lastgirl -writing

lastgirlUID: 2857776

7.20

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

What motivate the businessmen? Money, credit, or other thing else? Most people tend to hold that it is the only thing, money, motivate the businessmen. In my opinion, this is an arbitrary statement. I believe, other than the businessmen, they have other social roles, maybe they also are the fathers, the sons, the charitable people. With different roles, they are motivated by different things.

We cannot deny that, as a businessman, his major task is seeking the profit for the business. If he doesn't, he will be not a good businessman. The meaning of the existence of a company, is making money, bringing the profits for its boss and shareholders. There is no doubt that the businessman, as the runner or holder of the company, the biggest motivation is making money.

But if you say, the money is the only aspect motivating the businessmen, you are wrong. Because they are social people, they enjoy different social roles. A businessman may be also a husband, his family give him impulse to work hard, so he is diligent to
make money for bringing his family members a good life. The motivation for him is love, the love to his relationship. Another example, we could see many charities, many of them are set up by businessmen. Even some businessmen put all their money into helping others who need help in our society. How can we say the only motivation for them is just the money? Making money is just an approach, the real goal for them is using the money to help others.

Additionally, for many people, to work not just means making money, they are seeking a sense of success and satisfaction from working. If they do a good job, or conquer a tough task, they will feel happy. But the byproduct of hard working is making more money. Maybe the original propulsion for them is not money, it is the self-satisfaction and self-success. So did the businessmen, they could just enjoy hard working not work hard for money.

Put all things into one nut, it is arbitrary to say "businessmen are only motivated by desire of money". As to a human, many things deserve to pursue. Always, when people pay the endeavour to something, other thing could be the gift ensuing with them, just like the hard working and money. But we cannot say, people make money only for the money itself. Money is just a kind of media or tool, to realize people's many idea.

7.20 by last girl
24min

梦的弃儿UID: 2840846

Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money

What motivate the businessmen? Money, credit, or other thing（s）else? Most people tend to hold that it is the only thing, money, motivate the businessmen. In my opinion, this is an arbitrary（好词） statement. I believe, other than the businessmen, they have other social roles, （逗号不能链接句子，换成 . 或者 ; ）maybe they also are the fathers, the sons, the charitable people. With different roles, they are motivated by different things.

We cannot deny that, as a businessman, his major task is seeking the profit for the business. If he doesn't, he will be not a good businessman. The meaning of the existence of a company is making money, bringing the profits for its boss and shareholders. There is no doubt that the businessman, as the runner or holder of the company, the biggest motivation is making money.（我明白LZ想说他是为了钱，但不全是为了钱，但我觉得这段可以不要，有点模棱两可的感觉）
But if you say, the money is the only aspect motivating the businessmen, you are wrong. Because they are social people, they enjoy different social roles. A businessman may be also a husband,（；） his family give him impulse to work hard, so he is diligent to make money for bringing his family members a good life. The motivation for him is love, the love to his relationship. Another example, we could see many charities, many of them are set up by businessmen. Even some businessmen put all their money into helping others who need help in our society. How can we say the only motivation for them is just the money? Making money is just an approach,（逗号不能链接两句话，重起一句吧） the real goal for them is using the money to help others.

Additionally, for many people, to work not just means making money, they are seeking a sense of success and satisfaction from working. If they do a good job, or conquer a tough task, they will feel happy. But the byproduct of hard working is making more money. Maybe the original propulsion for them is not money,（；） it is the self-satisfaction and self-success. So did the businessmen, they could just enjoy hard working not work hard for money.

Put all things into one nut（用得好，学习之）, it is arbitrary to say "businessmen are only motivated by desire of money". As to a human, many things deserve to pursue. Always, when people pay the endeavour to something, other thing could be the gift ensuing with them, just like the hard working and money. But we cannot say, people make money only for the money itself. Money is just a kind of media or tool, to realize people's many idea（s）.

水平不够，你将就着看吧= =我觉得你就一问题，就逗号不能链接俩句子。其他都还好的。
24min写这么多，学习啊~~

giserUID: 2844945

改稿见附件

lastgirlUID: 2857776

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=3

lastgirlUID: 2857776

7-22作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephone has greater influence on people's lives than television has.

As the development of our society, a large amount of unprecedent inventions come up continuously. As the marks of our time, both telephone and television play the crucial role in people's life, becoming the indispensible part in our life, work and study. But which one exerts greater influence? Maybe it is hard for us to make an explicit judgment.

