2.7 作文求修改 slimh

slimhUID: 2438517

Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?

There is a famous quote, which I enjoy every much, from Toni Morrison's "Beloved": Definitions belong to the definers and not the defined". And I always encourage myself, every time I fail to do something, as long as keep optimistic mind, failure might turn to success. Because I define the failure is another way to success. Therefore, I am highly agreed that it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail.

Different people pursue different dreams, everyone dreams to get success. However, the way to the success always filled with difficulties that there is no wonder if a person get failed. Therefore, it is important to remain happy and optimistic mind to keep going on. Last year in China, a vice professor's suicide news became social hot issue. The man came back to China after got his computer PH.D degree from one of the famous university in U.S. Obviously, his life in china was not as well as he expected. Although he got a job in a university, his wife could not get satisfied job, he cannot buy an apartment or pay mortgage with his salary. When he heard the news he failed to get promotion He was very depressed and suicide himself the next day. Surely, his suicide news was a tragedy to the whole society, and also explains that to remain happy and optimistic to face the failure is important. I think a person's life is valuable than anything, and there is no comparison of a person's life to success. So, it is important to remain happy and optimistic when one fails.

What's more, optimistic attitude to face the failure not only keeps people living in a mentally healthy life, but also brings people self-motivation. It is said that there is a will, there is a way.Optimistic attitude makes people to believe there is a hope which people normally get motivated by, and try again even get failed for the first time. For Instance, when I was a high school student, mathematic was my weak subject. As long as i want to apply for the university, I should have to take the mathematic exam. And my parents were always supported me that if I failed to apply for the first time, just try again at the next year, just remain optimistic mind and study hard. So, I spent more time on mathematics every day, paid more energy on it. Finally, I passed the exam and got an offer.

In conclusion, I think it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail than success. That is because, with the optimistic attitude, you will never afraid the failure on the way to the success.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?


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There is a famous quote, which I enjoy every(very) much, from Toni Morrison's "Beloved": Definitions belong to the definers and not the defined". And(逻辑连接有点不对) I always encourage myself, every time I fail to do something, as long as（要加一个主语吧？！） keep （+ an）optimistic mind, failure might turn to (be)success. Because I define the failure is(as) another way to success. Therefore, I am highly agreed(ed?) that it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail.* f) _%

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Different people pursue different dreams,(加个连接词，while) everyone dreams to get success. However, the way to the(省略) success （is）always filled with difficulties that there is no wonder if a person get failed.(有点问题) Therefore, it is important to remain happy and optimistic mind to keep going on. Last year in China, a vice professor's suicide news became social hot issue. The man came back to China after got his computer PH.D degree from one of the（直接用a就行了） famous university in U.S. Obviously（此处应该表转折吧）, his life in china was not as well as he expected. Although he got a job in a university, his wife could not get satisfied job, he cannot buy an apartment or pay mortgage with his salary. When he heard the news he failed to get promotion He was very depressed and suicide himself the next day. Surely, his suicide news was a tragedy to the whole society, and also explains that to remain happy and optimistic to face the failure is important. I think a person's life is valuable than anything, and there is no comparison of a person's life to success. So, it is important to remain happy and optimistic when one fails.【第三句的therefor应该放到例子之后吧。例子可以再精炼一些，然后写出他如果怎样就不会有杯具，从而得出你的观点。】

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What's more, （an）optimistic attitude to face the failure(主语有点不对) not only keeps people living in a mentally healthy life, but also brings people self-motivation. It is said that there is a will, there is a way.Optimistic attitude makes people to believe there is a hope which people normally get motivated by（from）, and try again even get failed for the first time（and连接的两个句子主语不同，不能这么连接）. For Instance, when I was a high school student, mathematic was my weak subject. As long as i want to apply for the university, I should have to take the mathematic exam. And my parents were always supported me that if I failed to apply for the first time, just try again at the next year, just remain optimistic mind and study hard. So, I spent more time on mathematics every day, paid more energy on it. Finally, I passed the exam and got an offer.

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In conclusion, I think it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail than success. That is because, with the optimistic attitude, you will never afraid the failure on the way to the success.

我的语法不大好，有些句子读着感觉有点问题，呃，我也不能很准确的改出来，只是指出来给你再斟酌一下。如果不确定的时候，最好换个说法，避免错误，这样最保险！
文章里的两个例子，没有很大的新意，比较平淡，语句应该再通顺些，才能自圆其说。说实话，我觉得这篇文章的例子不是很好列举，至少我想了很久也没想出特别合适的。
注意连接词的使用，要准确！
有何看法，欢迎和我讨论。

slimhUID: 2438517

恩，谢谢修正。。
我也觉得这个主题憋的我很难受，而且还超时很多很多。。
烦啊。。

bigmasterUID: 2697733

3# slimh

There is a famous quote(是动词吧？), which I enjoy every much, from Toni Morrison's "Beloved": Definitions belong to the definers and not the defined". And I always encourage myself, every time I fail to do something, as long as keep optimistic mind, failure might turn to success.（感觉是中国式英语） Because I define the failure is another way to success. Therefore, I am highly agreed that it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail.


Different people pursue different dreams, everyone dreams to get success. However, the way to the success always filled with difficulties that there is no wonder if a person get failed（？）. Therefore, it is important to remain happy and optimistic mind to keep going on. Last year in China, a vice professor's suicide news became social hot issue. The man came back to China after got his computer PH.D degree from one of the famous university in U.S. Obviously, his life in china was not as well as he expected. Although he got a job in a university, his wife could not get satisfied job, he cannot buy an apartment or pay mortgage with his salary. When he heard the news he failed to get promotion He was very depressed and suicide himself the next day. Surely, his suicide news was a tragedy to the whole society, and also explains that to remain happy and optimistic to face the failure is important. I think a person's life is valuable than anything, and there is no comparison of a person's life to success. So, it is important to remain happy and optimistic when one fails.（这个例子挺好，但是建议从这个副教授心里承受能力差、对待失败的态度，或者应该怎么做上分析；建议叙述例子，尽量简单，而结合论点多分析例子）. V5（） c9 J2 Z5 S, U

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What's more, optimistic attitude to face the failure not only keeps people living in a mentally healthy life, but also brings people self-motivation（这个句子不错）. It is said that there is a will, there is a way（赞！）.Optimistic attitude makes people to believe there is a hope which people normally get motivated by, and try again even get failed for the first time. For Instance, when I was a high school student, mathematic was my weak subject. As long as i want to apply for the university, I should have to take the mathematic exam. And my parents were always supported me that if I failed to apply for the first time, just try again at the next year, just remain optimistic mind and study hard. So, I spent more time on mathematics every day, paid more energy on it. Finally, I passed the exam and got an offer. （前半段很不错！例子不太恰当，还是建议多切题，让人感觉是父母的帮助和自己的努力让你通过了考试，而不是乐观的态度。）

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In conclusion, I think it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail than success. That is because, with the optimistic attitude, you will never afraid the failure on the way to the success.（结尾简洁，不错！）


就全文来看，建议作者多注意语法，尤其是长句的语法和例子的分析。
水平有限，仅供参考。