3.14独立作文，求拍

xiao1mi1UID: 2767194

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Serious movies are better than entertaining movies.

作文：
Views differ greatly when it comes to the issue that which one is better between serious movies and entertaining movies. On the one hand some persons think that serious movies which focus on human qualities and have a deep thinking about aspects of our life can make great influence on audiences. On the other hand some audiences assert that entertaining movies, with interesting and humorous elements, can bring more pleasant and positive thinking to our life. In my opinion, though entertaining movies don't involve so many deep theories of life, they are still better compared to serious movies, because they can bring laugher and a different way of thinking questions to our daily life.

First of all, the contemporary persons' stress and burdens are getting heavier and heavier nowadays. Fierce competition, endless work and other staffs all contributes to persons' high pressure. Seeing proper movie is a good way to deal with the huge pressure. Just image that, when you get home after a hard-working day, which kind of movie you want to select, the one which require your brainstorm or the one which bring you a lot of happiness? Absolutely, the later one. The humorous heroes, interesting actors' line and funny story will do a great favor for releasing your stress and give you a positive thinking of life. You will have a feeling of being refreshed. So the entertaining movies play a significant role among today's high stress society.

Besides, entertaining movies become more and more popular recent years. People are willing to pay for this kind of movie instead of movies discussing serious problems and reflecting the deeper attributes of human. Let's take a look at some popular entertaining movies. "Up" tells us that we can pursue our dream no matter how old we are; "Love actually" makes us believe that there are pure love in the world; "High school musical" teaches us that we should have passion in everyday life. We can get a conclusion from these popular movies that entertaining movies also have wonderful themes, like sunshine, which teach us to live a positive life and not to give up easily.

However, serious movies which are highly applauded by critics have enormous value in movie industry. They reflect variety aspects of humanity and discuss social questions profoundly. The amazing performance of actors, meaningful words and unique and serious themes lead to a phenomenon that there are still many classic serious movies mentioned by audiences and critics frequently.

Though serious movies have many excellent characteristics, the entertaining movie is more important in contemporary society. Its significant feature that can bring people laughter and help them reducing the stress and its positive theme meet today's people's need exactly. As a result, entertaining movies get a huge success recent years and overwhelm serious movies in both comment and box-office.

求各位前辈批改指导 谢谢

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Views differ greatly when it comes to the issue that about which one is better between serious movies and entertaining movies. On the one hand some persons think that serious movies, which focus on human qualities and have a deep thinking about aspects of our life, can make great influence on audiences. On the other hand some audiences assert that entertaining movies, with interesting and humorous elements, can bring more pleasant and positive thinking to our life. In my opinion, though entertaining movies don't involve so many deep theories of life, they are still better compared to serious movies, because they can bring laugher and a different way of thinking questions to our daily life. (The question is an agree/disagree issue, so you should first answer that you agree or disagree here, then say what your agreement/disagreement means is that entertaining movies are better.)

First of all, the contemporary persons' (The plural of 'person' is 'people'. 'Persons' is generally used to add special emphasis, which I don't deem necessary here.) stress and burdens are getting heavier and heavier nowadays. Fierce competition, endless work and other staffs ('staff' is just too vague a word.) all contributes to persons' high pressure. Seeing a proper movie is a good way to deal with the huge pressure. Just image that, when you get home after a hard-working day, which kind of movie would you want to select, the one which requires your to brainstorm or the one which brings you a lot of happiness? Absolutely, the latter one. The humorous heroes, interesting actors' lines and funny story will do a great favor for releasing your stress and give you a positive thinking of on life. You will have a feeling of being refreshed. So the entertaining movies play a significant role among today's highly stressful society. (An entertaining movie is not equal to a 'humorous comedy'. Avatar is an entertaining movie. The Cove is a serious movie. The difference is between the primary goal of this movie - whether its primary mission is to entertain, aka simulate your senses rather than sensibility, or, to get a message across and get you thinking.)

Besides, entertaining movies become more and more popular in recent years. People are willing to pay for this kind of movies instead of movies discussing serious problems and reflecting the deeper attributes of human?. Let's take a look at some popular entertaining movies. "Up" tells us that we can pursue our dreams no matter how old we are; "Love actually" makes us believe that there are is pure love in the world; "High school musical" teaches us that we should have passion in everyday life. We can get make a conclusion from these popular movies that entertaining movies also have wonderful themes, like sunshine?? (Which one of the three movies you mentioned is themed on 'sunshine'?), which teaches us to live a positive life and not to give up easily.