Telephone, one of the most important invention in 19 century, has changed the style of people-communicating significantly. By virtue of this application, we could talk with the people in the other side of the earth easily. For example, I can phone my good friend who is studying in New York University in  America at any time, in spite of I living in a small town in China. The only thing I need to do is just dialing a series of number. It is because the telephone, the distance cannot prevent our communication.  Additionally, telephone make our life convenient. If we encounter some emergency, we could easily phone our family member, friends, even the police to ask help. What's more, phone talking make the communication between us more frequently. I can cite myself for example. Although studying in a place far from my hometown, I could talk with my father and mother almost every day. You know, the more frequently you communicate with your family members, the more harmonious the relationship between you is.

Notwithstanding the advantage of telephone is obvious, it doesn't mean that the television play less important role in our society. As the advent of television, people's life style underwent an dramatic change. The television made our life rich, our horizon large, and society democratic. For instance, due to television, we have much more entertainments. We could appreciate many TV programs at home just press the remote control. From colorful programs, we could get known kinds of knowledge, just like the economy, geology, biology even the archeology. Meanwhile, through the news in TV program, we could learnt what has happened around us, around the nation and the world. The policy become more clear to the social people, and it is helpful to establish a clean government.

In conclusion, telephone and television, both of them are the important tools in our life, affecting our life in different aspects. Neither of them could be neglect and they enjoy the same importance.

伶女UID: 2797207

7-22作业FEEDBACK BY 伶女. Q5F O& F" V$ v2 G4 t
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephone has greater influence on people's lives than television has.为什么你是这个题目。。。# \* r% Z' Y6 L9 g/ R+ F; H4 O
+ g/ F$ _/ `' t) M: Y; [
As the development of our society, a large amount of unprecedent inventions come up continuously. As the marks of our time不太明白～, both telephone and television play the crucial role in people's life, becoming为什么这里变ing the indispensible part in our life, work and study. But which one exerts greater influence? Maybe it is hard for us to make an explicit judgment. 6 c% E. Q9 V" m' I

Telephone, one of the most important invention in 19 century, has changed the style of people-communicating significantly. By virtue of this application, we could talk with the people in the other side of the earth easily. For example, I can phone my good friend who is studying in New York University in  America at any time, in spite of后面可以接句子吗 I living in a small town in China. The only thing I need to do is just dialing a series of number. It is because改成because of可以 the telephone, the distance cannot prevent our communication.  Additionally, telephone make our life convenient.我觉得你刚刚就已经在讲convenient了啊 If we encounter some emergency, we could easily phone our family member, friends, even the police to ask for help. What's more, phone talking make the communication between us more frequently. I can cite myself for example. Although studying in a place far from my hometown, I could talk with my father and mother almost every day. You know, the more frequently you communicate with your family members, the more harmonious the relationship between you is（will be）.
0 {/ ?, k# c4 R( p8 N
Notwithstanding the advantage of telephone is obvious, it doesn't mean that the television play less important role in our society. As the advent of television, people's life style underwent an dramatic change. The television made our life rich, our horizon large（用expended是不是恰当些）, and society democratic. For instance, due to television, we have much more entertainments. We could appreciate many TV programs at home just press the remote control. From colorful programs, we could get known kinds of knowledge, just like the economy, geology, biology even the archeology. Meanwhile, through the news in TV program, we could learnt what has happened around us, around the nation and the world. The policy become more clear to the social people, and it is helpful to establish a clean government.

In conclusion, telephone and television, both of them are the important tools in our life, affecting our life in different aspects. Neither of them could be neglected and they enjoy the same importance.


整篇还是很流畅的，阐述电话的那一段有点乱，感觉都在反复说一个意思
这篇不会也是24min写的吧，呵呵，牛X啊

lastgirlUID: 2857776

不好意思LS，我传错了。。。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

Some people argue that the students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to get success than that students who do not. In my opinion, althought, good habits could help people succeed, that not to say, the students keeping room neat will.

We cannot deny that, the good habits exerts an obviously effect on individuals' growth, helping them establish the right method in doing things. For example, some students have good habits. They would like to make their room neat, sort their materials in order, and set their things organized. They could find their individual things quickly and precisely.To some extent, these good habits endow them with a logical habits, doing things and organizing things in order and logically. When they facing another circumstance, this logical thinking will work simultaneously, setting a good base for their success in other things.

Nevertheless, that is not to say the students who keep their rooms neat and organized will succeed easier. It just one aspect in their life and mind-thinking. To be success needs more qualities not just one perspect. For instance, if one have mental disease, no matter how neat or organized his room is, it is hard for him to get success. Because keeping room neat is not the decising factor, much more aspects are more significant than it.

Another example, abundent in our society, many good students's rooms, even scientists' rooms are at mass. Why? Because they put their precious time into doing other things, the more important things, to imbibe konwledge or indulge in a kind of conceiving invention. In their mind, to do housework or keep house neat is a kind of thing wasting of life. How we say, they are less likely to succeed? The answer is adverse, they are more likely to success, since they know how they schedule their time to get much success.

