2.15-作文求改-slimh

slimhUID: 2438517

2.15 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Visiting museums is the best way to learn about a country.


It is frequently to see that museum is one of the most popular visiting spots, in general, as long as you check the contents of the tour package from travel agencies' websites. I also usually visit the museums when I visit to a country, however, I absolutely disagree that visiting museums is the best way to learn about a country.


As known to all, there are many different types of museums with different subjects in one country. For instance, national museum, city museum, art museum, science and technology museum, war museum and so forth. And each museum has different subjects. It was very impressed when I visit Melaka's city museum. It helped me to learn the brief history about Melaka and costumes of the Melaka's citizen. However, as a small city of Malaysia, Melaka's city museum only made me have basic understanding of the city not the country. Apparently, if I want to learn about the country, Melaka's city museum is not able to satisfy my needs. Above all, a museum like city subjected, may help people to learn about the specific area, but not the whole country.


It is highly doubtful that some objects or brief introduction from museums can represent overall parts of a country. A country contains diverse elements for instance, culture, history, language, tradition, religion, food and so forth. All these elements cannot be learned in an hour or several hours’ museum tour. People many see some objects or read some short introduction from the board in the museum but they never experienced it. For example, a national history museum in one country only shows its’ past. Obviously, visiting museums is not the best way to learn about a country, because a country not only has the past but also has modern society and the future. On my point of view, if people want to learn about a country, they should live there, learn their language, communicate with local residents and have local food.

In conclusion, there are various ways to learn about a country, different people may hold opinions. To me, visiting museums is definitely not the best way to learn about a country.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

It is frequently to see that museum is one of the most popular visiting spots, in general, as long as you check the contents of the tour package from travel agencies' websites. I also usually visit the museums when I visit to a country, however, I absolutely disagree that visiting museums is the best way to learn about a country.最后一句的转折太快了点，要在加点什么。


As known to all, there are many different types of museums with different subjects in one(a) country. For instance, national museum, city museum, art museum, science and technology museum, war museum and so forth. And each museum has different subjects. It was very impressed when I visit Melaka's city museum. It helped me to learn the brief history about Melaka and costumes of the Melaka's citizen. However, as a small city of Malaysia, Melaka's city museum only made me have(introduced) basic understanding of the city not the country. Apparently, if I want to learn about the country, Melaka's city museum is not able to satisfy my needs. Above all, a museum like city subjected(?), may help people to learn about the specific area, but not the whole country.1 G8 T6 y' l0 y- V8 R
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It is highly doubtful(doubted) that some objects or brief introduction from museums can represent overall parts of a country. A country contains diverse elements for instance, culture, history, language, tradition, religion, food and so forth. All these elements cannot be learned in an hour or several hours’ museum tour. People many see some objects or read some short introduction from the board in the museum but they never experienced it. For example, a national history museum in one country only shows its’ past. 这个example很好，但是前面说never experience就不太好，因为几乎不光是past的和ing的大部分我们都不能经历，而应当说museum所呈现的只是过去，而没有正在发展的国家面貌Obviously, visiting museums is not the best way to learn about a country, because a country not only has the past but also has modern society and the future.(把原因放前面，得出not the best way似乎更通顺) On my point of view, if people want to learn about a country, they should live there, learn their（its） language, communicate with local residents and have local food最后的这个观点，最好是由例子得出，否则缺少阐释。而前部分的内容，似乎又说的多了点。.3 b. K& @; c, S6 t
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In conclusion, there are various ways to learn about a country, different people may hold opinions. To me, visiting museums is definitely not the best way to learn about a country.结尾不太好。应该再阐释下自己的观点，点题。

感觉文章中的观点有时候来的太突然，或者转折的太快。要多些阐释和铺垫！
中间的论证还不错，但开头和结尾就该再斟酌下添添彩就更好了。
对我的改正有何看法，欢迎和我讨论！

TenUID: 2758226

个人觉得语言上朴实无华，但是还算表意，但如果能用一些出彩的词就更完美了。
结构上5分中3分 因为几乎没有结构 纯粹的中国式写法 建议看看范文 这样对你有很大是进步
总体打分我给2.75 具体我就不改了 见谅啊

slimhUID: 2438517

个人觉得语言上朴实无华，但是还算表意，但如果能用一些出彩的词就更完美了。
结构上5分中3分 因为几乎没有结构 纯粹的中国式写法 建议看看范文 这样对你有很大是进步
总体打分我给2.75 具体我就不改了 见谅啊
Ten 发表于 2010-2-16 10:26

点播的正确啊，，我也觉的我的文章没有能让人眼睛一亮的词汇，比较平淡。。杯具。。

slimhUID: 2438517

同学是否愿意以此题写一篇，让我开开眼看看什么是美国式的写法？
jbc88 发表于 2010-2-16 11:06

举手赞成，好文章贴出来，大家一起分享吧。。多观摩观摩，学习学习。。