issue36 写得比前两篇认真,谢谢批改！！

86390216UID: 2102486

字数虽然少了些，但是写得比前两篇认真，过程也注意了一下大小写的转换，求批！！！
谢谢大家！！！
IssueX 额外题库 第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：43分32秒     
从2005年5月30日22时9分到2005年5月30日22时43分
------题目------
The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.
提纲：
我不同意这个观点，我的观点是 一些伟大的人物在当世就能够被同时代的人认可，如华盛顿Washington，林肯Lincoln，爱迪生Edison，爱因斯坦Einstein莎士比亚Shakespeare，毕加索Picasso。
当然一些人的伟大是在后世才被认同的，因为他们的思想太超前，想法在当时人看来是不可理解的，像梵高van Gogh，尼采Nietzsche。
当世而言会产生一些不客观的看法，因为人们会为一时的利益获得而迷失判断，特别在政治领域，产生个人崇拜，如对苏联soviet Russia对斯大林stail的个人崇拜
经历了历史的沉淀sedimentation，人们更容易看到历史的真相。所以我的结论是判断一个人是否伟大是一件很复杂的事情，看他是否对人类的发展做出自己的贡献，只有这样的人才会在历史的长河中保持伟大的形象。
------正文------
The speaker hold the opinion that the greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who lives after them, not by their contemporaries.虽然说开头不要直接引用的好，可是不知道怎么开头好，希望大家指点。 The greatness of individuals can finally be decided by those who lives after them.However, the speaker don't notice that the greatness of individuals can also be decided by their contemporaries.

Some individuals are so great that they can be honored by contemporaries because they make great contributions to the civilization of human being and the welfare of the comtemporaries.Washington and Lincoln are considered to be most great presidents in the American history that Washington devoted himself to the foundation of the USA and Lincoln freed the slaves, promoting the development of American’s economy enormously. scientist such as Edison who was famous for lots of inventions and Einstein who was considered to be wisdom  in the world. Although some artists are not been admitted by their comtemporaries, Shakespeare and Picasso are still been recognized by people at their times. Shakespeare is famous for his dramas such as “hamlets”.

Some individuals are very great in our opinions, but they lead poor lives in their long lives. Why could they not be known to the world when they are living? They are maybe having ideas that could not be admitted by their comtemporaries.Van Gogh and Nietzsche are considered to be mad when they expressed themsleves.It seems that the greatness of individuals could not be decided by their contemporaries because both Van Gogh and Nietzsche are famous nowadays.howevre, what I want to say is that the greatness of individuals can be decided by those who live after them better than their contemporaries.

The contemporaries are easy to be lost when decide whether one individual is great or not especially in the political areas. For example, the worship to Stalin in Soviet Russia is very serious. when Soviet Russia was built and Stalin led people to reconstruct the economy that had been damaged by the war . The living standard raised highly .The Soviet Russia became stronger and stronger in the world .The people of Soviet Russia owned the great achievement to the wise leadership of Stalin .Stalin indeed did well as a leader but he also did a lot of mistakes. However,his contemporaries considered him to be a god. They are misled by the achievement and overlooked the mistakes of Stalin.

The greatness of individuals can be better decided by those who live after them, because through the sedimentation of histroy, people can realize the truth easily. Although the contemporaries will always enlarge or overlooks the greatness of some individuals, the greatness of other individuals still can be decided by their contemporaries. The history will give individuals a right position if they really made contribution to the world and human beings.

86390216UID: 2102486

大家拍啊  必回拍 听取意见定改 谢谢版主 谢谢各位大侠 谢谢一起努力的同胞们

86390216UID: 2102486

顶一下自己 否则就落下去了

woodsandUID: 204223

懒得按格式来说了，就随便说几句ba

结构上和论点上我认为没什么问题，和我的差不多，
1，开头我觉得直接重复题目也没什么不好，显得观点清晰，老美就喜欢这样，当然这只是开头的一种方式，就叫他开门见山方式把，但是开头的后两句感觉重复了前面，比较生硬的重复了题目，用这样的方法提出自己的观点好像表达上差一些

2，例子找了不少，都可以用，但是感觉出了斯大林的其他说得太少了，没有把论点展开，紧紧是用例子套了一下，之后又重复自己的中心句，应该再详细讲讲论点，例子可以每段找一个人，但这个人的事例应该详细写。

3，结尾感觉还不错

4，这个文章用语上短句子太多，尤其斯大林那段，感觉琐碎，应该再雕琢一下。

总结一下，观点正确，表达清晰，我个人认为这样的文章4分肯定没问题。

86390216UID: 2102486

谢谢woodsand，我晚上再好好改一下，改完贴出来，今天也写了一篇，但是感觉遇到了一个瓶颈，好痛苦啊。

阿择菜UID: 2110339

我只看逻辑和结构The speaker hold the opinion that the greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who lives after them, not by their contemporaries.虽然说开头不要直接引用的好，可是不知道怎么开头好，希望大家指点。(自己要形成自己的开头的模版,开头这两句话明显重复!) The greatness of individuals can finally be decided by those who lives after them.However, the speaker don't notice that the greatness of individuals can also be decided by their contemporaries.