Put all things into one nut, so did good habit play a crutial role in one's way to success, it is not the dicising factor in one's growth, not let one's one aspect in habit, just keeping room neat. It is so rediculus. eat. It is so rediculus.

lastgirlUID: 2857776

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;extra=&page=2

伶女UID: 2797207

Feedback by 伶女
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.
  i! D3 x$ X6 N% u
Some people argue that the students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to get success than that students who do not. In my opinion, althought, good habits could help people succeed, that not to say, the students keeping room neat will.

We cannot deny that, the good habits exerts an obviously effect on individuals' growth, helping them establish the right method in doing things. For example, some students have good habits. They would like to make their room neat, sort their materials in order, and set their things organized. They could find their individual things quickly and precisely.To some extent, these good habits endow them with a logical habits, doing things and organizing things in order and logically. When they facing another circumstance, this logical thinking will work simultaneously, setting a good base for their success in other things.
1 x& ^$ j: b( t  k; E  m
Nevertheless, that is not to say the students who keep their rooms neat and organized will succeed easier. It just one aspect in their life and mind-thinking. To be success needs more qualities not just one perspect. For instance, if one have mental disease, no matter how neat or organized his room is, it is hard for him to get success. Because keeping room neat is not the decising factor, much more aspects are more significant than it.
; y& d- Q5 e8 N' R- [
Another example, abundent in our society, many good students's rooms, even scientists' rooms are at mass. Why? Because they put their precious time into doing other things, the more important things, to imbibe konwledge or indulge in a kind of conceiving invention. In their mind, to do housework or keep house neat is a kind of thing wasting of life. How we say, they are less likely to succeed? The answer is adverse, they are more likely to success, since they know how they schedule their time to get much success.
& Q$ [" ?# J2 _: C  ~0 |. Y) P
Put all things into one nut学习了～, so did good habit play a crutial role in one's way to success, it is not the dicising factor in one's growth, not let one's one aspect in habit, just keeping room neat. It is so rediculus. eat. It is so rediculus.

这篇还是回来看了～依然挺流畅也很清晰，有时候我想是不是不用很复杂的句子也不用写的多深刻只要表达清楚言之有理就能拿到好的分数呢，感觉自己最近写作遇到瓶颈，很头痛，总之学习了：）

lastgirlUID: 2857776

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing sports teaches people lessons about the life.

So many activities consist of people's life that people could learn kinds of skills and useful things from them. I can not agree with the statement any more that playing sports teaches people lessons about life.

To begin with, from the physical perspective, playing sports helps people build their minds and bodies. For example, through playing games, the common game, playing badminton, people's mind turn to be more clear and the physical body become more swift. Participating physical games is necessary for people's body, the simple physical exercise, such as riding a bicycle, swimming or jogging, could help to build people's health.

Additionally, participating kinds of games helps people social skills. For instance, imagine you are a football player in a team, you would learn much from it. First of all, a team need a teamwork. There, you will learn how to cooperate with others. During this process, your skills in communication and logical thinking should be cultivated. What's more, your personal potential will be explored. Through football game playing, you will be more sensitive about your advantages and disadvantages. And in the sports team, you will find your own site to fulfill your task to take a good use of your merits. Maybe you are a good gate-keeper or maybe you have the talent in protecting. Playing game not only gives you lessons in socializing but also makes you become more acquaint with yourself to find your own sparks easily and sensitively.

Finally, people could always get other gifts more than just the good body and necessary skills through sport playing. Just like my family members, we play badminton everyweek. Through enjoying time together, our life become more happy. You know, the more frequent you communicate with your family members, the more harmonious the relationship between you will be.

In conclusion, people could get more than just the good body from the sport game playing. This process enable you to have a big harvest in health, relationships, technology, and skills in life. So, playing sports teaches people lessons about life.

shengzhi86UID: 2757306

So many activities consist of people's life that（改为 from which）people could learn kinds of skills and useful things from them（去掉）. I can not agree with the statement any more that playing sports teaches people lessons about life.$ i4 _( ^7 w) v8 }9 t/ ?. w/ `

To begin with, from the physical perspective, playing sports helps people build up their minds and bodies. For example, through playing games, the common game, playing badminton, people's mind turn to be more clear（改为clearer） and the physical body become more swift（改为 swifter）. Participating physical games is necessary for people's body, the simple physical exercise, such as riding a bicycle, swimming or jogging, could help to build people's health.（此段个人感觉，只是说了一些运动使人们的mind更清晰更敏捷，没有用具体例子，读了之后觉得理论有些空。）$ Q) v! }7 g. d9 E" R
( H0 h  w/ T; n) N& {

