Issue159 第一篇 第一贴 有拍必回

1900_oneoneUID: 2104750

Issue159. 第1篇（updated） 共用时间：45分3秒    440words

Outline
Position: partially agree, partially disagree; It depends…
1.        in the sense of ethical and intelligence HUMAN superior
2.        in the sense of operation in specific areas ,Machine superior
3.        we use our advantages to make use of the machines’ advantages to overcome our inherent disadvantages
Concluding: Develop more machines ….

------题目------

The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.

------正文------


Today, although there are more and more films show us that how machines control human. I still believe that machines are only our tools, but it can’t follow that human beings are absolutely superior to machines. Whether human are superior to machines is up to our understanding of the word “superior" in our mind.

In some extend, we can proudly say that our human being is greater than machines. We design the machines as our tools, which is regard as a sign of society's improvement. For example, we program the computer programs to get the results we need that processed by them obeying our orders; we operate the camera to make fun; we drive cars to every place we want to. What a fantastic! In the sense of intelligence and society status, it is a sure bet that human mind is superior to machines.

However, we can't deny the fact that we have inferiors to machines in some specific areas. The reason why we use machines itself just reveals that our human really have natural weakness compare to machines, isn't it? Such as speed, power, energy and so forth. For an instance, we need sleep even everyday to keep health, but machines are able to working day and night for a long period; we have to work on a specific question for a long time, while the machines just need within one second. Take industry for example, we design lots of powerful machines to carry tons of raw materials for manufacture; we make use of other sharp tool to cut hard metals in many areas. We need such machines to do the work beyond our capacity. It can't simple to say we are superior to machines, right?
From above, we can illustrate that human can take use of the machines' advantages to facilitate society welfare. In such a day that both sciences and technology are increasingly developing in full speed, we must admit our inherent imperfect, developed more and more machines as tools to do the tough or even boring work instead of ourselves. We can design robots, for example, to unfix the dangers instead of the experts to avoid sacrifice; we can also design micro-camera to look deep into the earth to get the information we need in mining industry. It is necessary. Besides, people can have time to do more meaningful things and have more time to relax.

All in all, with the developing of our society, more and more advanced machines will be developed. Therefore, our lives will be more and more satisfied and comfortable. Although we have our own weakness, we can use machines' relative strong points, which is just our advantage too.
PS: 提纲事先列好了写的

[ Last edited by wendytian on 2005-6-30 at 18:44 ]

clylizeUID: 150642

Although there are more and more films show us that how machines control human. I still believe that machines are only our tools, and whether human are superior to machines is up to our understanding of the word “superior" in our mind.

In some extend, we can proudly say that our human being is greater than machines. We design the machines as our tools, which is regard as a sign of society's improvement. For example, we program the computer programs and then computers process the results we need obey our orders;we make computer to do our orders we operate the camera to make fun; we drive cars to every place we want to.3个排比基本一致可能会好点 What a fantastic! In the sense of intelligence and society status, it is a sure bet that human mind is superior to machines. But it is somewhat partially speaking.

However, we can't deny the fact that we have inferiors to machines in some specific areas. The reason why we use machines itself just reveals that our human really have natural weakness compare to machines, isn't it? Such as speed, power, energy and so forth. For an instance, we need sleep even everyday to keep health, but machines are able to working day and night for a long period; we have to work on a specific question for a long time, while the machines just need within one second. Take industry for example, we design lots of powerful machines to carry tons of raw materials for manufacture; we make use of other sharp tool to cut hard metals in many areas. We need such machines to do the work beyond our capacity. It can't simple to say we are superior to machines, right?这段可以写机器可以作很多人无法完成的事情 但是所有的事情都是由人类先编好程序才那么做的 机器只是在重复人类的命令去帮助人类做一些重复枯燥的工作以及在危险的环境下工作

From above, we can illustrate that human can take use of the machines' advantages to facilitate society welfare. In such a day that both sciences and technology are increasingly developing in full speed, we must admit our inherent imperfect, developed more and more machines as tools to do the tough or even boring work instead of ourselves. We can design robots, for example, to unfix the dangers instead of the experts to avoid sacrifice; we can also design micro-camera to look deep into the earth to get the information we need in mining industry. It is aa去掉 necessary. Besides, people can have time to do more meaningful things and have more time to relax.

