macao的托福作文帖，请猛拍，希望大家共同进步！

macaoUID: 2404395

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:- G* C1 a: p+ J3 C  a* Z% I
Students who can keep their own rooms organized are more likely to succeed

I basically agree with this statement that students who organized his/her room are more likely to reach the peak of Mountain Success because of the reasons mentioned follow.

First of all, having this behavior means one has a good custom, and this habit more or less help him/her succeed. If someone always keep his/her room organized, he/she also keep his/her study well organized, perhaps he/she has a detailed daily schedule too, this should be done before 10.AM, I have to finish this experiment within one hour and so on. We have to admit that a person who has schedule about himself/her is more likely to win, because he/she doesn't waste time and energy doing aimless thing and always push himself/her finish some work in time. For instance, my university roommate who lived with me for four years is a man like this, he always kept his desk clean and placed pens and other staples where they belong to, so he can found them immediately. And finally he gained a famous and high-pay position in a world-famous company when graduated. We, his classmates, all concluded his success to his daily custom, and I hypothesize this good custom will lead others to their aims too.

Besides, a well organized room will provides the owner a comfortable circumstances, and we all can not deny the environment influences people's moods and that may decides our efficiency or achievements. We all spend much time in our room, and do a lot things, such as sleeping, having meal, doing entertainment, and study, our room has a close relationship with our daily life . Just make a imagination, if you live in a room with rubbish under your chair and above your textbook and yesterday's lunch besides your laptop which perhaps does not smell well, and furthermore perhaps sometimes when a perfect idea suddenly appears in your brain and you want to write it on the paper however unfortunately you can not find a pen or pencil and a blank paper, under such a environment will you finish your argument or do some extra work quicker and better than other students who have well organized rooms?

However, never can we neglect that there is no absolute and definite thing. Einstein, who is one of the most successful and intelligent scientist in the world, and is also famous for his absurd hairstyle, what was just like a chicken coop. From his terrible hairstyle I got the point that he did not take care of his outlook, and I
can conclude that he has terrible living circumstance because of his ignorance of everything besides science, some people pay all attention to their career and they think organization about room is just a waste of time. And the room's untidy doesn't slow the steps towards realm of their ideal.

So based on the points given above, I have to say that I basically agree with this statement that the habit
keeping room organized will leads to success.

我写的第一篇toefl作文，希望大家狠拍，谢谢谢谢！
祝大家都考出好成绩！！！

爱烤鱼的小伙UID: 2580692

I basically agree with this statement that students who organized（这里不需要被动语态） his/her room are more likely to reach the peak of Mountain Success because of the reasons mentioned follow（as follows）.2 u7 {* a# U8 ^* X: S& j

First of all, having this behavior means one has a good custom, and this habit more or less help（helps） him/her succeed. If someone always keep（keeps） his/her room organized, he/she also keep his/her study well organized, perhaps he/she has a detailed daily schedule too, （such as）this should be done before 10.AM, I have to finish this experiment within one hour and so on. We have to admit that a person who has schedule about himself/her is more likely to win, because he/she doesn't waste time and energy doing aimless thing and always push himself/her finish some work in time. For instance, my university roommate who lived with me for four years is a man like this, he always kept his desk clean and placed pens and other staples where they belong to, so he can found them immediately. And finally he gained a famous and high-pay position in a world-famous company when graduated. We, his classmates, all concluded his success to his daily custom, and I hypothesize this good custom will lead others to their aims too. （这个例子有点牵强诶，你怎么就能确定他找到好工作就是东西整理得好的功劳呢？）

Besides, a well organized room will provides the owner a comfortable circumstances, and we all can not deny the（that） environment influences people's moods and that may decides our efficiency or achievements. We all spend much time in our room, and do a lot things, such as sleeping, having meal, doing entertainment, and study, our room has a close relationship with our daily life . Just make a imagination（直接就是imagin）, if you live in a room with rubbish under your chair and above your textbook and yesterday's lunch besides your laptop which perhaps does not smell well, and furthermore perhaps sometimes when a perfect idea suddenly appears in your brain and you want to write it on the paper however unfortunately you can not find a pen or pencil and a blank paper, under such a environment will you finish your argument or do some extra work quicker and better than other students who have well organized rooms?7 w* }- f% R7 P  \, s  G- Q1 l2 A

