5.17 writing

if-onlyUID: 2583115

第一次在寄托上发作文
好久没写了，写的惨不忍睹，大家轻拍！

In our daily lives,we are surrounded in the ocean of advertisements, the producers want us to buy their product and ad become the most efficient tool to attract the attention of people.however,given the condition that cosumers know what they want to buy,are ad a waste of momey and energy ? I don’t agree with the idea.

First , is the assumption that cosumers always know what they want to buy valid? Indeed,for example,Mr.wang kowns he want to buy a computer,and the approximate price and function of it,however,does he kown
exactly items of the computer and which is the best configuration of each other? The answer is most likely “no”,which is needed the mamufacters to inform the consumer through ad.in other words,cosumers don’t always know thoroughly what they want,they must get more detailed informations from the manufacturer.when ad always became their main resort.

Second, suppose that the consumers get the exactly information they want,however,which computer store they should entre is another puzzuled problem they should face,in their mind ,there is no obvious difference between the stores,howerer,there is some difference in fact,on such occasion,ad can play an important part in the cosumer’s decision.if manufacturers want to get clients from his competitors,he should find the difference and make his core advantage ,which should be known by the coumers through the ads.

In summary,ad play an very important part in the marketing,even consumers know what they want to buy,by an impressive ad,consumers are likely to be captured and come to your store.

shufescUID: 2616499

In our daily lives, we are surrounded in the ocean （这个搭配好像不太好，应该是沉浸在广告的海洋中，或者被广告包围，我也没想出什么好词saturate好像可以）of advertisements, the producers want us to buy their products and ad becomes the most efficient tool to attract the attention of people. However, given the condition that consumers know what they want to buy, are ad a waste of money and energy? I don’t agree with the idea.

First , is the assumption that consumers always know what they want to buy valid（+true 句法错误）? Indeed, for example, Mr. Wang knows he want to buy a computer, and the approximate price and function of it, however, does he known exactly items of the computer and which is the best configuration of each other? The answer is most likely “no”, which is needed the manufactures to inform the consumer through ad. In other words,cosumers don’t always know thoroughly what they want, they must get more detailed information (不可数) from the manufacturer when ad always became their main source.

Second, suppose that the consumers get the exactly information they want, however, which computer store they should entre is another puzzled problem they should face, in their mind ,there is no obvious difference between the stores, however, there is some difference in fact, on such occasion, ad can play an important part in the consumer’s decision. If manufacturers want to get clients from his competitors, he should find the difference and make his core advantage, which should be known by the consumers through the ads.

In summary, ad plays an very important part in the marketing, even consumers know what they want to buy. by an impressive ad, consumers are likely to be captured and come to your store.

1 逗号后空格养成好习惯。

2 以后贴上来之前，最好把拼写错误自己改掉，这样给别人节省时间，更加关注语法，思路方面的内容。放到WORD里满眼都是红线不是很舒服。 First, second 可以换一换。

3 一些简单词consumer，know经常拼错，会严重影响分数，望楼主加强词汇。

4 在托福作文中ad不要缩写。所有能缩写的都不要缩写：TV，lab

5 注意句子长短变化：第二段只有四个句子，这是中文中的不好的习惯，尽量改掉。

if-onlyUID: 2583115

Technology become a dominate factor in our daily life.there are some debate related to technology ,the common question is about its advantage and disadvantage,there is another argument that Technology makes people's lives simpler in turn to make people's lives more complicated also deserved examining.i agree with the argument in some extent.

There are two examles can illuminate the argument,one is transportation and the other is interent,in the mordern cities,each transport means made our life more convenient,including bus,subway,highway,motorbike ete.and the transportation system in big cities is more and more complicated.in one hand,it indeed makes people’s life more simple,on the other hand,it is easier to get into a mess when the transportation is heavey,it implies a simple priciple：more complecated one thing is ,more higher the cost it is to recover it.which is the same in the mordern technology,for it always involed into much more complicated problem.

