zak_chemistry的7.6作文

zak_chemistryUID: 2612236

7.6

It is more important to reserve land for human beings than for endangered animals.

With the increasing of the population of the human beings, the land that people can exploit is becoming less and less. And the existence of the wild animals is also threatened. Which of the two problems we should consider most? In my opinion, though we should not ignore the survival of the endangered animals, we should think of our profit first.

Nowadays, we human are facing many great challenges at the same time. The great flatting of the world population bring us lots of problems. First, it is the problem of the food. Because of the increasing of the population, constructing for living and industry takes too much land. As a result, the land for agriculture is becoming less and less. Although we have advanced technology for agriculture, the situation that more and more people are starved has been so serious now. Secondly, even though the resources on earth are almost exhausted, the need for the all kinds of resources is always increasing. The crisis and wars that the different countries' grabbing the resources causes has made the whole world and all people of the world in a inferno. However, lots of lands we want to use for cultivating food are only place of the endangered animals, and so many newly found resources are found under the areas of the habitats of the endangered wild animals. What we should do? If we get the land, the animals will extinct. If we leave the land for the animals, there will be plenty of people dying in famine and war and the whole human world may be without peace. I choose to save my brother and my sisters. It is just because of my deeply love to them.
Although we should not ignore the lives of other creatures, we are not able to save them.

Our world is the heaven of the winner, and the loser can only be victims. I concede that we should have peace with other creatures on earth and as the dominator of the earth we should have mercy to the endangered animals as a king to his people. However, it is the fact that no matter how respectful we say we should be to the other creatures, the loser will always be exploited by us. It is just a problem of the extent of exploiting. Reserving the little pieces of land cannot help the endangered animals essentially. If we really want to help the endangered animals and gives them rights as we have, what we have to return to them are not only the land. And do we human want to do that? But, if we have the land, we can eliminate great pain in human world.

In a sum, considering the great pain we have to take and that endangered animals cannot get really help if we reserve the land for them, I think reserving land for ourselves is more important.

mitchelllcUID: 2793083

改的内容见附件~小错误基本没有，但是有个问题，觉得这篇作文好绕啊，就是说为了说明一点，一会儿正的说一会儿反的说。。。我不知道这样好不好，但我觉得老外是直线思维，可能不喜欢这样，个人意见啊~~
还有一个就是增加一些长句就更好了~~

zak_chemistryUID: 2612236

呵呵。。。非常感谢这种直接的建议！谢啦！

空空仔UID: 2792743

With the increasing of the population of the human beings, the land that people can exploit is becoming less and less. And the existence of the wild animals is also threatened. Which of the two problems we should consider most? In my opinion, though we should not ignore the survival of the endangered animals, we should think of our profit first.

Nowadays, we human are facing many great challenges at the same time. The great flatting of the world population brings us lots of problems. First, it is the problem of the food. Because of the increasing of the population, constructing for living and industry takes too much land. As a result, the land for agriculture is becoming less and less. Although we have advanced technology for agriculture, the situation that more and more people are starved has been so serious now. Secondly, even though the resources on earth are almost exhausted, the need for the all kinds of resources is always increasing. The crisis and wars that the different countries' grabbing the resources causes has made the whole world and all people of the world in a inferno. However,
lots of lands we want to use for cultivating food are only place of the endangered animals, and so many newly found resources are found under the areas of the habitats of the endangered wild animals. What we should do? If we get the land, the animals will extinct. If we leave the land for the animals, there will be plenty of people dying in famine and war and the whole human world may be without peace. I choose to save my brother and my sisters. It is just because of my deeply love to them.
Although we should not ignore the lives of other creatures, we are not able to save them.

Our world is the heaven of the winner, and the loser can only be victims. I concede that we should have peace with other creatures on earth and as the dominator of the earth we should have mercy to the endangered animals as a king to his people. However, it is the fact that no matter how respectful we say we should be to the other creatures, the loser will always be exploited by us. It is just a problem of the extent of exploiting. Reserving the little pieces of land cannot help the endangered animals essentially. If we really want to help the endangered animals and gives them rights as we have, what we have to return to them are not only the land. And do we human want to do that?（这句话没看懂。。。do help the endangered animal?） But, if we have the land, we can eliminate great pain in human world.

In a sum, considering the great pain we have to take and that endangered animals cannot get really help if we reserve the land for them, I think reserving land for ourselves is more important.