However, never can we neglect that there is no absolute and definite thing. Einstein, who is one of the most successful and intelligent scientist in the world, and is also famous for his absurd hairstyle, what was just like a chicken coop. From his terrible hairstyle I got the point that he did not take care of his outlook, and can conclude that he has terrible living circumstance because of his ignorance of everything besides science, some people pay all attention to their career and they think organization about room is just a waste of time. And the room's untidy doesn't slow the steps towards realm of their ideal. ( n2 ^  G  g" {! a3 ?" G

So based on the points given above, I have to say that I basically agree with this statement that the habit keeping room organized will leads to success.
基本逻辑还算清楚，但是论证过于罗嗦，两个论证段之间有重合，而且语法错误太多。楼主在主谓一致上还值得注意

watergoodUID: 2691519

I basicallyagree with this(用the好一点，这里用this没有指代) statement that students who organized（时态注意前后一致） his/her room（前面既然用students,这里就用their rooms吧，或者将之前的students改成单数） are more likely to reach the peak ofMountain Success（木有看见过这样的说法，而且用Mountain Success用大写了，变成了专有名词。这里应该不是真的指某座山峰吧） because of the reasons mentioned （加as）follow.1 u% a7 E: W. W
First of all, having this behavior（拥有这种行为？似乎不通） means one has a good custom, and this habitmore or less （加could）help him/her succeed. If someone always keephis/her room organized, he/she also （加tend to） keep his/her study well organized, perhapshe/she has a detailed daily schedule too（这句和前面意思有重复，而且表达比较奇怪）, this（指代不明） should be done before 10.AM, I have to finishthis（指代不明） experiment within one hour and so on.（用法有误） We have to admit(如果你这样用词的话，后面读者会预计你将出现意思上的转折，而且整个句子表达意思上和段首句非常重复，显得啰嗦) that a person who has schedule abouthimself/her(is good atplanning) is more likely(用possibly替换) to win, because he/she doesn't waste time andenergy doing aimless things and always push himself/her (to) finish some work in time. For instance, myuniversity roommate who lived with me for four years is a man like this(this kind of person), he always kept his desk clean and placedpens and other(可去掉) staples where they belong to（直接用in place 或 in order就行，belong to这样用似乎不对）, so he can found them immediately（easily）. And finally he gained a famous（position没有说是famous的） and high-pay position in a world-famouscompany when graduated. We, his classmates, all concluded his success to hisdaily custom（attribute his success to his wonderful habit）, and I hypothesize(believe) this good custom will lead others to their aimstoo.8 d% Z& j- B3 I$ @6m3 T$ G' G  O1 A
) d5 i4 J2 v9 x, \8 T9 v
Besides, a well organized room will(can，没有必要用将来时态) provides the owner a comfortablecircumstances, and we all can not deny the （加fact that）environment influences people's moods andthat may decides our efficiency or achievements（which might affect our performance）. We all spend much time in our room, anddo a lot things, such as sleeping, having meal, doing entertainment, and study (In university, dormitory is the place where welive, sleep, eat and recreate), our room has a close relationship withour daily life(ourroom is an essential part of our life或者 our room plays an important role in our lives.) . Just make a imagination, if you live in aroom with(用where引导从句进行修饰比较好，with后面加名词再加介词再加长成分的用法非常引人混乱) rubbish under your chair and above yourtextbook and yesterday's lunch besides your laptop which perhaps does not smellwell, and furthermore perhaps sometimes when a perfect idea suddenly appearsin your brain（come up in your mind） and you want to write it on the paper howeverunfortunately you can not find a pen or pencil and a blank paper, under such a environment(situation) will you finish your argument or do someextra work quicker and better than other students who have well organized rooms?
+ Y2 V9 L3 l/ Y+ f$ }2 J" u8 e# T
However, never can we neglect thatthere is no absolute and definite thing(这个太中文了吧). Einstein, who is one of the most successfuland intelligent scientist in the world, and is also famous for his absurd（weird） hairstyle, what was just like a chicken coop. From histerrible(awful) hairstyle I got the point(assume) that he did not take care of (care about)his outlook（looking/appearance）, and I  \& m/ ] can conclude that he has terrible livingcircumstance because of his ignorance of everything besides science,some people pay all attention to their career and they think organization aboutroom is just a waste of time. And the room's untidy doesn't slow the stepstowards realm of their ideal.
（这几句话都太中文了）
So based on the points given above, Ihave to say that（可去掉） I basically agree with this statement thatthe habitkeeping room organized will leads to success.