The other is internet,the invent of internet have change our life dramaticly,from the way we learn to the way we relax and the way we shopping,but it is not easy to tell whether it make the life more simple or complicated.it indeed make people’s life more simple,because the information is easier to get than befour,we can instantly know what happening in a remote place such as in US,however,it take too much information that we actually doesn’t need,which make our life more comlicated and boring.

So,we can say that, because the character of the technology itself that there is more comlicated reason under the simple surface and the nature of human that they have limitless desire ,Technology makes people's lives simpler in turn to make people's lives more complicated

if-onlyUID: 2583115

谢谢！建议很中肯，我会逐点的去改正的！ 2# shufesc

if-onlyUID: 2583115

5.19 09.6.12  Sdudents should work ar part-time jobs when attending the university.# ~2 e0 m/ ^&


with the development of the society,the idea of people have been changed greatly.”study is the vocation of students”is the traditional idea of Chinese people,however,more and more students regard that students should have a part-time job while take the regular campus course.i agree with the view,my reasons are as bellew:

The most important reason,in my opinion,is that taking part-time job can help the young generation to build the independent spirit which seems lost in most of them.through diligent work,one earns some money,no matter how much it is,he can come to realize he could earn himself in some extent,which would give more confident and inspration to the future. In fact,some poor student can totally earn him self to study.

Sencond,take the part-time job that related to  one’s study can greatly help him in his mojor ,for example,a normal school student can improve his teaching skill through some part-time job as a tutor,a students majored in commerce can broaden his pratical learning in the part-time job as a sales.the informal job give student more practical skills and knowledge which can’t be obtained form the book and which is a complement to the book.

The last but not important,take part-time job can give you a chance to find yourself,there are considerable students whose jobs are not their mojors,if one doesn’t like his current major,he would try to shift to some other domain,in such circumstance,part-time job can provide him a convenient way to have a try ,some student actually find his favorite job through the part-time job.besides,to take several different informal job can do good to your final job.

From the argument above,we can conlude that take a part-time job can improve the ability and find one self .so,student should take some part-time job according to their respective conditon.

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

5.18 by DaisyTwins

canoe03UID: 2786666

with the development of the society, the idea of people have been changed greatly. ”study is the vocation of students” is the traditional idea of Chinese people, however, more and more students regard that students(they) should have a part-time job while take the regular campus course. I agree with the view, my reasons are as bellew(following):

The most important reason, in my opinion, is that taking part-time job can help the young generation to build the independent spirit which seems lost in most of them. Through diligent work, one earns some money, no matter how much it is, he can come to realize he could earn himself in some extent, which would give more confident and inspiration to the future. In fact, some poor student can totally earn him self to study(strange sentence, not “to study”).

Sencond(secondly), take the part-time job that(which) related to one’s study can greatly help him in his mojor(courses). for example, a normal school student can improve his teaching skill through some part-time job as a tutor, a students majored in commerce can broaden his pratical(practical) learning in the part-time job as a sales(salesman). The informal job give(gives) student(students) more practical skills and knowledge which can’t be obtained form(from) the book(book) and which(delete it) is a complement to(of) the book.

The last but not important, take part-time job can give you a chance to find(the word used here is not proper) yourself, there are considerable students whose jobs are not their mojors(majors)(job has nothing to do with major), if one doesn’t like his current major, he would try to shift to some other domain, in such circumstance, part-time job can provide him a convenient way to have a try, some student actually find his favorite job through the part-time job(so long this sentence it is, may be you can make it several short ones). Besides, to take several different informal job(jobs) can do good to your final job(two “job” here, change one of them by another word ).

From the argument above, we can conlude(conclude) that take a part-time job can improve the ability and find one self. So(thus), student should take some part-time job according to their respective condition(conditions).

1、逗号之后要加空格，部分拼写错误，
注意大小写，注意标点符号
2、表达比较中式，有些语法错误，句子结构不大合理，第四段这么长就两句话。
3、第二段、第四段论证微弱

if-onlyUID: 2583115

5.20        09.10.25 Visiting museum is the best way to learn about a country

I don’t agree with the idea that visiting museum is the best way to learn about o contry.although it is a very important way to understand the country.

