独立写作小组 3.28 shouwang1

shouwang1UID: 2787309

From my perspective,I do not agree that children should only play sports for fun,not in competition or contest.
Although playing sports in competition or contest has some bad influence on children,for intance,they may concern too much about the result,instead of enjoying the sports,and it also may lead to more troubles among children.However,to some degree,playing sports in competition or contest has some positive effect if they are taught to have a better understanding of competition.

First,competition.is an effective way to help children to enhance them in sports.If they have a competition,they will take it seriously and spend more time on the training.What’s more,as long as they devote themselves,they are sure to make great progress.Therefore,competition play the role of impetus in their life.However,if they only play sports for fun,few of them will attach importance to sports,which is just a joy for them,and the effect of improvement will be limitted.

Competition also contributes to teamwork.Maybe someone will argue that competition encourages children to pay more attention to individual sake,instead of the group’s sake. However,children will rise awareness of teamwork if they are sent to group competition,for example,the soccer game,or the basketball game,each of them have a certain role in their team,so they should be responsible for some duty.which helps them have a better understanding of teamwork than being taught in class ,because they learn what is teamwork with heart and it will take hold perpectuately.I feel so sorry that I am not a person who can handle teamwork well,because I do not know how to deal with different parts in a team.I really wish I had taken some football competitions instead of playing just for fun when I was a child.

Most important of all,it teaches children to set a goal and how to realize it,which will be benificial for them through their life. They will be taught what they should do in order to make their little dream come true,and they will fight for their dreams.I’d say,it is the most important character for a person. Because a person with a certain goal will have more reasons to pursue his/her dream.

In a word,children should play sports for fun,meanwhile,they should take part in some sports competitions.


这个格式不知道为什么这么怪···

老王家的小猫UID: 2781258

From my perspective, I do not agree that children should only play sports for fun, not in competition or contest.

Although playing sports in competition or contest has some bad influence on children, for instance (instance), they may concern too much about the result, instead of enjoying the sports, and it also may lead to more troubles among children. However, to some degree, playing sports in competition or contest has some positive effect if they(they在这里指代不明，还是用children比较好) are taught to have a better understanding of competition.

First, competition is an effective way to help children to enhance them(themselves 或者用 their abilities) in sports. If they have a competition, they will take it seriously and spend more time on the training. What’s more, as long as they devote themselves(加上to sth比较好吧), they are sure to make great progress. Therefore, competition play（plays） the role of impetus in their life. However, if they only play sports for fun, few of them will attach importance to sports, which is just a joy for them, and the effect of improvement will be limited.(到后面基本都在用代词they, them和their, 建议LZ关注下这些词的指代意义是否明确)

Competition also contributes to teamwork. Maybe someone will argue that competition encourages children to pay more attention to individual sake, instead of the group’s sake. However ,children will rise awareness of teamwork if they are sent to group competition, for example, the soccer game, or the basketball game ,each of them have a certain role in their team ,so they should be responsible for some duty. which helps them have a better understanding of teamwork than being taught in class ,because they learn what is teamwork with heart and it will take hold perpectuately.(从however开始就一直是逗号，呵呵，应该把句子分解下啦)（Taking myself for examples,） I feel so sorry that I am not a person who can handle teamwork well, because I do not know how to deal with different parts in a team. I really wish I had taken some football competitions instead of playing just for fun when I was a child.

Most important of all, it teaches children to set a goal and how to realize it, which will be benificial(beneficial) for them through their life. They will be taught what they should do in order to make their little dream come true,and they will fight for their dreams.I’d (like to) say,it is the most important character for a person. Because a person with a certain goal will have more reasons to pursue his/her dream.

In a word,children should play sports for fun,meanwhile,they should take part in some sports competitions.
还是不错的，不过个人觉得LZ最大的问题就是其中的代词用的太多了，they, them和their,连续使用往往会有指代对象不是很明确的问题，呵呵~

shouwang1UID: 2787309

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most advertisements make the products seem much better than they really are.