文章总体还是不错的，语言错误很少，就是觉得有些句子前后衔接不是太好，觉得看着不是很明朗。。。个人观点哦！

zak_chemistryUID: 2612236

7.10
Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

In recent years, there were many discussions, no matter on newspapers or on Internet, trying to find weather the daily homework is good for students. But, the results can conclude nothing. In my opinion, daily homework is necessary for students. However, the daily homework should not cost all time of students after school.

No matter how many people think that daily homework would prevent students being free, I think it is not only necessary but also important. The reasons why I emphasize the daily homework is Following below. First, daily homework can help students review the knowledge they have learned. The new knowledge that students learned at school need students learn them again after school as soon as possible, or the new knowledge will be easily forgotten. I do not believe that there are some one who can remember any thing without reviewing it. Second, daily homework is a kind of tutor of teachers after class. Lots of people have said that daily homework would prevent students doing their own plan. I do not think so. No matter how well a student can preview the test, he can not master the knowledge as good as his teachers. They know the key points.
Even college students need daily homework, the elementary school students are too young to make a plan for their knowledge. They need help of their teachers.

However, the quantity of the daily homework should not be too much. Time after school should be leave only for reviewing the knowledge just learned or previewing. The proposes of education do not include mastering knowledge only. Schools have to cultivate students' other abilities. For example, the students should have the ability of studying with themselves. And they also need time to find their own curiosities. They need time to own themselves. Even though they have no need to do their own things, they cannot always being with the knowledge. Too long time of studying would make students feel tied and refuse to study.

In a sum, daily homework is kind of teachers help after school. I can help students to review and study more effectively. However, at the same time, schools should leave students space and time to find their own.

麦托UID: 2816626

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

In recent years, there were many discussions, no matter on newspapers or on Internet, trying to find weather whether the daily homework is good for students. But,(but 不用逗号，however用逗号分开) the results can conclude nothing.（我会写成however， no conclusion has been reached） In my opinion, daily homework is necessary for students. However, the daily homework should not cost all (the) time of students after school.

No matter how many people while some think that daily homework would prevent students being free, I think it is not only necessary but also important to do homework every day. The reasons why I emphasize the daily homework is Following below. (这句不必要吧)First, daily homework can help students review the knowledge they have learned. The new knowledge that students learned at school need students learn them again after school as soon as possible (We can’t emphasize the importance of review too much). Without doing homework after class, what one get in class would be easily forgotten. I do not believe that there are some one who can remember any thing without reviewing it. ( 托福作文属于比较正式的议论文，要客观性强，应尽量避免I believe, I think等表达，No one can remember everything without review). Second, daily homework is a kind of tutor of teachers after class. Lots of people have said that daily homework would prevent students doing their own plan. I do not think so. No matter how well a student can preview the test, he can not master the knowledge as good as his teachers. They know the key points.
（这段表达有点散乱，可改为 Second, homework assigned by teachers can help students prioritize knowledge. The key part usually accounts for the most of homework. College students need daily homework, let alone the elementary school students, who are too young to make a plan for their time and study. ）

However, the quantity of the daily homework should not be too much. Time after school should be leave left only for reviewing the knowledge just learned or previewing. (Homework should be assigned neither more or less than the right amount to review what they learned every day.) The proposes (purpose) of education do not include mastering knowledge only ( obtaining knowledge is not the only purpose of education) Schools have to cultivate students' other abilities (个人认为太汉语化了， 可改成students should be cultivated in comprehensive way. For example, the students should have the ability of studying with themselves. And they also need time to find their own curiosities. They need time to own themselves. (they need learn to tackle problems on their own, do sports and spend time in their hobbies) Even though they have no need to do their own things, they cannot always being with the knowledge. Too long time of studying would make students feel tied and refuse to study. (Too much homework would prevent students from any other things and lead to tire and antipathy toward study.)

In a sum, daily homework is kind of teachers help after school. I can help students to review and study more effectively. However, at the same time, schools should leave students space and time to find their own.

In a sum, as far as the benefits of daily homework are concerned, daily homework is important and necessary; however, the amount of homework should be right to allow students have some free time to do other things.





个人觉得思路很清楚，结构也清晰，只是个别语言表达有点啰嗦，我刚开始写的时候也是绕啊绕的。加油哦~

zak_chemistryUID: 2612236

people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.

I do not agree with the speaker's assertion. People should try to move to another place after living in the same place for long time. Maybe the moving to another place is kind of challenge and difficulty to lots of people. It is good to people's development.

