作文求拍

armstrongUID: 204256

University students should be required to take basic scienceclasses even if they are not part of the field of the study



Mengzi, a great philosopher and educator in ancient China, held the point thatstudents should study varied area so that they can expand their horizon. it is true that studying different course will benefit to the development of their academic. As far as I concerned, in undergraduate period, an intelligent student should be professional in some basic courses. However, when it comes to graduate period, persons should spendthe majority of energy on their major.

Firstly, some basic science classes will make studentbroaden their knowledge. From elementary school to undergraduate study ，education department provide varied courses for student. Student should not avoid and even escape basic science like math,philosophy, physical education. the reason is that some basic science is indispensable for daily life and the research in the future. Take my mentor, Professor Fang for example. he is an excellent molecular biologist, as publishing many creativepapers in this area. He told me that if a student want to do profound achievement in biology, he shouldalso know the knowledge of logic analysis, mathematics, chemistry. If onlyfocusing on a isolated “island”, students fail to embrace the rich thinking like creative thinking, critical thinking. As a result, we can only repeat theresult and data others published. breakthrough would not happen in the future. So, studying other basic  science is so important.

in retrospect to history, the experience demonstrates that the majority of scientist and architect are also expert in other arenas.history replenishes such examples. it is easy to imagine that if a astronomerhave not advanced math knowledge, he or she would definitely fail to discoverthe orbit of new planet.
depending on physics and math knowledge, they have abilityto predict the moving pattern of new object. Today, especially in architect, if they only consider how to design the appearance of a building, as a result his architecture can only classified "no pragmatic building". They should also know the performance of resisting earthquake,saving energy and friendly-environment.

All in all, education should require student to study different background. we like a ship floating in a sea of science. theknowledge from other majors is a beacon to guide us to arrive the right direction.we have no reason to give up the beacon!

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

Mengzi, a great philosopher and educator in ancient China, held the point that students should study varied area so that they can expand their horizon. it is true that studying different course will benefit to the development of their academic. As far as I concerned, in undergraduate period, an intelligent student should be professional in some basic courses. However, when it comes to graduate period, persons should spend the majority of energy on their major. - `  ~% E% u; I6 o' H

Firstly, some basic science classes will make student broaden（直接用broad students knowledge地道） their knowledge. From elementary school to undergraduate study ，education department provide varied courses for student. Students should not avoid and even escape basic science like math, philosophy, physical education. (可以在这加for the reason that连接2个句子)The reason is that some basic science is indispensable for daily life and the research in the future. Take my mentor, Professor Fang for example. He is an excellent molecular biologist, as publishing many creative papers in this area. He told(时态) me that if a student want to do profound achievement in biology, he should also know the knowledge of logic analysis, mathematics, chemistry. If only focusing on a isolated “island”, students fail to embrace the rich thinking like creative thinking, critical thinking. As a result, we can only repeat the result and data others published. Breakthrough would not happen in the future（我也是第一次写独立作文，这边你的举例论证我不大同意。你只是换了一个人，你的导师，再次重复了你basic science broad knowledge的观点。这样的举例论证我不大能理解）. So, studying other basic science is so important. 7 X/ L) b+ O. h% s  S

In retrospect to history, the experience demonstrates that the majority of scientist and architect are also expert in other arenas. History replenishes(这词不错，赞) such examples. It is easy to imagine that if an astronomer has not advanced math knowledge, he or she would definitely fail to discover the orbit of new planet.（这里我又有2点疑问，第一，你的例子和你上文的history衔接的不连贯，我觉得发现轨道之说与时间或者过去无关，现在发现也要如此，你一定要说history，不如说Verrier用数学发现了海王星；第二，这个例子我觉得也不大好，原因在于天文学家应该有对数学有基础的了解吧（我的想法））depending on physics and math knowledge; they have ability to predict the moving pattern of new object. Today, especially in architect, if they only consider how to design the appearance of a building, as a result his architecture can only classified "no pragmatic building". They should also know the performance of resisting earthquake, saving energy and friendly-environment. （这个例子也是，和历史无关，那么你上面就用单数example就好了，但这样又和你这一段开头不照应了。另外，这个例子我还是觉得不好，建筑设计师如果没有学物理数学设计这样的大学基础课程就不能叫建筑师了（我的想法））
All in all, education should require student to study different background. We like a ship floating in a sea of science. The knowledge from other majors is a beacon to guide us to arrive the right direction. we have no reason to give up the beacon!（比喻很好，可是这一段其实只是对你body2的总结不是全文的）
（根据我对托福独立写作的认识，我觉得托福的写作应该扩展的写，或者平行的写，不要求你的思考有多么深入，可是看完你的文章我只看到一点，就是学习基础科学有助于知识扩展，认识提高。我不大同意你的写法（每个人认识不一样，欢迎讨论））