I quiet agree that most advertisements make the products seem much better than they really are. Because I major in public relations,so I have ever participanted in projecting advertisement to promote some products. Here I am going to state some reasons .

First ,advertiser will choose one or two outstanding points of their products to show in their advertisements,instead of all aspects. Therefore,we receive the information that what good quality the products have. For example,if we make advertisement project for HP, we may deliver the information that how beautiful and smart the computer is,however,the advertisement does not show how poor the heat dissipation is. As a result,we consumers are only informed the positive informmation,and we do not get the negtive until we purchase it.

Advertisements are also a kind of art,so artists always exaggerate the function by taking advantage of art in order to persuade consumers to trust how wonderful the product is Thus,it is not the real function of the product showing in the advertisement. To some degree,these advertisement will mislead consumers when they make decisions. For example,Panting shampoo,I think everyone has ever watched the TV advertisements or outdoor advertisement of Panting, a gorgeous girl with attractive hair always appear in its advertisement. However,it turns out that not everyone can be so gorgeous as the model after using the Panting shampoo.  Another example is that I have ever worked as a model for my friends in her advertisement about a kind of fish can, I have to show my enjoyment and excitement when I eat it,as a matter of fact,I even do not eat fish,but I have no choice but to show my enjoyable expressions.This is a common way of persuasion in advertisement.

Besides,numerous false advertisements appear in the market,consumers are not able to distinguish them from the real ones,furthermore,the real one kind of exagerrate its products,but the false advertisements are illegal,because they totally deliver the false information to confuse consumers,and disturb the market meanwhile. Under such circumstance,adversiments are not to show their primary products,in order to persue more profit.

In a word,most advertisements make the products seem much better than they reaaly are.

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most advertisements make the products seem much better than they really are.$ V. c, h- ~% d& I1 Y  H3 o
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I quiet(quite) agree that most advertisements make the products seem much better than they really are. Because I major in public relations,so I have ever participanted in projecting advertisement to promote some products. Here I am going to state some reasons .7 ~% T; C! G' e! S& J
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First ,advertiser will choose one or two outstanding points of their products to show in their advertisements,instead of all aspects. Therefore,we receive the information that what(how) good quality the products have. For example,if we make advertisement project for HP, we may deliver(convey)the information that how beautiful and smart the computer is,however,the advertisement does not show how poor the heat dissipation is. As a result,we consumers are only informed the positive informmation,and we do not get the negtive until we purchase(表达的意思应该是have used) it.
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: y# Q# _4 B  yAdvertisements are also a kind of art,so artists always exaggerate the function by taking advantage of art in order to persuade consumers to trust how wonderful the product is Thus,it is not the real function of the product showing in the advertisement. To some degree,these advertisement will mislead consumers when they make decisions. For example,Panting shampoo,I think everyone has ever watched the TV advertisements or outdoor advertisement of Panting, a gorgeous girl with attractive hair always appear in its advertisement. However,it turns out that not everyone can be so gorgeous as the model after using the Panting shampoo.  Another example is that I have ever worked as a model for my friends in her advertisement about a kind of fish can, I have to show my enjoyment and excitement when I eat it,as a matter of fact,I even do not eat fish,but I have no choice but to show my enjoyable expressions.This is a common way of persuasion in advertisement.
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* Z( S. v4 p, Z" W, SBesides,numerous false advertisements appear in the market,consumers are not able to distinguish them from the real ones,furthermore,the real one kind of exagerrate (拼错了，exaggerate？)its products,but the false advertisements are illegal,because they totally deliver the false information to confuse consumers,and disturb the market meanwhile. Under such circumstance,adversiments are not to show their primary products,in order to persue more profit. ; {; g* [. p/ z) t8 x& m

$ J# p! ?  h1 n7 }" [9 {" C' HIn a word,most advertisements make the products seem much better than they reaalyreally are
写的还是很不错的观点很好

lain0119UID: 2695504

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most advertisements make the products seem much better than they really are.