The most obvious rejection to this argument is a fact that museum often displays the cultural relic in the history,which is somehow far away from nowaday life,when we talk about a contry,history is a subsidury part to understand its current conditon.the direct way to learn a contry is to experience its life ,such as in family life,in the shopping mall,at the street,in the campus,in the factory…….all aspect of its life will tell us a ture and lively world of the contry.

Sencond,there are three aspects to learn about a contry ——implemental,institutional,and cultural,the latter two is more important than the first one,however,we can only see some object in museum,if we want to understand more deeply,we can turn to some books about the culture and political of one country.
Another reason prevent us from learn more in the museum is that the kownledge about the relic is somehow more difficult to understand,only by a guide we can kown something about it,which greatly limit our desire to kown more

So , Visiting museum is not the best way to learn about a country

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

说实话这篇我感觉没前面一篇写得好了，楼主是不是写这篇时间很紧呢，结尾也很匆忙就完了很不完整，给出的理由我不是很能理解觉得有些偏题了，还是那句话楼主要注意词的拼写阿好多词拼写有错误这样很容易失分的，不足之处还请指教，谢谢

if-onlyUID: 2583115

5.21 writing
To be well-informed people should get information from many different information sources

What a well-informed man should be ?a easy answer is that he should get information from may different information sources, basicly, I agree with this opinion, however, I will argue in further step that it is far more adquate to be a well-informed people.

To be a well-informed man, he should’t known well all the happening in the world, but he should be alert to a wide range of informations that he interested in, in order to obtain the relevant information, he must have a constant unique information sources that ordinaly people usually don’t pay attention to, the more sources he has, the more information he obtains, when he convey these to others, he would be regarded as well-informed person.

However, all the thing we related above is a basic but not a adequate demand for a well-informed people  , in our sense, well-informed people are not those who simply transport the informaton from the newspaper to other but those who have some unique perspective or understanding of the information , they digest the information he gain and turn them out to others.

To be a such person, first, he must be sensitive to the world, the curiosity and passion to the world is the inner drive to learn the world, those people are always optimistic and energetic, sencond , he must be knowledgeable,only with a width of learning, he can gain the ability to digest thoese infomations but be puzzled by them.the most important ability he should have is the critical thinking, which is  necessarily in the modern world full with ocean of information of correct and incrrect.

To sum up my view, only with some ability such as curious,knowledgeable mind and critical thinking,a man who get information from many different information sources could be a well-informed man.

if-onlyUID: 2583115

5.22  
09.3.22 Government shout focus more on perservation of envirenment rather than economic development.8 x: {! a- Y$ `1 n

Envirenment problem have more and more become a crutial problem that the whole world focus on, the balance between economic development and preservation of envirenment often puzzles each gorvenment in some extent, and the general attitude to this question is the previledge of environment than ecomonic growth, I basic support this idea with some preservation.

As it to be known by everyone, if the earth come to an end at last, we have no any place to stand and live on.let alone how prosperous the economic become, unless the scientists could transport all of us to another planet by the greatly advanced technology.but it is so far away form the current conditon.even if the dream evetually realized, what will happen to the new home if we continued to destroy the planet? The development of economic in the expence of environment is not a long run and don’t accord the the value mankind appreciate.

Someone will argue that there is a way to solve the problem, like the idea “develop economy first and then compensate on the environment”, however,it is sound seemingly but behave badly in the practice.those countries acted by this idea almost led to a more worse conditon:either bring their people more desease that can’t be cure in their lifetime or paid for a more costly expense to compensate the badly effect.

In spite of the argument above, I am not totally take the  idea that they growth of economic must destory the environment. There is a way that could beneficial to both sides, we can develop the technology that have no bad effect on the envoronment.such as the green energy, we also can lead a low-carbon life style to make the earth cleaner and better.

