2.17 独立作文小组 By Rjyuu

rjyuuUID: 2591508

Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment

When asked about whether government should pay more attention to the health care issues than on environment, different people hold different positions. Witnessing how great a damage we has done upon environment after the industrial revolution, present day many people tend to envision environment as an issue outweighing the importance of anything else and worth an unquestionable prior attention from government.
As far as I am concerned, this viewpoint is tenable.

Government should pay more attention to environment, firstly because a good environment could bring with people a good mood, enhancing their efficiency in work and accelerate the society's development as a whole. Just imagine a dirty city with filthy streets versus a clean one with tidy image, in which ambience are you more likely to enjoy life and work effectively?


Besides, health care and environment protection are not mutually contradicted. Even for the health care issues, government has no reason to neglect the importance environment. As we all know, without a good environment, there will be no guarantee for people's health. Could anyone, who every day breaths in toxic gases, drinks polluted water and is exposed to all sorts of jarring noises, enjoy a sound health? By no means!

Finally, since only government is able to make a difference in environment protection, it is morally obliged to take measures to protect the delicate ecology, both for us and for our offspring. As one species in animal kingdom, are we humans so extraordinary and special that we could claim the ownership of our planet, and deprive other specie’s right to survive? In pursuit of interest we myopically clean up the rain forests to fetch the wood, kill wild animals for their furs and hides, and emit lethal chemical wastes into river and oceans. Is any organization, or individual, has the power to stop all these suicide behaviors? Obviously only the government is able to make a difference.

From what are discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that government should pay more attention to environment.

tqidtestUID: 2766196

When asked about whether government should pay more attention to the health care issues than on environment, different people hold different positions. Witnessing how great damages we has done upon environment after the industrial revolution, we now tend to envision environment as an issue outweighing the importance of anything else and worth an unquestionable prior attention from government.(这句大赞)
As far as I am concerned, this viewpoint is tenable.

Government should pay more attention to environment, firstly because a good environment could bring with people a good mood, enhancing their efficiency in work and accelerate the society's development as a whole. Just imagine a dirty city with filthy streets versus a clean one with tidy image, in which ambience are you more likely to enjoy life and work effectively?

Besides, health care and environment protection are not mutually contradicted. Even for the health care issues, government has no reason to neglect the importance of environment. As we all know, without a good environment, there will be no guarantee for people's health. Could anyone, who every day breaths in toxic gases, drinks polluted water and is exposed to all sorts of jarring noises, enjoy a sound health? By no means!

Finally, since only government is able to make a difference in environment protection, it is morally obliged to take measures to protect the delicate ecology, both for us and for our offspring. As one species in animal kingdom, are we humans so extraordinary and special that we could claim the ownership of our planet, and deprive other specie’s right to survive? In pursuit of interest we myopically clean up the rain forests to fetch the wood, kill wild animals for their furs and hides, and emit lethal chemical wastes into river and oceans. Is any organization, or individual, has the power to stop all these suicide behaviors? Obviously only the government is able to make a difference.

From what are discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that government should pay more attention to environment.

我没什么水平来批改啦。。。真是享受啊。。向你学习设问的手法。。

by 阿汤

showgood07UID: 2605959

When asked about whether government should pay more attention to the health care issues than on environment, different people hold different positions（GRE里我最喜欢这句话）. Witnessing how great a damage we has done upon environment after the industrial revolution, present day many people tend to envision environment as an issue outweighing the importance of anything else and worth an unquestionable prior attention from government.As far as I am concerned, this viewpoint is tenable.[论述得很好呢]

Government should pay more attention to environment, firstly because a good environment could bring with people a good mood, enhancing their efficiency in work and accelerate the society's development as a whole.（无关语句，放在这里可有可无，换句话说，就是没有扣题） Just imagine a dirty city with filthy streets versus a clean one with tidy image, in which ambience are you more likely to enjoy life and work effectively?[理由太过于简单，导致理由不足以使人信服，还有逻辑上的不严谨，例如，环境问题被解决了，不一定会带来好的心情，还有其他因素，不过IBT貌似也不注重这个。]

Besides, health care and environment protection are not mutually contradicted. Even for the health care issues, government has no reason to neglect the importance environment. As we all know, without a good environment, there will be no guarantee for people's health. Could anyone, who every day breaths in toxic gases, drinks polluted water and is exposed to all sorts of jarring noises, enjoy a sound health? By no means! [口语里可以这样说，但是书面表达最好不要]
Finally, since only government is able to make a difference in environment protection, it is morally obliged to take measures to protect the delicate ecology, both for us and for our offspring. As one species in animal kingdom, are we humans so extraordinary and special that we could claim the ownership of our planet, and deprive other specie’s right to survive? In pursuit of interest we myopically clean up the rain forests to fetch the wood, kill wild animals for their furs and hides, and emit lethal chemical wastes into river and oceans. Is any organization, or individual, has the power to stop all these suicide behaviors? Obviously only the government is able to make a difference.（建议在一个段落里，不要过多使用疑问句）
From what are discussed above, we could safely reach the conclusion that government should pay more attention to environment.

1、整体的意思表达清楚了，也是内容显得有些单薄，这是大家的通病了，句式很简洁，明了，但是缺乏变化，前者是优点，后者需要改进。
2、文章里有不少亮点词汇，很好的表达，但是要注意不要过度使用同一种表达方式，还有避免口语化的表达。
3、大问题是尽可能的不要使用中立的态度，这样很难得到高分。

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

Finally那段有点问题。讲政府才有能力解决环境问题，这和与医疗问题相比政府应该多关心环境问题有什么关系？
如果三个分论点是并列式的话，这么论证第三点肯定不行。因为没有说明为什么政府有能力解决环境问题，就一定要这么做。另外也要加上与医疗的比较。
如果三个分论点是递进关系，前面就一定要做好铺垫，要用强有力的论证说明环境问题比医疗问题更值得关注，然后才能递进需要政府这个足够强大的机构去关注如此重要的环境问题。
总体上说还是没有突出题目中的比较，当然托福作文写到这里应该就很不错了。如果能更加扣题的话最好了。