恭维的话不多说了，主要提提意见，说得不对或者不知轻重的地方，请多多包涵：）
文章的词汇和语句都存在较多的问题，词汇的意思掌握得不准确，句子的语法错误较多。
另外出个小主意，如果还不太善于掌握复杂成分的用法，那么先用简单句将事情说清楚了，然后才是把句子弄得好看、复杂、高级。不然真的是弄巧成拙，语义表达不清而且语法还错漏频出。
另外建议写的时候是把握要表达的意思，而不是把中文翻译成英文，这样可能中文式英语的问题就能相对减轻一些。当然，这需要建立在多掌握一些词和词组的用法上。
上面说得比较直接，希望LZ不要见怪。痛则通，不痛则不通，LZ加油

macaoUID: 2404395

What is the best way to travel, the answer varies from person to person, some people regard attending a group led by a guide is more convenient and more comfortable, however some other people may prefer travel alone. As to me, I prefer the latter choice as the following reasons.

First, compared with group travel, travel alone is a save of time and energy, free travel plan won't produce unnecessary waste or waiting. Just imagine it, a group travel tourist has to wait for other group members no matter at the airport restaurant or tourist attractions, only after has seen every members' face will the guide take them to next destination. Every one's taste and interest is different, however due to the time table, they have to obey the guide's assignment, though he or she may think this place is boring. As to me, I will enjoy a bicycle ride to an awesome sea island after this TOEFL test, my partner is my bicycle and my package, so they won't shake heads about every decisions made by me. I can go anywhere I want, I will eat at any restaurant I like, and I could spend a whole day reading a book at a cafe or I also has the right to wake up at 11 AM. In my opinion, free is very important during travel, and alone travel provides me it.

Besides, traveling alone could help me deeply understand the place I have been to. I regard travel not only a kind of experience about beautiful scenes or wonderful food, not the understanding about the history and customs or even the religion beliefs. Without the explain of the tour guide, I have to explode it by myself, we have to check books such as "Lonely Planet", we have to communicate to local people about everything we wonder. Independent thinking is by no means links to one’s growing, and alone travel provides one this.

Furthermore, and what I think the most important aspect of alone travel is that I have the chance to meet new friend. If I enter a tour group, I will have dinner with my group members and live at the hotel with them too. Perhaps we are busy about buying souvenirs or taking photos which we won't see next time, everyday’s plan is full and we have no time “wasting”. However I think that the most interesting thing during travel is that you can meet different kinds of people, and what they told you may becomes a priceless wealth.

To sum up, every one has his or her own definition of travel, and I prefer traveling to somewhere by myself because it provide me a kind of experience that can never be copied.

shengyan1988UID: 2779324

What is the best way to travel, the answer varies from person to person, some people regard attending a group led by a guide is more convenient and more comfortable, however some other people may prefer travel(traveling) alone. As to me, I prefer the latter choice as the following reasons.

First, compared with group travel, travel alone is a save of time and energy, free travel plan won't produce unnecessary waste or waiting. Just imagine it, a group travel tourist has to wait for other group members no matter at the airport restaurant or tourist attractions, only after has seen(seeing) every members' face will the guide take them to next destination. Every one's taste and interest is different, however due to the time table, they have to obey the guide's assignment, though he or she may think this place is boring. As to(for) me, I will enjoy a bicycle ride to an awesome sea island after this TOEFL test, my partner is my bicycle and my package, so they won't shake heads about every decisions made by me. I can go anywhere I want, I will eat at any restaurant I like, and I could spend a whole day reading a book at a cafe or(and) I also has(have) the right to wake up at 11 AM. In my opinion, free is very important during travel, and alone travel provides me it.

