Argument 200（非210） 高频 有拍必回

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

“Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.”

提纲：
1.        统计数据本身的一些详细情况未能提到；
2.        牙科医生对男女病人的态度是否存在差异；
3.        晕倒的病人数目对顾客数目是否有影响，及其大小没有说明。


In this argument, the arguer concludes that the dentists' anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their nurses to suffering patients should be emphasized in their advertisements in order to attract the male patients because of the statistics showing that the amount of fainted males is as four times as that of fainted females when visiting the dentist. At the first glance, the argument is somewhat well-reasoned, but careful weighting on my mind, I find that there are at least the following flaws.
First of all, the arguer failed to mention the details of the statistics itself. Whether is the statistics collected by sampling? If the answer is "Yes", it is necessary for him to tell us how much the samples are, whether the sample is a random sample, and how much the fainted patients are. If the amount of the samples is only ten or fifteen, or if the sample is not a random sample, the sample is not representative of the population. If the amount of the fainted patients is very small, perhaps the statistics itself is not important and can not indicate meaningful things.
The argument above is undermined by the fact that it does not take into consideration the difference of the dentists' attitude between male patients and female patients. Perhaps the dentists and their staff think that male are stronger than female and therefore can endure more pain than female. So they do not concern about the suffering of the male patients as the female patients. If it is true, it is important that they change their differentiating attitude rather than the content of their advertisements.
Finally, there is no evidence provided whether the effect of the amount of fainted patients to that of customers exists, and how much it is. Perhaps the most important things the patients care for is whether the dentists heal them, instead of the sufferings. It is also possible that the number of the fainted patients is only a very small proportion of that of the customers. The former means that the relation does not exist; the latter means that the effect is so small that we can ignore it.
The argument for the advertisement based on the fainted patients’ statistics could provide useful information. Before drawing a conclusion on the content of the advertisements, however, we need to know more details of the statistics and the effect of the amount of fainted patients to that of customers.

zhizhiUID: 2123761

占座 我也去写 写完来拍 :)

林森森UID: 163922

好样的  大家努力啊!!

yxepochUID: 2124411

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the dentists' anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their nurses to suffering patients should be emphasized in their advertisements in order to attract the male patients because of the statistics showing that the amount of fainted males is as four times as that of fainted females when visiting the dentist. At the first glance, the argument is somewhat well-reasoned, but careful weighting（用examination会不会更好一点）on my mind, I find that there are at least the following flaws.

First of all, the arguer failed to mention the details of the statistics itself. Whether is the statistics collected by sampling? If the answer is "Yes", it is necessary for him to tell us how much(many) the samples are(people were surveyed), whether the sample is a random sample, and how much the fainted patients are(how many respondents were fainted patients). If the amount of the samples is only ten or fifteen, or if the sample is not a random sample, the sample is not representative of the population. If the amount of the fainted patients is very small, perhaps the statistics itself is not important and can not indicate meaningful things.
我觉得sample这个词出现的频率过高。

The argument above is undermined by the fact that it does not take into consideration the difference of the dentists' attitude between male patients and female patients. Perhaps the dentists and their staff think that male are stronger than female and therefore can endure more pain than female. So they do not concern about the suffering of the male patients as the female patients. If it is true, it is important that they change their differentiating attitude rather than the content of their advertisements.
这段十分persuasive, 个人觉得比上一段的论证好很多.

Finally, there is no evidence provided whether the effect of the amount of fainted patients to that of customers exists, and how much it is(这句话读不大懂）. Perhaps the most important things the patients care for is whether the dentists heal them, instead of the sufferings. It is also possible that the number of the fainted patients is only a very small proportion of that of the customers. The former means that the relation does not exist; the latter means that the effect is so small that we can ignore it.
这段我读了几遍也不是太明白在说什么，觉得是三段之中比较欠缺的，尤其是最后一句，实在看不大懂，这段是最需要你加工的哦！

The argument for the advertisement based on the fainted patients’ statistics could provide useful information. Before drawing a conclusion on the content of the advertisements, however, we need to know more details of the statistics and the effect of the amount of fainted patients to that of customers.
我觉得你用了太多……of的结构，试着用点别的结构表达同样的意思吧。
总体来说，第三段是写地最好的，如果三个论证段都能像这样的话，那就十分精彩了！

[ Last edited by yxepoch on 2005-8-14 at 12:44 ]

bonafide1978UID: 208070

Argument 200

“Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.”

In the argument above, the arguer claimed that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To support his claim, the quoted any statistics which indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist and men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Yet. with a careful examination, we could find any logic flaws in the argument which  would undermine the arguer's conclusion.

First of all, the arguer fails to give any more information about the statistics collected from dentists. Whether these men and women have same symptom before they visit the dentists. We could not rule out any other possibilities that the men who visit the dentists are compelled the heavy symptom caused by the toothache, where as women visit the dentist as soon as they fill any light toochache. In this case,
the arguer's statistics that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentists are open to doubt.

Secondly, even assuming the men faint more easily than women, the arguer's assumption that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are is groudless. As a matter of fact, there also are any other factors which would lead to distress when having dental work. Maybe the men think that the toothache affect his diet and even his body status, at last, they could have no energy to work. Generally speaking, men in a family is the main source of money and food. Such social pressure would have they more distressed about having dental work.