However, serious movies which are highly applauded by critics have a enormous value in movie industry. They reflect various aspects of humanity and discuss social questions profoundly. The amazing performance of actors, meaningful words and unique, and serious themes lead to a phenomenon that there are still many classic serious movies mentioned by audiences and critics frequently. (Like? You need examples on this one or else this point would really pale in comparison with your previous point.)

Though serious movies have many excellent characteristics, the entertaining movies is are more important in the contemporary society. Its Their significant feature that can which is to bring people laughter and help them reduce the stress, and its their positive themes meet today's people's needs exactly. As a result, entertaining movies get a huge success recent years and overwhelm serious movies in both comment and box-office. (Your conclusion should be back to the question, which is to conclude which is better. Stopping at this summary would be short of that question.)

总结：

你的语法，尤其单复数，需要认真注意一下。。

论述方面的问题是，题目是better，比较性的，但是你只有第一个论点在比较方面做得好，后面就基本上顺着entertaining movie的优点，serious movies的优点，这样下去了，就不再想着要比较了，到最后结论的时候又重新跳出比较来。总之就是说要扣紧题目，不要想到什么写什么。优缺点论述是最容易写的，但是也是最容易偏题的，所以请随时注意题目的具体要求。

xiao1mi1UID: 2767194

非常感谢您的指导。我会认真修改作文的。
另外有一个问题想再问一下，就是which one is better？这样的作文，论点尽量是用比较的思路写吗？而agree/disagree的作文，在论述时是否还要注意比较，还是主要论证agree的理由就行了？谢谢

希望您在闭关后复习顺利

mpromanusUID: 2565872

不谢。这跟题目是which one is better还是agree/disagree无关，这个问题里你agree的不还是 哪个better 这个论点么，所以你agree的理由不就是better的理由么？既然还是better的理由那不就是要比较么？

agree/disagree型的作文重点是个格式而不是内容的问题，不在于你是论述agree的理由或者是注意比较，是你要在开头，最好在结尾也明确地回答一句agree或者disagree，中间可以正常论述better还是什么的。

至于中间论述的时候是否要注意比较，跟问题问的东西是否注重比较有关，和问题的格式是不是agree/disagree没什么太大关系，如果题目问你agree/disagree的那句话没有比较，论述自然就不需要注重比较。

xiao1mi1UID: 2767194

非常谢谢指导。 这是新一周的写作，希望再麻烦您修改。
题目：Which source is more dependable for news, TV or newspapers?
作文：
Views differ greatly when it comes to the issue about whether newspapers or TV is more dependable for news. On the one hand, some people think that TV, involving many programs about news, is more important for news' distribution. On the other hand, others assert that newspaper plays a crucial role in transferring news, because news is the cardinal source of newspaper. We can get the fact just from the name of the newspaper. In my opinion, compared to TV, newspaper is the most significant media in transferring news.

First of all, news is the major contents in newspaper instead of TV. To illustrate this point, let's take a look at some statistics about newspapers and TV programs. A survey about the contents of some media, conducted by media companies, shows that 80 percent of passages in newspaper are about news in various aspects, such as economy, science, politics and so on. While only 15 percent programs on TV are news programs, the major programs broadcasted on TV are TV series, talk shows and other entertaining programs. From these statistics we can conclude that, if we open a newspaper, we can get the news information easily, but if we open the TV, we may spend lots of time searching the news programs. Therefore, if we want to get news, newspaper is a more accessible and efficient way.

Also, compared to TV, newspapers have so many advantages, for instance cheaper and more convenient. Let's take Gorge, one of my teachers, for example. Every day morning when he goes to school, he buys a newspaper and reads it whenever he is free. He said that, he can get information from a newspaper whenever and wherever because newspaper is so light that he can bring it with him all the time. However, he can't watch news programs on TV whenever he wants. He also states that a newspaper costs one yuan, so he totally spends 30 yuan on newspaper every month. While, watching TV will cost more than 50 yuan a month, it is much more expensive than reading newspaper. From Gorge's words we can understand that for most people, because of the huge cost and inconvenience of watching TV, newspaper is the most handy and economical way to obtain news.

