[Big Fish]2月23日Argument10--By BobbieZZ

BobbieZZUID: 2756583

TOPIC：Argument 10
“The department of agriculture in Batavia reports that the number of dairy farms throughout the country is now 25 percent greater than it was 10 years ago. During this same time period, however, the price of milk at the local Excello Food Marker has increased from $1.50 to over $3.00 per gallon. To prevent farmers from continuing to receive excessive profits on an apparently increased supply of milk, the Batavia government should begin to regulate retail milk prices. Such regulation is necessary to ensure both lower prices and an adequate supply of milk for consumers.”
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The editor of a Batavia considers that the Batavia government should begin to do regulation on milk prices that is to prevent the continuing profit on an apparently increased supply of milk. The editor put on the report which is from Batavia that the countrywide dairy farms is greater than it was ten years ago, as well as, at same period, Excello’s milk price has increased by 100%. However, the evidence which relies on by editor is based on assumption that can not convince the argument.

Fist of all, the editor assumes Batavia’s milk prices alteration only based on the Excello Food Market’s milk prices increased. It is an unfairly assumption that the author can not provide enough evidence which is the prices changed of all Batavia.

Secondly, even if the Batavia’s milk prices has decreased much more than before, however, the editor still unfairly assumes that farmers would gain excessive profit on an apparently increased supply of milk. Yet, this is not necessarily the case. The increased prices means the increased transportation and the costs of farms. The requirement of quality of milk by people is higher than before so that the farmers should pay much more costs into the elevation on milk. To the extent the profit on milk can not increased.

Thirdly, even if the farmers gain excessive profit on an apparently increased supply of milk. The government’s regulation which retail milk prices also unfairly assumes the policy is necessary to ensure lower prices and supply of milk for consumers. The editor cannot evidence sufficiently. However, the regulation by Batavia government is undesirable consequences. Market has its own mechanism and undesirable policy such as regulation milk’s prices would cause worse prices fluctuation.

In conclusion, the recommendation for regulation of milk prices has not enough evidences to support. To support editor’s opinions must provide the prices’ fluctuation of milk in Batavia is worse to extent that the government have to regulation, in addition, the editor should evidence the regulation’s concrete details and its consequence including advantages and disadvantages.

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

The editor of a Batavia considers that the Batavia government should begin to limit the(do regulation on 删) milk prices, which (that删) is to prevent the continuing profit on an apparently increased supply of milk(最好不要用原文给的短语). The editor put on the report which is from Batavia that the countrywide dairy farms is greater than it was ten years ago, as well as, at same period, Excello’s milk price has increased by 100%(感觉用twice的表达会好些). However, the evidence (which relies on删) provided by editor is based on assumption that can not (cannot) convince the argument.

Fist of all, the editor assumes Batavia’s milk prices alteration only because (based on 删) the Excello Food Market’s milk prices increased. It is an unfairly assumption that the author can not (cannot) provide enough evidence that it is the rising prices milk lead to the situation. (which is the prices changed of all Batavia). (这一段有点短哦)

Secondly, even if the Batavia’s milk prices has decreased much more than before, however, the editor still unfairly assumes that farmers would gain excessive profit on an apparently increased supply of milk. Yet, this is not necessarily the case. The increased prices means the increased transportation and the costs of farms. The requirement of quality of milk by people is higher than before so that the farmers should pay much more costs into the elevation on milk. To the extent the profit on milk can not (cannot) increased.(感觉这段的观点是不是有问题啊？题目不是说为了防止农民们追求在牛奶上的利润才让政府压价的吗 怎么后面说是就算压价了农民也赚不到钱啊 呵呵 我自己都晕了~)

Thirdly, even if the farmers gain excessive profit on an apparently increased supply of milk, the government’s regulation which retail (这个你当动词用吗？)milk prices also unfairly(是不是用太多unfairly 换个词吧) assumes(哦这是which的动词吗？那这句话很有问题啊怎么retail assumes呢？) the policy is necessary to ensure lower prices and supply of milk for consumers.(太长了) The editor cannot evidence(这个词用动词很少见啊) sufficiently. However, the regulation by Batavia government is undesirable consequences(中式语言，句式要换). Market has its own mechanism and undesirable(unreasonable) policy such as regulation milk’s prices would cause worse prices fluctuation.

In conclusion, the recommendation for regulation of milk prices has not enough evidences to support(表达有问题，中式语言). To support(连着两个support有点别扭吧) editor’s opinions must(少用must) provide the prices’ fluctuation of milk in Batavia is worse to extent that the government have to regulation, in addition, the editor should evidence(怎么总是evidence啊？) the regulation’s concrete details and its consequence including advantages and disadvantages.(明白意思但表达不好)

总的来说能把存在的问题找出来，但第三段我觉得逻辑有些问题啊。语言上，词汇的使用比较单一缺乏变换，一些句子存在着语法问题。跟前几篇一样，有些句子写得大长，这样容易出错，表达反而不好。

BobbieZZUID: 2756583

2# kingwyf87

谢谢批改~实在是背的东西太少，词也比较匮乏，语法也不太好。。需要改正的东西太多了呀~~