独立作文修改1.31

carriexuUID: 2559756

Do you agree disagree with the follwing statement?Teachers should be paid at least as much as doctors,lawyers or business leaders are paid.
In our society, doctors,lawyers,and business leaders are always considerd rich people.However,when we talk about teachers,we never relate them to rich people.In some parts of my country, some teachers’ salaries are hard to support their own families.In my opinion,teachers should be paid relatively high salaries,even not as much as doctors, lawyers or business leaders are paid.
Some people may argue that doctors earn high salaries because they spend a lot of energy saving people’s lives,that the lawyers make more money because they help people defense their rights and that the business leaders play an important role in improving a country’s economic.But teachers just help children learn reading,writing,drawing and so on.Their donations to the whole society are less important than donations made by doctors,lawyers and businessman.However, from my prospective,education is the foundation of a country.And meanwhile the education depends on the teachers’ efforts.They bring knowledge and wisdom to the whole sociey and to people in various positions.I can’t imagine a world without teachers.Doctors don’t know how to give patients surgeries and businessmen can’t find a good way to enlarge their wealth.So we shouldn’t ignore the value of teachers’ work and be thankful to their donations to the whole humanity.In order to show our respect for their donations,we’d better promote their income.
Furthermore,teachers also play an important role in maintaining social stability because they can help
children foster a correct value on the world and life.They can offer childern help when they suffered from metal problems or trapped in some troubles.Furthermore,they can stop children committing crime when they notice the children’s unusual behaviors.According to a recent survey from the newspaper,we can find that the crime rate of children who receive education at school is greatly lower than children who drop out of school.
The last but not least,some teachers’ achievements improve the development of the whloe society.Take a famous agricultural professor’s achievement as example.Mr Guan has donated all his life on improving the seed of the rice.He created a kind of rice,which can provide more food than original one.His achievement
solved a big problem in our country and helped more people get rid of stravation.Furthermore,his students are also expert in agriculture and make a lot of achievements in recent years.
To sum up,im my opinion,teachers are essential part in the society.It is necessary to improve their working conditions and increasing their salaries,which make them feel respected from the sociey.They can work with hard and soul.

arlenezxyUID: 2487145

In our society, doctors,lawyers,and business leaders are always considerd （as)rich people.However,when we talk about teachers,we never relate them to rich people.In some parts of my country, some teachers’ salaries are hard to support their own families.In my opinion,teachers should be paid relatively high salaries,even not as much as doctors, lawyers or business leaders are paid.5 |6 h. r. R6 }! E
Some people may argue that doctors earn high salaries because they spend a lot of energy saving people’s lives,that the lawyers make more money because they help people defense their rights and that the business leaders play an important role in improving a country’s economic.(这个长句有点费劲，是否可以这样改：some people may argue that doctor,lawyer and businessman earn more for reasons, as doctors save people's life, lawyers help to defend people's right and business leaders contribute to the economic development.)But teachers just help children learn reading,writing,drawing and so on.Their donations to the whole society are less important than donations made by doctors,lawyers and businessman.However, from my prospective,education is the foundation of a country.And meanwhile the education depends on the teachers’ efforts.They bring knowledge and wisdom to the whole sociey and to people in various positions.I can’t imagine a world without teachers.Doctors don’t know how to give patients surgeries and businessmen can’t find a good way to enlarge their wealth.（ti will be better to connect those two sentences with conjunctions)So we shouldn’t ignore the value of teachers’ work and be thankful to their donations to the whole humanity(注意你前面用的是shouldn't).In order to show our respect for their donations,we’d better promote their income., g- {& I" ?9 V5 `/ }: H* K. h6 m: {


Furthermore,teachers also play an important role in maintaining social stability because they can help
children foster a correct value on the world and life.They can offer childern help when they suffered from metal （mental吧）problems or trapped in some troubles.Furthermore,they can stop children committing crime when they notice the children’s unusual behaviors.According to a recent survey from the newspaper,we can find that the crime rate of children who receive education at school is greatly lower than children who drop out of school（good example).

