argument50 G-89-互助社-8日同主题写作 帮忙啊

huangdaoUID: 190018

实在找不出错误了 晕啊

Argument50  第10篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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    共用时间：49分13秒     352 words
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From a draft textbook manuscript submitted to a publisher.
'As Earth was being formed out of the collision of space rocks, the heat from those collisions and from the increasing gravitational energy of the planet made the entire planet molten, even the surface. Any water present would have evaporated and gone off into space. As the planet approached its current size, however, its gravitation became strong enough to hold gases and water vapor around it as an atmosphere. Because comets are largely ice made up of frozen water and gases, a comet striking Earth then would have vaporized. The resulting water vapor would have been retained in the atmosphere, eventually falling as rain on the cooled and solidified surface of Earth. Therefore, the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comets.'
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The author recommended that the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comets. To support the idea he cites the facts that any water would have evaporated and gone off into space because of the heat from collisions and gravitational energy. When the earth can hold water vapor, the comet brought frozen water, which formed oceans, to the earth. However, there are several flaws in author's recommendation.

First, the author claims that any water present would have evaporated and gone off into space, because of the heat from collision and gravitation energy. The author fails to offer proof confirming whether all the water is evaporated and gone off into space. Perhaps the vapor was trapped in the core of earth, and could not find a way to go off into space, or perhaps the water was combined with materials for heat, when the temperature went down, the water would separate from them. To the extent, the conclusion made above may be undermined.

Secondly, the assumption in the manuscript that comet are largely ice, and evaporated in the atmosphere, eventually fall as rain on the earth to form oceans. Yet, the author could not offer more reliable evidence to hold this assumption. At first, no evidence was provided to prove most comets are made up of ice; actually some comets are made up of iron, rocks, and even gold sometimes. Even if the comets are ice, is it all the water in ocean come from comet? There is no evidence convincing us. As mentioned above, the water did not go off into space may take part in the forming of ocean, so did the water which came from the reaction between hydrogen gas and oxygen gas. Without ruling out the possibilities that would influence the origination of ocean, the conclusion may be undermined.

In sum, the author fails to prove evidences to confirm his conclusion. To convince us, he should gather more reliable proof to support his idea, in which the ocean is formed by the water brought by comet, and rule out the possibilities that will impact the form of ocean.

huangdaoUID: 190018

是不是写得太差了？ 的确啊 可是找不到错误啊

polymathUID: 179557

呵呵！先帮你顶！:)

huangdaoUID: 190018

多谢 呵呵

kolu_renUID: 158196

我也来占个位子，等看完了再贴上来！

kolu_renUID: 158196

仔细看了一下，我也觉得你的这个题目很棘手！
建议你可以参考 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

huangdaoUID: 190018

多谢:lol:victory:啊