I quiet(这个副词不是书面用语) agree that most advertisements make the products seem much better than they really are. Because I major in public relations,so I have ever participanted in projecting advertisement to promote some products(这个逻辑不成立,lz参与过广告的项目不代表广告里的就比实物更好了). Here I am going to state some reasons .

First ,advertiser will choose one or two outstanding points of their products to show in their advertisements,instead of all aspects. Therefore,we receive the information that what good quality the products have. For example,if we make advertisement project for HP, we may deliver the information that how beautiful and smart the computer is,however,the advertisement does not show how poor the heat dissipation is. As a result,we consumers are only informed the positive informmation,and we do not get the negtive until we purchase it.'

Advertisements are also a kind of art,so artists always exaggerate the function by taking advantage of art in order to persuade consumers to trust how wonderful the product is Thus,it is not the real function of the product showing in the advertisement. To some degree,these advertisement will mislead consumers when they make decisions. For example,Panting shampoo,I think everyone has ever watched the TV advertisements or outdoor advertisement of Panting, a gorgeous girl with attractive hair always appear in its advertisement. However,it turns out that not everyone can be so gorgeous as the model after using the Panting shampoo(那美女怎么就艺术了没有说明啊~~~).  Another example is that I have ever worked as a model for my friends in her advertisement about a kind of fish can, I have to show my enjoyment and excitement when I eat it,as a matter of fact,I even do not eat fish,but I have no choice but to show my enjoyable expressions.This is a common way of persuasion in advertisement.(这段的例子不是art...是stratege...）

Besides,numerous false advertisements appear in the market,consumers are not able to distinguish them from the real ones（逗号不能连接两个主谓宾完整的句子）,furthermore,the real one kind of exagerrate its products,but the false advertisements are illegal（咳，跑题了）,because they totally deliver the false information to confuse consumers,and disturb the market meanwhile（主题句还是简洁点）. Under such circumstance,adversiments are not to show their primary products,in order to persue more profit.

In a word（最好不要用这个连词，在老外眼里in a word 就真的只是一个词儿~）,most advertisements make the products seem much better than they reaaly are.
从制作广告的tricks方面来写确实角度比较好，但是lz还是要注意句子的表达和段落内部论点与例子的支撑。

shouwang1UID: 2787309

4月7号交作业···

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to have a friend who is smart than to have a friend who is humorous.  

In modern society,more and more people regard friend as a tool to help enhance themselves,thus,a bouch of  people prefer to make smart friends who are beneficial for them in their study and career. For me,I prefer homorous friends for the following reasons. So I do not agree the claim that it is better to have a friend who is smart than to have a friend who is humorous.

First of all,I think a good friend should bring happiness to people around him/her,so humor is a significant element in character. No normal person will reject being happy during whole life,so humorous friends are resources of happiness. Especially when we feel down,they can offer us spiritual help,that is,how to be happy,because their humor will have a great influence on us,which is effective in lightening our mood to some extent. Furthermore,it is a sort of integridient in our daily life,we can lead a very gleeful life when we are with our humourous friends.

More importantly,friends with humor teach us a crucial lesson of being happy all the time,which is much more important than to be smart. For humorous friends always have a kind of positive attitude towards life, and we will be affected by them subconsciously or consciously. If we possess the precious attitude,we will be more galant when encountering frustration or failure. Without a positive mood,we can never do anything well.

Last but not least,I’d say,humorous friend could be permanent friend while smart friend may appear transient in our life from time to time. Because people will persue happiness all through his/her life,and it is happiness that encourages people to be more energetic and active. Hence ,humourous friend is a great treasure for us ,because whatever difficulty we run into during our life,the positive attitude that humorous friend conveys to us will help us deal with it. However,smartness may help us have a successful career,but not a real meaningful life.

