issue150 高频and同主体

alcestisUID: 2101945

150"Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."
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提纲：
1 电视和网络无法代替旅游
  1.1旅游的亲身经历提供的享受和感受电视 互联网给不不了
  1.2去某个特定的地方旅行对有些人来说是一种朝圣 一种情结
2 旅游可以被电视和网络促进
  2.1 电视和网络给人们了解更多地方的机会 激起人们的愿望去旅游
  2.2 电视和网络提供的旅游景点的各种信息使人们出行更方便
-----------------------------

The thriving of television and worldwide computer connections provide people information about many placed that they have never visited, which makes people be more familiar with the places. This kind of familiarity, however, is far from enough to stop people from visiting the places themselves. Actually, the information provided by television and internet promote tourism.

However, the information, which mainly conveyed by image, sound, and words, is not enough to satisfy people, most of them will still choose to visit the places themselves. There are two main reasons that people prefer tourism to merely reading about or watching video tapes of a place. On one hand, the satisfaction and enjoyment brought by watching television and surfing on internet can not compare to the joyance and excitement people experience when they visit a place themselves. The information people get from television and internet is limited. Even the most up-to-date television cannot give people life-like experience of a place. Standing by the side of the Great Waterfalls, watching the splashes of the water, listening to the sound of the falling, feeling the freshness and mildness of the air, sharing the peaceful mood with a beloved friend, the feelings must be greatly different from sitting in the sofa of ones' living room and staring at the television. On the other hand, for some people, traveling is not merely sightseeing, but also a kind of pilgrim. Take myself as an example. I have been hearing about Egypt since I was a little child. I read a host of books about Egypt, watched many documental films featuring Egypt, and even conducted a virtual tour to Egypt on the internet. But I still longing to go to Egypt someday, for it is a dream of mine since I was a child. Going to Egypt is not just a tour for me, a dream that I have been dreaming for so long but unconsummated and a pilgrim to the shrine in my heart.

Moreover, the information people get from the television and internet can promote tourism. Firstly, people may get familiar a place that they never hear about or know little through television and internet, which can rouse their interest for a tour. How can people be attracted to a place that they have never heard about? And how can people truly interest in a place they know little? The information provide by the internet and television give people a chance to know more places, and rouse their enthusiasm and curiosity by telling them a moving story of the place or showing them some picture of the place. Theses pieces of information light up their interest and encourage them to see the places by themselves. Secondly, with the detailed information about a place, it is more convenient for people to visit a place. People get information in advance about the best way to get to the place, proper traveling route, condition of accommodation, which help them be well prepared for the tour and more willingly to leave their sweet home and set out for a tour.

To sum up, television and internet actually promote rather than restrain the development of tourism. Traveling provide people both physical and spiritual enjoyment that cannot be replace by television and internet, and may never become obsolete.

fircattyUID: 166248

嘻嘻~~~
我考完了
先拍拍你吧
等着哦

fircattyUID: 166248

150"Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."
------------------------------
提纲：
1 电视和网络无法代替旅游
  1.1旅游的亲身经历提供的享受和感受电视 互联网给不不了
  1.2去某个特定的地方旅行对有些人来说是一种朝圣 一种情结
2 旅游可以被电视和网络促进
  2.1 电视和网络给人们了解更多地方的机会 激起人们的愿望去旅游
  2.2 电视和网络提供的旅游景点的各种信息使人们出行更方便
-----------------------------

The thriving of television and worldwide computer connections provide people information about many placed that they have never visited, which makes people be more familiar with the places. This kind of familiarity, however, is far from （enough to） 删掉 stop far from stopping… people from visiting the places themselves. Actually, the information provided by television and internet promote promotes tourism.

However为什么一开始就用however？对于什么的however??, the information, which mainly conveyed by image句子？谓语呢？或者直接将which去掉也可, sound, and words, is not enough to satisfy people, most of them will still choose to visit the places themselves. There are two main reasons that people prefer tourism to merely reading about or watching video tapes of a place. On one hand, the satisfaction and enjoyment brought by watching television and surfing on internet can not compare to the joyance and excitement people experience when they visit a place themselves. The information people get from television and internet is limited. Even the most up-to-date television cannot give people life-like experience of a place. Standing by the side of the Great Waterfalls, watching the splashes of the water, listening to the sound of the falling, feeling the freshness and mildness of the air, sharing the peaceful mood with a beloved friend, the feelings must be greatly different from sitting in the sofa of ones' living room and staring at the television. On the other hand, for some people, traveling is not merely sightseeing, but also a kind of pilgrim. Take myself as an example. I have been hearing about Egypt since I was a little child. I read a host of books about Egypt, watched many documental films featuring Egypt, and even conducted a virtual tour to Egypt on the internet. But I still longing to go to Egypt someday, for it is a dream of mine since I was a child. Going to Egypt is not just a tour for me, a dream that I have been dreaming for so long but unconsummated and a pilgrim to the shrine in my heart. 最好有个全段总结

Moreover,感觉应该是转折关系，旅游不会被tv取代，反而会被tv促进 the information people get from the television and internet can promote tourism. Firstly, people may get familiar 应该是动词吧直接用familiarize with a place that they never hear about or know little through television and internet, which can rouse their interest for a tour. How can people be attracted to a place that they have never heard about? And how can people truly interest in a place they know little? The information provide by the internet and television give people a chance to know more places, and rouse their enthusiasm and curiosity by telling them a moving story of the place or showing them some picture of the place. Theses pieces of information light up their interest and encourage them to see the places by themselves. Secondly, with the detailed information about a place, it is more convenient for people to visit a place. People get information in advance about the best way to get to the place, proper traveling route, condition of accommodation, which help them be well prepared for the tour and more willingly to leave their sweet home and set out for a tour.一样，没有总结

To sum up, television and internet actually promote rather than restrain the development of tourism. Traveling provide people both physical and spiritual enjoyment that cannot be replace by television and internet, and may never become obsolete.

提点意见，从你的文章看，首先是同意people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited Because of television and worldwide computer connections，然后反对第二句，但是却没有对第一句很好的回应（似乎在B2里有一点回应），我建议你不妨在B2前加一段，赞同tv。。。好处的，这样再来一个however就很好了。另外注意一些小的语法错误，比如谓语，插入语。总的来说还不错,hehe~加油哦

alcestisUID: 2101945

那个however的故事是这样的，我是先写每段TS然后再写内容的 我本来计划b1回应题目第一句  写电视互联网的确有familiarize的功能 可是当时没有什么思路 于是就先写了下面的段落，写完后时间有点紧而且感觉写出来会和现在的b2重叠于是去掉了那个ts然后忘记删去however

还有关于总结句我每次写出来都和ts差不多 sigh  语言功夫不行啊