argument137 自己认真修改过，有拍必回

udoUID: 2114276

【题目】The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.
"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."

【提纲】

1 曾抱怨水质不代表是因为水脏而不在这河里进行水上活动的。不是必然的因果联系。它因：depth and width are not suitable for these water sports listed above; maybe the current of the river is to turbulent to swim; maybe the nearby enviroment is too noisy to fish; the river may be mainly used for shipping and transportation 河的地理位置。

2 announced离实施工程到完工，还有很大距离很多困难。就算清理干净了也会再脏，要弄清楚脏的原因。

3 来的人多了和增加预算没有必然的因果联系。首先应当调查现有的公众设施如何，能满足多少人使用，估计会来多少人？河岸的各段也应该分情况考虑。是否不够再决定是否增加预算。

[fly]自己认真修改过，比较得意的一篇，有拍必回！[/fly]

In this argument, the author argues that the government should increase the budget to build more facilities for appeasing the likely increasing recreational use of Mason River. The author also claim that the residents dislike doing their favorite water sports in the river because of the bad quality of water. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

The editorial is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account many factors which may reflect on the attitude of Mason City residents towards using Mason River for any kind of recreational activity. For instance, maybe the river is famous for its turbulent current, which is improper or even dangerous for swimmers. The depth and width are two critical parameters, which the residents must examine before putting their boats into the river that are likely grounded in shallow water. As known to all, noisy would scare fish away. Therefore the fishmen will carefully choose fishing places where is not easy to be disturbed. No one will throw his or her fishhook into a busy river with many cargo boats, which is likely the case in Mason River. This argument above is not cogent because it assumes that the stated correlation implies causation, which is not the case.


The author fallaciously assumes that the Mason agency responsible for rivers that had announced plans to clean up Mason River would finally achieve this goal. There are so many difficulties such as funds, climate, and the particular clean plan including how to stop the water, how to arrange the workers' errand and how to choose proper machines, and so forth. Granted that even is the agency can clean up the river, no evidence could indicate that the river can be prevented being polluted again. The first step of solving a problem is to investigate the real causations of this problem. It is useless to clean up the river when there is an upriver factory constantly drains dirty waters into the river.

The author does not provide any information concerning the necessary of increasing the government’s budget for improvements along the Mason River. How many people the existing facilities along the Mason River can satisfy? How many people will come to the river to amuse themselves after the clean-up project done? Before deciding how to allocate the city's budget, the officials must reconsider the potential benefits of all choices involving education, transportation improvement and so forth compared with invest money on the river. To further bolster the editorial’s claims the author must provide clear evidence that can convince us such budget is reasonable.


In conclusion, the argument can be more convincing if more evidence can be provided. It can be further improved by taking into account more factors discussed above that may affect the conclusion.

[ Last edited by udo on 2005-8-6 at 19:38 ]

叮咚UID: 202883

【题目】The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.
"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."

【提纲】

1 曾抱怨水质不代表是因为水脏而不在这河里进行水上活动的。不是必然的因果联系。它因：depth and width are not suitable for these water sports listed above; maybe the current of the river is to turbulent to swim; maybe the nearby enviroment is too noisy to fish; the river may be mainly used for shipping and transportation 河的地理位置。

2 announced离实施工程到完工，还有很大距离很多困难。就算清理干净了也会再脏，要弄清楚脏的原因。

3 来的人多了和增加预算没有必然的因果联系。首先应当调查现有的公众设施如何，能满足多少人使用，估计会来多少人？河岸的各段也应该分情况考虑。是否不够再决定是否增加预算。

In this argument, the author argues that the government should increase the budget to build more facilities for appeasing the likely increasing recreational use of Mason River.[我觉得用To bloster the conclusion连接前后这两句话更能体现出他们的关系，连贯性好些] The author also claim that the residents dislike doing their favorite water sports in the river because of the bad quality of water. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands. [开头段是比较传统的方式，不过是不是应该在形式上把论据和结论区分开来？]