To sum up,as a byword says,“A friend in need is a friend indeed”means friends can offer help whenever theii friends are in need of a favor, and the positive attitude is the most influential help friends have ever offered. So I do not agree that a it is better to have a friend who is smart than to have a friend who is humorous.

bruce520UID: 2634940

In modern society, more and more people regard friend as a tool to help enhance themselves, thus, a bouch【这个词拼写不对吧】 of  people prefer to make smart friends who are beneficial for them 【这里可以省略】in their study and career. For me, I prefer homorous friends for the following reasons. So I do not agree the claim that it is better to have a friend who is smart than to have a friend who is humorous. ^8 ~1 T9 x: V: x; X, r4 ?
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First of all,I think a good friend should bring happiness to people around him/her,so humor is a significant element in character. No normal person will reject being happy during whole life,so [so可以换一下，therefore也可以啊]humorous friends are resources of happiness. Especially when we feel down,they can offer us spiritual help,that is,how to be happy【这里换我会这样表达they can offer us spiritual help which makes me happy，不过后面的表达都要换，哎，纠结】,because their humor will have a great influence on us,which is effective in lightening our mood to some extent. Furthermore,it is a sort of integridient in our daily life,we can lead a very gleeful life when we are with our humourous friends.
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More importantly【More important】 ,friends with humor teach us a crucial lesson of being happy all the time,which is much more important than to be smart. For humorous friends always have a kind of positive attitude towards life, and we will be affected by them subconsciously or consciously. If we possess the precious attitude,we will be more galant when encountering frustration or failure. Without a positive mood,we can never do anything well.. s* s+ f6 w( K+ Z/ @
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Last but not least, I’d say, humorous friend could be permanent friend while smart friend may appear transient in our life from time to time【次论点太绝对了吧】. Because people will persue happiness all through his/her life,and it is happiness that encourages people to be more energetic and active. Hence ,humourous friend is a great treasure for us ,because whatever difficulty we run into during our life,the positive attitude that humorous friend conveys to us will help us deal with it. However,smartness may help us have a successful career,but not a real meaningful life.8 y: x1 b, P" V# G  p* q

" R" j' h* w, F+ uTo sum up,as a byword says,“A friend in need is a friend indeed”means friends can offer help whenever theii friends are in need of a favor, and the positive attitude is the most influential help friends have ever offered. So I do not agree that a it is better to have a friend who is smart than to have a friend who is humorous.
小小提示哈，写完逗号后打一个空格，这样字数会多一个，你用那个模考软件就知道了。

shouwang1UID: 2787309

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn.

Maybe grades have some negtive effects on us,however,grades play an important role in our study from many aspects,which tend to decide a lot of things in our life,so I partially agree that grades encourage students to learn.

First of all,rank and scholarships almost depend on grades. Therefore,if they want to receive scholarships,or have a reasonable rank in their class,which is a representation of status in school,they have to spend more time on study in order to get higher marks. For me ,I think it is realistic for us to compete for the scholarships,but what is behind the scholarships? It is high grades. In order to get scholarship,I persuaded myself to study very hard in school,as a result,I received my scholarship,that is ,the result of high grade.To some degree,grades are a part of their performance in school,so students will attach great importance to their grade,thus,they have no choice but to study very hard.

Furthermore, in China, grades even are able to decide what university you can go to,therefore every senior student is trying their best to persue high grades,which may be considered abnormal if they only persue high grades,instead of enhancing themselves. However,a good university will benefit for the development of students permanently, students graduate from famous universities are usually paid more and have a beeter job. So everybody will study hard so as to get high marks,thus,they will be qualified for an excellent university.

On the other hand,if students only woo for the high grades without improving themselves,it will lead to a opposite effect. Like a popular saying,“high scores and low abilities”,it deviates from the essence of education,that is to say,students not only can not benefit from education,they also waste their time on the nonsense pursuit. What’s more,sometimes students failed to get high grades may lead to frustration,because they have already tried their best,they will begin to doubt their ablitity and the dream,even leading to some mental problems,as a result,tradegied may appear,such as suicide.