The last but not least,some teachers’ achievements improve the development of the whloe society.Take a famous agricultural professor’s achievement as example.Mr Guan has donated all his life on improving the seed of the rice.He created a kind of rice,which can provide more food than original one.His achievement
solved a big problem in our country and helped more people get rid of stravation.Furthermore,his students are also expert in agriculture and make a lot of achievements in recent years(感觉他的成就是作为科学家的成就而不是老师的，不过你最后一句补得挺好不至于完全偏题）.
To sum up,im my opinion,teachers are essential part in the society.It is necessary to improve their working conditions and increasing their salaries,which make them feel respected from the sociey.They can work with hard and soul. ( work hardly with their soul)


文章结构清晰，例子比较好。不过驾驭长句的能力还需加强。第二段可以把最后一句提到最前面，或者开头另加个总起的主体句会更好。

carriexuUID: 2559756

谢谢你的修改
其实倒数第二段就是凑数，最后怕跑题加了那么一句
最后的一句的with heart and soul 是一个固定搭配 全心全意，我给打成hard了

eddie23508okUID: 2281260

独立作文修改1.31

Do you agree disagree with the follwing statement?Teachers should be paid at least as much as doctors,lawyers or business leaders are paid. In our society, doctors,lawyers,and business leaders are always considerd rich people (这句的意思不是很懂). However,when we talk about teachers,we never relate them to rich people. In some parts of my country, some teachers’ salaries are hard to support their own families. In my opinion,teachers should be paid relatively high (higher) salaries,even not as much as doctors, lawyers or business leaders are paid. Some people may argue that doctors earn high salaries because they spend a lot of energy saving people’s lives, that the lawyers make more money because they help people defense their rights and that the business leaders play an important role in improving a country’s economic (economy). But teachers just help children learn reading,writing,drawing and so on.Their donations to the whole society are less important than donations made by doctors,lawyers and businessman (相反，我觉得老师的贡献也是很大的，只不过跟其他人不一样而已。鉴于接下来的陈述，觉得这句话应该删去). However, from my prospective, education is the foundation of a country. And meanwhile the education depends on the teachers’ efforts.They bring knowledge and wisdom to the whole sociey and to people in various positions. I can’t imagine a world without teachers. Doctors don’t know how to give patients surgeries and businessmen can’t find a good way to enlarge their wealth. So we shouldn’t ignore the value of teachers’ work and be thankful to their donations to the whole humanity. In order to show our respect for their donations, we’d better promote their income. Furthermore,teachers also play an important role in maintaining social stability because they can help children foster a correct value on the world and life.They can offer childern help when they suffered from metal (mental) problems or trapped in some troubles. Furthermore,they can stop children committing crime when they notice the children’s unusual behaviors. According to a recent survey from the newspaper, we can find that the crime rate of children who receive education at school is greatly lower than children who drop out of school. The last but not least, some teachers’ achievements improve the development of the whloe (whole) society.Take a famous agricultural professor’s achievement as example.Mr Guan has donated all his life on improving the seed of the rice. He created a kind of rice,which can provide more food than original one. His achievement solved a big problem in our country and helped more people get rid of stravation. Furthermore,his students are also expert in agriculture and make a lot of achievements in recent years. To sum up,im my opinion,teachers are essential part in the society.It is necessary to improve their working conditions and increasing their salaries,which make them feel respected from the sociey.They can work with hard and soul. 开头结尾不错，开头点名主题，结尾回应主题。不过个人感觉中间三段论述实际上并没有在不同方面进行论述，而是围绕着一个问题用三段不同的句子来陈述同样的内容，并没有分开方向进行陈述，我觉得是不是可以这样进行分项陈述：1.教师的作用是很明显的，也是很重要的；2. 中国很多教师仍然生活很困难，待遇迫切需要提高；3. 除了提高工资以外还可以给教师很多优惠政策，这样教师才能更好地进行工作。 另外建议：在贴上来之前不妨把文章放到word里面自己先改一下文法错误，还有就是标点符号后面打上一个空格。