In a word, we mustn’t promote economic at the expense of environment, more still, we have to develop new technology to produce the “green tools”, what is more important, we should lead a more healthier life style, which is more significant that green technology .

if-onlyUID: 2583115

这篇错词太多，因为时间原因，我写好后没有修改，
大家改的时候不用改错词，谢谢！

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

What a well-informed man should be ?a(an) easy answer is that he should get information from may different information sources, basicly, I agree with this opinion, however, I will argue in further step that it is far more adquate to be a well-informed people.
1 J$ C, W6 f2 |% U4 j& |$ S- B3 \/ p7 F( h+ W) r; v  p

To be a well-informed man, he should’t known well all the happening in the world, but he should be alert to a wide range of informations that he interested in, in order to obtain the relevant information, he must have a constant unique information sources that ordinaly people usually don’t pay attention to, the more sources he has, the more information he obtains, when he convey these to others, he would be regarded as well-informed person.
8 l: Q1 `  K! C6 N3 |5 m  @, ^2 b( p
However, all the thing we related above is a basic but not a adequate demand for a well-informed people  , in our sense, well-informed people are not those who simply transport the informaton from the newspaper to other but those who have some unique perspective or understanding of the information , they digest the information he gain and turn them out to others.
2 X4 H& ?) t  S8 l4 b' y2 H; {8 V0 i# P+ n* H

To be a such person, first, he must be sensitive to the world, the curiosity and passion to the world is the inner drive to learn the world, those people are always optimistic and energetic, sencond , he must be knowledgeable,only with a width of learning, he can gain the ability to digest thoese infomations but be puzzled by them.the most important ability he should have is the critical thinking, which is  necessarily in the modern world full with ocean of information of correct and incrrect.# t3 m- k& l6 [2 y- [. C7 K1 N$ A

: m' d" O' _% C* QTo sum up my view, only with some ability such as curious,knowledgeable mind and critical thinking,a man who get information from many different information sources could be a well-informed man.

这篇作文很不错，没什么可改的了，理由什么都很清晰组织上很条理，我咋想不出那么多理由呢？

ggj_lllUID: 2796021

09.3.22 Government shout focus more on perservation of envirenment rather than economic development.
Envirenment problem have more and more become a crutial [have become a more and more crutial] problem that the whole world focus on, the balance between economic development and preservation of envirenment often puzzles each gorvenment in some extent, and the general attitude to this question is the previledge of environment than ecomonic growth, I basic support this idea with some preservation. [Introduction 部分很自然地切入了主题，并引出自己的观点]
As it to be known by everyone, if the earth come to an end at last, we have no any place to stand and live on.let alone how prosperous the economic become, unless the scientists could transport all of us to another planet by the greatly advanced technology.but it is so far away form the current conditon.even if the dream evetually realized, what will happen to the new home if we continued to destroy the planet? The development of economic in the expence of environment is not a long run and don’t accord the the value mankind appreciate."  [论证很严密，也很有力，向你学习]

Someone will argue that there is a way to solve the problem, like the idea “develop economy first and then compensate on the environment”, however,it is sound seemingly but behave badly in the practice.those countries acted by this idea almost led to a more worse conditon:either bring their people more desease that can’t be cure in their lifetime or paid for a more costly expense to compensate the badly effect. [这里要是有个例子就锦上添花了]
In spite of the argument [arguments]above, I am not totally take the  idea that they growth of economic must destory the environment. There is a way that could beneficial to both sides, we can develop the technology that have no bad effect on the envoronment.such as the green energy, we also can lead a low-carbon life style to make the earth cleaner and better. [There are ways that could beneficial to both sides, such as the green energy which has almost no bad effect on the environment. We also can lead a low-carbon style to mak ethe earth cleaner and better. ] [两方面的观点都顾及到了，值得学习]

In a word, we mustn’t promote economic at the expense of environment, more still, we have to develop new technology to produce the “green tools”, what is more important, we should lead a more [删掉more] healthier life style, which is more significant that green technology .
[结尾段，一个句子里用了好多从句，逻辑关系有点不清楚]
[In a word, we mustn't promote economic at the expense of environment. In addition, we have to develop more "green tools" and choose a healtier life style, and the later is more significant].

总结：文章论证逻辑严密，很有说服力。美中不足就是感觉结尾段相对于前面显得稍微有点乱。努力加油。
关于拼写错误，也是我的老毛病，我感到很头疼，共同加油。
以上仅供参考。