05.19 作文

ggj_lllUID: 2796021

Students should work ar part-time jobs when attending the university

Writing 05.19
Some university students prefer to take a part-time job when they attend the university, however some don’t. In my opinion, it is a good idea for students to work part time because by taking a part-time job, students can master the knowledge learned from class impressively, can plan their life economically and can have a better human relationship in the future.
Importantly, students can apply the knowledge they learned from class to their part-time job. For example, for a student majoring in computer science, he then can take a part-time job about IT which he can use his knowledge for this job. It can help the student understand the knowledge deeply. Also, it will stimulate the student’s interest to learn the knowledge which is good for his’ study.
Economically, students can earn salary from their part-time job which can release the economic pressure of their parents. According to the static data from United Nation, there are 70% families in which the parents have to take overburden job without considering their health for the tuition fee of their children, especially in many developing countries. Students from poor families should take part-time job to help their parents. In addition, taking part-time job can prevent us wasting money because we know the money was earned by our labor.
Finally, when you have a part-time job, you have to deal with the relationships between you, your supervisors and your colleges, which can help us to be familiar with the principles of society earlier and be adjusted to the society earlier.
In summary, students should take part-time job which is not only benefit for their families, but also good for their studies and careers.

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

Some university students prefer to take a part-time job [part-time jobs 与前面some复数对应] when they attend the university, [;] however, some don’t [however后面一边不跟省略句貌似:however, some others don’t think so.]. In my opinion, it is a good idea for students to work [at] part time because by taking a part-time job, [修改同上]students can master the knowledge learned from class impressively [Students can acquire a deep understanding of the knowledge which is taught in the class], can[去掉] plan their life economically[appropriately] and can[去掉] have a better human relationship in the future[establish a better relationship  in the future].

Importantly[First of all], students can apply the knowledge they learned from[in] classes to their part-time job[jobs]. For example, for a student majoring in computer science, he then[去掉] can take a part-time job about[on] IT which[where] he can use his knowledge for this job. It can help the student understand the knowledge deeply. Also, it will stimulate the student’s[students’] interest to learn the knowledge which is good for his[’去掉] study.

Economically[Besides], students can earn salary from their part-time job which can release[alleviate] the economic pressure of their parents. According to the static[statistics] data from [the] United Nation, there are 70% families in which the parents have to take overburden[heavy loaded] job without considering their health for the tuition fee of their children, especially in many developing countries. Students from poor families should take part-time job to help their parents. In addition, taking part-time job can prevent us [from] wasting money because we know the money was earned by our labor [来之不易的钱].

Finally, when you have a part-time job, you have to deal with the relationships between[among] you, your supervisors and your colleges[ college classes], which can help us to be familiar with the principles of [the] society earlier and be adjusted [adapted] to the society earlier.

In summary, students should take part-time job which is[去掉] not only benefit for[去掉] their families, but also good for[does good to] their studies and careers.
同学，谢谢你对我的文章的修改。在你的文章里出现了一些语法上的错误，这里我可以推荐你用一下word或这whitesmoke等一些自动校正软件。你的文章思路很清晰，如果加入一些更具体的例子会更生动些。使用词汇问题，其实每次我都会查字典，当然考试时肯定不让查的，但我想平时通过这种方式积累词汇，以后效果会好些。作文我觉得是一个比较长期的积累，加油！

ggj_lllUID: 2796021

2# chrysoidine

谢谢你帮我修改作文，我会向你学习的。