All in all, with the developing of our society, more and more advanced machines will be developed. Therefore, our lives will be more and more satisfied and comfortable. Although we have our own weakness, we can use machines' relative strong points, which is just our advantage too.

allisonUID: 192807

Issue159. 第1篇 共用时间：45分3秒    440words

Outline
Position： 基本支持，但是是否优越取决于具体范围。
1.        某些方面人类的确厉害；
2.        但是我们人类自身是由于不如人家机器的一些性能才使用机器的啊；
3.        人类还是去利用自己的智慧优势开发利用机器的长处吧；
Concluding：科技进步会促使更多的尖端机器出现的，我们各取所长。

Issue159. 第1篇 共用时间：45分3秒    440words

------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.

------正文------

Although there are more and more films show us that how machines control human. I still believe that machines are only our tools, and whether human are superior to machines is up to our understanding of the word "superior" in our mind.

In some extend, we can proudly say that our human being is greater than machines. [这样的说法好像是暗示后面要转折说机器更SUPERIOR]We design the machines as our tools, which is regard as a sign of society's improvement. For example, we program the computer programs and then computers process the results we need obey[obeying] our orders; we operate the camera to make fun; we drive cars to every place we want to. What a fantastic! In the sense of intelligence and society status, it is a sure bet that human mind is superior to machines. But it is somewhat partially speaking.[和第一句效果一样了，仿佛你的观点是说机器SUPERIOR,和你的POSITION 上写的基本赞成有点不符，但如果抛开你的POSITION是可以这样写的]

However, we can't deny the fact that we have inferiors to machines in some specific areas. The reason why we use machines itself just reveals that our [we]human really have natural weakness compare[comparing] to machines, isn't it? Such as speed, power, energy and so forth. For an instance, we need [to]sleep even everyday to keep health, but machines are able to working [work]day and night for a long period; we have to work on a specific question for a long time, while the machines just need within[may be within is not necessary] one second. Take industry for example, we design lots of powerful machines to carry tons of raw materials for manufacture; we make use of other sharp tool to cut hard metals in many areas. We need such machines to do the work beyond our capacity. It can't simple to[just use simply is ok] say we are superior to machines, right?

From above, we can illustrate that human can take use of the machines' advantages to facilitate society welfare. In such a day that both sciences and technology are increasingly developing in full speed, we must admit our inherent imperfect, developed more and more machines as tools to do the tough or even boring work instead of ourselves. We can design robots, for example, to unfix the dangers instead of the experts to avoid sacrifice; we can also design micro-camera to look deep into the earth to get the information we need in mining industry. It is a necessary. Besides, people can have time to do more meaningful things and have more time to relax.

All in all, with the developing of our society, more and more advanced machines will be developed. Therefore, our lives will be more and more satisfied and comfortable. Although we have our own weakness, we can use machines' relative strong points, which is just our advantage too.

PS: 提纲事先列好了写的
[In all ,you did a very good job which make me feel ashame. Keep going on ,you can achieve great success. ]

1900_oneoneUID: 2104750

谢谢你们的宝贵意见
我又改了一次；
可能我存在着观点不清晰的毛病吧！
我会继续认真思考的。
一起努力

nanciaUID: 198235

Outline
Position: partially agree, partially disagree; It depends…
1. in the sense of ethical and intelligence HUMAN superior
2. in the sense of operation in specific areas ,Machine superior
3. we use our advantages to make use of the machines’ advantages to overcome our inherent disadvantages
Concluding: Develop more machines ….