Some individuals are so great that they can be honored by contemporaries because they make great contributions to the civilization of human being and the welfare of the comtemporaries.Washington and Lincoln are considered to be most great presidents in the American history that Washington devoted himself to the foundation of the USA and Lincoln freed the slaves, promoting the development of American’s economy enormously. scientist such as Edison who was famous for lots of inventions and Einstein who was considered to be wisdom  in the world. Although some artists are not been admitted by their comtemporaries, Shakespeare and Picasso are still been recognized by people at their times. Shakespeare is famous for his dramas such as “hamlets”.(最后的这个让步没有照应本段的TS,最好放在下边的段落)

Some individuals are very great in our opinions, but they lead poor lives in their long lives. Why could they not be known to the world when they are living? They are maybe having ideas that could not be admitted by their comtemporaries.Van Gogh and Nietzsche are considered to be mad when they expressed themsleves.It seems that the greatness of individuals could not be decided by their contemporaries because both Van Gogh and Nietzsche are famous nowadays.howevre, what I want to say is that the greatness of individuals can be decided by those who live after them better than their contemporaries.(live poor life 和中心有必然的联系吗?好象这个TS不是很好,再修改修改)

The contemporaries are easy to be lost when decide whether one individual is great or not especially in the political areas. For example, the worship to Stalin in Soviet Russia is very serious. when Soviet Russia was built and Stalin led people to reconstruct the economy that had been damaged by the war . The living standard raised highly .The Soviet Russia became stronger and stronger in the world .The people of Soviet Russia owned the great achievement to the wise leadership of Stalin .Stalin indeed did well as a leader but he also did a lot of mistakes. However,his contemporaries considered him to be a god. They are misled by the achievement and overlooked the mistakes of Stalin.(和上边的两段过度一下最好,我总觉得不自然,或者安排到第三段是不是更好一点呢?)
The greatness of individuals can be better decided by those who live after them, because through the sedimentation of histroy, people can realize the truth easily. Although the contemporaries will always enlarge or overlooks the greatness of some individuals, the greatness of other individuals still can be decided by their contemporaries. The history will give individuals a right position if they really made contribution to the world and human beings.
我觉得在每段论述的时候从正面论述后,最好再从反面论证,或者用让步再论证一下,这样让人觉得你逻辑思维更严密,比如第二段,论述完正面的例子,可以从反面再举例子,如果没有那些人将会怎样?或者即使当时lincoln and  washington不被认为伟大,在后人评判的时候也会认为其伟大的,这样是不是跟严密点呢?自我感觉....呵呵)

htzdpUID: 2112518

The speaker hold the opinion that the greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who lives after them, not by their contemporaries.虽然说开头不要直接引用的好，可是不知道怎么开头好，希望大家指点(可以用问句，再稍加改动即可，然后直接说你不同意，避免重复)。 The greatness of individuals can finally be decided by those who lives after them.However, the speaker don't notice that the greatness of individuals can also be decided by their contemporaries.

Some individuals are so great that they can be honored by contemporaries because they make great contributions to the civilization of human being and the welfare of the comtemporaries.Washington and Lincoln are considered to be most great presidents in the American history that Washington devoted himself to the foundation of the USA and Lincoln freed the slaves, promoting the development of American’s economy enormously. scientist（s） such as Edison （爱迪生说是发明家是不是比较准确？）who was famous for lots of inventions and Einstein who was considered to be wisdom  in the world. Although some artists are not been admitted by their comtemporaries, Shakespeare and Picasso are still been recognized by people at their times. Shakespeare is famous for his dramas such as “hamlets”.

Some individuals are very great（有点用重复了，influential etc.） in our opinions, but they lead poor lives in their long lives. Why could they not be known to the world when they are living? They are maybe having ideas that could not be admitted by their comtemporaries.Van Gogh and Nietzsche are considered to be mad when they expressed themsleves.It seems that the greatness of individuals could not be decided by their contemporaries because both Van Gogh and Nietzsche are famous nowadays.howevre, what I want to say is that the greatness of individuals can be decided by those who live after them better than their contemporaries.

The contemporaries are easy to be lost when decide whether one individual is great or not especially in the political areas. For example, the worship to Stalin in Soviet Russia is very serious. when Soviet Russia was built and Stalin led people to reconstruct the economy that had been damaged by the war . The living standard raised highly .The Soviet Russia became stronger and stronger in the world .The people of Soviet Russia owned the great achievement to the wise leadership of Stalin .Stalin indeed did well as a leader but he also did a lot of mistakes. However,his contemporaries considered him to be a god. They are misled by the achievement and overlooked the mistakes of Stalin.

The greatness of individuals can be better decided by those who live after them, because through the sedimentation of histroy, people can realize the truth easily. Although the contemporaries will always enlarge or overlooks the greatness of some individuals, the greatness of other individuals still can be decided by their contemporaries. The history will give individuals a right position if they really made contribution to the world and human beings.

观点很清晰，我觉得不错。楼上的建议已经很到位，我只是说说自己的看法，还望多交流。
用空帮忙看一下把，谢谢
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