I concede that moving to new place is a big challenge to lots of people. And it brings to these people varies of difficulties and strange things. People who move to a new city have to adapt the new city, new friends and new working condition. The most difficult thing is that they are alone without friends. However, in fact, all of these difficulties are good for people. Just as the saying goes, the difficulties are the school of the successors. No pains, no gains. Without pain of failing, people cannot be mature. For example, a king of the state of Yue, in Chinese history, was called Gou Jian. In order to not forget his failure, defeat his enemy and won back his kingdom, he slept on the ground that are full of small stones everyday for ten years.

What's more, moving to a new place can bring people new lives. In a new city, we can make new friends. And they are all our treasures. By talking with different kinds of friends, we can see different worlds. Not only we enrich our experience and are able to get help when being in
difficulties, but also we can find out what kind of friends and life we want to get. Besides, in a new place, we have more working chances and new jobs to try. Maybe there are new jobs that we do better and make more money. In a word, there is a possibility to have happier life.

I do not deny living in same place all life. Living in the same place all life is also a good choice. Everything is familiar in the same city. Daily lives will not often bother us. We can concentrate on the thing we are interested in and do it better.

In a sum, our world is always changing. We should try to improve the ability to adapt the new condition. Moving to another place is the way to the new lives.

serena-blueUID: 2811284

首先非常抱歉这么晚才给你修改的回复，因为是第一次，流程的操作还不熟练，希望谅解哦。
作文的思路很清晰，语言能够再流畅一点就更好了。如果能够在倒数第二段not deny.....后面再次强调一下自己的观点，会让文章的观点更加清晰。
一起加油啊！^_^

people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place.

I do not agree with the speaker's assertion. People should try to move to another place after living in the same place for long time. (for a long time很长时间，for long time 已经很长时间了)Maybe the moving to another place（ Maybe moving to another place）is kind of challenge and difficulty to lots of people. It is good to(be good for 对……有好处，有益) people's development.

I concede that moving to（a） new place is a big challenge to lots of people. And it brings to these people varies of difficulties and strange things. People who move to a new city have to adapt(to) the new city, new friends and new working condition(s). The most difficult thing is that they are alone without friends. However, in fact(however后面一般直接跟句子), all of these difficulties are good for people. Just （删，as the saying goes俗话说）as the saying goes, the difficulties are the school of the successors. No pains, no gains. Without pain of failing（failure）, people cannot be(be 表示状态，用become比较妥当) mature. For example, a king of the state of Yue, in Chinese history, was called Gou Jian. In order to not forget his failure, （to）defeat his enemy and won (win)back his kingdom, he slept on the ground that are(was) full of small stones everyday for ten years.

What's more, moving to a new place can bring people new lives. In a new city, we can make new friends. And they are all our treasures. By talking with different kinds of friends, we can see different worlds. Not only we(We can not only) enrich our experience and are able to get help when being in
difficulties, but also( we can 删除) find out what kind of friends and life we want to get. Besides, in a new place, we have more working chances and new jobs to try. Maybe there are new jobs that we do better and make more money. In a word, there is a possibility to have （a）happier life.

I do not deny living in same place all life. Living in the same place all life is also a good choice. Everything is familiar in the same city. Daily lives will not often bother us. We can concentrate on the thing we are interested in and do it better.
In a sum, our world is always changing. We should try to improve the ability to adapt (ourselves to)the new condition(s). Moving to another place is the(a) way to the new lives.

zak_chemistryUID: 2612236

All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.

I do not agree with the speaker's opinion. Students in majors, such as art, history, language and so on, should not spend time on learning basic science any more. But students in majors, such as physics, chemistry, and biology and so on, should attend basic science class.

Of course not all students should be required to take basic science classes, especially the students whose majors is art, history and so on. I have two reasons for holding this opinion. First, we students have learned lots of basic science knowledge in primary school and in middle school. When we are young, we learn physics, chemistry and biology and so on for almost 9 years. I believe we have learned enough basic science knowledge in these years and have reached the demand of the society. Second, to the students whose major is art, for instance, their major and
career do not require them to be equipped with the basic science knowledge. What's more, the basic science is useless to them.

