ISSUE07 熊熊小组作业嘞！这回自己认真查过了，不会再让熊熊发怒了吧！？

duckyl35UID：201612

7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

  In the era of rapid technology and information develops, our society is undertaking a vast change, which is beyond our imagines. During this period, as the speaker claims, the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become an important form of documentation. On the balance, the written records also contribute much to our life.

  It is true that in modern society, high-technological accompanies are used in everyday life. When we have some message to convey to someone else, a mobile phone can solve the problem immediately-no matter you call the person or send short message. Even though we want to talk to the person face to face, it is also can become true-internet is our assistant. When it comes to the field of documentation, modern technology plays an important role. Video camera is only one way to register the information we need, there are also several other methods, such as digital camera, scanner, colorful painter etc. All those can help us to conserve the significant moment we yearned or the key data we want to preserve. Except all above mentioned, the useful appliance can make our work more efficiency. You can imagine that, when an international company has a meeting, if the recorder just uses a pen to record every thing through the meeting, we all know the result-too slowly. Instead, when we change the method from a pen to a lap-computer, not only the time we can save but also keep the documentation more detailed. Thus we can see how important these electric devises.

  But in ancient times-no such equipment is available, how the historical information passes to recent society which can supply to us for further study? Our ancestors are brilliant enough to preserve the useful and functional data or records to us. Then a greatest poet comes to my mind-Homer. As every one knows that Homeric Hymns involve tow famous parts-Iliad and Odyssey –both are the tow major Greek epic poems. Scholars dispute that, whether Homer existed, and whether he was one person, but they(Homeric Hymns) usually date the poems from 9th to 8th century BC. They are the oldest literary documentations in the Greek language. From the scholars’ words we know that, Homer is not important to us, but the poems are our treasure, it is the most important composing in the west literary history which can not be replaced by any other works for the contribution at literature, history, culture, geography to us. We can envision that without Homeric Hymns, the west world history will be a blank, we would lose so many records, data about our past, how terrible it will be! Then we can know the importance of documentation to us.

  To sum up, in contemporary society, those high-technological appliances such as video camera, scanner are vital to us , because they can improve our life and promote our society into a more developed one, at the same time, we can not neglect the old method-documentation, which lets us know our past or makes us understood ourselves more clearly. Thus those tow recording methods are equally essential and important to us.
:rolleyes:

sebarinaUID：2108158

7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

  In the era of rapid technology and information develops, our society is undertaking a vast change, which is beyond our imagines. During this period, as the speaker claims, the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become an important form of documentation. On the balance, the written records also contribute much to our life.很不错的开头~~on balance有没有the呢？我也不记得了。最好加上in my point of view？不是很确定

  It is true that in modern society, high-technological accompanies are used in everyday life. When we have some message to convey to someone else有点变扭的句子~改的简单一点吧, a mobile phone can solve the problem immediately-no matter you call the person or send short message. Even though we want to talk to the person face to face, it is also can语法错误 become true-internet is our assistant. When it comes to the field of documentation, modern technology plays an important role. Video camera is only one way to register the information we need, there are also several other methods, such as digital camera, scanner, colorful painter etc. All those can help us to conserve the significant moment we yearned or the key data we want to preserve. Except all above mentioned, the useful appliance can make our work more efficiency. You can imagine that, when an international company has a meeting, if the recorder just uses a pen to record every thing through the meeting, we all know the result-too slowly. as we all know, the result will be too slowInstead, when we change the method from a pen to a lap-computer, not only the time we can save but also keep the documentation more detailed. Thus we can see how important these electric devises.这里你把video camera引申到其他的科技手段~而忽视了对它本身的具体论述欠妥当