To conclude,grades have side effects on students,but it is certain that grades can encourage students to learn.

wtnwinUID: 2764194

& W% d, `3 Q; _8 T, ZMaybe grades have some negtive effects on us,however,grades play an important role in our study from many aspects,which tend to decide a lot of things in our life,so I partially agree that grades encourage students to learn.! V- I0 }- I3 a4 x: H# b言简意赅好！！！
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First of all,rank and scholarships almost depend on grades. Therefore,if they want to receive scholarships,or have a reasonable rank in their class,which is a representation of status in school,they have to spend more time on study in order to get higher marks. For me ,I think it is realistic for us to compete for the scholarships,but what is behind the scholarships? It is high grades. In order to get scholarship,I persuaded myself to study very hard in school,as a result,I received my scholarship,that is ,the result of high grade.To some degree,grades are a part of their performance in school,so students will attach great importance to their grade,thus,they have no choice but to study very hard.反映了现实中自身的实际经历，生动切合实际，而且语言简练，平易近人，好！！！
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' K- K4 j* j% C2 d; FFurthermore, in China, grades even are able to decide what university you can go to,therefore every senior student is trying their best to persue high grades,which may be considered abnormal if they only persue high grades,instead of enhancing themselves. However,a good university will benefit for the development of students permanently, students graduate from famous universities are usually paid more and have a beeter job. So everybody will study hard so as to get high marks,thus,they will be qualified for an excellent university.$ ~  W' S9 P6 m* V$ k; D0 结合当下中国特色，但如果再多论述会更具逻辑的思辨魅力

7 u0 {$ `% _, aOn the other hand,if students only woo for the high grades without improving themselves,it will lead to a opposite effect. Like a popular saying,“high scores and low abilities”,it deviates from the essence of education,that is to say,students not only can not benefit from education,they also waste their time on the nonsense pursuit. What’s more,sometimes students failed to get high grades may lead to frustration,because they have already tried their best,they will begin to doubt their ablitity and the dream,even leading to some mental problems,as a result,tradegied may appear,such as suicide.5 W( L) \; u9 y: {4 m
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To conclude,grades have side effects on students,but it is certain that grades can encourage students to learn.结尾有点太过简洁，但总体很好！！！

shouwang1UID: 2787309

It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts      5月16号

We always ran into complaint about this:teacher did not teach us anything in this semester. From my perspective,that means teachers did not teach them facts,while teacher provided them with ideas and concepts,which are thought to be much more important.

In the first place,it takes us a long time to understand some certain ideas and concepts,while we are able to learn facts in a short time. For example,getting to how opportunity costs influence us and how to take advantage of opportunity costs is much more difficult than to know what opportunity costs mean. Because facts are easily to be acknowledged as long as we tend to learn them,such as the basic information of the universe,however,having a good understanding of some certain ideas and concepts,such as how these planets move in their orbits,and in what way they affect each other,will cost us more time but bring us more.

Second,ideas and concepts are sort of incentives that stimulate talents to find more facts,so ideas and concepts should be regarded as invisible treasure. For example,an apple's fall is too common for us,but for Newton,it is not just common sense,because there must be something hidden behind the common sense.,which contributed to his great finding ,that was Universal gravitation,and opened a new page in the history of science. In addition,some certain ideas and concepts facilitate to our creativity,such as the invention of computer,cellphone and so on,they all based on the idea that how to provide the world a more convenient lifestyle. Without those ideas and concepts,we would not have lived in such a modern world. What is more,it is the problem of Chinese education,because teachers in China pay more attention to deliver the facts,and attach importance to exposing students to facts,instead of creative ideas and concepts,resulting in a lack of creativity and innovation in the education system.

Finally,learn facts lies on the surface,while ideas and concepts promote us to approach to the basis and origin to kind of things,in order to have a comprehensive understanding,as a result,we will benefit more from the ideas and concept than the facts. For example,knowing what marketing means help us handle affairs more flexible and efficiently,but the fact that several steps to make a project may not be of use under every circumstances.

