xx美利坚2.18作文 by 瓜仔

dairymanUID: 2683905

2月18号 （08.10.27NA）
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.
The emphasize on health care nowadays is particularly stronger compared to those of environmental issues, but that may not serve to make a perfect balance for government on these protecting methods. As I am concerned, both the health care problems and the environment issues are of identical importance for government to handle.
Health care issues represent people's attention on disease curing aspects and keeping fittness. These two leading problems are the providence for people's awareness of careful looking into ourselves. Staying healthy is accepted as a vital index for modern human beings to be aware of. Only when government know how its residents' health condition is going on can the leading stages of the country make sure the constant of their regime. If people are affraid of their own health conditions, how can they continue their normal lives? If most people cannot concentrate on their working and everyday lives only because of their health care issues, the whole nation would be in chaos.
At the same time to emphasize on health care issue, it is also essential for government to strenghten its power on solving environment issues. Because of the short sight of people, most of they may ignore the fact that the overall environment also needs protection and better develpment. Even if individuals can stay healthy, the ever demolishing environment would still do harm to everyone's living condition in the long run. So it is the government's duty to start acknowledge the fact of environment issue so that to conform the longivity of no only individuals but also the total world environment as a whole.
As I have explained, while the health care issues reveal more of a everyday concern, the environment issues can be described as the protection for the future living conditions. Neither of them should be ignored and each one of them obviously should be taken seriously by the government.

volksrenUID: 2189399

1# dairyman
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.2 C# I+ R- a, y% _' ^
The emphasize on health care nowadays is particularly stronger compared to those of environmental issues, but that may not serve to make a perfect balance for government on these protecting methods. As I am concerned, both the health care problems and the environment issues are of identical importance for government to handle.1
p' n7 C, v/ ~* d* j
Health care issues represent people's attention on disease curing aspects and keeping fittness. These two leading problems are the providence for people's awareness of careful looking into ourselves. Staying healthy is accepted as a vital index for modern human beings to be aware of. Only when government know how its residents' health condition is going on can the leading stages of the country make sure the constant of their regime. If people are affraid of their own health conditions, how can they continue their normal lives? If most people cannot concentrate on their working and everyday lives only because of their health care issues, the whole nation would be in chaos.

At the same time to emphasize on health care issue, it is also essential for government to strengthen its power on solving environment issues. Because of the short sight of people, most of they may ignore the fact that the overall environment also needs protection and better develpment. Even if individuals can stay healthy, the ever demolishing environment would still do harm to everyone's living condition in the long run. So it is the government's duty to start acknowledge the fact of environment issue so that to conform the longevity of not only individuals but also the total world environment as a whole.



I have explained, while the health care issues reveal more of a everyday concern, the environment issues can be described as the protection for the future living conditions. Neither of them should be ignored and each one of them obviously should be taken seriously by the government.
瓜子的作文很强大很威武啊，我当范文学习了~O(∩_∩)O，但是这种写折中观点的不是很好，记得新东方的老师说，折中观点必须是在什么情况下选A，在什么情况下选B .不能A有A的好处，B有B的好处。

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

The emphasize on health care nowadays is particularly stronger compared to those of environmental issues, but that may not serve to make a perfect balance for government on these protecting methods. As I am concerned, both the health care problems and the environment issues are of identical importance for government to handle.这个开头很赞！

Health care issues represent people's attention on disease curing aspects and keeping fittness. These two leading problems are the providence for people's awareness of careful looking into ourselves. Staying healthy is accepted as a vital index for modern human beings to be aware of. Only when government know how its residents' health condition is going on can the leading stages of the country make sure the constant of their regime.（这个理由有点牵强） If people are affraid of their own health conditions, how can they continue their normal lives? （不如说如果人们担心生病了无法医治）If most people cannot concentrate on their working and everyday lives only because of their health care issues, the whole nation would be in chaos.

At the same time to emphasize on health care issue, it is also essential for government to strenghten its power on solving environment issues. Because of the short sight of people, most of they（them） may ignore the fact that the overall environment also needs protection and better develpment. Even if individuals can stay healthy, the ever demolishing environment would still do harm to everyone's living condition in the long run. So it is the government's duty to start acknowledge the fact of environment issue so that to conform the longivity of not only individuals but also the total world environment as a whole.(total & whole 重复)

As I have explained, while the health care issues reveal more of a everyday concern, the environment issues can be described as the protection for the future living conditions. Neither of them should be ignored and each one of them obviously should be taken seriously by the government.