Besides, traveling alone could help me deeply understand the place I have been to(visit). I regard travel not only (as) a kind of experience about beautiful scenes or wonderful food, not(but also) the understanding about the history and customs or even the religion beliefs. Without the explain(explaination) of the tour guide, I have to explode it by myself, we(注意前后人称一致，前面是I，这边就变成we了) have to check books such as "Lonely Planet", we have to communicate to local people about everything we wonder. Independent thinking is by no means links to one’s growing, and alone travel provides one this(provide this to us。

Furthermore, and what I think the most important aspect of alone travel is that I have the chance to meet(make) new friend. If I enter(join) a tour group, I will have dinner with my group members and live at the hotel with them too. Perhaps we are busy about(去掉) buying souvenirs or taking photos which we won't see next time, everyday’s plan is full and we have no time “wasting”. However I think that the most interesting thing during travel is that you can meet different kinds of people, and what they told you may becomes a priceless wealth.

To sum up, every one has his or her own definition of travel, and I prefer traveling to somewhere by myself because it provide me a kind of experience that can never be copied.

观点还比较清晰，论证到位，但是中式英语痕迹太重了，表达很不地道，而且句子不通顺，语法和时态错误太多，希望以后多注意

macaoUID: 2404395

4.14   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying.

Nowadays, some people claim that students could receive a better and more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year studying. This statement sounds reasonable, however, after careful and close security, I have to say that I strongly disagree with it and the reasons are followed.

To begin with, I'm afraid the accurate and objective definition of the word "better" and "efficient" must be dig out. But unfortunately, I did not find that supporters give any possible clues. Without a clear definition, simply conclude I that a better and more efficient education means a high examination score. Lacking of other methods of testing the achievements of education, a test  perhaps is the first and easiest method come into so-called experts' brains. And I think this kind of score-oriented education won't create high qualified people and talented children will be changed to only questions-solved machines. The result is terrible and will destruct our future society.

Besides, even they find the right method to promote education, will students tolerate the long time studying about 11 months a year? As to me, the answer is NO. First, I think there are other significant things waiting for me except studying. I could to play basketball with my team mates  in order to strength my body and understand the meaning of teamwork and hard working more vivid, I can also watch a TV series with my family for further developing our relationship. Life flies , so how can we just waste time on bored studying such as reading a test book or do a chemical experiment. The purpose of my life is by no means only the study and I have confidence my life attitude will be supported by the majority of other students. Second, I'm afraid my brain and body can not tolerate a continue 11 months’ study. Nowadays, a normal student usually have a three months' vacations a year, and that means he/she spend 9 months at school without the count of weekends, so the time he/she spend on studying is less than 9 months without questions. In my opinion, current arrangement of studying time is comfortable and scientific and 11 months' studying is so long that perhaps is just a damage to our mental and physical health. And it only bring worse and less efficient result thought by me.

Take into consideration about the fact I discussed above, it is safe for me to draw the conclusion that the statement about a long-term studying will bring better and more efficient education is nothing but totally a imagination.

macaoUID: 2404395

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion that government should spend money on assess Internet or public transportation. Some people encourage government take finance on transportation. However, some other people believe Internet has more significant purpose for the whole society. As to me, after careful and close security, I agree with the latter opinion as the reasons followed.

First of all, Internet plays an increasingly role in our daily life. Internet, invented in last century, with its wide availability, increasingly prosperous functions, becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history, and is more and more difficult to ignore. Internet is as much a part of our lives as are our meals, work, or school. Take myself as an example , I can stay at home for a whole day, however, I could not endure a life without computer and Internet. Because Internet not only provides me a chance to entertain myself, but also gives me the latest news and knowledge. I can check my mail box receiving my birthday card from a far away friend. And I could get President Obama’s time schedule from Twitter.com, and furthermore I also get the chance to see a NCAA basketball match online, which I won’t see through China’s TV program. Compared to transportation, Internet offers different convenience which would bring our life more colorful.