To sum up,understanding ideas and concepts offer us more and stimulate our creativity and innovation,so I quiet agree that it is more important for us to understand ideas and concepts.

Lee.YUID: 2749003

We always ran into complaint about this:teacher did not teach us anything in this semester. From my perspective,that means teachers did not teach them facts,while teacher provided them with ideas and concepts,which are thought to be much more important.
(感觉第一段的时态有些不一致)
In the first place,it takes us a long time to understand some certain ideas and concepts,while we are able to learn facts in a short time. For example,getting to how opportunity costs influence us and how to take advantage of opportunity costs is much more difficult than to know what opportunity costs mean. Because facts are easily to be acknowledged as long as we tend to learn them,such as the basic information of the universe,however,having a good understanding of some certain ideas and concepts,such as how these planets move in their orbits,and in what way they affect each other,will cost us more time but bring us more.
什么叫opportunity costs啊？看了不是很懂~~~~呵呵~~~
Second,ideas and concepts are sort of incentives that stimulate talents to find more facts,so ideas and concepts should be regarded as invisible treasure. For example,an apple's fall is too common for us,but for Newton,it is not just common sense,because there must be something hidden behind the common sense.,which contributed to his great finding ,that was Universal gravitation,and opened a new page in the history of science. In addition,some certain ideas and concepts facilitate to our creativity,such as the invention of computer,cellphone and so on,they all based on the idea that how to provide the world a more convenient lifestyle. Without those ideas and concepts,we would not have lived in such a modern world. What is more,it is the problem of Chinese education,because teachers in China pay more attention to deliver the facts,and attach importance to exposing students to facts,instead of creative ideas and concepts,resulting in a lack of creativity and innovation in the education system.) Q5 v. C" _, i7 U" p5 V' W( {) Q, m' a

Finally,learn learning facts lies on the surface,while ideas and concepts promote us to approach to the basis and origin to kind of things,in order to have a comprehensive understanding,as a result,we will benefit more from the ideas and concept than the facts. For example,knowing what marketing means help us handle affairs more flexible and efficiently,but the fact that several steps to make a project may not be of use under every circumstances.$ U& A% F' {8 y
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To sum up,understanding ideas and concepts offer us more and stimulate our creativity and innovation,so I quiet quite agree that it is more important for us to understand ideas and concepts.

文章长度适中，很羡慕啊~~~（限时的话我怎么也只能写到320左右~~~）第一次改作文，没经验，呵呵~~~

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

We always ran into complaint about this:teacher did not teach us anything in this semester. From my perspective,that means teachers did not teach them facts,while teacher provided them with ideas and concepts,which are thought to be much more important.

In the first place,it takes us a long time to understand some certain ideas and concepts,while we are able to learn facts in a short time. For example,getting to how opportunity costs influence us and how to take advantage of opportunity costs is much more difficult than to know what opportunity costs mean. Because facts are easily to be acknowledged as long as we tend to learn them,such as the basic information of the universe,however,having a good understanding of some certain ideas and concepts,such as how these planets move in their orbits,and in what way they affect each other,will cost us more time but bring us more.

Second,（secondly）ideas and concepts are sort of incentives that stimulate talents to find more facts,so ideas and concepts should be regarded as invisible treasure. For example,an apple's fall is too common for us,but for Newton,it is not just common sense,because there must be something hidden behind the common sense.,which contributed to his great finding ,that was Universal gravitation,and opened a new page in the history of science. In addition,some certain ideas and concepts facilitate to our creativity,such as the invention of computer,cellphone and so on,they all based on the idea that how to provide the world a more convenient lifestyle. Without those ideas and concepts,we would not have lived in such a modern world. What is more,it is the problem of Chinese education,because teachers in China pay more attention to deliver the facts,and attach importance to exposing students to facts,instead of creative ideas and concepts,resulting in a lack of creativity and innovation in the education system.