Additionally, participating kinds of games helps people social skills. For instance, imagine you are a football player in a team, you would learn much from it（尽量避免口语式的短句，imagine you are a football player in a team, from which you would learn much）. First of all, a team need a teamwork. There, you will learn how to cooperate with others. （这里也避免一下不必要的短句，尽量用连起来。可能是个人风格问题，我个人觉得能用长句就不用短句）During this process, your skills in communication and logical thinking should be cultivated. What's more, your personal potential will be explored. Through（上文用了，就换一种方式） football game playing, you will be more sensitive about your advantages and disadvantages. And in the sports team, you will find your own site to fulfill your task to take（改为make） a good（改为 an enough） use of your merits. Maybe you are a good gate-keeper or maybe you have the talent in protecting. Playing game not only gives you lessons in socializing but also makes you become more acquaint with yourself to find your own sparks easily and sensitively.

Finally, people could always get other gifts more than just the good body and necessary skills through sport playing. Just like my family members, we play badminton everyweek. Through enjoying time together, our life become more happy. You know, the more frequent you communicate with your family members, the more harmonious the relationship between you will be(改为 you will have).
In conclusion, people could get more than just the good(改为 fit) body from the sport game playing. This process enable you to have a big harvest in health, relationships, technology, and skills in life. So, playing sports teaches people lessons about life.



红色为修改内容加个人看法。
粉色为出彩地方。

批改人：圣智

lastgirlUID: 2857776

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

Many people would like to do a job for a long period once they choose a career, while other  people prefer try several different jobs before they take a long term career. From my point of view, the latter statement is preferable.

We cannot deny that, we could benefit from doing a job for a long-time. In that way, we will be such more acquaint with the affairs that it is conductive for the people to accumulate their experience and finish the meticulous work. So you could see lots of examples showing that many promotions are based on the time of one doing the job.  

But as to the young people, they have not already established their tendency, personality and career destination, so it is not suitable for them to do a long-term job if they do not find what's their favorite job. They need much more different experiences to explore their propensity, talents and patience so that determine which job fitting them best to take as their long-time job. For instance, nowadays a myriad of students choose to do a part-time job during their winter or summer vacations, through this short time work to know more about the job itself, the working environment and their own interests. I reckon it is helpful for them in finding their long-term goal and in choosing their life career.

What's more, by virtue of different experience, young people could have more opportunities to see various things and make more friends. Their horizons will be enlarged and their minds will be enriched. It is conductive for them to get a comprehensive development and cultivate an all-round personality.

All in all, considerable though the advantages that doing a long-time job enjoys are, they cannot compete with the benefits that trying several different jobs brings about, when the specific features of young people are taken into consideration.

againproUID: 2723437

个人意见，不妥之处，多多指教

matlab007UID: 2865031

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

Many people would like to do a job for a long period once they choose a career, while other people prefer trying several different jobs before they take a long term career. From my point of view, the latter statement is [preferable]因为上一句已经有了prefer了，此处替换成reasonable或者plausible会不会更好？.

We cannot deny that, we could benefit from doing a job for a long-time. In that way, we will be such more acquaint with the affairs that it is conductive for the[the在此处没有必要] people to accumulate their experience and finish the meticulous work. [此句开头的主语是we后面定语从句出现people觉得不是很协调。是否考虑也改成us?]So you could see lots of examples showing that many promotions are based on the time of one doing the job.[What’s example?此处再进一步展开下会更好]

But as to the young people, they have not already established their tendency, personality and career destination, so it is not suitable for them to do[begine] a long-term job if they do not find what's[what is] their favorite job. They need much more different experiences to explore their propensity, talents and patience so that [they can]determine which job fitting them best to take as their long-time job. For instance, nowadays a myriad of students choose to do a part-time job during their winter or summer vacations, through this short time work to [they] know more about the job itself, the working environment and their own interests.[句子有些过长。而且，我琢磨着好象后半句怎么读都有些怪。虽然添了they，但是它分明不能是一个句子但是如果按原句用不定式又好象少了点什么。再议。] I reckon it is helpful for them in finding their long-term goal and in choosing their life career.

What's more, by virtue of different experience, young people could have more opportunities to see various things and make more friends. Their horizons will be enlarged and their minds will be enriched. It is conductive[可以考虑同义替换] for them to get a comprehensive development and cultivate an all-round personality.

All in all, considerable though the advantages that doing a long-time job enjoys are, they cannot compete with the benefits that trying several different jobs brings about, when the specific features of young people are taken into consideration.

文中有很多值得学习的用词，和长难句的构造。
在说理的时候可以再适当增加细节和例子的支撑。

matlab007UID: 2865031

PS。你给again改了，怎么没有给我改呢？？29号的。:L