issue170

dsndiziUID: 2792853

TOPIC: ISSUE170 - "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."
WORDS: 638
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-7-21 16:52:19

Is it always true that it is the general welfare rather than the achievements of a nation's rules, artists, or scientists that indicates a great nation as the author suggested? In response to this issue, one needs to analyze it comprehensively and systematically. The assertion has some merits, which I agree with insofar as that from the general welfare of mass public indeed can judge whether a nation is great or not. While, after close consideration, I can not entirely agree with the whole assertion, as the author overlook the function of the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists, or scientists.

First and foremost, there is no denying that in some extent the general welfare of all a nation's people can present the goodness of the nation. It is a matter a fact that society is shaped by people who consists the major part of a nation, and people's living standards are the direct factors when evaluating a nation. It is grasped from the mass media that led us to know an illusion that if many people are in poverty or a big influx there are always because of that area are suffering war affairs, or if the gap between the rich and the poor are continually increasing, there might exists some fallacy of its marking or government 福利制度. While, if most of the residents are employed and have leisure time occasionally, at least we can learn from this phenomenon that their job market and financial system must be heath and 健全的. In this standpoint, we can see it is an useful indicator for people to judge whether a nation is great enough for people to live in.


In the second, despite the merits from the conclusion, I disagree with the conclusion that the achievements of rules, artists, or scientists are also the characteristics of a great nation, which can inevitable to be an indispensable indicator. Supposed that without the security of a nation, how artists can wholly contribute themselves into creating such glorious masterpieces, without a solid and stable politic system and legal system, can a wisdom ruler use a perspective insight into making decisions and applying into building modern society? What if without a generous financial fund from government and policy to sustain the concern and focus on scientific research, where comes out so many breakthroughs and inventions. In this sense, thus topping achievements can not live without the protection of an excellent nation. And in return, the achievements can also enhance and feedback into making a brighter nation's future.

Finally and maybe the most importantly, a great nation can be indicated from both of the achievements and wide welfare of its entire people, and either of them can be ignored. From the achievements of a nation's rules, artists, or scientists, we can see a relative respect or angle of prosperity of the nation on a spiritual level. On the other hand, from the perspective of mass public’s overall welfare, we can attain a relative physical respect on a basic level. What is really crucial is that how can we learn from these indicators, it is in favor of a nation's future that finding fallacies and taking actions to make up the problems, meanwhile, striving a delicate balance between these two sides by servicing grant benefits when general's welfare meets conflictions with the rules, artists, or scientists. Thus, by doing this, the achievements of
a nation's rules, artists, or scientists
and general welfare can mutually improved and developed with each other ultimately reach a nation' prosperity.

From the analysis above, I would like to commit the optimal conclusion that both of the achievements of rules, artists, or scientists and the general welfare of its entire people can be regarded as the indicators of a great nation. And what's more meaningful is to combine them as effective instructors for constructing a better society.

zhangjunzjUID: 2658970

很好的文章，无论是论点论据还是语音的表达上都没什么问题，可见楼主还是颇具写作功力的。就写有些基本的语法错误，希望能够避免。这样的文章，在考场上写出的话应该是5分以上的。

楼主若有时间的话可以去看看我的：
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1126368-1-1.html
谢了

fchenyanUID: 2804020

为啥里面会有中文？解释一下，还有就是不要强迫你的英文完全按照你的中文意思，没有必要，尽量学着用英语思考。
你的思路很好，没的说，但是我很怀疑在限定的时间内你是否可以写出这么多的字，如果可以的话我们大家该向你取取经了

dsndiziUID: 2792853

3# fchenyan

。。。中文我忘记改了。。。这是按时间写的 不过提纲由于事先都看过也没用怎么想 45分钟基本全在写。。。还有就是你说的对啊！我很大的缺陷就是中文意思在翻译。。。我这几天尽量在学习中！谢谢提醒！

shadow1987UID: 2605840

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1128680-1-2.html
同题集中！！欢迎LZ拍文~

shadow1987UID: 2605840

Is it always true that it is the general welfare rather than the achievements of a nation's rules, artists, or scientists that indicates a great nation as the author suggested? In response to this issue, one needs to analyze it comprehensively and systematically. The assertion has some merits, which I agree with insofar as that from the general welfare of mass public（有这种表达？求证！用the public或者the masses吧） indeed can （Chinglish，一般写作can indeed）judge whether a nation is great or not. While, after close consideration（想表达什么意思？deeper consideration）, I can not entirely agree with the whole assertion, as the author overlook the function of the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists, or scientists.

