Issue7 机井高手预测 八月高频 ,麻烦大家帮我修改

tinmasterUID: 2101978

Issue7:
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

There is a widely accepted assumption that the video camera offer an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life, as makes it more important than written records to be forms of documentation, Which is accordance with what the author assert. Yet from where I stand, I find both the video camera and the written records exert a significantly important and good impact upon recording the life as a form of documentation.

First and the foremost, so vivid the video camera recording the life is that a number of people now use video camera to record their lives instead of using written records. Examples are common. See a person now makes a trip to a beautiful place, what he can write down to describe the beautiful place is not so vivid as the video camera recorded. What is more, as the rapid development of technology of video camera, video cameras are now easier to use by even a child. On the contrast, if a man planed to write down what he had travelled, he not only needs to know which words he should use but also how to organize his article.

Secondly, not only easy to use but also easy to review what you have traveled can a video camera widely be used by people. Only have to press a review button can a man see the place he had been to. It is what a written record that can not do so. When he reviewed what he had been to, the emotion of that time would have come to his mind and remind him of the pleasure time.

Admittedly, the written record has still exert a important effort on recording the life in that it is a magic thing that written words sometimes may stimulate the emotion, which is hard to express in any language, of people which a video camera can not do. Like the mood of a man in that time that place, is just can be written down.

All in all, I fundamentally support the idea that both the video camera and the written records are important for man as a form of documentation.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-13 at 23:49 ]

AlexandraUID: 185174

Issue7 机井高手预测 八月高频 ,麻烦大家帮我修改

Issue7: The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

There is a widely accepted assumption that the video camera offer an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life, as makes it more important than written records to be forms of documentation, Which is accordance with what the author assert. Yet from where I stand, I find both the video camera and the written records exert a significantly important and good impact upon recording the life as a form of documentation.[你的句子不错, 语法我没有改]

First and the foremost [恩这个不错， 挺个性], so vivid the video camera recording the life is that a number of people now use video camera to record their lives instead of using written records[is???]. Examples are common. See a person now makes a trip to a beautiful place, what he can write down to describe the beautiful place is not so vivid as the video camera recorded [这句话， 我认为有问题。]. What is more, as the rapid development of technology of video camera, video cameras are now easier to use by even a child. On the contrast, if a man planed to write down what he had travelled, he not only needs to know which words he should use but also how to organize his article
[最后一句， 太牵强了吧， 太个人了。].[这一段， 虽然你的句子 有一定的变化，但 AW 也不要求句要写得多么好。 逻辑最重要。拿你的 例子来说， 人家可以这样说你 ，去一个漂亮的地方， 可以用 文字表达它的美丽啊，当今有很多写景的优秀作家。他们的作品 非常好啊， 你怎么解释？ ——问题在于， 你怎么讲， 才让人觉得用 摄象机记录确实有比文字记录优越的地方？还有 ， 小孩都会用， 就说它比文字记录好？ 别忘了， 你是要说 V和W， 各有千秋。 但你要说出 这两个东西 各自的 ADVANTAGES， 对吗？   你的例子， 不太恰当。 我最后再说我的意见 ]

Secondly, not only easy to use but also easy to review what you have traveled can a video camera widely be used by people。 Only have to press a review button can a man see the place he had been to. It is what a written record that can not do so. When he reviewed what he had been to, the emotion of that time would have come to his mind and remind him of the pleasure time.
[语法我不改。  有两个问题，1： 你重复了。 上一段你不是说了“if a man planed to write down what he had travelled”， 你在这一段，又说“. When he reviewed what he had been to”；  2：角度 还是不行， 不深刻。The latter， 我一会说]

Admittedly, the written record has still exert a important effort on recording the life in that it is a magic thing that written words sometimes may stimulate the emotion, [这个句子 ， 你在开头，你用了差不多的exert 句式。 当然， 不是不可以用， 只是 句式应该改个词啊，]. which is hard to express in any language, of people which a video camera can not do. [哇， 这个句子有些长了。， 且你就说了文字在a magic thing 的方面， 还就一个哦。]Like the mood of a man in that time that place, is just can be written down.[语法 我没有看。]

All in all, I fundamentally support the idea that both the video camera and the written records are important for man as a form of documentation.


语法 我就看到第二段， 不是懒。你的机器语言还是不错的（之所以称为机器语言是我个人的问题， 对着电脑， 我大脑 不工作。。。）， 如果限时写的话，那你的基础，应该不错， 不过要注意， 长短句搭配 ， 不能 老长句。  我想说说思路。你是持平衡观点， 对吧？BODY -1的例子， 不太好。  当然个人意见。   我看法是，你的逻辑分析，不够好。 AW 是 讲究逻辑先的。 要说摄象机的好处， 它能够 很生动的 记录一些东西， 确实是这样， 但是 它跟文字记录相比， 有什么优点呢？ 你要考虑找的例子是文字不能 表现的优点。下面两段， 太单薄， 不知道是谁了， 说你写得想像CET4/6， 也不为过啊。 ——不是打击你哦。你还是有时间努力的。 如果你同意， 我觉得文章这样写：“ BODY： 首先说V 怎么怎么好，尤其怎么怎么好， 然后列举 ~~~~~（找那些文字不如它的例子，比如， 它记录空间事件啊。 历史重大事件啊。 且要专挑文字不如它的方面说，毕竟一个东西， 有很多方面的。你就只讲它 怎么怎么， 不往细的地方， 尤其它比别人好的地方说， 你说， 能让人信服吗？？？）即使 文字 在这些东东中， 确实怎么怎么样~~~ 但是， V  怎么怎么样（要点出怎么比人家好）。 最后， 要与 你的总体TS  回应上， （这叫 从特殊到一般。嘿嘿 ） 然后， 说，  必须承认， W 确实有人家 的 优点， 甚至，有些方面， V 就是不如人家啊， 比如XXXXXX， （你要说说， 因为你要平衡观点，那这一段， 也不能太段，也因该有个100左右吧， 那加前面的 ， 300多， 还有开头结尾， 500 左右， 就有了。）   ”觉得有疑问的地方 ，欢迎 找讨论。（再废话一句， 开头不写什么高手了。

[ Last edited by Alexandra on 2005-8-15 at 20:16 ]