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john_332UID: 2741978

Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's famly.

  There is no gain saying the fact that working makes one feel content and fulfilled, and to some extent, it is a indispensable aspect in one's entire life.Not to mention we need a certain job to earn the salary so that can meet the basic needs for a living, or even to sustain a whole family by cover education, medical,food exspends.It is widely accepted that work has psychological meaning in one's life, a laid off people may feel humble and anxiety because it means that he or she is temporarily useless to the society,the incoming finacial burden is also a realistic obstacle that added the
pressure on the nervous string. On the contrary, it is well acknowledged that a successful work is the first and formost standard to judge a excellence from the others.And a professional image who set up through hard work will gain his respect from everyone and make him feel confident and outstanding.

  However, in pursuit of being a winner in the workplace, we always negelect one more important aspect in our life -- our beloved families. there is no shortage of example that a almight manager alienate from his/her family and regret laterwards for the simple reason that most time has been given to the fast pace work rather than sharing with family. No plece is more warm and harmony than a house with family gathering together,it is common that a people will encounter difficulties and reach low ebb sometimes and tired by their daily work, yet when they come home, the so called safest shlter in the world, we could feel the care and warm from the family and relax completely. we know no matter how unfortuate our career is our family members are always be there for us and being supportive and in return encourage one to get recover and back to work with fresh spirt and energetic again to welcome the new chanllenges ahead.Last but not least, we shall never shed off the responsibility which for both parents and children in our family,personally, a workholic who leave their parents uncared and child weak educated is considered as a losser because a healthy and happy family is the final purpuse and meaning for a individual and his career, how can one feel happiness in his life without a sweat family ?

   Since working and family are interdepent and correlated with each other, it is a point to keep the balance between them and taking responsible for the development in both aspects,working is just keep up living, so after work,it is never to late to give our family a hug and offer the care they deserved from us.

eejchenUID: 2225156

Some people think one's working is more important than being with one's famly.7 B' t- r3 Q2 E
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  There is no gain saying the fact that working makes one feel content and fulfilled, and to some extent, it is a indispensable aspect in one's entire life.Not to mention we need a certain job to earn the salary so that can meet the basic needs for a living, or even to sustain a whole family by covering the education, medical care,food exspends.It is widely accepted that work has psychological meaning in one's life, a laid off people may feel humble and anxiety because it means that he or she is temporarily useless to the society,the incoming finacial burden is also a realistic obstacle that added the& U0 _6 pressure on the nervous string strain. On the contrary, it is well acknowledged that a successful work is the first and formost standard to judge a excellence from the others 这里表达很奇怪.And a professional image who sets up through hard work will gain his respect from everyone and make him feel confident and outstanding.?能说自己觉得自己outstanding否？我觉得这里直接说confident就ok
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  However, in pursuit of being a winner in the workplace, we always negelect one more important aspect in our life -- our beloved families. there is no shortage of example that a almight manager alienate from his/her family and regret laterwards for the simple reason that most time has been given to the fast pace work rather than sharing with family. No plece place is more warm and harmony than a house with family gathering together,it is common that a people will encounter difficulties and reach low ebb sometimes and tired by their daily work, yet when they come home, the so called 窃以为这个词是有点贬义在里面，未知正确否,可探讨safest shelter in the world, we could feel the care and warm from the family and relax completely. we know no matter how unfortuate our career is our family members are always be there for us and being supportive and in return 这个是作为报答的意思，用在此处不合适encourage one to get recover and back to work with fresh spirit and energetic energy again to welcome the new chanllenges ahead这句话里太多and了，建议断句以表达更清晰的意思.Last but not least, we shall never shed off the responsibility which for both parents and children in our family,personally, a workaholic who leave their前后不一致 parents uncared and child weak educated is considered as a losser because a healthy and happy family is the final purpuse and meaning for an individual and his career, how can one feel happiness happy in his life without a sweat family ?3 E' a# R4 J4 i
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   Since working and family are interdepent and correlated with each other, it is a point to keep the balance between them and takeing responsible for the development in both aspects,working is just keep up living句子结构有点问题, so after work,it is never to late to give our family a hug and offer the care they deserved from us.

总结：
语言：作者语言总体表达还是很不错的，有些句子用的很到位，词汇也很丰富，但是有时候有过于显摆的嫌疑，并且用的不是很恰当，个人认为只要表达出了你的意思即可，没有哪些词是非用不可的。
结构：扣题还不错，但是没有首段的点题，直接上来就两个观点，不是说这样不好，建议在我们还没有把英文运用纯熟的情况下，先按规则练习更好
ps：建议作者写完后放到word里先查查单词拼写，可以减少很多问题点


by  米