瓜仔的功底很好，遣词造句上没得说。文章里基本没重复的词了，同义词的替换这里做的很棒！！学习了，文章里就没一一列出了。
中立态度的文章，这篇还不错，就是感觉字数少了点。然后，可以再加点例子进去，文章就更丰富更有说服力了。字数也自然上去了。

dairymanUID: 2683905

2月19号 （09.01.23）
Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Before people find out which kind of food attracts them most, they always have already taste a variety of foods. It is almost the same situation when we talk about whether young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do. In my opinion, it is surely necessary to try different jobs before one can tell which job or career is his future choice.

Trying different jobs can be viewed as a valuable experience set before a young people make up his mind on his career. Without being in that circumstances, how can young people know more about the real jobs. A clear understanding of the job can let young people know how this kind of work is being done and whether it is difficult for them to handle. If someone wants to be a teacher in the future, he or she has to take chances to stand on the stage and teach other people as an exercise. Whether this guy is going to continue the choice, he or she can get precious experience from the real working situation.

What's more, even if those experience can turn out to be frustrating, that is also a way to illustrate not everyone can achieve what he or she wants. The turning point of young people's career choice may help young people form correct comprehention of the world around them and inspire them to pursue other jobs which may fit them better. The understanding of which career might not be the optimum one provides opportunity for young people to know more about themselves and thus serves to the grown up of these teenagers.

Although the trying on those different jobs may seem time wasting, the nergy and time young people spend on the tempt certainly will bring unparallel experience. This choice on career and job orientation is not only necessary but also critical enough for young people to have the chance to know the work they are choosing. Undoubtedly, this behaviour should be encouraged.
今天写的没感觉……

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

Before people find out which kind of food attracts them most, they always have already taste a variety of foods. It is almost the same situation when we talk about whether young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do. In my opinion, it is surely necessary to try different jobs before one can tell which job or career is his future choice.- S9 s7 U7 B2 s  H) v& Z- b

Trying different jobs can be viewed as a valuable experience set before a young people make up his mind on his career.（上下两句有因果关系加承接词要） Without being in that circumstances, how can young people know more about the real jobs.（问号结尾吧） A clear understanding（虽然托福不强调逻辑我还是说吧 这个understanding在上文中仅是通过know more体现的，其实链接感不强） of the job can let young people know how this kind of work is being done and whether it is difficult for them to handle. If someone wants to be a teacher in the future, he or she has to take chances to stand on the stage and teach other people as an exercise. Whether this guy is going to continue the choice, he or she can get precious experience from the real working situation.

What's more, even if those experience can turn out to be frustrating, that is also a way to illustrate not everyone can achieve what he or she wants.（这里过渡太生硬） The turning point of young people's career choice may help young people form correct comprehention of the world around them and inspire them to pursue other jobs which may fit them better. (这里也是)The understanding of which career might not be the optimum one provides opportunity for young people to know more about themselves and thus serves to the grown up of these teenagers.（没例子不大好吧。）7 ?$ L( H" K' K! V- X+ d

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Although the trying on those different jobs may seem time wasting, the energy and time young people spend on the tempt certainly will bring unparallel experience. This choice on career and job orientation is not only necessary but also critical enough for young people to have the chance to know the work they are choosing. Undoubtedly, this behaviour should be encouraged., y4 _7 }  L9 C! d+

观点不错见解蛮好 句子不像我老出错
承接词不明显（我觉得加上更好，虽然中文说得通）
学习了

xuln0709UID: 2761332

Before people find out which kind of food attracts them most, they always have already taste a variety of foods.(这个类比好！) It is almost the same situation when we talk about whether young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do. In my opinion, it is surely necessary to try different jobs before one can tell which job or career is his future choice.

Trying different jobs can be viewed as a valuable experience set before a young people make up his mind on his career. Without being in that circumstances, how can young people know more about the real jobs? A clear understanding of the job can let young people know how this kind of work is being done and whether it is difficult for them to handle. If someone wants to be a teacher in the future,for example, he or she has to take chances to stand on the stage and teach other people as an exercise. Whether this guy is going to continue the choice, he or she can get precious experience from the real working situation.(

What's more, even if those experience can turn out to be frustrating, that is also a way to illustrate not everyone can achieve what he or she wants. The turning point of young people's career choice may help young people form correct comprehention of the world around them and inspire them to pursue other jobs which may fit them better. What’s more,(加个连接词) The understanding of which career might not be the optimum one provides opportunity for young people to know more about themselves and thus serves to the grown up of these teenagers.(这一段加个简单的例子更好)

Although the trying on those different jobs may seem time wasting, the energy and time young people spend on the tempt certainly will bring unparallel experience. This choice on career and job orientation is not only necessary but also critical enough for young people to have the chance to know the work they are choosing. Undoubtedly, this behaviour should be encouraged.(结尾蛮丰满，我总是没时间结尾，哎，悲剧。。)
除了一些衔接上的问题，我也找不出什么毛病了，楼主功力很深呐，文章读得很舒服，词汇丰富，语言变化也多。
BY 琳子