Besides, to some extent, Internet decreased the need of transportation. Thanks to Internet, many of my jobs could finished at home , so I needn’t  go to school and I won’t use public transportation either. Based on the rapid Internet speed, the efficiency of upload and download has been deeply increased. We can finish the research at home, so we won’t need to go to school ; We could visit some websites which provides some books online, so library seems less necessary to us. And we also could buy some cheap and unique cloths from Ebay or some other shopping sites, so we needn’t tolerate the crowd people in the mall. The rapid development of Internet has helped us save a lot of time and energy, and decrease the burden of transportation also.

However, never can we neglect the importance of the public transportation. Transportation is a symbol of modern civilization. Transportation always is regarded as a primary factor when judge a city whether it is an international one. And traffic jam, I guess, will be hated by lots of people without hesitation, and government won’t ignore the building of transportation anytime.

Take into consideration about the fact I mentioned above, it is safer for me to draw the conclusion , although concede I the importance of the public transportation, the more significant thing for us to purse is the usage of Internet to the whole society. So if government has a budget to invest something, I will choose Internet.

canoe03UID: 2786666

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion that government should spend money on assess Internet or public transportation. Some people encourage government take finance on(不大懂？) transportation. However, some other people believe Internet has more significant purpose for the whole society. As to me, after careful and close security( J又看不懂了。。。), I agree with the latter opinion as the reasons followed.


First of all, Internet plays an increasingly role in our daily life. Internet, invented in last century, with its wide availability, (这里用一个and好了) increasingly prosperous functions, becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history(在历史上？这样写有点不通顺，改成nowadays比较合适), and is more and more difficult to ignore(后面加点什么东西，否着这样不好看懂的). Internet is as much a part of our lives as are our meals(这里的表述有问题，如果楼主想表达和吃饭、工作、学习一样，换个句型会比较好，), work, or school(不是学校啦，是学习，study). Take myself as an example, I can stay at home for a whole day, however, I could not endure a life without computer and Internet. Because Internet not only provides me a chance to entertain myself, but also gives me the latest news and knowledge. I can check my mail box receiving my birthday card from a far away friend. And I could get President Obama’s time schedule(schedule就可以了，它本身就含有时间安排的意思) from Twitter.com(GOOD,可惜推特被封了), and furthermore I also get the chance to see(watch?) a NCAA basketball match online, which(这里换成转折词but、however之类的会通一些) I won’t(can not) see through(此介词用错) China’s TV program. Compared to transportation, Internet offers different convenience which would bring our life more colorful.


Besides, to some extent, Internet decreased the need of transportation(互联网减少了运输的需要？). Thanks to Internet, many of my jobs(works) could (be) finished at home , so I needn’t
go to school and I won’t use public transportation either. Based on the rapid Internet speed, the efficiency of upload and download has been deeply increased. We can finish the research(这里说不过去，对于理工科学生来说，在研究中做实验是很重要的一部分，不能因为有了网络而不去学校) at home, so we won’t need to go to school ; We could visit some websites which provides some books online, so library seems less necessary to us. And we also could buy some cheap and unique cloths(clothes) from Ebay or some other shopping sites(website), so we needn’t tolerate the crowd people in the mall. The rapid development of Internet has helped us save a lot of time and energy, and decrease the burden of transportation also.


However, never can we neglect the importance of the public transportation. Transportation is a symbol of modern civilization. Transportation always is(这两词也许应该换一下) regarded as a primary factor when judge(judging) a city whether it is(judging whether a city is an….) an international one. And traffic jam, I guess, will be hated by lots of people without hesitation, and government won’t ignore the building of transportation anytime.(这段话里充斥了许多needn’t和won’t之类的词，LZ也许可以考虑换个词用用，还有不知道有些是不是用错了)


Take into consideration about the fact I mentioned above, it is safer(用这个词不大好) for me to draw the conclusion , although concede I the importance of the public transportation, the more significant thing for us to purse(pursue，拼错了) is the usage of Internet to the whole society(这段话表达有问题，请三思). So if government has a budget to invest something, I will choose Internet.

