Argument117 同主题，自己已经改过错字了，希望有同志能告诉我得多少分

bnugirlUID: 2103958

------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
------正文------
In this memo, the author concludes that the office-supply department will become the most profitable component in Valu-Mart(VM) by increasing stocks of home office machines and office supplies. The author cities a survey showing a work-at-home trend nowadays, and also points out the if VM's office-supply departments take advantage of this trend, it will become the most profitable component of VM. I find the author's argument weak, for three reasons.
   First, the statistical reliability of the survey is questionable. Who conducted it? How was it conducted? How was the statistics dealt with? What's the number of feedbacks on this survey? Are the respondents representative of the overall office workers? However, the author fails to provide any information about these questions. Perhaps all the respondents come from the same company, or perhaps the survey was conducted by a company which products office supplies. Since the author has failed to consider and rule out these and other possibilities, the author's assertion that people will take more work home than they were in the past can not be taken seriously.
   Secondly, even if the work-at-home trend is true, the author makes a further assumption that they shall use home office machines and office supplies in order to finish their work. Perhaps many of them are homepage manufacturer; they make frontpages on the computer and issue them on the internet, so there is no need for them to use office supplies such as papers, pens, and staplers. Or perhaps they just sell clothes on the internet; all they should do are just browse their homepages, accept the order and then deliver the clothes. Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the the author's recommendation.
    Finally, even if the foregoing assumption is true, the author concludes too hastily that office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of VM. Perhaps the need for these products is not great enough to be profitable, or perhaps this trend will diminish several months. It is also possible that the office-supply's producer suddenly reduce the price after VM has just greatly stocked them, in that situation VM is not able to compete with the similar companies. Without considering and ruling out these factors, the author cannot convince me that increasing stock of office supplies will be profitable. Moreover, the author concludes too hastily that the office-supply departments will be most profitable in VM. It is entirely possible that other departments such as clothes, foods is always and will earn much more than the office-supply department in the future.
     In sum, the author fails to convince me that VM's office department should follow his recommendation. To strength his argument the author need to provide more information to substantiate the survey's statistical reliability. The speaker must also assure me that those who work at home do need office supplies and the need is great and long enough for the company to be profitable. To better assess the argument I would need more information about the trends of all-related product's prices in the future and the management of other departments in VM.

[ Last edited by bnugirl on 2005-7-29 at 10:41 ]

czl223UID: 2120177

继续努力啦！

bnugirlUID: 2103958

谢谢啦

希望听取不同意见

[ Last edited by bnugirl on 2005-7-29 at 11:31 ]

hyyhlxUID: 208107

In this memo, the author concludes that the office-supply department will become the most profitable component in Valu-Mart(VM) by increasing stocks of home office machines and office supplies. The author cities a survey showing a work-at-home trend nowadays, and also points out the（that) if VM's office-supply departments take advantage of this trend, it will become the most profitable component of VM. I find the author's argument weak, for three reasons.
   First, the statistical reliability of the survey is questionable. Who conducted it? How was it conducted? How was the statistics dealt with? What's the number of feedbacks on this survey? Are the respondents representative of the overall office workers? However, the author fails to provide any information about these questions. Perhaps all the respondents come from the same company, or perhaps the survey was conducted by a company which products office supplies.（想得好） Since the author has failed to consider and rule out these and other possibilities, the author's assertion that people will take more work home than they were in the past can not be taken seriously.
   Secondly, even if the work-at-home trend is true, the author makes a further assumption that they shall use home office machines and office supplies in order to finish their work. Perhaps many of them are homepage manufacturer; they make frontpages on the computer and issue them on the internet, so there is no need for them to use office supplies such as papers, pens, and staplers. (我觉得这个问题实际上是样本代表性问题，但是前面你已经承认了调查可信）Or perhaps they just sell clothes on the internet; all they should do are just browse their homepages, accept the order and then deliver the clothes.（同前） Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the the author's recommendation.
    Finally, even if the foregoing assumption is true, the author concludes too hastily that office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of VM. Perhaps the need for these products is not great enough to be profitable, or perhaps this trend will diminish several months（later). It is also possible that the office-supply's producer suddenly reduce the price after VM has just greatly stocked them, in that situation VM is not able to compete with the similar companies.(这点都想到了，佩服） Without considering and ruling out these factors, the author cannot convince me that increasing stock of office supplies will be profitable. Moreover, the author concludes too hastily that the office-supply departments will be most profitable in VM. It is entirely possible that other departments such as clothes, foods is always and will earn much more than the office-supply department in the future.
     In sum, the author fails to convince me that VM's office department should follow his recommendation. To strength his argument the author need to provide more information to substantiate the survey's statistical reliability. The speaker must also assure me that those who work at home do need office supplies and the need is great and long enough for the company to be profitable. To better assess the argument I would need more information about the trends of all-related product's prices in the future and the management of other departments in VM.
我觉得写得还是不错的，就是第三段有点问题，换个例子好了