[以下几段的论述开头最好能加上Firstly，Secondly，Thirdly这些表示关系的小词]
[Firstly，]The editorial is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account[这里需要加of么？我不太确定] many[other] factors[except dirty water] which may reflect on the attitude of Mason City residents towards using Mason River for any kind of recreational activity.［总觉得这样写TS有些长，可又想不出更精练的表达法：（，共同研究吧）For instance, maybe[perhaps] the river is famous for its turbulent current, which is improper or even dangerous for swimmers.[which is too dangerous for residents to swim.] [Also perhaps] The[the] depth and width are two more critical parameters, which the residents must examine before putting their boats into the river that are likely grounded in shallow water.[ 这句话读起来感觉不太地道，which must be noticed before boating to avoid being anchored.] [In addition,]As[as] known to all, noisy would scare fish away.[这个短语学习 ＊＾＾＊，scare away~~] The　refore[???] the fishmen will carefully choose fishing places where is not easy to be disturbed. No one will throw his or her fishhook into a busy river with many cargo boats, which is likely the case in Mason River.[这两句并成一句就更精练了，这样读着给人凑字数的嫌疑哦：Ｐ，So no one will fish in a noisy place.] This argument above is not cogent because it assumes that the stated correlation implies causation, which is not the case.［注意：这句语气貌似段首句的概括啊！放在结尾不合适］
[[逻辑很好，尤其是他因找的很充分，分析也具体，不足就是句与句的连贯性不是很到位]]
［我对本段的整理：Firstly, the editorial is weakened by the cause relation, which is implied but not the case, between the dirty water in Mason River and the decreasing recreation activity. There be some other factors which might reflect on the attitude of Mason City residents towards using Mason River for some recreation. For instance, perhaps……． Also perhaps……．In addition,……．Without ruling out these possibilities, I cannot convince the argument.　］

[Sencondly,]the author fallaciously assumes that the Mason agency responsible for rivers that had announced plans to clean up Mason River would finally achieve this goal.[这样写定语从句有些指代不清，看这样好不好：……the Mason River agency responsible for rivers will finally achieve the plans that Mason River had been announced to clean up ] [However,]There are so many difficulties such as funds, climate, and the particular clean plan including how to stop the water, how to arrange the workers' errand and how to choose proper machines, and so forth.[很佩服你找他因时发散式的思维，我每次找他因时总是很局限][此句的问题：既然是such as A, B and C,并列关系，那么三个的形式就该是相同的，这样读起来句式才整齐．我的改法：However, there are so many difficulities such as funds, climate, and so forth; And a particular clean plan has to be considered, which include how to stop the water, how to arrange the workers’ errand and how to choose proper machines. ] Granted that [又学会一个表达法，谢了]even is[这里应该是粗心拼错了吧@#$%$~*&，改正：even though] the agency can clean up the river, no evidence could indicate that the river can[改成will更好吧，因为前面用过could了] be prevented being polluted again. [So] the first step of solving a problem is to investigate the real causations [causes 就可以了吧]of this problem. It is useless to clean up the river when[从语气上感觉把这个when时间状语从句改为if条件句更好些] there is an upriver factory constantly drains dirty waters into the river.[这个there be句型和drains表达的陈述句两种句式杂和了，是个语法错误！！改：there is an upriver factory which constantly drains dirty water into the river.]
[[这段的批驳的逻辑错误和我的相同,只不过我们论述的角度不同,我是从”承诺# 实施”这个角度批的, 相互学习~~另外针对整个段落还有一点须指出:最后结尾要是能加一句总述的话概括该段就完整了.例如: Lacking such sufficient evidence, the author cannot draw any conclusion whatsoever.]]

[Thirdly,]The author does not provide any information concerning the necessary[necessarity] of increasing the government’s budget for improvements along the Mason River. How many people the existing facilities along the Mason River[把这个表地点的介词短语改为副词there更简练] can satisfy? How many people will come to the river to amuse[enjoy] themselves after the clean-up project done?[用一个宾语从句把这两个How many问句连起来感觉和第一句话衔接更好,we are not informed how many….and that how many….] Before deciding how to allocate the city's budget, the officials must reconsider the potential benefits of all choices involving education, transportation improvement and so forth compared with invest money on the river.[”involving…..river”这个显得多余,去掉也不影响句意,反而更流畅] To further bolster the editorial’s claims [,]the author must provide clear evidence that can convince us such budget is reasonable.
[[这段没什么问题,结构挺完整的TS+论述+总结,上两段也一定要注意这个问题哦~~另外这个逻辑错误我也没想到,学习~~*^^*]]


