜欢)

First of all, if we were (still) children, we will (would) be looking forward to spend more time with our parents and grandparents. Because we want to talk with them about our studies, ideas, dreams, future and so on, and then get some suggestions from them. We also have so many questions and dilemma to ask them for some help. Familiy members are always the first choice to ask for because they are our nearest (closest) and dearest. However, the adults are always focus on their jobs during the working time so that children have few oppotunites to get together with adults (them). The children’s most expectant time is the dinner hour when they could spend with families. children really need to communicate with adults (此句开头的children与前句开头的children有点重复了,不妨把这句改写一下). With more communication between children and parents, the children will grow up more healthily and happily. So the adults really need to eat at home with families as possible as they can. (句式显得有点单一,有些句子可以改写一下,有些前后两句主语都是一样的,这样就给人一种重复的感觉)

Secondly, if we were the parents, I mean the middle generation, we also want to have more chances to have dinner with our children and our parents. We are under too much strain these days, so we really need to relax ourselves. But how to relax? The best way is to spend more time with our families, because they could make us feel comfortable easily. For example, when we come back home from office everyday, our children always give us a sweet kiss after I (前后指代不一致,we) open the door. The table is always full of our favorite food which are cooked by our elder parents, etc.. All of these can help me feel light-hearted and happy. That is why the dinner time with families is so attactive and important.

Finally, if we were the grandparents, we will intensely desire the dinner time. Because we always feel lonely, especialy those whose lose their spouses. We just want to spend more time with those children and the grandchildren. In many areas, we can not keep up with the times, but the only thing we are confident is that we can cook the delicious food for the children. Meanwhile, we need more care from the children too. We hope that they could pay more attention to us which can make us feel much better. But the fact is middle generation are not live together with the elder generation, the elder generation can only expect to have dinner with the children to increase the times they get together. So I will never emphasize the importance of dinner time enough.

Regardless of how old you are, what you do,where you are, please eat with families as possibe as you can.

结构很新颖,能站在三个不同家庭角色的角度上陈述问题,开头主旨鲜明,不错!只是感觉语言表达稍微单一,特别是句式,还有有些意思表达冗赘,感觉稍微简洁一些好!加油!

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
12
寄托币
439
注册时间
2010-1-26
精华
0
帖子
2
地板
发表于 2010-1-30 12:33:10 |只看该作者
要用虚拟语气,if we were the children, we would
桌上放满食物用:The table groaned with food. or  The table spread with food.
加强句式多样性!
我负责努力赚钱,也负责美丽妖娆。

使用道具 举报

RE: tomatoo1,28writing [修改]

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
tomatoo1,28writing
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1055443-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
回顶部