------题目------

The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.

------正文------


Today, although there are more and more films show [showing] us that how machines control human. I -still- [个人觉得跟although有点重复]believe that machines are only our tools, but it can’t follow that human beings are absolutely superior to machines. Whether human are superior to machines is up to our understanding of the word “superior" -in our mind-[觉得跟understanding有点重复].

[I think the first graph is a little too short to disclose your opinion.]

In some extend[觉得做段首不太好，感觉入题太慢，而且好像也多说to some extent], we can proudly say that our human being is greater than machines. We design the machines as our tools, which is regard [regarded] as a sign of society's [societal] improvement. For example, we program the computer- programs-[program computers就可以了，多加一个programs觉得重复，而且computer前面不是特指，觉得不需要加the] to get the results we need that processed by them [their] obeying our orders[这个地方觉得从句用的有点迷糊]; we operate the [觉得没有必要用the] camera to make fun; we drive cars to every place we want to. What a fantastic[fantasy or how fantastic,不过觉得有点口语化]! In the sense of intelligence and society[societal] status, it is a sure bet that human mind is superior to machines.

[I feel that your evidents could not support your conclusion and the argument you mentioned in the first paragraph very well. 1. You never mentioned the definition of supurior, which is an important basic conception in your argument. 2. Will we get to the idea that human are supurior to machines just by that humans could manipulate machines and have a better societal position?Then how about employer and employee?]

However, we can't deny the fact [个人觉得the fact多余] that we have inferiors[inferior是adj，觉得改成disadvantages比较好] to machines in some specific areas. The reason why we use machines itself just reveals that our human really have natural weakness compare[comparing] to machines, isn't it? Such as speed, power, energy and so forth. For an instance[For instance], we need sleep even [我觉得没有加强语气的意境，没有必要用even]everyday to keep health, but machines are able to working[work] day and night for a long period; we [may，因为这个是可能出现的情况，不一定人们在每一个具体的/特别的问题上都需要花费大量的时间，所以加一个可能的情态动词比较好]have to work on a specific question for a long time, while the machines just need within[这个within用的不合适，need后面要加宾语而非壮语的，改成as short as如何？] one second. Take industry for example, we design lots of powerful machines to carry tons of raw materials for manufacture; we make use of other sharp tool to cut hard metals in many areas. We need such machines to do the work beyond our capacity.[Therefore,] It can't simple to[去掉to] say we are superior to machines, right?
From [the] above, we can illustrate ['we can see' or 'It illustrates' ]that human can take use of the machines' advantages to facilitate society welfare. In such a day that both sciences and technology are increasingly developing in full speed, we must admit our inherent imperfect, developed more and more machines as tools to do the tough or even boring [I think you mean 'Onerous' or 'repetitive'] work instead of ourselves. We can design robots, for example, to unfix the dangers instead of the experts to avoid sacrifice; we can also design micro-camera to look deep into the earth to get the information we need in mining industry. It is necessary. Besides, people can have time to do more meaningful things and have more time to relax.

All in all, with the developing [development] of our society, more and more advanced machines will be developed. Therefore, our lives will be more and more satisfied and comfortable. Although we have our own weakness, we can use machines' relative strong points, which is just our advantage too.

[I really feel encouraged that all you guys have already begin the practice of the writing test, and glad to be involved. I just gave my personal views on Wendytian's article. It's the first time for me to modify other people's article, so pls feel free to tell me your suggestions on this kind of stuff. However, I have some ideas here first,
1. We need a good word foundation, for GRE writing is different from TWE. GRE is more like a research report. So I think more neutralized and complicated words is better than short and simple ones. They will make the meaning more direct and accurate.
2. We need a good analysis skill, I mean, a logical thinking. I could see that we can give many useful examples, but are they strong enough to support the conclusion? Are they just repetitive? Do we still need some logical stament in between? I think we should think about it.
3. I feel what's important in GRE writing test is : logical analysis, accurate word usage and fluent expression. I think we needn't use so many repetitive and simple words just to make up the words requirment, which will not make the grading guy feel good. What's important is contents.