However, we know that TV, which combines images and sounds, could make news programs more vivid and attractive and help audiences understand the news in depth. But the number of news programs and the expensive fee for TV lead to so much troubles in watching news programs on TV; as a result many people choose newspapers as the main source of news information. Think about this, if the majority of people obtain news from newspapers rather than TV, and then which one is more significant and dependable for news?

mpromanusUID: 2565872

5# xiao1mi1

Views differ greatly when it comes to the issue about whether newspapers or TV is more dependable for news. On the one hand, some people think that TV, involving many programs about news, is more important for news' distribution. On the other hand, others assert that the newspaper plays a crucial role in transferring news, because news is the cardinal source of the newspaper. - We can get the fact just from the name of the newspaper (This sentence is connected to the previous one in meaning, so you need to express the connection.). In my opinion, compared to TV, the newspaper is the most significant media in transferring news (The question is asking for 'dependency', or trustworthiness - 'Which source is more DEPENDABLE for news...' - but not 'significance'. Too often I see students miss an essay question entirely simply because they miss an important keyword, therefore I can't say enough of this: READ AND CONSIDER YOUR QUESTION CAREFULLY.).

First of all, news is the major contents in newspapers instead of in TV. To illustrate this point, let's take a look at some statistics about newspapers and TV programs. A survey about the contents of some media, conducted by media companies, shows that 80 percent of passages in newspapers are about news in various aspects, such as economy, science, politics and so on, while only 15 percent of programs on TV are news programs. The major programs broadcasted on TV are TV series, talk shows and other entertainment programs (Again, this shows a weakness with your organization of ideas into sentences. How you divide ideas into sentences shows how you're logically thinking. In this case, your original sentence organization contains two descriptive sentences, one describing the content of newspapers, the other, of TV. But remember that your TS is 'news is the major content is newspapers instead of in TV'. This is a comparison between the contents of newspapers and TV, therefore your following sentences should be organized so, with comparison of contents of newspapers and TV in the same sentence.). From these statistics we can conclude that, if we open a newspaper, we can get the news information easily, but if we open turn on the TV, we may spend lots of time searching for the news programs. Therefore, if we want to get news, newspaper is a more accessible and efficient way.

Also, compared to TV, newspapers have so many advantages, for instance being cheaper and more convenient. Let's take Gorge, one of my teachers, for example. Every day morning when he goes to school, he buys a newspaper and reads it whenever he is free. He said that, he can get information from a newspaper whenever and wherever because newspaper is so light that he can bring it with him all the time. However, he can't watch news programs on TV whenever he wants. He also states that a newspaper costs one yuan, so he totally spends 30 yuan on newspaper every month in total. While, watching TV will cost more than 50 yuan a month, it is much more expensive than reading newspapers. From Gorge's words we can understand that for most people, because of the huge cost and inconvenience of watching TV, newspaper is the most handy and economical way to obtain news. (Again, as I said at the end of the first paragraph, these two paragraphs have nothing to do with the question asking which form of media is more 'dependable'. This clearly shows that you're entirely unaware of the actual question when you're writing your essay. Instead, your focus is only on the nouns - newspapers and TV - and you do comparisons of newspapers with TV on your own accord with total disregard of the exact kind of comparison the question wants you to do.)

However, we know that TV, which combines images and sounds, could make news programs more vivid and attractive and help audiences understand the news in depth. But the number of news programs and the expensive fees for TV lead to so much troubles in watching news programs on TV; as a result many people choose newspapers as the main source of news information. Think about this, if the majority of people obtain news from newspapers rather than TV, and then which one is more significant and dependable for news? (Now you remember the question is about 'dependable'.. but too late. You can't keep talking about significance throughout the whole essay and hope that this one-sentence conclusion with a mention of 'dependable' will get your readers to agree that significance equals dependency.)

总结：

这篇技术问题不大，最大的问题还是完全跑题，从第一段的开场论就从dependable跑到了significant，中间的论述没有半个字提到dependable或者跟dependable类似的词汇，那你怎么能做出令人信服的关于dependable的结论呢？所以请注意不要光看到题目中的名词就自顾自地偷换题目，要注意题目的整体。

illusion泽UID: 2709698

能帮我改改作文么？