First and foremost, there is no denying that in some extent the general welfare of all a nation's people can present the goodness of the nation. It is a matter a of fact that society is shaped by people who consists the major part of a nation（这句话有点怪，有点来回倒腾people和society）, and people's living standards are the direct factors when evaluating a nation. It is grasped from the mass media that led us to know an illusion that if many people are in poverty or a big influx there are always because of that area are suffering war affairs, or if the gap between the rich and the poor are continually increasing, there might exists some fallacy of its marking or government 福利制度. （句法有问题，it是形式主语，指代应该是后面第二个that的内容，但是你中间又插了一个很莫名的部分 led us to know an illusion，应该是写的时候想太多了吧）While, if most of the residents are employed and have leisure time occasionally, at least we can learn from this phenomenon that their job market and national financial system must be heath and 健全的. In this standpoint, we can see that（正式文体that一般别省，personal suggestion） it is an useful indicator for people to judge whether a nation is great enough for people to live in.


In the second, despite the merits from the conclusion, I disagree with the conclusion that the achievements of rules, artists, or scientists are also the characteristics of a great nation（你自己再读读这句话，你不同意的正是你的观点，粗心了）, which can be inevitable to be an indispensable indicator.（漏了be动词，添上去又觉得怪怪的，换成inevitably放在句子最后吧） Supposed that without the security of a nation, how artists can wholly contribute engage themselves into creating such（一件作品都没提怎么就“如此光宗耀祖的杰作”） glorious masterpieces, without a solid and stable politic system and legal system, can a wisdom ruler use a perspective insight into making decisions and applying into building modern society? What if without a generous financial fund from government and policy to sustain the concern and focus on scientific research, where comes out so many breakthroughs and inventions.？In this sense, thus topping achievements can not live without the protection of an excellent nation. And in return, the achievements can also enhance and feedback into making a brighter nation's future.（你好喜欢用疑问句哦，以讨论的语气说固然好，我的保留意见是感觉有点被诘问，呵呵，just writing style，no big deal）

Finally and maybe the most importantly, a great nation can be indicated from both of the achievements and wide welfare of its entire people, and neither of them can be ignored.（我囧啊，第二次意思完全写颠倒了，围观群众表示鸭梨很大）From the achievements of a nation's rules, artists, or scientists, we can see a relative respect or angle of prosperity of the nation on a spiritual level. On the other hand, from the perspective of mass public’s overall welfare, we can attain a relative physical respect on a basic level. What is really crucial is that how can we learn from these indicators, it is in favor of a nation's future that finding fallacies and taking actions to make up the problems, meanwhile, striving a delicate balance between these two sides by servicing serving grant benefits when general's welfare meets the conflictions with the rules, artists, or scientists. Thus, by doing this, the achievements of a nation's rules, artists, or scientists and general welfare can be mutually improved and developed with each other, and ultimately reach a nation' prosperity.（你这句话让人读完会憋死的）

From the analysis above, I would like to commit the optimal conclusion that both of the achievements of rules, artists, or scientists and the general welfare of its entire people can be regarded as the indicators of a great nation. And what's more meaningful is to combine them as effective instructors for constructing a better society.

思路跟我完全一样，兄弟相见恨晚啊！呵呵！总得来说，语感非常好，文字非常流畅，所以你的长句也很容易读懂，但是注意写长句的时候一个是逻辑关系别搞错了！第二是中间适当加个comma或者semicolon，让人读起来会更舒服。而且字数这么多！如果能在考场上写成你这样，我绝对知足！一起努力吧！