argument212 G-89-互助社-8月11日同主题写作 请拍

jason0926UID: 200697

212.The following appeared in a memorandum from the new president of the Patriot car manufacturing company.
'In the past, the body styles of Patriot cars have been old-fashioned, and our cars have not sold as well as have our competitors' cars. But now, since many regions in this country report rapid increases in the numbers of newly licensed drivers, we should be able to increase our share of the market by selling cars to this growing population. Thus, we should discontinue our oldest models and concentrate instead on manufacturing sporty cars. We can also improve the success of our marketing campaigns by switching our advertising to the Youth Advertising agency, which has successfully promoted the country's leading soft drink.'


In this argument, the arguer concludes that the company should discontinue our oldest models and concentrate instead on manufacturing sporty cars. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that the numbers of newly licensed  
drivers are increasing rapidly. However, this alone neither constitutes a  
logical argument in favor of the conclusion nor provides compelling support  
making the argument sound. The arguer ignores certain important concerns,  
which must be addressed to prove. In my point of view, the argument suffers  
from three flaws.

First of all, whether the increases in the numbers of newly licensed drivers  
can lead firsthand to increase the sales of Patriot cars , it is not sure  
because we do not know whether these new drivers will buy new cars. There is  
another possibility that these drivers already have their own cars and since  
they may not achieve the legal age, they can not get the license and do not  
allow to drive the car. But now, they are permitted to drive the car, so they  
have no need to buy a new car. Moreover, can they affirmatively buy the  
Patriot cars instead of other cars? We, from the statement, can confirm that Patriot cars have not sold as well as its competitors' cars, so these companies have possible to introduce their conductors to these new drivers.

In addition, we do not know that whether people satisfy and choose the sporty  
cars rather than old models. Maybe the company is famous with its old models  
cars which is the real reason people want to buy. But if the company  
discontinue oldest models before they have thorough investigation, they will  
possibly lose all the markets. So they should product some careful  
investigations before making the final decision.

Finally, the Youth Advertising agency has successfully promoted the country's  
leading soft drink, however, it is not different between cars and drink. People can not buy a car optionally as well as they buy cheap drink because the difference of the two prices are too distinct. Furthermore, whether the Youth Advertising agency has similar experience to advertise for high-priced  
products. It is not insured that the advertisement will be successful and the  
cars will sell well in terms of the advertising agency without any experience  
about advertising for cars.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is neither  
sound nor persuasive. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but also  
cites in the analysis the evidence, which does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to take the following conditions into consideration: try their best to sell  
cars to those new drivers; find a good advertising agency which has abundant  
experience; ensure that people will buy new sporty cars instead of old model  
cars. If the argument includes given factors discussed above, it would have  
been more thorough and adequate.

melinda2036UID: 2108044

我来改哈，不过排版很糟糕的说

melinda2036UID: 2108044

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the company should discontinue our（their） oldest models and concentrate instead on manufacturing sporty cars. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that the numbers of newly licensed  drivers are increasing rapidly. However, this alone neither constitutes a  logical argument in favor of the conclusion nor provides compelling support  making the argument sound. The arguer ignores certain important concerns,  which must be addressed to prove. In my point of view, the argument suffers from three flaws.

First of all, whether the increases in the numbers of newly licensed drivers  
can lead firsthand to increase the sales of Patriot cars , it is not sure  
because we do not know whether these new drivers will buy new cars. There is  
another possibility that these drivers already have their own cars and since  
they may not achieve the legal age, they can not get the license and do not  
allow to drive the car. But now, they are permitted to drive the car, so they  
have no need to buy a new car. Moreover, can they affirmatively buy the  
Patriot cars instead of other cars? We, from the statement, can confirm that Patriot cars have not sold as well as its competitors' cars, so these companies have possible to introduce their conductors to these new drivers.这一段的论述很精彩，干净利落，很不错哦。

In addition, we do not know that whether people satisfy and choose the sporty cars rather than old models. Maybe the company is famous with（for因为什么而出名） its old models cars which is the real reason people want to buy.（觉得这里可以把买旧款车的理由写清楚些，也许已经成为一款经典车即使不再流行也很受年龄大一点的人欢迎，没有资料显示卖得不好是因为过时） But if the company discontinue oldest models before they have thorough investigation, they will possibly lose all the markets.太绝对了 So they should product some careful investigations before making the final decision.

Finally, the Youth Advertising agency has successfully promoted the country's  
leading soft drink, however, it is not different between cars and drink. （for the skills in advertising soft drink is totally different from promoting cars）People can not buy a car optionally as well as they buy cheap drink because the difference of the two prices are too distinct. Furthermore, whether the Youth Advertising agency has similar experience to advertise for high-priced  
products. It is not insured(ensure) that the advertisement will be successful and the  cars will sell well in terms of the advertising agency without any experience about advertising for cars.

To sum up, though the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is neither  
sound nor persuasive. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but also  
cites in the analysis the evidence, which does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to take the following conditions into consideration: try their best to sell  
cars to those new drivers; find a good advertising agency which has abundant  
experience; ensure that people will buy new sporty cars instead of old model  
cars. If the argument includes given factors discussed above, it would have  
been more thorough and adequate. 结尾好象太多了点点
总的来说很不错，论证点基本找到，论证得也很清楚，进步很快，时间不多了继续努力，加油。

jason0926UID: 200697

敏敏真好,多谢了