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

晕，word拿过来就大大小小了。。
颜色也没有了。。
P.s. 寄托ID好老，赞

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

03路过，说两句哈。
我见得比较多的是总-分-总的结构。
同学的结构层次不太清晰。
分论点之间最好不要有交叉。
比如这里的扩大知识面和有利于其他领域的研究，这两个很纠葛，最好不要单独来出来作为两个分论点。
另外，出现了firstly而后面没有相应的例如secondly照应，给人感觉也是层次不清。
以上仅为个人看法~~希望对你有用~~~加油~~~

半夏之北UID: 2517498

Mengzi, a great philosopher and educator in ancient China, held the point thatstudents should study varied area so that they can expand their horizon. it is true that studying different courses will benefit to the development of their academic. As far as I am concerned, in undergraduate period, an intelligent student should be professional in some basic courses. However, when it comes to graduate period, persons should spendthe majority of energy on their major. 名人名言开头，很赞啊~~

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Firstly, some basic science classes will make student broaden their knowledge. From elementary school to undergraduate study ，education department provides varied courses for students. Students should not avoid and even escape basic science like math,philosophy, physical education(pe是体育吧，物理是physics）. the reason is that some basic science is indispensable for daily life and the research in the future. Take my mentor, Professor Fang for example. he is an excellent molecular biologist, as publishing many creative papers in this area. He told me that if a student wants to do profound achievement in biology, he should also know the knowledge of logic analysis, mathematics, chemistry. If only focusing on an isolated “island”, students will fail to embrace the rich thinking like creative thinking, critical thinking. As a result, we can only repeat the result and data others published. breakthrough would （will）not happen in the future. So, studying other basic  science is so important. 5 u8 `! m0 S5 O
$ p5 u. W1 u/ T
in retrospect to history, the experience demonstrates that the majority of scientist and architect are also expert in other arenas.history replenishes such examples. （这个地方能有一个具体的例子就更好了，例如达芬奇）it is easy to imagine that if an astronomer have(has) not advanced math knowledge, he or she would definitely fail to discover the orbit of new a planet.depending on physics and math knowledge, they have abilityto predict the moving pattern of new object. Today, especially in architect, if they only consider how to design the appearance of a building, as a result his architecture can only classified "no pragmatic building". They should also know the performance of resisting earthquake,saving energy and friendly-environment.(environment-friendly)

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All in all, education should require student to study different background. we like a ship floating in a sea of science. the knowledge from other majors is a beacon to guide us to arrive the right direction.we have no reason to give up the beacon!最后一段很好啊~~

蓝色的是写得很好的，红色的是改的错

用的很多很好的词，还有很多恰当的比喻，向你学习啊~~
语法上注意单复数，主谓一致还有定冠词的用法
开头给人感觉是中立式的写法，但是并没有很明显分成本科生和研究生来写，而且主体部分只有一段，也就是只有一个理由，论证不是很充分。建议换一种逻辑结构来写。
一起加油啊\(^o^)/~

aertoriaUID: 2472636

顶一个。拍的好.

armstrongUID: 204256

谢谢大家，我好好看看

armstrongUID: 204256

3# Mason.PD
非常感谢，很中肯，谢谢！我好好研究一下，你有qq吗，我们可以讨论一下