Finally,learn facts lies on the surface,while ideas and concepts promote us to approach to the basis and origin to kind of things,in order to have a comprehensive understanding,as a result,we will benefit more from the ideas and concept than the facts. For example,knowing what marketing means help us handle affairs more flexible and efficiently,but the fact that several steps to make a project may not be of use under every circumstances.

To sum up,understanding ideas and concepts offer us more and stimulate our creativity and innovation,so I quiet agree that it is more important for us to understand ideas and concepts.

写的字数够了，但是句子写的不流畅，有很多问题。
建议你找些好的句子背背。
观点基本清晰，例子也有
还是语言的问题了。

annkeUID: 2605122

It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts      5月16号
We always ran[既然都是always 就用一般时就好] into complaint about this:teacher did not teach us anything [anything在否定句中是任何事的意思]in this semester. From my perspective,that[指代不明，已经隔了一段了that complaint] means teachers did not teach them facts,while teacher provided them with ideas and concepts,[？为什么，如果真的是什么都没有教。就算教了一些东西，为什么没有教事实一定教概念？而不是反之]which are thought to be much more important.
In the first place,it takes us a long time to understand some certain ideas and concepts,while we are able to learn facts in a short time. For example,[getting to how][是不是少了know] opportunity costs influence us and how to take advantage of opportunity costs is much more difficult than to know what opportunity costs mean[这个不算例子，因为还需要论证]. Because facts are easily[easy] to be acknowledged as long as we tend to learn them,such as the basic information of the universe[,][.][串句了][However]however,having a good understanding of some certain ideas and concepts[这句是什么意思],such as how these planets move in their orbits,and in what way they affect each other,will cost us more time but bring us more[此段的论点是理解概念花的时间更长，但是没有扣题。理解概念所花时间长既证明不了重要，也证明不了不重要。楼主要用这个论点可以加上设定，简单易懂对于学生更重要，所以学习事实可以提高学习效率，所以比概念重要。 就算这个论点这样改造之后逻辑上还是不严密。前提假设错误].& w" G) u. I: \* c
Second[ly],ideas and concepts are sort of incentives that stimulate [talents to find][搭配不当] more facts,so ideas and concepts should be regarded as invisible treasure. For example,an apple's fall is too common for us,but for Newton,it is not just common sense,because there must be something hidden behind the common sense.,which contributed to his great finding ,that[指代什么] was Universal gravitation,and opened a new page in the history of science.[这个例子也不能证明概念能刺激人的天赋找到事实。相反，这个例子明显是说牛顿在苹果落地的启发之下开始思考。] In addition,some certain ideas and concepts facilitate to our creativity,such as the invention of computer,cellphone and so on,they all based on the idea that how to [provide the world a more convenient lifestyle][Chinglish][为什么是这个观念？楼主还是没有证明]. Without those ideas and concepts,we [would not have lived] in such a modern world. What is more,[it is] the problem of Chinese education,[because不可以充当插入成分] teachers in China pay more attention to deliver the facts,and attach importance to exposing students to facts,instead of creative ideas and concepts,[resulting in] a lack of creativity and innovation in the education system[串句].
Finally,learn[ing] facts lies on the surface[什么表面],while ideas and concepts promote us to approach to the basis and origin to kind of things[为什么][,][.In ]in order to have a comprehensive understanding,as a result,we will benefit more from the ideas and concept than the facts. For example,knowing what marketing means help us handle affairs more flexible and efficiently,but the fact that several steps to make a project may not be of use under every circumstances.
To sum up,understanding ideas and concepts offer us more and stimulate our creativity and innovation,so I quiet agree that it is more important for us to understand ideas and concepts
[结构清晰。但是，论点没有道理。句式十分混乱。个人建议多读地道文章，培养语感；划逻辑线，保证论点论据和论证过程的严密]
10# shouwang1