5.11作文

增肥UID: 2773671

It should be obvious that bettering schools is one of the most factors in successful development of a country. However, a country's improvements account for lots of other aspects including expanding economic, building more public infrastructure, having a perfect environment and so on. Development of a country requires to improve each part. Thus,as to the viewpoint of  improving schools is the most factor, i would argue instead that there are other factors leading to development of a country.



Expanding economic is the most  fundamental element. Without expanding economic and abundant physical matter as a basic condition, we are not able to cost on developing education. If a developing country in a period with flat economic can't offer food and clothes which is basic, and still want to develop education, then what the country do isn't meaningful. What they should do is expanding economic first and then improving the schools. Certainly, improvement of schools is not the most factors.



Additionally, another crucial method a country should do is improving public infrastructure so as to develop. Public infrastructure like museum and libraries is indespensable to cultural development of a country. For instance, if each city of the country own a great public library for free, then each citizens have the opportunity to read, study and better themselves. While if the country exclusively improve schools , few people but just students have the chance to study and develop. And that is not a good idea for successful development of a country. Again, improving education is not the critical factor.



Finally, improvement of the environment we live for is also necessary. If we live in a bad environment with all various pollutions, I believe that it is unbenefial for individuals' development. And that is bound to have an unfavorable impact on the development of a country. Therefore, possessing a perfect environment is crucial to a country.



Admittedly, improvement of schools is helpful to a country's development. However, development of a country requires more than one critical factor. Taking account into all factors we talked above, we can reach the conclusion that improving schools is not the most factor in successful development of a country.

增肥UID: 2773671

请问会不会很中文化啊，我写的作文，请多多指教

gnauhsuxUID: 2751892

It should be obvious that bettering schoolsis one of the most factors in successful development of a country. However, acountry's improvements account for lots of other aspects including expandingeconomic, building more public infrastructure, havinga perfect environment-> beautifying environment and so on.Development of a country requires to improve-> improvingeach part. Thus, as to the view point of improving schools is the mostfactor, I would argue instead that there areother factors leading to development of a country->more significant of the development.
Expanding economic->Economicexpansion is the most fundamental element. Withoutexpanding economic and abundant physical matter->materialconditions (LZ是想说物质条件么？那个表达太机械了吧~~~) as a basic condition-> as bases,we are not able to cost on ??developingeducation. If a developing country in a period with flat economic can'toffer food and clothes which is basic（不用总是强调basic重复有点多）, and still want to developeducation, then what the country do->does isn't meaningful-> is meaningless. What theyshould do is expanding economic first and then improving the schools. Certainly,improvement of schools is not the most factors.

Additionally, another crucial method a country should do is improving-> progressing public infrastructure so as to develop删掉吧. Public infrastructure like museumand libraries is indespensable->indispensableto cultural development of a country. For instance, if each city of the countryown->owns a great public library for free,then each citizens have the opportunity to read, study and better 换一下themselves.While if the country exclusively improve schools, few people but just studentshave the chance to study and develop. And that is not a good idea forsuccessful development of a country. Again, improving education is not thecritical factor.（个人认为例子举得稍稍有点偏题）

Finally, improvement of the environment welive for is also necessary. If we live in a bad environment with all variouspollutions, I believe that it is unbenefial->unbeneficialfor individuals' development. And that is bound to have anunfavorable impact on the development of a country. Therefore, possessing aperfect environment is crucial to acountry.


Admittedly, improvement of schools ishelpful to a country's development. However, development of a country requiresmore than one critical factor. Takingaccount into all factors->aspects wetalked above, we can reach the conclusion that improving schools is not themost factor in successful development of a country.

LZ观点很清晰，但是感觉句式单薄了些，主动句太多，可以在写作过程中考虑多使用下被动句，还是要注意一些表达方式的转换。下划线的是我认为不错的表达，红色的是我认为有问题的地方，粉色的是我认为可以用其他方式替代的表达，这种地方太多我没有一一给你改，主要改了第一二段给你看下，你可以自己去查词典，然后找同义词替换。