  But in ancient times-no such equipment is available, how the historical information passes to recent society which can supply to us for further study? Our ancestors are brilliant enough to preserve the useful and functional data or records两者data record单复一致吧 to us. Then a greatest poet comes to my mind-Homer. As every one knows that Homeric Hymns involve tow famous parts-Iliad and Odyssey –both are the tow major Greek epic poems. Scholars dispute that, whether Homer existed, and whether he was one person, but they(Homeric Hymns) usually date the poems from 9th to 8th century BC. They are the oldest literary documentations in the Greek language. From the scholars’ words we know that, Homer is not important to us, but the poems are our treasure, it is the most important composing in the west literary history which can not be replaced by any other works for the contribution at literature, history, culture, geography to us. 这里你说学者们的争论关于河马是否存在，后面怎么又转换话题了~We can envision that without Homeric Hymns, the west world history will be a blank, we would lose so many records, data about our past, how terrible it will be! Then we can know the importance ofwritten documentation to us.

  To sum up, in contemporary society, those high-technological appliances such as video camera, scanner are vital to us , because they can improve our life and promote our society into a more developed one, at the same time, we can not neglect the old method-documentation, which lets us know our past or makes us understood ourselves more clearly. Thus those tow recording methods are equally essential and important to us.结尾不错概括的很好~

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说说弱点：
论述的不够~大量笔墨都花在了例子上，例子点到为止~还要靠论述过程

句式什么还不错~挺灵活的
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上次拍狠了~道歉先……

foreveraUID：202035

In the era of rapid technology and information develops, our society is undertaking a vast change, which is beyond our imagines语法错误imagination. During this period, as the speaker claims, the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become an important form of documentation. On the balance, the written records also contribute much to our life.论证重点是什么?

  It is true that in modern society, high-technological accompanies are used in everyday life. When we have some message to convey to someone else, a mobile phone can solve the problem immediately-no matter you call the person or send short message.video camera和手机没什么太大联系吧,而且video是记录信息的,手机是传递信息的 Even though we want to talk to the person face to face, it is also can become true-internet is our assistant. 句式乱了When it comes to the field of documentation, modern technology plays an important role. Video camera is only one way to register the information we need, there are also several other methods, such as digital camera, scanner, colorful painter etc. All those can help us to conserve the significant moment we yearned or the key data we want to preserve. Except forall above mentioned, the useful appliance can make our work more efficiency. You can imagine that, when an international company has a meeting, if the recorder just uses a pen to record every thing through the meeting, we all know the result-too slowly. Instead, when we change the method from a pen to a lap-computer, not only the time we can save but also keep the documentation more detailed. Thus we can see how important these electric devises.整段好象都不是在说video camera,虽然可以延伸不过最好针对性强一点.
  But in ancient times-no such equipment is available, how the historical information passes to recent society which can supply to us for further study? Our ancestors are brilliant enough to preserve the useful and functional data or records to us. Then a greatest poet comes to my mind-Homer. As every one knows that Homeric Hymns involve tow famous parts-Iliad and Odyssey –both are the tow major Greek epic poems. Scholars dispute that, whether Homer existed, and whether he was one person, but they(Homeric Hymns) usually datedated the poems from 9th to 8th century BC. They are the oldest literary documentations in the Greek language. From the scholars’ words we know that, Homerwhether Homer existed, and whether he was one person is not important to us, but the poems are our treasure, it is the most important composing in the west literary history which can not be replaced by any other works for the contribution at literature, history, culture, geography to us. We can envision that without Homeric Hymns, the west world history will be a blank, we would lose so many records, data about our past, how terrible it will be! Then we can know the importance of documentation to us.题目中说的是contemporary life,似乎用历史中的东西论证说服力不够强.

  To sum up, in contemporary society, those high-technological appliances such as video camera, scanner are vital to us , because they can improve our life and promote our society into a more developed one, at the same time, we can not neglect the old method-documentation, which lets us know our past or makes us understood ourselves more clearly. Thus those tow recording methods are equally essential and important to us.


词汇用的都很不错,不过建议好好把握题目中的key word,做有针对性的论述,而且每段中心句似乎太模糊,全文如果平分2部分论证的话,最后是不是应该总结一下(独立于结尾段的总结段)