(LZ同学，这是我第一次改你的作文，如果我改的有错，请多多包涵。看来我们两对public transportation的理解不一样。在LZ的文章里，先提出internet比较重要，很好。但是中间三段的论述中，前面两段是讲互联网的作用，LZ讲了很多例子但是同时也应该论述性的说一下互联网在经济中的不可替代性。然后在第四段开始讲公共运输的重要作用时，LZ说公共运输体现了国际化都市，这样好像不能成立，或许应该提一提它在国民经济中的重要作用。最后结尾LZ倾向了政府应该向互联网投资，既然前面提到了公共运输的作用，那么在结尾的时候也该提一下。J，以上都是个人拙见，如有不对请LZ谅解。从文章看来，LZ应该是个写作文不久的年轻人，加油！)

附件和上述一样 密码是000000

macaoUID: 2404395

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion that government should spend money on assess Internet or public transportation. Some people encourage government take finance on(不大懂？) transportation. Howeve ...
canoe03 发表于 2010-5-10 11:54

非常感谢 同学你批得很用心 意见我回认真采纳的 祝你考出好成绩啊！

macaoUID: 2404395

是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects?3 i'

With the development of modern science technology, especially home Electric equipments, nowadays, there is a heated discussion that whether telephone or television provides more effects to us human beings. Some people prefer television, for the entertainment it brings. However, other people would choose telephone, because they regard it as an important tool of communication. As to me, after careful and close security, I will select the first opinion without hesitation, as the reasons followed.

First of all, regarded by me, television is one of the most significant inventions in history. Television , with its wide availability, increasingly prosperous programs, becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history, and is more and more difficult to ignore. Television is as much a part of our lives as are our meals, work, or study. Take myself as example, when I come back home after school, after a exhausted day, the only thing I want to do is sitting on the sofa and enjoying the TV programs. I could watch a NBA basketball game, crazing for the Michael Jordan's incredible final shot. Or listen a lecture from Stephen Hawking, learning something about whether aliens actually exist. television not only entertain me but also provides  methods grasping knowledge which are different from school's learning, based on my personal experience, I regard television as a necessity of a family under any circumstance.

Besides, telephone has played a less important role in our daily life as the result of development of Internet. And the effect of telephone by no means has decreased. We could use software such as MSN to communicate to our family and friends far away. With the help of a microphone, we can get the similar effect compared to telephone, and a camera can help us see the face of the people we are talking to which can not realized by the telephone, so the Internet communication is much more convenient than telephone, furthermore it is cheaper especially when you want to talk to someone on another side of the world. Besides, a recent science study claims that long-time use of telephone such as a mobile one will do harm to health, owing to radiation. However , that has not found in the computer. So, as to me, I prefer Internet method of communication to telephone due to its cheap expense and convenience.

However, never can we neglect the importance of the telephone. In some remote mountain villages, where Internet service has not been covered, telephone is still the basic and primary method of communication. Moreover, perhaps every urban resident has a mobile phone, and it is the forest thing one takes when leaving house.

Take into consideration about the fact I mentioned above, it is safer for me to draw the conclusion that, concede I the importance of the telephone, the more significant thing for us to purse is the usage of television to the whole society.