Last but not least, the arguer, at last, make a hasty generalization which is too absurd to be convincing. Maybe men do not know that they would faint or distress during having dental work. such advertise would dispel man-patients to go to dental hospital. On the hand, targeting the male consumers is also ridiculous. The argument does not provide any information to demonstrate that male consumer is more easily to healed or more profitable. Again, Even though emphasizing both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and sensitivity of their staff to nervous or surring patients, there are more likely any other factors which could afffect the male patient's choice of hospital. Without taking into account any other factors, the advertising theme is too limited to be trusted.

In summary, from what have been discussed in above, the evidence upon which the argument rest is gratuitous to be believable. In order to increase the credibility of the argument. The arguer should have make more comprehensive studies about the demand of male and female dental patients and acquire more information about the different symptom between male and female dental patients.

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

谢谢拍我！语言和论证都有问题多多，汗啊！得加油了。今天写A时发现打字速度太慢了，即便思路非常顺，还是不能在规定时间内完成。
写完今天的I再上来

[ Last edited by caogenmanchi on 2005-8-14 at 16:08 ]

zhizhiUID: 2123761

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the dentists' anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their nurses to suffering patients should be emphasized in their advertisements in order to attract the male patients because of (换用一句话来说吧：改为，because要不然第一句也太长了)the statistics showing that the amount of fainted males is as four times as that of fainted females when visiting the dentist. At the first glance, the argument is somewhat well-reasoned, but careful weighting on my mind, I find that there are at least the following flaws.

     First of all, the arguer failed to mention the details of the statistics itself. Whether is the statistics collected by sampling? If the answer is "Yes", it is necessary for him （or her/或者直接the author）to tell us how much the samples are, whether the sample is a random sample改为selected, and how much the fainted patients are. If the amount of the samples is only ten or fifteen, or if the sample is not a random sample, the sample is not representative of the population. If the amount of the fainted patients is very small改为limited, perhaps the statistics itself is not important改为reliable and can not indicate meaningful things.

    The argument above is undermined by the fact that it does not take into consideration the difference of the dentists' attitude between male patients and female patients. Perhaps the dentists and their staff think that male are stronger than female and therefore can endure more pain than female. So they do not concern about the suffering of the male patients as the female patients. If it is true, it is important that they change their differentiating attitude rather than the content of their advertisements.(这段批评既幽默又很有说服力 赞一个:))

    Finally, there is no evidence provided whether the effect of the amount of fainted patients to that of customers exists, and how much it is. Perhaps the most important things the patients care for is whether the dentists heal them, instead of the sufferings. It is also possible that the number of the fainted patients is only a very small proportion of that of the customers. The former means that the relation does not exist; the latter means that the effect is so small（总感觉这个词太乏味了 是不是可以考虑换一些同义词） that we can ignore it（在这里ignore最好还是不要用 可以换个说法 什么无足轻重之类的）.

   The argument for the advertisement based on the fainted patients’ statistics could provide useful information. Before drawing a conclusion on the content of the advertisements, however, we need to know more details of the statistics and the effect of the amount of fainted patients to that of customers.

正文第一段句式有些单调 开头又过于冗长了 长短句应搭配好 否则让人看上去不大舒服
后面几段都还不错 加油！！:)

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

回复zhizhi
"random sample改为selected"
random sample是专业术语，改了后不大好的

另外那个Ignore，平时上课时老师就用“忽略”，由于那基本上是翻译过来的东西，我也就直接用Ignore了。至于感谢了话就不多说了

zhizhiUID: 2123761

那个random sample 我是感觉前面有一个sample了
whether the sample is a random sample 听上去有点重复的感觉 不过问题不大 呵呵

至于ignore 修锐说过是主观上忽视的意思 有点贬义和指责的意味 你这里是说可以忽略 还是不要用感情色彩这么强的词 呵呵 当然这只是我个人意见了

mophanceUID: 195078

“The argument above is undermined by the fact that it does not take into consideration the difference of the dentists' attitude between male patients and female patients. Perhaps the dentists and their staff think that male are stronger than female and therefore can endure more pain than female. So they do not concern about the suffering of the male patients as the female patients. If it is true, it is important that they change their differentiating attitude rather than the content of their advertisements”
绝对可以评为范文了啊！
陶醉了。。。。

luna_moonbeamUID: 2123448

好像~~~~还是像中国人写的文章
ignore和problematic建议大家不要使用，上次使用，被老师批得好惨（老师是加拿大人捏）

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

Originally posted by luna_moonbeam at 2005-8-16 09:18
好像~~~~还是像中国人写的文章
ignore和problematic建议大家不要使用，上次使用，被老师批得好惨（老师是加拿大人捏）

这样啊！那以后换个语气缓和些的说法，Ignore就暂时不用了。
谢谢啦！

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

真不象话，我订阅的回复主题全没了。

elearnerUID: 2374589

4楼的说“　总体来说，第三段是写地最好的，如果三个论证段都能像这样的话，那就十分精彩了！”
我觉得第三段分析是由问题的，这个ａｒｇｕｍｅｎｔ的结论就是：广告强调“sensitivity of the staff", 就是说他们是强调好的attitude（staff's sensitivity是态度的一种吧）。而你这里说没有考虑attitude是不妥的。

libotoeflUID: 2837729

14# elearner
en~