issue104 有拍必回

星星之火UID: 2107154

104.It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.

观点：反对
1、（让步）正式教育确实能够影响人们特别是下一代对一些文化的态度。
2、还有其他一些因素影响着文化的发展。
3、单一的任何一个因素像正式教育无法影响文化的兴亡。

The speaker asserts that formal education plays a crucial role in determining whether a culture would be perpetuated or be discredited. In my view, however, though education, through which ideas could be indoctrinated into  new generation, does impact the culture in some respects,  it is impossible to be a determinative factor accounting for some other significant factors such as  the influence of family and society.

Admittedly, a student who has comparatively few experiences to grasp the essence of a culture would be influenced greatly by the altitude of educational system towards different cultures. Take my own childhood for example. When I began to go to school on the first day, my teacher told me that as a student, everybody should honor his or her teachers because of the good virtue of Chinese describing that a teacher is just like the parent. From then on, my first understanding about a teacher was embedded in my heart, and would affect me forever. Maybe it is by this means that the virtue of respect for teachers in the society has been passed down from one generation to another, and now become an important part of our national culture. Therefore, formal education works effectively when ideas out of a culture are indoctrinated into the student’s mind by teachers.

Secondly, not only formal education but also some other factors work on our altitudes to the life, which could be regarded as performances of a culture. When we take a bus and see the notice “the old and young fist”, we get an idea of respecting the old and caring for the young; when we hear of the stories about good examples of labors, we know that hardworking is a virtue; when we tell a lie and are criticized by our parents, we are informed that we should be honest. A myriad of occurrences happening in our lives even a sentence seem to be signals of cultures and influence us smoothly and quietly, and then we analyze and absorb them into our minds consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps it is primarily in this way that a culture survives and even thrives.   

However, factors mentioned above just like formal education could not determine the destiny of a culture in any event. Just take formal education for example. I think there are two reasons preventing formal education being a determinative factor. To begin with, education system works as a part of society and has no right to determine which culture is good or which one is most suitable to be taught. Only when a culture is to be considered invaluable or out of time congruously by most of people, could educational system influence the culture with emphasis or alienation. Moreover, there are so many ways in which a culture can be introduced to the public that formal education would not and could not be the determinative factors. Just as we know, in our lives a lot of people who have not received any formal education could melt into the culture as well. In a word, a culture could not be perpetuated or be discredited only by formal education.

In final analysis, a culture is so complex that many factors have a relationship with it, but none could determine it singly. As one of the factors, formal education could and only could influence the culture to some extent. After all, a culture is the result of history and human beings.

请留下你的链接，我会回拍的！！！

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-25 at 17:52 ]

guesser198414UID: 2106027

The speaker asserts that formal education plays a crucial role in determining whether a culture would be perpetuated or be discredited. In my view, however, though education, through which ideas could be indoctrinated into  new generation, does impact the culture in some respects,  it is impossible to be a determinative factor accounting for some other significant factors such as  the influence of family and society.(这句太长了，第一感觉不好懂，分成几句效果会更好)

Admittedly, a student who has comparatively few experiences to grasp the essence of a culture would be influenced greatly by the altitude of educational system（altitude of education system 不太明白什么意思?） towards different cultures. Take my own childhood for example. When I began to go to school(When I went to school) on the first day, my teacher told me that as a student, everybody should honor his or her teachers because of the good(多余) virtue of Chinese describing that a teacher is just like the parent. From then on, my first understanding about a teacher was embedded（has been embedded） in my heart, and would affect me forever. Maybe it is by this means that the virtue of respecting for teachers in the society has been passed down from one generation to another, and now become an important part of our national culture. Therefore, formal education works effectively when ideas out of a culture are indoctrinated into the student’s mind by teachers.

Secondly, not only formal education but also some other factors work on our altitudes(不太明白altitude的意思?) to the life, which could be regarded as performances of a culture. When we take a bus and see the notice “the old and young fist”, we get an idea of respecting the old and caring for the young; when we hear of the stories about good examples of labors, we know that hardworking is a virtue; when we tell a lie and are criticized by our parents, we are informed that we should be honest. A myriad of occurrences happening in our lives even a sentence seem to be signals of cultures and influence us smoothly and quietly（主语是sentence还是 occurrences？按时态讲是occurrences，那么even a sentence在句中的成分是什么？注意标点的配合使用）, and then we analyze and absorb them into our minds consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps it is primarily in this way that a culture survives and even thrives.   

