冻冻的作文贴

cynthia_yeUID: 2756484

第一次写，可能问题比较多，谢谢哦 ^_^ :handshake
题目：independently writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects


Although many pepole claim that telephone do more effects to human life compared to television, because telephone was inventioned much earlier, and made human communicate to each other much convenience, I think television do much more effects to our lives as follow aspects. K

First, television brings much more information we don’t known so that open our eyes and minds. Telephone can takes message, but it is usally come from your friends, family or sales, besides television can take various information. For instance, television programme contain many projects ( like TV play, science, talk show, entertainment, news, economy, weather, and so on), from those we can know many messages. Moreover, each channel plays different programme at the same time, so we can freely to choose the programme we are interested in television.

In addition, television shows imformations more direct. Compared to other media like newspaper just give us literature signs as well as radio only gives sound programmes, television can shows pictures, videos, sounds and captions that make us understand new information much easier, and makes entertainments to be much funny and lively.

Last television not only brings advantage to our lives, but also negative aspect. For example, television changes the life pattern of many people. I still remenber when I was a litter girl, there was no television at home, I usually spended time by reading, do some exercises, or played with playmates and went to bed early every night, then we bought a television, and things changed, we used to sited on the sofa, and watched TV at our free-times and went to sleeped at midnight. Those habits are easily to cause many health and social problems, so there is a phrase “couch potato” describes those people who wallow in TV programmes.

In sum, telephone do effect to our lives by changes the form people connects to each other and can takes some message, but television makes more effects on our life via its advantage and disadvantage effects.

逍遥若曦UID: 2802815

题目：independently writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects


Although many pepole claim that telephone do(人称和数。还是说你是打算用强调的嘛？) more effects to (Effect的搭配是on)human life compared to television, because telephone was inventioned(Invented) much earlier, and made human communicate to each other much convenience(Bring human more convenience in communicating with each other), I think television do much more effects to our lives as(in) follow aspects. K

First, television brings much more information we don’t known so that open our eyes and minds. Telephone can takes message, but it is usally come from your friends, family or sales, besides television can take various information. For instance, television programme contain(人称和数) many projects ( like TV play, science, talk show, entertainment, news, economy, weather, and so on), from those we can know many messages(Message不太合适吧). Moreover, each channel plays(?) different programme at the same time, so we can freely to(删了to) choose the programme we are interested in television（In on television）.

In addition, television shows imformations more direct（directly）. Compared to other media like newspaper just give us literature signs as well as radio only gives sound programmes, television can shows（show） pictures, videos, sounds and captions that make us understand new information much easier, and makes entertainments to be much funny and lively.
（这个缺点写是何解？）
Last television not only brings advantage to our lives, but also negative aspect. For example, television changes the life pattern of many people. I still remenber when I was a litter girl, there was no television at home, I usually spended time by reading, do some exercises, or played with playmates and went to bed early every night, then we bought a television, and things changed, we used to sited on the sofa, and watched TV at our free-times and went to sleeped at midnight. Those habits are easily to cause many health and social problems, so there is a phrase “couch potato” describes those people who wallow in TV programmes.

In sum, telephone do effect to our lives by changes the form people connects to each other and can takes some message, but television makes more effects on our life via its advantage and disadvantage effects.

bruce520UID: 2634940

Although many pepole claim that telephone do more effects to human life compared to television, because telephone was inventioned much earlier, and made human communicate to each other much convenience[有问题，后面改成表语形式吧], I think television do much more effects to our lives as follow aspects. K
First, television brings much more information we don’t known so that open our eyes and minds. Telephone can takes message, but it is usally come from your friends, family or sales, besides television can take various information. For instance,[和上文的脱节，上文在批电话后这里要是再来个表扬电视的就好了] television programme contain many projects ( like TV play, science, talk show, entertainment, news, economy, weather, and so on), from those we can know many messages. Moreover, each channel plays different programme at the same time, so we can freely to choose the programme we are interested in television.
In addition, television shows imformations more direct. Compared to other media like newspaper just give us literature signs as well as radio only gives sound programmes, television can shows pictures, videos, sounds and captions that make us understand new information much easier, and makes entertainments to be much funny and lively.
Last television not only brings advantage【复数】 to our lives, but also negative aspect.【要写让步也不能用not only。。 but also啊】 For example, television changes the life pattern of many people. I still remenber when I was a litter girl, there was no television at home, I usually spended time by reading, do some exercises, or played with playmates and went to bed early every night, then we bought a television, and things changed, we used to sited on the sofa, and watched TV at our free-times and went to sleeped at midnight. Those habits are easily to cause many health and social problems, so there is a phrase “couch potato” describes those people who wallow in TV programmes.
In sum, telephone do effect to our lives by changes the form people connects to each other and can takes some message, but television makes more effects on our life via its advantage and disadvantage effects.
行文结构比较合理，但是局部的措辞不够准确