However, to the students whose major is biology, for instance, they need to take the basic science classes. First, the basic science knowledge is the basic requirement to their major. Biology, for example, is a kind of nature science. So in order to strength the fundamental knowledge, they have to take that classes again. Besides, no matter in which realms in science, even in nowadays, the knowledge in the advanced area of a subject is mixed up with the knowledge of other subjects. For example, a team encounters a advanced biological problem. If they want to solve it, just using the knowledge and technology in biology is not enough. Maybe the specialists have to use the chemistry skill with physical technology.

In sum, not all the students should required to take basic science classes. That depends on which major they are in. If the they in a major that is irrelevant, such as art, taking basic science classes is wasting time.

longxue26UID: 2687755

9# zak_chemistry

批改完毕 有问题可以直接找我 我加入了群

也请同学认真狠批我的作文

共同努力吧!

小囧字UID: 2752429

9# zak_chemistry
改好了~加油哦~~
All students should be required to takebasic science classes even if they are not this major.

I do not agree with the speaker's opinion. (前后两句的承接有问题…少连词…)Students in majors, such asart, history, language and so on, should not spend time on learning basicscience any more. But students in majors, such as physics, chemistry,
（and删） biology and so on, should attend basic science classes.

Of course not all students should berequired to take basic science classes, especially the students whose majors isart, history and so on. I have two reasons for holding this opinion. First, westudents have learned lots of basic science knowledge in primary school and inmiddle school. When we are young, we learn physics, chemistry and biology andso on for almost 9 years. I believe we have learned enough basic scienceknowledge in these years and have reached the demand of the society. Second, to（for） the studentswhose major is art, for instance, their major and
career do not require them to be equippedwith the basic science knowledge. What's more（前后句没有递进关系为什么要用what’s more，用that’s it吧…）, the basic science is useless to them. (加一句，there isn’t any reason to letthem spend much time in ~~~~)

However, to the students whose major isbiology, for instance(为什么你总是在重复的用几个连词…), they need to takethe basic science classes. First, the basic science knowledge is the basicrequirement to their major. Biology, for example, is a kind of natural science. So in order to strength the fundamentalknowledge, they have to take that classes again.Besides, no matter in which realms in science, even in nowadays, the knowledgein the advanced area of a subject is mixed up with the knowledge of othersubjects. For example, a team encounters a advancedbiological problem. If they want to solve it, just using the knowledge andtechnology in biology is not enough. (Maybe thespecialists have to use the chemistry skill with physical technology.) 没看懂…

In sum, not all the students shouldrequired to take basic science classes. That depends on which major they arein. If the they in a major that is irrelevant, such as art, taking basicscience classes is wasting time.
恩…总结哈…
1．
这篇文章写的有点太生硬了吧…
2．
句式有点单调…总是在用前置或者是直接人做主语…看的好辛苦…
3．
连词重复的太多了…就那么几个…
4．
立论不充分，感觉总是欲言又止的，也可能是写的太仓促了吧…感觉写的比较片面…总是在兜圈子…
哈哈~希望改进下哦~~

zak_chemistryUID: 2612236

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money.

I agree with the speaker's opinion. No matter in history or at present, in my opinion, businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. Maybe lots of people disagree with me and show out lots of examples. As far as I concerned, those are all the way of making money.

We have a common idea that desire of money is an important one of businessmen's motivations.
In fact, everyone in this world is motivated by desire of money. Because without money we cannot live any longer. But for most people, making money is just for living and they are not only motivated by desire of money. They are motivated by their occupations. Politicians are motivated by power, artists are motivated by desire of art, scientists are motivated by desire of unknown things, but businessmen are motivated by money. I concede that there are also different business, such as business about art, business about medicine, business about technology and so on. No matter what kind of business they are in, what they really interested in is business itself. Where there can be more money, there are businessmen.

So many examples have show that in order to make more money they would like to make other people die. Lots of businessmen produce fake medicine that can hurt or even kill people; they produce food with things that can make people get diseases. Even some businessmen, in order to make more money, they do the businesses about drugs. In these businessmen's eyes, there are only money.

Some people may refute my point with the lots of examples that many businessmen have golden hearts and tell me how they help poor people. In my opinion, the difference between the businessmen with black hearts and businessmen with golden hearts is not the difference of their goals, but is the difference of the ways to achieve their goals. The goal of the businessmen with golden hearts is making more money too. Donating money to the poor people is the way to increase their credit. Nowadays, the credit of a company is as important as itself. The company with a better credit can have more consumers and can make more money.

In sum, in my opinion, businessmen are only motivated by desire of money. But the ways in which they achieve their goals are different.