2.4 作文-slimh 求修改~

slimhUID: 2438517

2.4 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology makes people’s lives simpler in turn to make people’s lives more complicated.

Since the first Industry revolution of 18th century, technology was developed in a rapid way, and nowadays we can easily find that we are living in a high technology environment. It is also undeniable technology brought some negative effects to people's lives, however, people's lives are getting simpler under the development of the technology. Here are several evidences I’d like to introduce.

New York is known as a famous metropolitan city with enormous tall buildings, the empire building is one of the famous tall buildings in New York City. Just imagine there is no elevator in the empire building, people may spend several hours to climb to the top floor. Or some of them may give up at the middle stairs with the lack of the energy. Obviously, the technology of the equipment called elevator brought people benefits. Firstly, for example, it saves time. People only need a few seconds from the first floor to the top floor. Secondly, it not only helps people who can only move with wheelchairs go to the top floor by themselves but also gives conveniences people with heavy stuffs. With these apparent results it is clear that technology makes people's lives simpler.

If the elevator represents technology of industry, online service system could be a representative in information technology. People use internet e-mail system to send greetings and news to their friends in foreign country. They don't need papers and pens , they don't need to walk to the post office to send mails. They just need to type on a computer and click the "send" button.
People use internet online payment system to pay their telephone bills, not like the old days, after 30 minutes or even an hour's waiting only for paying the bills at Telecom Company. People use internet online search system to get newest information whatever they want without going to the library. These advantages we've taken from the information technology directly prove that our lives are getting simpler with it.

In conclusion, technology not only brings people benefits and conveniences but also makes people's lives simpler. It may sometimes cause complicated accident, but definitely the positive effects could cover its' negative side. And I strongly believe that with the development of the technology, life will be getting better and simpler.

lxg198607UID: 2564115

Since the first Industry revolution of 18th century, technology was developed in a rapid way, and nowadays we can easily find that we are living in a high technology environment. It is also undeniable technology brought some negative effects to （用on是否好些）people's lives, however, people's lives are getting simpler under the development of the technology. Here are several evidences I’d like to introduce.

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New York is known as a famous metropolitan city with enormous tall buildings, the empire building （帝国大厦是这样翻译的吗好像当中要加个state）is one of the famous tall buildings in New York City. Just imagine there is no elevator in the empire building, people may spend several hours (spend 后面加on或in+动名词形式)to climb to the top floor. Or some of them may give up at the middle stairs with the lack of the energy. Obviously, the technology of the equipment called elevator brought people benefits. Firstly, for example, it saves time. People only need a few seconds from the first floor to the top floor. Secondly, it not only helps people who can only move with wheelchairs go to the top floor by themselves but also gives conveniences（to） people with heavy stuffs. With these apparent results it is clear that technology makes people's lives simpler.

If the elevator represents technology of industry, online service system could be a representative in information technology. People use internet e-mail system to send greetings and news to their friends in foreign country. They don't need papers and pens , they don't need to walk to the post office to send mails. They just need to type on a computer and click the "send" button." I) @6 `, T/ Q
People use internet online payment system to pay their telephone bills, not like the old days, after 30 minutes or even an hour's waiting only for paying the bills at Telecom Company. 这句话语法有错People use internet online search system to get newest information whatever they want without going to the library. These advantages we've taken from the information technology directly prove that our lives are getting simpler with it.; a( ~. \4 U" t- _/ A- M


In conclusion, technology not only brings people benefits and conveniences but also makes people's lives simpler. It may sometimes cause complicated accident, but definitely the positive effects could cover(用这词感觉不妥，用outweigh) its' negative side. And I strongly believe that with the development of the technology, life will be getting better and simpler.
文章主题明确 ，例子很多，也很不错，还有少量的语法错误，anyway ,good job加油。。

mangohahaUID: 2758178

2.4 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology makes people’s lives simpler in turn to make people’s lives more complicated. # Q! Y# T3 g4 v' {1 j
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Since the first Industry revolution of 18th century, technology was developed in a rapid way, and nowadays we can easily find that we are living in a high technology environment. It is also undeniable technology brought some negative effects to people's lives, however, people's lives are getting simpler under the development of the technology. Here are several evidences I’d like to introduce（首段没什么问题，提出主题——科技进步是生活变得简单）.4 O" S' I+ A5 N3 J, [! w; ~
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New York is known as a famous metropolitan city with enormous tall buildings, the empire building（感觉这类专属名词是不是要大写，差了一下 Empire State Building） is one of the famous tall buildings in New York City. Just imagine there is no elevator in the empire building, people may spend several hours to climb to the top floor. Or some of them may give up at the middle stairs with the lack of the energy. Obviously, the technology of the equipment called elevator brought people benefits. Firstly, for example, it saves time. People only need a few seconds from the first floor to the top floor. Secondly, it not only helps people who can only move with wheelchairs go to the top floor by themselves but also gives conveniences people with heavy stuffs. With these apparent results it is clear that technology makes people's lives simpler（感觉上本段都是再说电梯的例子，这个例子。。。如果可以的话，说的简洁一些吧，感觉起来也会更有力！ 而且最好点一下，电梯这样的科技产品的产生，恰恰代表着科技进步的成果）.! k& a) Q7 p9 Z5 Q* @( Q4 L
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If the elevator represents technology of industry（这个过渡很好，不仅起到承上启下的作用，更能更好的区分本来论点相近的两段）, online service system could be a representative in information technology. People use internet e-mail system to send greetings and news to their friends in foreign country. They don't need papers and pens , they don't need to walk to the post office to send mails. They just need to type on a computer and click the "send" button（说明科技在IT领域带来的便利，没什么问题，.+ T. {; e2 b$ ?/ ^, Q
People use internet online payment system to pay their telephone bills, not like the old days, after 30 minutes or even an hour's waiting only for paying the bills at Telecom Company. People use internet online search system to get newest information whatever they want without going to the library. These advantages we've taken from the information technology directly prove that our lives are getting simpler with it（这段写的是没有Internet时的不便，感觉这段仅是为敌3段服务的，没办法和全文相融合，这样还不如和上一段写成一段，可是写成一段又太长。。。）.

In conclusion, technology not only brings people benefits and conveniences but also makes people's lives simpler. It may sometimes cause complicated accident, but definitely the positive effects could cover its' negative side. And I strongly believe that with the development of the technology, life will be getting better and simpler.
3，4 段说的是同样的内容么，那么久没必要分段了。
第二段不是很好^_^ 给人感觉语言罗嗦了些，感觉要是把一个例子延伸成一段需要很高的写作要求，不推荐。
第三段和第四段合成一段吧，建议，同时加上一段专门说明，没有科技人类的不便。。。
语言方面由于自身能力缺陷，不敢轻易给你改。。。O(∩_∩)O哈哈~请谅解
加油。。。

mangohahaUID: 2758178

如有哪里说的不对的地方，敬请原谅O(∩_∩)O哈哈~ 加油。。。

slimhUID: 2438517

如有哪里说的不对的地方，敬请原谅O(∩_∩)O哈哈~ 加油。。。
mangohaha 发表于 2010-2-5 14:59

不会啊~谢谢你们中肯的评价，不然我怎么进步啊~哈哈。。