DavistarUID: 2104173

In this memo, the author concludes that the office-supply department will become the most profitable component in Valu-Mart(VM) by increasing stocks of home office machines and office supplies. The author cities a survey showing a work-at-home trend nowadays, and also points out the if VM's office-supply departments take advantage of this trend, it will become the most profitable component of VM. I find the author's argument weak, for three reasons.
   First, the statistical reliability of the survey is questionable. Who conducted it? How was it conducted? How was the statistics dealt with? What's (据我所知，Arg里面要尽量避免这种缩写，but：What was)                           the number of feedbacks on this survey? Are the respondents representative of the overall office workers? However, the author fails to provide any information about these questions. Perhaps all the respondents come from the same company, or perhaps the survey was conducted by a company which products office supplies. Since the author has failed to consider and rule out these and other possibilities, the author's assertion that people will take more work home than they were in the past can not be taken seriously.
   Secondly, even if the work-at-home trend is true, the author makes a further assumption that they shall use home office machines and office supplies in order to finish their work. Perhaps many of them are homepage manufacturer; they make frontpages on the computer and issue them on the internet, so there is no need for them to use office supplies such as papers, pens, and staplers. Or perhaps they just sell clothes on the internet; all they should do are (后面该接动名词性形式了哦 )       just browse their homepages, accept the order and then deliver the clothes. Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the the author's recommendation.
    Finally, even if the foregoing assumption is true, the author concludes too hastily that office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of VM. Perhaps the need for these products is not great enough to be profitable, or perhaps this trend will diminish （in）        several months. It is also possible that the office-supply's producer suddenly reduce(s) the price after VM has just greatly stocked them(as soon as 结构会更好一点)      , in that situation VM is not able to compete with the similar companies. Without considering and ruling out these factors, the author cannot convince me that increasing stock of office supplies will be profitable. Moreover, the author concludes too hastily that the office-supply departments will be most profitable in VM. It is entirely possible that other departments such as clothes, foods is always and will earn much more than the office-supply department in the future.
     In sum, the author fails to convince me that VM's office department should follow his recommendation. To strength his argument the author need to provide more information to substantiate the survey's statistical reliability. The speaker must also assure me that those who work at home do need office supplies and the need is great and long enough for the company to be（换作keep） profitable. To better assess the argument I would need more information about the trends of all-related product's prices in the future and the management of other departments in VM.

首先要说的是在你的文章里学到不少东西，先谢过~~

结构应该是 最受推崇的一种（至少是被我），层进，而且每层说理很充分，做了详尽的可能性推测，很不错的

语言基本成熟，个人觉得是很有功夫的，呵呵

评分的话0.9的可能是5分及以上

谢过各位~~

[ Last edited by Davistar on 2005-7-31 at 22:32 ]

DavistarUID: 2104173

4楼说 第三段有问题的理由，个人觉得不够充分

二段讨论样本代表性，三段让步是说调查确实说明 这样一个趋势（回家工作），但没有说一定要用文具不是？  这一点并非三段开头让步的内容，这里讨论正合适的觉得~~

一家之言，谢过各位

bnugirlUID: 2103958

谢谢小王子同学，安心多了