In conclusion, the argument can be more convincing if more evidence can be provided. It can be further improved by taking into account more factors discussed above that may affect the conclusion. [最后这一句话精练,学习~~*^^*]

[总评]
[闪光点] 把握逻辑的能力很强, 批驳点找的很准, 在论述的过程中言之有物, 每个观点都能很具体的阐述, 尤其体现在他因的想象上, 从这里能感觉到udo 写Issue时素材一定很多吧, 期待着学习!!!!
[不  足] 1. 句与句间的连贯性不是很好, 我记得看过一篇文章, 讲的是中文和英文在连贯性上的不同: 中文句与句间靠的是意思来连贯, 而英文不仅讲究意思的连贯, 而且在形式上也得体现出连贯, 也就是说某句话在意思上虽然已经连贯, 但该出现的连接词还是不能省, 希望在以后的写作中多注意!
         2. 感觉语言的把握还不是很到位, 有些表达欠推敲, 不知udo 写本文时有没有限时, 如果是限时作文就另当别论了. 在语言这方面我做的也不是很好, 有时候很好的一句话就是表达不出来, 干着急啊~~ 我们在这一方面共同提高吧!!
[祝福] 天天好心情~~

罗罗嗦嗦说了这么多, 拍的时候也挺狠, 希望豆豆不要在意哦~~呵呵~~
另外请教一个问题: 你那行能来回移动的蓝字是怎么弄的? 能教教我么?谢谢~~

udoUID: 2114276

写帖子的时候上面有一溜小按钮，标着字母F的那个就是飞行文字

谢谢你！

udoUID: 2114276

叮咚 ：你给我改得好认真啊，tears，我会好好修改的
你也留个链接吧，我给你看看

udoUID: 2114276

[总评]
[闪光点] 把握逻辑的能力很强, 批驳点找的很准, 在论述的过程中言之有物, 每个观点都能很具体的阐述, 尤其体现在他因的想象上, 从这里能感觉到udo 写Issue时素材一定很多吧, 期待着学习!!!!
[不  足] 1. 句与句间的连贯性不是很好, 我记得看过一篇文章, 讲的是中文和英文在连贯性上的不同: 中文句与句间靠的是意思来连贯, 而英文不仅讲究意思的连贯, 而且在形式上也得体现出连贯, 也就是说某句话在意思上虽然已经连贯, 但该出现的连接词还是不能省, 希望在以后的写作中多注意!
         2. 感觉语言的把握还不是很到位, 有些表达欠推敲, 不知udo 写本文时有没有限时, 如果是限时作文就另当别论了. 在语言这方面我做的也不是很好, 有时候很好的一句话就是表达不出来, 干着急啊~~ 我们在这一方面共同提高吧!!
[祝福] 天天好心情~~

罗罗嗦嗦说了这么多, 拍的时候也挺狠, 希望豆豆不要在意哦~~呵呵~~
另外请教一个问题: 你那行能来回移动的蓝字是怎么弄的? 能教教我么?谢谢~~

1 argument一开始我也写不好，找不到逻辑错误，但是耐下心来把244道题好好分析了一遍就发现自己变得很critical了，也读了很多别人列的提纲，发现他们能找到很多我找不到的错误，慢慢的就发现自己能找到很多别人找不到的错误:$。这个过程大概有4～5天吧。集中突破argument的思维模式，那段时间和别人说话都很费力气，总是反驳他们语言的逻辑漏洞，看新闻更不了得，总说还中央台呢，就这水平，说得模棱两可的，没证据，没数据。我爸妈都受不了了。后来终于过了这个变态期，再回头看题目，发现很多ets故意设置的逻辑错误。很有趣。你可以试着找找看。
我的issue奇烂无比，不提也吧，没什么例子。sigh
2 我的连接和语言的确很差。我在努力。因为很多很多时候都是为自己自认为闪光的观点而无法表达而郁闷。看了你这么详细的修改，我学会了很多，非常感谢！
至于句间连接的问题，今天你和amanda都提醒了我，我以后的作文中会注意这一点的。
最后祝福你！

叮咚UID: 202883

我的Ａ１３７：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102
Ａ１１７：https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=311778
有时间就挑着看看吧～～