219独立作文小组By Mason.PD

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Through the development of human society, it arises a serious issue which emphasizes on whether young people should have a taste on various jobs before they decide which job is the ultimate choice. In my opinion, I strong support this decision for the reasons result from the development of individual’s quality, the large range and diversity of the friendship and the social communication. These reasons will be provided in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, it is the attempt to different jobs in young age, rather than the knowledge studied from the books, that broadens the young’s views and strengthens their independent living skills, which has magnificent impact on the young people. Widely speaking, since trying different jobs will require individual to travel around and understand various cultures, young people need to cultivate mature views and useful skills to struggle with life, leading a improvement on their own qualities. For example, Stephen Jobs have tried to experience difference kinds of working styles such as painting and car washing, which makes him taste more than others. This experience becomes to be a great treasure to tell him how to be mature and how to be tenacious, which takes him to the success.

Furthermore, trying different jobs gives birth to the increase and expanding your friends’ numbers and circle, which somehow will benefit your future work a lot. To be specific, if you are trying to do different jobs in different places, it will enable you to meet with different kinds of individuals and chat with them. Through this way, these friends may help you as possible as you can. For instance, my brother, Tom, who used to work in the economical investment company and have made many friends there, now faces some problems about his present job. He is asked to investigate his new customers’ background and financial basis. With the help of his friends in the investment company, he finally finishes the mission quickly.

Last but not the least, encouraging young people to do different job play an essential role to stimulate the development of social communication. In other words, the era is faced with fierce competition now, meaning the society calls for more generalists, who can handle a lot of various issues. Different jobs create opportunities to encourage present people to communicate with others and share information, which finally benefit the society to work more efficiently.

To sum up, considering the trying of different job may cost the young people much of time and energy, the advantages still outweighs those shortages. So I insist my suggestion that young people should try to do different jobs.

dairymanUID: 2683905

219独立作文小组By Mason.PD

Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.. g. m5 P, q- v0 r7 F Through the development of human society, it arises a serious issue which emphasizes on whether young people should have a taste on various jobs before they decide which job is the ultimate choice. In my opinion, I strong用副词support this decision for the reasons result from the development of individual’s quality, the large range and diversity of the friendship and the social communication说实话此句不通，翻译成汉语一试便知. These reasons will be provided in the following paragraphs.# I# A. X( B* m4 {" @% x& [- ] To begin with, it is the attempt to try different jobs in young age此长难句有语病，加动词try即可, rather than the knowledge studied from the books, that broadens the young’s views and strengthens their independent living skills, which has magnificent impact on the young people. Widely speaking, since trying different jobs will require individual to travel around and understand various cultures, young people need to cultivate mature views and useful skills to struggle with life, leading形式不妥，应该表结果不表伴随 a improvement on their own qualities. For example, Stephen Jobs have tried to experience difference kinds of working styles such as painting and car washing, which makes him taste此词不妥 more than others. This experience becomes to bebecome有to be的意思 a great treasure to tell him how to be mature and how to be tenacious, which takes him to the success.随便举一个人当例子有些缺乏说服力吧，没有名人做例子，那就宁可说：people Furthermore, trying different jobs gives birth to the increase and expanding of your friends’ numbers and circle, which somehow will benefit your future work a lot. To be specific, if you are trying to do different jobs in different places, it will enable you to meet with different kinds of individuals and chat with them. Through this way, these friends may help you as possible as you can. For instance, my brother, Tom, who used to work in the economical investment company and have made many friends there, now faces some problems about his present job. He is asked to investigate his new customers’ background and financial basis. With the help of his friends in the investment company, he finally finishes the mission quickly. 这个举自己身边的例子还不错，清楚说明tom是我brother要好过上面那个举例子 d6 s2 C8 ?1 `$ w. K Last but not the least, encouraging young people to do different job play an essential role to stimulate the development of social communication. In other words, the era is faced with fierce competition now, meaning the society calls for more generalists, who can handle a lot of various issues. Different jobs create opportunities to encourage present people to communicate with others and share information, which finally benefit the society to work more efficiently. 这个没写全，时间不够吧 To sum up, considering the trying of different job may cost the young people much of time and energy, the advantages still outweighs those shortages. So I insist my suggestion that young people should try to do different jobs. 关键还是长难句把握不准，整个句子不能通顺，就很倒人胃口。措辞和用语能体现出笔者还是很厉害的。

xuln0709UID: 2761332

Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. Through(改成As好像更顺) the development of human society, it arises a serious issue which emphasizes on whether young people should have a taste on various jobs（替换做的不错） before they decide which job is the ultimate choice. In my opinion, I strongly support this decision for the reasons resulted from the development of individual’s quality, the large range and diversity of the friendship and the social communication. These reasons will be provided in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, it is the attempt to try different jobs in young age, rather than the knowledge studied from the books, that broadens the young’s views and strengthens their independent living skills, which has magnificent impact on the young people. Widely speaking, since trying different jobs will require individual to travel around and to understand various cultures, young people need to cultivate mature views and useful skills to struggle with life, leading a improvement on their own qualities. For example, Stephen Jobs have tried to experience difference kinds of working styles such as painting and car washing, which makes him taste more than others. This experience becomes to be（去掉） a great treasure to tell him（to him and teaches him） how to be mature and how to be tenacious, which takes him to the success.
Furthermore, trying different jobs gives birth to the increase and expanding your friends’ numbers and circle(改成of短语更好), which somehow will benefit your future work a lot. To be specific, if you are trying to do different jobs in different places, it will enable you to meet with different kinds of individuals and chat with them. Through this way, these friends may help you as possible as you（they） can. For instance, my brother, Tom, who used to work in the economical(这个词强调的是经济的，合算的，节省的意思，用economic更好) investment company and have made many friends there, now faces some problems about his present job. He is asked to investigate his new customers’ background and financial basis. With the help of his friends in the investment company, he finally finishes the mission quickly.
Last but not the least, encouraging young people to do different jobs play an essential role in stimulate(stimulating) the development of social communication. In other words, the(this) era is faced with fierce competition now, meaning the society calls for more generalists, who can handle a lot of various issues. Different jobs create opportunities to encourage present people to communicate with others and share information, which finally benefit the society to work more efficiently.
To sum up, considering the trying of different job may cost the young people much of time and energy, the advantages still outweighs those shortages. So I insist my suggestion that young people should try to do different jobs.
楼主考过G？措辞很不错，短语和词汇的替换也很欣赏，ETS好像还特喜欢这种替换呢
一些不足就是楼主确实特喜欢长句啊，但有些说得不清不楚，还容易犯错，导致不太好懂，建议长短句结合一下，可能要好一点。
其他一些小错误文中用红色标出改出了。