Wendytian, keep going, and I'll hurry up to give out my articles..
]

amanda1011UID: 2106668

Issue159. 第1篇 共用时间：45分3秒    440words

Outline
Position： 基本支持，但是是否优越取决于具体范围。
1.        某些方面人类的确厉害；
2.        但是我们人类自身是由于不如人家机器的一些性能才使用机器的啊；
3.        人类还是去利用自己的智慧优势开发利用机器的长处吧；
Concluding：科技进步会促使更多的尖端机器出现的，我们各取所长。

Issue159. 第1篇 共用时间：45分3秒    440words

------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.

------正文------

Although there are more and more films show (showing) us that how machines control human. I still believe that machines are only our tools, and whether human are superior to machines is up to our understanding of the word “superior" in our mind.

In some extend (是不是要说“在某种意义上”? 应该是in a sense或者是to some extent ), we can proudly say (是不是用claim比较好?say太泛了) that our human being is ( we human beings are)greater than machines. We design the machines as our tools, which is regard (are regarded) as a sign of society's improvement. For example, we program the computer programs and then computers process (应该是产生结果吧？produce) the results we need obey (obeying) our orders; we operate the camera to make fun (这个词是开玩笑， 取乐的意思吧，嘿嘿，拿camera玩啊？); we drive cars to every place we want to. What a fantastic(what a + 名词)! In the sense of intelligence and society status, it is a sure bet that human mind is superior to machines. But it is somewhat partially(partial，后面的speaking是名词) speaking.
上面这段的几个例子举的不错，就是表达上不够地道，嘿嘿。这段的观点提到“as a sign of society's improvement”，例子似乎表达的是使用机器给我们带来了很多意想不到的东西。没有扣到论点上感觉。还有就是例子举完没有进一步分析，直接就让步了，显得论证不够有力。

However, we can't deny the fact that we have inferiors(inferior是形容词) to machines in some specific areas. The reason why we use machines itself just reveals that our human (we human beings) really have natural weakness (weaknesses) compare(compared) to machines, isn't it? Such as speed, power, energy and so forth(such as后面不能再来and so forth/and so on了。还有这句咋莫名其妙冒出来啊，没有句子结构。). For an instance (For instance), we need sleep even everyday to keep health (healthy), but machines are able to working (work) day and night for a long period; we have to work on a specific question for a long time, while the machines just need within one second.(这个例子不错，有对比，比后面两个例子好，这段论点就是说人有不如机器的地方，通过对比能很好的展现出这些不足，后面两个例子只是泛泛的说了机器能干什么，没有指出人的不足，不够有力) Take industry for example, we design lots of powerful machines to carry tons of raw materials for manufacture(这里表达似乎不够确切，你是想说机器能够帮我们把原材料变成成品吧); we make use of other sharp tool (tools) to cut hard metals in many areas (这里也是，in many areas要表达什么呢？语言不明确，太泛了。). We need such machines to do the work beyond our capacity. It can't simple (It is simple, simple是形容词) to say we are superior to machines, right?

From above, we can illustrate(have illustrated) that human can take use of (make use of) the machines' advantages to facilitate society welfare(这是自己发明的说法吧？不是地道的表达吧？). In such a day (表示时期，days) that both sciences and technology (technologies) are increasingly developing (developing 是形容词，发展中的意思，应该用被动developed) in (at) full speed, we must admit our inherent imperfect(imperfect是形容词，shortcomings), developed(and develop) more and more machines as tools to do the tough or even boring work instead of ourselves. We can design robots, for example, to unfix the dangers instead of the experts to avoid sacrifice; we can also design micro-camera to look deep into the earth to get the information we need in mining industry. It is a(a去掉) necessary. Besides, people can have time to do more meaningful things and have more time to relax （是不是可以并成一句写，have time to do more meaningful things就是have more time to do meaningful things，虽然可能一个是强调可以做更多的事情，一个是说有更多的时间，个人感觉几乎相似的句子并列在一起不太好吧。）.