penn4uUID: 2696512

lz因为我也是新手如果有什么不对的地方请你见谅，或者我们再讨论共同进步
With the development of modern science technology, especially home Electric（需要大写吗？是否需要加上一个especially for ） equipments, nowadays, there is a heated discussion that whether telephone or television provides more effects to us human beings. (这里感觉有点不对，whether 好还是which好，which effect us more？不知道这样是不是好点）Some people prefer television, for the entertainment it brings. However, other people would choose telephone, because they regard it as an important tool of communication. As to me, after careful and close security, I will select the first opinion without hesitation, as the reasons followed.
First of all, regarded by me, television is one of the most significant inventions in history. Television , with its wide availability, （and）increasingly prosperous programs, （has been becoming是不是要好点）becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history, and is more and more difficult to ignore.（couldn't to be ignore） Television is as much a part of our lives as are our meals, work, or study. Take myself as example, when I come back home after school, after a exhausted day, the only thing I want to do is sitting on the sofa and enjoying the TV programs. I could watch a NBA basketball game, crazing for the Michael Jordan's incredible final shot. Or （这里感觉不对）listen a lecture from Stephen Hawking, learning（应该是learn吧时态好像混了） something about whether aliens actually exist. television not only entertain（大小写和少了个s） me but also provides  methods grasping knowledge which are different from school's learning, based on my personal experience, I regard television as a necessity of a family under any circumstance.（这句话的结构好像不对，应该需要再检查下）
Besides, telephone has played a less important role in our daily life as the result of development of Internet. And the effect of telephone by no means has decreased. We could use software such as MSN to communicate to our family and friends far away. With the help of a microphone, we can get the similar effect compared to telephone, and a camera can help us see the face of the people we are talking to which can not realized by the telephone（这句话应该是有错误的那么定于从句套一起，最后一个which让我很模糊）, so the Internet communication is much more convenient than telephone, furthermore it is cheaper especially when you want to talk to someone on another side of the world. Besides, a recent science study claims that long-time use of telephone such as a mobile one（mobilephone？？？） will do harm to health, owing to radiation. However , that has not found in the computer.（电脑也有radiation） So, as to me, I prefer Internet method of communication to telephone due to its cheap expense and convenience.
However, never can we neglect the importance of the telephone. In some remote mountain villages, where Internet service has not been covered, telephone is still the basic and primary method of communication. Moreover, perhaps every urban resident has a mobile phone, and it is the forest thing one takes when leaving house.

Take into consideration about the fact I mentioned above, it is safer for me to draw the conclusion that, concede I the importance of the telephone, the more significant thing for us to purse is the usage of television to the whole society.（这段没读懂意思）
如果有什么我们可以聊下。我也是新手谢谢

old-pipeUID: 2513842

是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects?3 i'

With the development of modern science technology, especially home Electric equipments, nowadays, there is a heated discussion that whether telephone or television provides more effects to us human beings. Some people prefer television, for the entertainment it brings. However, other people would choose telephone, because they regard it as an important tool of communication. As to me, after careful and close security, I will select the first opinion without hesitation, as the reasons followed. (Following reasons.)  我觉得可以直接明确观点，尽快切入主题。

First of all, regarded by me, television is one of the most significant inventions in history. Television, with its wide availability, increasingly prosperous programs, becomes one of the most powerful means of communication in the history, and is more and more difficult to ignore. Television is as much a part of our lives as are 去掉our meals, work, or and study. Take myself as example, when I come back home after school, after an exhausted day, the only (first) thing I want to do is sitting on the sofa and enjoying the TV programs. I could watch a NBA basketball game, crazing for the Michael Jordan's incredible final shot, Or and listen a lecture from Stephen Hawking, learning something about whether aliens actually exist. Therefore, television not only entertain me but also provides  methods grasping knowledge 什么意思？which are different from school's learning, based on my personal experience, I regard television as a necessity of a family under any circumstance.过于绝对。例子举得不是太好，尽量不要举自己的例子，说服力不够。
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Besides, telephone has played a less important role in our daily life as the result of development of Internet. And the effect of telephone by no means has decreased. We could use software such as MSN to communicate to (with) our family and friends far away. With the help of a microphone, we can get the similar effect compared to telephone, and a camera can help us see the face of the people we are talking to which can not realized by the telephone, so (therefore,) the Internet communication is much more convenient than telephone, furthermore it is cheaper especially when you want to talk to someone on another side of the world. Besides, a recent science study  claims that long-time use of 去掉telephone such as a mobile one will do harm to health, 这句话不舒服owing to radiation. However , that has not found in the computer. So,尽量不要这么用 as to me, I prefer Internet method of communication to telephone (use telephone to communication )due to its cheap expense and convenience. 多使用高级词汇，句子链接不太自然。整体还不错。

However, never can we neglect the importance of the telephone. In some remote mountain villages, where Internet service has not been covered, telephone is still the basic and primary method of communication. Moreover, perhaps every urban resident has a mobile phone, and it is the forest thing one takes when leaving house. 3 x" r0 r5 D0 m( M3 q1 e1 X8 w# F
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Take into consideration about the fact I mentioned above, it is safer for me to draw the conclusion that,( From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that) concede I the importance of the telephone, the more significant thing for us to purse is the usage of television to the whole society.
文章整体结构挺清晰，写的还不错。但是，一些句子和词的用法还有些问题，很多细节问题。我没有全指出来，希望可以理解，多积累些好的词句，对于作文还是有帮助的。加油。

macaoUID: 2404395

5.12 09.1.17 NA1 n0 o0 ]8 P* j: c- @
Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.+ _; h( _9 z


With the development of media, especially on advertisement, nowadays, there is a heated discussion that whether advertisement is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits. Some people claim so, however, some other people shake their hands towards it. For my part, after careful and close scrutiny , I disagree with that the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits is advertising for the following reasons.