However, factors mentioned above just like formal education could not determine the destiny of a culture in any event. Just take formal education for example. I think there are two reasons preventing formal education being a determinative factor. To begin with, education system works as a part of society and has no right to determine which culture is good or which one is most suitable to be taught. Only when a culture is to be considered invaluable or out of time congruously by most of people, could educational system influence the culture with emphasis or alienation. Moreover, there are so many ways in which a culture can be introduced to the public that formal education would not and could not be the determinative factors. Just as we know, in our lives a lot of people who have not received any formal education could melt into the culture as well. In a word, a culture could not be perpetuated or be discredited only by formal education.

In final analysis, a culture is so complex that many factors have a relationship with it, but none could determine it singly. As one of the factors, formal education could and only could influence the culture to some extent. After all, a culture is the result of history and human beings.
说的不对的还请不要见怪，大家都是新手:)
句子普遍偏长，而且写得比较曲折，不是很好懂。尽量简洁明了
修饰词用得太多，会吸引太多注意力，句子的整体感觉会被削弱
另：
你给我提的建议很好，毕竟写起来时间仓促，难免低级错误比较多
我会多注意文章整体结构的严谨性

yuhangjfUID: 2111099

The speaker asserts that formal education plays a crucial role in determining whether【whether此句意义别扭，感觉不通，what a culture wants to perpetuate or to discredit呢？】 a culture would be perpetuated or be discredited. In my view, however, though education, through which ideas could be indoctrinated into  new generation, does impact the culture in some respects,  it is impossible to be a determinative factor accounting for some other significant factors such as  the influence of family and society.【此句有点拗口，但是能有意识写长难句很好，后面的accounting后面觉得有点逻辑错误】

Admittedly, a student who has comparatively few experiences to grasp the essence of a culture would be influenced greatly by the altitude【高度？attitude】 of educational system towards different cultures. Take my own childhood for example. When I began to go to school on the first day, my teacher told me that as a student, everybody should honor his or her teachers because of the good virtue of Chinese describing that a teacher is just like the parent. From then on, my first understanding about a teacher was embedded in my heart, and would affect me forever. Maybe it is by this means that the virtue of respect for teachers in the society has been passed down from one generation to another, and now become an important part of our national culture. Therefore, formal education works effectively when ideas out of a culture are indoctrinated into the student’s mind by teachers.

Secondly, not only formal education but also some other factors work on our altitudes【同前】 to the life, which could be regarded as performances 【performance在此什么意思，查了字典感觉没有合适的意思】of a culture. When we take a bus and see the notice “the old and young fist”, we get an idea of respecting the old and caring for the young; when we hear of the stories about good examples of labors, we know that hardworking is a virtue; when we tell a lie and are criticized by our parents, we are informed that we should be honest. A myriad of occurrences happening in our lives even a sentence seem to be signals of cultures and influence us smoothly and quietly, and then we analyze and absorb them into our minds consciously or unconsciously. Perhaps it is primarily in this way that a culture survives and even thrives.   

However, factors mentioned above just like formal education【like去掉，like formal education做插入语更好】 could not determine the destiny of a culture in any event. Just take formal education for example. I think there are two reasons preventing formal education being a determinative factor. To begin with, education system【前面是educational system，此处是education system，我觉得用后者好】 works as a part of society and【and去掉，works后面可以改为working做插入语】  has no right to determine which culture is good or which one is most suitable to be taught【这个好像不是教育系统觉得而是人决定的吧】. Only when a culture is to be considered invaluable or out of time congruously by most of people, could educational system influence the culture with emphasis or alienation【此句我觉得比较武断，没有依据】. Moreover, there are so many ways in which a culture can be introduced to the public that formal education would not and could not be the determinative factors. Just as we know, in our lives a lot of people who have not received any formal education could melt into the culture as well. In a word, a culture could not be perpetuated or be discredited only by formal education.【太绝对，题目只是说formal education是主要的方法，不是only方法】

In final analysis, a culture is so complex that many factors have a【a去掉】 relationship with it, but none could determine it singly. As one of the factors, formal education could and only could influence the culture to some extent. After all, a culture is the result of history and human beings.

总的来说，觉得此文写的不错（至少比我的好），尤其是前面给我留下比较深刻的印象，觉得作者驾驭文字的能力还不错，但是后面不如前面那样推理严密，句子也相对简单。（这些都只是理论知识，我自己写的文章也是尽量用的都是早已熟悉的简单句式，难句不多，这就是我们目前要花大功夫解决的问题。）

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=306113，期待你的回复，先谢了。

yuhangjfUID: 2111099

真是对不起，第一次使用变色工具，竟然没有变色，不知道为什么。

星星之火UID: 2107154

非常感谢，意见非常宝贵，我会再好好修改一下的。

3x，very much!!!