argument200 牙医疼痛和男病人， 高频互拍！

MIMOSARLUID: 2112846

200Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

Staring from a survey provided that the number of men fainted are three times more than women, the author reasons that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Then the arguer recommends that the advertisement should be targeted the male consumer and emphasizes the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous patients. Though the statement is well-presented, further reflection reveals that it suffers from several flaws.

First of all, the author's conclusion is based on an insufficient statistics. Only with the evidence that the number of men fainted are three times more than women, we cannot be convinced that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Except to be faint, there still are other appearances indicating distress, such as crying, screaming, or being in rage. Common sense informs us that women are more easily cry or scream than men are. Maybe most men stand their pain until they are faint without crying or screaming. Without ruling other symptom of distress, we cannot be convinced that men are more likely to be distressed.

Furthermore, the author falls a fallacy of appear to ignorance in assuming that in order to attract patients the advertisement should target the male consumer. First of all, there is no evidence to prove that the number of men patients is more than women. Even if the number of men visit dentists exceeds women, there is no guarantee that the amount of men who get teeth disease is more than women. Maybe women are more afraid than men to visit dentists and if they can stand pain they will never go to dentistry clinic. With the ignorance of women in the advertisement, it maybe reduces the attracting of advertisement and subsequently the decrease profits of dentists.

Last but not the least, the argument rests on an assumption that only by  advertising the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to suffering patients,  patients will be willing to visit to the dentist. Except those factors mentioned above, there still are other important requirements should be met with patients. Is the technique of the dentist good? If not, there is no reason for patients to that clinic. How about the cost? If the dentist clinic are too expensive, then may be less patients could afford. Without ruling out such alternatives, the effects of the advertisment are untenable.

As it stands, the statement is not well reasoned. Before we accept the author's claim, more work is need by giving more evidence to prove men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work. Besides, the argument should be revised their advertisement target and pay more attention to women. Or it maybe leads the loss of large amount of women patients while decreasing subsequently profits to the dentists.

alcestisUID: 2101945

写的不错！开头有点冗长哦~~

MIMOSARLUID: 2112846

看来要改开头了

hyy03203UID: 2125993

第2段：最好不要用common sense 这种词，太暧昧了。不同地区和专业的人的common sense 相去甚远，不要批文章的时候留下被批的漏洞。ruling 改成ruling out吧。还有statistics在此处实际上是statistic的复数形式，所以前面的an 应去掉。而且我觉的从你后面论述的美容来看，把statistics改为evidence,information,detail等会更好些。
第三段：fall a fallacy--->fall into a fallacy.去掉appear to吧，实在怪异。with the ignorance of wemon--->with on space of wemon.subsequencely后面的the去掉，注意读一下句子。
第四段：Except the factors mentioned above---〉what's more 的句型虽然字少点，不过避免词的重复使用.met with patients?可以吗？不太清楚，最好check 一下。less patients--->few/a few patients.没比较阿，所以我觉得没有必要用比较级，读起来有点突兀。
最后一段：need--->needed/in need.个人觉得不应该在自己加上关于广告和妇女的那部分，同样的，这也是argement，不是issue，不应该而且我觉得提出自己的建议，而且竟然不是都加上may,might 等表可能性的词。（你besides,后面那句要写的话要加）第一段确实很烦。我是老师的话，第一印象很不好了，觉得有点辞穷。

MIMOSARLUID: 2112846

看来还又很多要改的地方。
我想问问，你觉得是要提出还是不提出自己的建议？你说的是不是要提出来，而且要加MAYBE？