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[i习作temp] ISSUE121 决战830拍砖组™"8月22日作业 同主题高频狂练,请兄弟们狂拍 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-8-23 12:23:50 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Issue121  让砖头来得更猛烈些吧!
------题目------
At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.
------正文------
Extinction, an eye-catching word especially in these decades, which has been drastically severe with the increasing human processes, has now definitely be regarded as a complex and controversial issue. The speaker claims so, for the reason that for natural result, species will extinct, which is unavoidable, even though human try hard to save endangered species. Rational as the argument and to some extent I appreciate it, however, it appears erroneous to assert that it is unnecessary to cost to save endangered species.

The past several centuries have witnessed extinction of hundreds of species extinction, most of which were due to human processes. With the industrial revolution processing, as the dominators of the earth, human beings have been encroaching other animals' or plants' home. Because of pollution or extraordinary exploration of natural resources, the balance of the ecosystem was drastically damaged. Crocodiles, which were in large amout in countries on the equator centuries ago, which are now at the edge of extinction due to the logging industry development. As the downriver was covered by human beings pursue for fortune, the crocodiles have to resident upriver, where there were not enough space to meet the need of crocodiles to breed, thus limited the crocodiles population. Similarly, another victim of the logging industry development is monkey. Without the thick forests, no monkey race could survive. This is not only because there is no space for them to live in, but also for the reason that the ecosystem corruption directly leads to monkey's lack of food. Compared with the neglectable natural result, human processes are able to destroy the fundamental living conditions the wild lives depend on at a far more significant rate. These examples is strong enough to support that it is human processes instead of natural ones the major cause for species to extinct.

In addition, there is but one way to prevent wild lives from extinct, that is human efforts. Common sense tells us that natural disasters are unavoidable. And we have to concede that there is no way nowadays to protect endangered species from natural disasters. However, natural disasters are seldom. And as I have concerned above, the most significant factors threaten the endangered species. And hence, we can to a large extent to control our processes and thus protect them. Tibet antelope, a kind of most famous endangered animals, which only exists at the altitude of more than 3000 meters in Tibet province of China now, is no more than 1000 all together. In China a saying goes that the fewer, the more valuable. In pursue of fortune, some residents there begin to capture Tibet antelopes. To a certain extent, we can assume that there is no necessity to save the merely 1000 Tibet antelopes since they are inconspicuously valuable. But the Chinese government paid high concentration and legislated to crack down on such activities. Further concerning tells us that every kind of life, even with a few population, is a major element in the chain of ecosystem. And the lack of the certain species may undermine the integrity of the ecosystem, which is even threatening to the human beings. In conclusion, to save even the endangered species to the largest extent will finally result in saving ourselves, which is fully necessary despite of great cost.

Overall, rational as the fact that natural disasters force species to extinct, the main reason for their extinction is human processes, as the three main examples have strongly suggested. Aimed to protect the balance of ecosystem, measures must be adopted to protect endangered species despite great cost.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-23 at 14:37 ]
"决战830拍砖组" 成立啦! 欢迎8月30号机考的兄弟们加入进来  每天1A 1I 同主题同高频题 相互批改到8月30一起上战场!!! 发贴时请在标题注名  "决战830拍砖组™"

总部:https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=317783&page=1#pid1729407


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https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=317364&extra=page%3D2%26filter%3Dtype%26typeid%3D101
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发表于 2005-8-23 21:25:57 |只看该作者
Extinction, an eye-catching word especially in these decades, which has been drastically severe with the increasing human processes, has now definitely be regarded as a complex and controversial issue. The speaker claims soso是指代前文提过的观点的,这里似乎应该用that, for the reason that for natural result, species will extinct, which is unavoidable, even though human try hard to save endangered species. Rational as the argument and to some extent I appreciate it, however, it appears erroneous to assert that it is unnecessary to cost to save endangered species.

The past several centuries have witnessed extinction of hundreds of species extinction后面一个extinction去掉, most of which were due to human processes. With the industrial revolution processing, as the dominators of the earth, human beings have been encroaching other animals' or plants' home. Because of pollution or extraordinary exploration of natural resources, the balance of the ecosystem was drastically damaged. Crocodiles, which were in large amout in countries on the equator centuries ago, which are now at the edge of extinction due to the logging industry development.此句无谓语 As the downriver was covered by human beings pursue for fortune, the crocodiles have->had to resident upriver, where there were not enough space to meet the need of crocodiles to breed, thus limited the crocodiles population. Similarly, another victim of the logging industry development is monkey. Without the thick forests, no monkey race could survive. This is not only because there is no space for them to live in, but also for the reason that the ecosystem corruption directly leads to monkey's lack of food. Compared with the neglectable natural result, human processes are able to destroy the fundamental living conditions the wild lives depend on at a far more significant rate. These examples is strong enough to support that it is human processes instead of natural ones the major cause for species to extinct.本段开头部分提到污染,后面就没有再用例子说明,似乎不妥。

In addition, there is but one way to prevent wild lives from extinct, that is human efforts. Common sense tells us that natural disasters are unavoidable. And we have to concede that there is no way nowadays to protect endangered species from natural disasters. However, natural disasters are seldom. And as I have concerned above, the most significant factors threaten the endangered species.此句无谓语  And hence, we can to a large extent to control our processes and thus protect them.此句无谓语  Tibet antelope, a kind of most famous endangered animals, which only exists at the altitude of more than 3000 meters in theTibet province of China now, is no more than 1000 all together. In China a saying goes that the fewer, the more valuable. In pursue of fortune, some residents there begin to capture Tibet antelopes. To a certain extent, we can assume that there is no necessity to save the merely 1000 Tibet antelopes since they are inconspicuously valuable. But the Chinese government paid high concentration and legislated to crack down on such activities. Further concerning tells us that every kind of life, even with a few population, is a major element in the chain of ecosystem. And the lack of the certain species may undermine the integrity of the ecosystem, which is even threatening to the human beings. In conclusion, to save even the endangered species to the largest extent will finally result in saving ourselves, which is fully necessary despite of great cost.最后得出的结论:人类会从保护环境中受益,没有得到例子的有力支持,中间最好加上一些论证

Overall, rational as the fact that natural disasters force species to extinct, the main reason for their extinction is human processes, as the three main examples have strongly suggested. Aimed to protect the balance of ecosystem, measures must be adopted to protect endangered species despite great cost.
另外为什么每个论证段都那么长呢?ets和北美范文中每个论证段都不是很长,分论点都被分列一段。对判卷人来说太长会晕吧。总体感觉是论证不足。
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板凳
发表于 2005-8-23 21:30:11 |只看该作者

我的三篇issue,都没人改,555,改哪篇随你

issue185

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

issue17

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

issue150
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101
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RE: ISSUE121 决战830拍砖组™"8月22日作业 同主题高频狂练,请兄弟们狂拍 [修改]

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