To begin with, Advertisement plays an increasing effort upon people's daily life, and most of them are positive. Advertisement, with its widely availability, increasing styles, has become one part of our television and Internet programs and are more and more difficult to ignore. Some advertisements are deeply admired by me not only for its cast formations but also the incredible designs. After a whole day's study, I come home and the only thing I want to do is sitting on the sofa enjoy the television programs. I won't waste time on TV series for its long-lasting period, however, some short advertisements always grasp my attention. I could notice the exotic scenes which I have never seen before, and find another side of a famous movie star from the advertisements he/she acts. Besides, some advertisements are created full of mysterious and gorgeous atmosphere, which like a short movie. All in all, with the development of computer media technology, more and more advertisements are produced for entertain and educate the ordinary besides of its simply commercial purpose.

Besides, bad health habits are related to some other reasons. Nowadays, perhaps everyone suffer from the stress from work and study. And time for them is always limited, so they have to shorten the period for anything, even eating. That they choose some junk food is just for saving time. So I conclude that stress also result the bad eating habits , and what the assertion claims is logically unconvincing.

However, we have to admit that advertisements also make an negative impression on people's behavior, especially on these naïve children. According to a recent survey, the rate of fat and unhealthy children are much more than that ten years ago. High calories intake is the main reason of that phenomenon , what also existed in those McDonald and KFC’s food. Children are easily influenced by these junk food’s advertisement, for the lacking of judgment.

Take into the consideration about the fact I mentioned above, it is safer for me to draw the conclusion that, concede I the negative impression advertisement brings to eating habits, the claim that advertisement is the only reason for the unhealthy eating habits is totally unconvincing.

macaoUID: 2404395

With the development of the modern science and technology, nowadays we suffer more stress compared to our ancestor. Some people rethink what is the correct life style what is the purpose of work, there rises a heated assertion whether a job with high salary less vacation or the opposite one should be taken. Some people insist the value of life is enjoying so they choose a job with less salary and more vacation. However, after careful and close scrutiny, I disagree with them and I prefer a job with high salary and less vacation as some other people for the following reasons.

First of all, a job with high salary means a higher social status, which makes me feel satisfied to some extend. Take my bother for example, he is a well-paid young person, working at a world famous investment bank, and rarely has vacation. He is the proud of his parents, and admired by the neighborhood also. Moreover, he possesses kinds of convenience as a credit card with further overdraft limit and duration. Furthermore, earning is totally connected with the contribution, and these high-paid people are always control the majority resource of the society, which provides them a opportunity to change our world. The scientists or CEOs from big companies all has a large bundle of wealth, and perhaps they have to work 14 hours everyday without holidays, however none of them dislike the current situation observed by me, and the reason concluded by me is they could bring the whole world more convenience based on their hard work, and that perhaps achieve their life-long aims.

Besides, more money means a better material life statue. With the help of high salary, I could own a big house with a wide window and a warm fireplace, and attain a expensive SUV. My wife and future child will definitely enjoy the gorgeous scene seen from the window, and my parents give the opportunity travel to Tibet by the SUV. Although by the stress of work, I won't get vacations easily, however, my beloved ones could enjoy a comfortable by my salary, which also realize my dream to some extent.

However, though a high salary job is pursued by majority of people including me, the negative aspect it brings should never forgotten. The news about white-collar guy’s suicide for the high salary happens frequently. Or an irregular life style destroys our stomach definitely. All in all, a high salary always comes with high stress, and that will harm our health without question.

Take into consideration I mentioned above, it is safer for me to draw the conclusion, that concede I some negative result a job with higher salary and less vacation brings,  it still has charming for me to pursue.

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5.14
by m4mischa