这段跟第二段的区别在哪呢？虽然从提纲上知道第二段是要写人类的厉害，但是没有表达出来，感觉跟这段一样表达的意思差不多，建议要把第二段再修改一下，要强调出人类的智慧是机器没有的。否则可能因为你在第二段论证不够有力，被人误会成你三段结构是：我们利用机器做××，机器能作一些我们不能做的事，我们要好好利用机器，这样就跟你基本支持的态度不一致了。

All in all, with the developing(development) of our society, more and more advanced machines will be developed(produced或者manufactured，前面刚用过develop). Therefore, our lives will be more and more satisfied and comfortable. Although we have our own weakness (weaknesses), we can use machines' relative strong points, which is just our advantage too（which指什么呢？指我们会利用机器，还是指机器的优点？指代不明确，如果是指代那些strong points的话从句里面要用复数）.

再加上这段，你说会有越来越多的先进机器，我们可以利用这些机器克服弱点，就更显得你的观点是人类弱，它只能靠机器了。结论中还是要强调出你认为人类更聪明，although后面的那句表达的不好，没能体现出人更聪明。虽然我知道你的意思是，人会用机器，这是最聪明的地方，呵呵

PS：
首先，45分钟写这样一篇文章出来，很不错，比我强，嘿嘿，偶是孵了三天才出来第一篇。
其次，在这么短的时间里，能想到上面那么多例子，思路很开阔，这个是我现在愁的东东，脑子里啥玩意也没有。
第三，语言方面还要提高，主要有以下几个错误：
1．        一些常用的词组经常写的一半对一半错，哈哈。
2．        语言指代不明确，经常用一些太泛的词。
3．        有些词词性没分清楚。
4．        对被动时态不太敏感。
(嘿嘿，不过在短时间写出来的文章，这些问题是难免的啦，写完以后记得自己再修改一下。)
第四，逻辑思路上还要进一步斟酌，我们大家共同讨论讨论，作文除了语言外，逻辑才是关键，不能忘了ETS真正要考的是逻辑。

哈哈，先改这些，还有几个语言点我自己也还不清楚，等我查明白了再告诉你吧！上面可能有说的不对的地方，咱再探讨！！

V队V队，Victory!!

1900_oneoneUID: 2104750

谢谢青青的认真纠错，帮我找到了自己很难意识的弱点，缺陷！
           我知道自己的这篇作文里面的chinglish很多，以后需要着重注意
            等我再改改帮我看看哦！
         
           继续改，改到吐为止！！！

ssskyUID: 204142

我觉得这篇写这篇高频的一般思路都是
1 人类有高于机器的地方
2 机器有高于人类的地方
3 人类和机器相互利用长处弥补不足
wendytian 的文章也是按照这个思路展开的，不过限时能写出这样也是很佩服了 呵呵

我觉得还可以作一下让步：不能排除随着人工智能的发展，机器也可能会想人类一样思考，那时机器超越人类也就可能了。我写的一段大家也帮忙改改吧：）
Observing the boundless world, keeping image in the memory, thinking the principle, and creating according to the principle, it is the working process of human brain. And Artificial Intelligence(AI) which imitates the working process of human brain has developed in order to endue machines with intelligence. Since as far as nowadays, the AI machines are able to collect information, to process information and to store information, but they could not think, therefore they have no creative ability. And it is the precondition that we could say that machines will never surpass mankind. One day if we master the mechanisms of our own mind, and create a self-evolved machine which appears in science fiction flims frequently, that is to say,  a machine which could think like a man appears, whether human is still the overload of the world be a sealed book.

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